Disclaimer: I don't owe etc etc and very sadly indeed I don't owe this two characters, which I adore with all my heart. But it's for their sake. So I guess they would forgive me. Enjoy...:)

RELEASE

Don't understand, dont' feel me know

I will breath for the both of us

Travel the world, traverse the skies

Your home is here withing my heart

(Stand inside your love, Smashing Pumpkins)

The door of the Share House opened with a tiny sound, and Takeru entered quickly, shuddering away the light, dull rain that had accompanied his way back home from his second work. It has been raining the whole day. Streets were wet, and so were his hair and his jacket.

He cast a rapid look to the clock on the wall: 2 in the morning. He had been wanting to come back earlier, damn. Ruka had left early that day, desappearing before he woke up.

She hadn't been talking much, after the visit they had payed to Michiru and little baby Rumi's place, two days before.

He had hoped to get home in time to find her awake.

What's troubling you?

The door of her room was closed.

She won't let you in.

He silently made his way in the dark living room, not wanting to disturb her with the light through the glass of the door.

He felt so tired and cold. They had once shared secrets in a tent beside the sea and he had swore then that he would not care if she couldn't return his feeling. The simple fact that they were living together, to be close to her somehow, was enough for him. It was bliss enough, and if he couldn't give her the kind of happiness she longed for, then he simply would try to give her back all he was allowed to. Patience, understanding, friendship, whatever she would ask for. But sometimes, she simply didn't let him get close. Not even for this. And this was the case. He felt so (...lonely...) impotent.

He waited only seconds, allowing his eyes to get used to the soft grey light of the rainy night, and carefully walked towards the kitchen, willing to prepare a hot chamomille.

It was only when he went past the sofa that he noticed her.

She was curled on her side like a little girl, her face almost hidden behind her writsts. And in the dim light, the drying tear on her long eyelashes sparkled like a rain drop.

So she had been crying, aching enough to forget to hide in her room the way she always did, and he wasn't there. His heart clenched in pain.

You can't even do this, then? Such a useless, useless man.

What was happening to her now? If he only knew what the matter was, he would have died to fix it for her. Lately it had almost happened, he thought with a little sad smile, stretching absently his scarred right hand that thanks to Sosuke would not allow him to work anymore as a make up artist.

He silently sat on the floor, observing at her. Her deer eyes were closed, all her secrets hidden behind them. So beautiful she was when she slept, so fragile behind that strong tomboy appearence. How much he wanted to kiss her.

Show me the way I can heal you... - but she does not want me to do that. Step back.

You can't make her happy, can you?

And then, Ruka opened her eyes, and stared at him silently in faint gray light. He himself hadn't been aware he had reached her face to wipe the tear away. He freezed, lowering his eyes before she could see how guilty he felt.

"I'm sorry, I've woken you up...I...I was going to make some chamomille. Do you want some? It will..."

She blankly looked a his hand, only inches away from her face, then again at him. She didn't move.

Her voice was rough and flat and surprised him, as she started talking.

"You know...I'm so happy...for Michiru...and the baby. She looks...so beautiful now. Rumi is so...incredible and...Michiru...is really happy. I should be the happiest person in the world, I've always wanted her to be happy more than anything but...I'm such an awful one and...I just can't be...happy as I was supposed to be. Because...when she looks at Rumi...her eyes sparkle in such a marvellous way and...I know...I know...her eyes sparkled like that only when it came on Sosuke. And there is no way...no way in the whole world...that she ever looks at me in the same way...no way in hell...that I can touch her the way that he did...for I'm such a disgusting...woman." She paused. Her own eyes, glittering with tears new that she was struggling to keep for herself.

"I just...just want to be...a man..."

Takeru's heart sank.

I wish I could swallow all the pain for you. I always do. And you won't care.

Still he HAD to do something. He couldn't stand another second of her drowning in this sorrow. It was so unjust. So damnly unfair.

And then, an idea struck into his mind.

"Then...I'll be you."

"What?"

For a split moment, he asked himself the same question. His own feelings, those he always cast away to please her, tried to rebel faintly at the sacrifice he was asking from them. But he swallowed them at once. He would have had his heart tore away for a smile of her. And now, maybe, he could.

"I'll be you. And you'll be her." he repeated in a resolute voice.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Ruka confusely tried to raise on her elbow, but Takeru moved towards her, delicately sliding her on her back, on the sofa. His eyes were dark, so terribly dark. Ruka questioned them feverishly, only to find a determination she had never seen in them before. Then why didn't she feel the menace coming?

And still, when he unzipped her heavy jumper and he grabbed her shirt to pull it away, he hesitated, letting her the time to stop him. But somehow, she couldn't. She just stared at him, puzzled.

"So now you are Michiru...and I am...Ruka..." he restated slowly. Somewhere, for some reason, her heart winced. But she was too shocked to notice.

"W...why?"

"Let me try show you...how you could make Michiru happy...exactly the way you are..." he whispered.

"Takeru...?"

His voice was so sad, and yet so warm. But why wasn't she pushing him away?...

He put a gentle finger on her lips, closing them delicately. "Ruka", he reminded her softly, bending to kiss her on the neck. He didn't try to touch her lips. His hand were carefull when he finally removed her shirt, as if worring she could wake from that dreamy state of mind, and stop him before he was done.

In the darkness movements came so much easier. He kissed his way towards her navel, never indulging in anything Ruka would not have done to Michiru, not even once trying to withdraw a personal pleasure from each thing he was doing.

He only hesitated, when his fingers came in contact with the soft skin of her breast, fearing that she would have hated that. She wanted so much to be a man, how much must she detested those visible signs of her being in the wrong body.

But Eri had told him once that it was such a sensible spot and maybe Ruka would have been pleased in the end, if she only tried and...

His touch was so light she barely realized her heart had started to beat faster. She mindlessly bit her lower lip as Takeru bent to gently suckle each of her nipples, his messy black hair tickling faintly on her skin. Ruka's body tensed in his hands, and she gasped, holding her breath.

So Eri was right after all? Delighted by her reaction, he softly caressed her shoulders, trying to ease up her body.

It's only because you are a woman, Ruka. In spite of your desires, this is what your body is. Believe it is Michiru's, if it feels easier for you...but let yourself go for once...let me give you this at least...

Her eyes finally closed. Somewhere in his own body, forgotten to host Ruka's fantasy, Takeru's heart gave a painfull crack and broke one more time. So she was believing his lie, after all.

She hadn't returned his touch once, from the moment this had started.

But wasn't it all that matter in the end? She was enjoying this. She was in bliss. He cast every thought aside, while keeping on taking care of her little smooth body.

He had reached her belt and started undoing it. He soon had her jeans and underwear removed, and kissed delicately the silky skin between her muscular tights. Ruka hissed. The very scent of her blowed up his mind, and he had to close his eyes to regain controll, before starting stroking her. Ruka gasped, grabbing the cushions with both her hands. Soon he bent down, putting his mouth on her.

It was his first time but it was coming so naturally, to please her, to let her shake under his strokes, under his tongue. He started to suck and lick and she instintively bent towards him, letting his fingers and his tongue exploring her, filling her, until she started panting slightly, and Takeru knew he was doing well. His senses became more keen, while he synthonized to her rhythm and tried to harmonize with it. Deeper, faster. Inside her. He was Ruka pleasing Michiru. He was Takeru, pleasing Ruka.

You are looking for liberation...let me give you release...

At some point of the last half an hour she had swore to stay silent, she herself not wanting to wake up from that weird dream, clutching to the image of Michiru's beautiful body worshipped and filled with pleasure under skillfull ministrations, and suffocating her own moans by biting her lower lip.

But Takeru's fingers were so gentle and still so merciless, rushing everywhere on her, stroking her, chasing her remorcelessly and finding her inside herself anywhere she hid as he had know her more than she herself did, devasting her will at each thust, and when she came it was like an hurricane, and she couldn't controll herself anymore. So strong and wild and powerful it was, her body so hopelessly needy in spite of her desperate fight to forget she owned one.

When her back arched to give her release, she only had to hide her face in the cushions, not to cry out loud.

When she was able to put herself together, Ruka found herself still shaking. What in the hell had happened? An unbeareble pleasure was still running through her veins, sending delicious waves through her whole body. The body she had hated and punished so much. What the hell was that?! What had happened to her?

But...I was Michiru...wasn't I...? This is not...me...?

Takeru was at her feet, his face still flushed, and staring at her with such a tender, knowing and sad look. Something inside Ruka moved with a tiny sound. She jerked away, in panic, like she had been doing more than once, lately. Before he could try to do anything else she had already grabbed her clothes, put them on and, in the dim light of the downpour reflecting on the walls, she had run away from him, outside in the rain.

So he did it all wrong in the end. He rushed to the door, screaming her name. The very taste of her pleasure still on his lips. Her shocked eyes lingered in his mind like a spear, torturing him. Had he hurted her? Why? She seemed to be finally so releaved while she moaned in ecstasy... He violentely pushed the door, running outside, but he couldn't see her anyway on the wet street. She had simply vanished into thin air.

"Ruka!!!!" he cried in despair. What had he done, what the hell had come on his mind?!

It was five in the morning when he finally left his bike by the fence, letting go looking for her in the rain.

In the end, she was right. She always was. He didn't had the right of trying to do that. He had done something hateful to her. He had hurted her. Because no matter how hard he tried, how hard he suppressed his desires to dry her tears, he was never able to give her what she longed for. Because she didn't love him, and that was all.

He left a watery wet trace while he entered the Share House, alone. He made it to his room, collapsed on the bed, and simply stayed still. The way Ruka always did when she was aching. Waiting for the heat in his heart to become ice. Hoping the pain would stop. Rain drying on his own skin, making him shiver. He didn't care. It was almost the dawn. He fell asleep.

And for the first time

I'm telling you how much I need and bleed for

Your every move and waking sound in my time

I'll wrap my wire around your heart and your mind

You're mine forever, now

(Stand inside your love, Smashing Pumpkins)

Something was touching him. Someone. Gentle fingers running through his damp hair. A single, gentle caress. He wasn't chilling anymore. Faintly he sensed the soft futon that had been placed on him.

He slowly opened his eyes, and immediately was forced to widened them.

It was eight in the morning. Outside the window rain kept pouring down with a steady sound. Ruka was sitting on the bed beside him.

He tried to speak, spelling her name, but she put a delicate finger on his lips. "Ruka.", she said simply. Takeru blinked, confused. She traced silently his chin with the fingertip, placing it on his chest, and hoarsely repeated: "Ruka."

Takeru paused, struggling to put an order in his mind, messed up by surprise.

"Me?"

Ruka nodded slightly, not looking him in the eye. Takeru took a better look at her, questioning her blank face. "And you are...Michiru?" he slowly asked.

She absently shook her head, lowering eyelids, placing the full palm on his chest. Takeru was barely breathing, shocked by her mere presence as much as he was for what was she trying to say.

"You are...me?" he whispered in disbelief.

Once more, Ruka nodded. Her eyes met his, her serious face reminding him an adorable pouting child.

Takeru didn't make a move, his heart racing furiously. How could that be, she had just run from him. For what he had done to her. Why was she there, then?

Ruka's hand started moving slowly on his chest, caressing the skin through the humid fabric, then sliding slowly underneath it to remove it.

Takeru stayed still, watching her doing it. Her face was blank, yes...but still, the way she touched him was kind and carefull. Like she was handling something fragile and dearly loved.

Touching him as he would have touched her.

She stoked lightly his shoulders drawing their shape with the hand, then running a finger on his neck, causing him to swallow hard.

As if the reaction had amused her, her finger lingered on this neck a little more, tickling, leaving behind a warm trace. She then slid it on his throat, painting an ideal line towards his nipples, circling them, caressing him the way he had caressed her, and making Takeru suppress a hiss.

So she was playing Takeru who takes care of Ruka, he thought.

Playing, and nothing else. But suddenly he didn't want to move, didn't want her to stop, not even if this wasn't but a game. His body was screaming so desperately for contact, and soon he found out he had been needing her touch for so long, he simply couldn't refuse. Why was she doing this, he didn't know. A revenge maybe? Or was it just a girly game? Did she want to make amend for the way she had run away, or did she regretted she had left and now wanted some more? Takeru could not say.

Ruka had reached his hands and she delicately started to stroke them. She hadn't intended to, but she couldn't resist. So delicate and slender they were, make up artist's hands, the right still bearing the signs of his intercourse with damned Sosuke. How could someone in the world try to ruin those hands, so caring, so sweet, so skillfull and protective? Fragile like woman's, and still strong enough to try and catch Ruka anytime she fell. To her surprise, an unknown crave to kiss them violently struck her. Her defenses stood in horror. This was not what she had been coming back for.

Anger suddenly rushed through her.

You are always so good to me. I won't be in debt. I'll give it back to you. And then I won't owe you anything.

She slightly closed her eyes, caressing her way back on his slender chest, then slowly sliding to the navel, and to the belt of his trousers.

So deep in her thoughts she was, that only then, she noticed he was trembling. She looked at him, puzzled. He had shied away, hiding his face on his shoulder. He looked absolutely terrified.

"So Sister made me his only ally. His little ally that would never betray her."

His words came to her mind in a flash with the memory of that night on the beach. His tears,the recall of what had been done to him, his desperate sincerity, and the blissful face he's had that morning, waking up by her side in that little funny tent. The way she had felt sleeping with him. Kinda...protecting him.

Without her to notice the game she had been putting on, the barriers and her childish anger came completely undone.

Not like this, goddamn.

"Takeru!" she anxiously called.

He reluctantly turned back, more out of surprise for her calling his name than for willing to. Wasn't he supposed to be Ruka? Was she angry because these pathetic, pitiful fears of his had spoiled her game? He looked at her in sorrow, asking silently for forgiveness, and hating himself like never before.

Her arms came so unexpected, wrapping around him, holding him close.

Her lips moved softly on the bare skin of his shoulder.

"Forgive me. I shouldn't have...I should have thought of it. I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

She franticly soothed his back with long strokes, as she would have done with a scared little boy.

"It's over now. Won't happen again. Ruka is here..."

"Ruka...?" his voice waved in disbelief.

Ruka bit her lower lip. Had she been so selfish to reduce him to not believing her? She tightened her hug, closing her eyes. Then suddenly words came out as a flood, shocking her as they were shocking him.

"I know what you were trying to do for me before. It was so good it hurted. I've been so angry with you... I've always thought Michiru would be the only one to make me feel like that, but I was wrong. I was just hiding. It was not because of Michiru..."

Her voice broke under the weigh of this sudden revelation so new to herself too, finding out in astonishment how simple had been the truth before her eyes she had been avoiding to see for so long.

"...it was...it was because it was you.. It's because I...I like you." she stated under her breath.

Kissing him came so natural she could not say where did she find the courage to do that. His forehead, and then his shivering mouth.

So scared and confused and unsure had looked the real Takeru she had just seen for the first time, and her lips grazed his soothingly, desperately trying to infuse in him the feelings she had hid to herself so many times.

I had to go all the way to see, Takeru. I'm a fool. I'm sorry. But let me fix this...

She felt his body tensing, and cursed herself silently. She was not used to human contact, and her hands felt so awfully clumsy. Still she had to calm him down...she had to show him...

She lulled him patiently, until she felt him relaxing under her fingers. So unexpectedly easy, taking care of him. So damnly instintcive.

She parted, her heart skipping a beat when she found out him reaching her in return with a shy kiss.

God, he tasted so much like rain.

Trust me this time. I won't let you down. It won't hurt, I swear.

When she was on top of him, she found she could control it all. To please him. And he gradually surrended her.

......................................................................................................................................................................................

So in the end she was able to make someone happy even if she was not a man...and he did was able to make a woman happy, she thought. A little knowing smile lingered on her lips. It had only taken the right timing, the right way...the right person. It had been all so simple. His whispered pleads still lingered in her ear, leaving a delicious echo on her, like a tickling caress.

"Takeru...is it really okay with you?" "Please...please don't...stop."

No I won't, she thought. Never again.

Takeru sighed sleepily and she blinked. She fixed the futon upon the shoulder of her lover nestled beside her, touching lightly his cheek while passing by. His hair felt soft on her side, his breath on the naked skin. She bent her right arm behind head, staring at the rain' shadow-stained ceiling.

She felt so calm and serene.

The sound of the pouring rain washing reassuringly over them, lulling them both to sleep.

-end-