This morning I lay in bed for as long as I could without getting bored. I stayed in bed for a while and read my book to which I was becoming rather fond of. I could not stop thinking of Edward. It was last night I had come to the conclusion that I was too dependant on Edward. He acts as though I can't do anything for myself without him. To Edward it's as though I may not survive the day without him. I don't like being treated like some kind of weakling.
It's not fair that he can know exactly what I am doing and when. Since when can he think it's justifiable to watch over someone constantly without them knowing? Does he not realise that doing this constantly to a person induces them to loose any spontaneous traits therefore making a person boring. If he knows exactly what I do every day behind closed doors, I won't be interesting any more. It's like cheating. When you want to be more than a friend with someone you have to know them intimately. This for me is all part of a rewarding relationship. If he knows exactly what I do all the time my relationship with him will become boring for Edward. To be honest, I'm scared of this. I think it's easier on all sides if I make my self less accessible. I don't want to be predictable.
I finally decide that I can no longer stay in bed all day, it's too depressing. I made my way downstairs to have breakfast. I have decided today I shall not eat my usual cereal. Today is the day to eat a bagel. However, this proved to be difficult because when I attempted to cut it in half it fell apart; I am always useless when it comes to precision. I couldn't be bothered to carry on with the butchered bagel and put it back in its packet. Instead I had orange juice and a cereal bar.
Preparing for a shower is such a bore. Having a shower is so much worse because I know there is a spider in the bath which I discovered last night. I informed Charlie of this and he assured me the spider was no longer there. I had a terrible theory. I went into the bathroom to find my suspicion was correct. As I lifted the shower matt I saw the body and spider legs scattered. I decided my shower was too important and simply stood on the matt.
When I returned to my room I can't find the right outfit to wear. I never can. I'm in and out of clothes until I find something I don't feel insecure in. I hate being so self conscious. My hair never looks right no matter what I do with it. It offends me so much I don't even want to think about it.
Tomorrow is school. I will have to see Edward (although he may have seen me before I see him anyway). I plan out in my mind how I will act with him. I will no longer be clumsy. I will do everything I can to avoid that. I won't be hesitant. And I will no longer be dependant!
A/N this is just a taster, just to see what people think. I'm planning to make it longer and more exciting in the next chapters if it's any good. Please say what you think. I know it was slightly boring. Please don't be too harsh lol