Author's Note:

Hello! This is my very first attempt in making a one shot story so I hope everyone would enjoy this. Read the warning first before reading this.

When I watched Death Note for the nth time, a thought suddenly came to me: what would have been running through Light's mind while he was running away? And this was born!

I've decided to make two versions of this. One is Light finally seeing his mistake (this one) and the other version is Light still insisting his own sense of justice which is actually wrong (still on the making). Hopefully I could upload the other version next week so stay tuned!

Warning:

Contains spoilers in the last episode. If you have not finished the series yet and do not want to be spoiled, better set this fic aside to read next time after you are already done with the series, okay? ^^

This is based in the anime series.

Happy reading everyone!

MOTIVES BEHIND A SHADOW

"Misa where are you? Takada?" I scream in frustration for help. I'm already covered with blood from all of the shots Matsuda gave me out of his disappointment. I lie on wet floor, unable to move and my whole body aching.

I suddenly realize I have abandoned the two people whom I'm asking for help. I've just been using Misa all along, taking advantage of her love to accomplish my desire. Takada, on the other hand, I've also used and killed.

I catch my breath hard, grasping for life. I can't die yet. I can't die here. I have so many plans that I still want to trail.

"S-Someone… He-help…"

There's no one left to help me anymore. That's the reality. Everyone who gave me importance: Misa, Takada, Otousan…. I've abandoned them all and they can't help me now. When they needed me I was not there for them and now…

I clutch my left hand. It's pulsing hard since I've been shot there and it hurts so badly.

"What should I do? I-it hurts…"

My vision is already getting dim. I'm not only hurt physically but also emotionally. What have I done? I-I've become…

Right at that moment, my attention and everyone's attention is taken away from me. I widen my eyes as I see voluminous blood spraying all over the place and someone screaming hard. Where is it all coming from? Whose blood is it? Who's screaming?

"Mi-Mikami!" I hear someone say in panic and I see everyone running for him.

Mikami's? Is it suicide? Yes, it should be. And he's doing it all for me, to help me, so I can survive. There's still someone left who willingly would want to help me. Everyone's attention has been turned to Mikami. This is my chance, the only chance given by a person whom I had denied earlier.

I scramble to my feet and give all of my remaining strength to stand. I clumsily look for the door and there I see light.

Light!

I walk for it as fast as my body can give. I can't give up! I can't waste the sacrifice Mikami made! I can't die! I must survive!

Using both of my hands, I slide the metal door open, light dawning over me. Freedom!

As I step out, I hear a voice calling my name. I can't decipher anymore to who it is. My mind's not working well anymore and everything seems to be a blur to me. Yet, I continue to run wherever my feet would lead me.

I still have little strength. I know I can do this. I can still escape. I can still start all over again. But then…

I remember back at the yellow box; everyone from the task force and SPK's attentions are at me. They've uncovered Kira's identity after six years.

Yes, that's right. They've finally proven that I am definitely Kira after having concrete evidence that could point to who Kira is: me. The concrete evidence L have been dreadfully finding all this time have been uncovered by his successors.

I could not make out the faces of the Task Force after this discovery. I wanted to laugh at their naiveness. Oh, if they've just believed L in the first place, things would have not gone this far.

Deaths of the 12 FBI agents that entered Japan.

Death of Mogi-san.

Death of Otousan.

Death of Watari.

And death of L.

But then, I would not allow it and still everything would come to this. I would never allow keeping those kinds of people alive. They oppose true justice which is Kira and they are pursuing justice in the wrong perspective all the time. They're too blind to see that the justice we currently have cannot save the world anymore. Every day, the same thing happens; honest people are victimized by others and the police cannot do anything to stop its perpetual cycle. The law cannot stop it anymore. Someone has to do it. And I knew that only I can do it. I have to get away. I can't let them catch me and send me to prison. I have so many plans. I need to save this pitiful world from evil and I am the only one who can do it.

Either way, things would still be the same or…

Nothing makes sense anymore. I know it is not because of all the wounds I have and my body's getting weak but it is because I am too confused.

Everything's… everything's not making sense anymore. All of my plans have been ruined. My life's ruined.

As I continue to run, I see my life flashbacking in front of my eyes like it is in the present.

How Otousan and Okaasan are very happy when I am born.

How happy I am when my little sister, Sayu, is born.

How my teacher always praise me for always doing great with all of my subjects.

How I am always a head turner of my school.

How I am the most promising student of Japan.

However… How did everything come down to this? Where and when did all of this started?

I remember. When I started to be a high school senior, I've been bored. That's right. I was bored of everything around me. I was bored of what was happening around me. I was bored of this sick and rotten world.

That's where all have started. Boredom.

I see my bored self walking towards me and reading a book. I see him passing by without even giving any attention to the beautiful surroundings.

What have I done? What did I do to come this far? All I wanted is to impose justice to this world. That's my intention. That's all I ever wanted. But that great intention turned into this. I've been corrupted by the notebook. I've been corrupted of the power that I had.

I… became a monster.

I want to tell him when the time comes he sees a black notebook; whatever happens, do not pick it up. I really want to tell him that but… I know that would be ludicrous and there's nothing I can do to prevent what is happening right now, happening in the present. What is now is now. I've destroyed my life because of a black notebook and there's no turning back anymore.

I turn to my right when I see an intersection and enter an abandoned warehouse. I scan the building for something to rest on and glad to find a flight of stairs not far away from me. I walk for it and slowly place myself on it. I lay my back on it and allow my aching and bleeding body to rest. I catch my breath hard as my heart is doing struggling for life. I could feel I'm slowly losing my grip for consciousness and it will not be very pleasant if I certainly would. I should ask for help before anything unpleasant would happen here, namely falling unconscious.

Before I could get a hold of my cell phone, I suddenly feel my heart aching. With that, I can tell it is indeed my end. No matter what I do, I can't run away from it. I can clearly remember Ryuk's warning: The deal between the Shinigami and the first human who gets his hands on the notebook in the human world: the Shinigami will write his name in the notebook when he dies.

After everything, this is how I am going to end, huh? What a shame. I've fought hard and dirty, I've overcome every obstacle that has come my way and have eliminated my greatest obstacle: L. But then, after the long race, I still lost and I would be killed by my Shinigami.

Regretful. Yes, it should be. Any human who would come down to this would be sorrowful but I'm not. I know that I've made history. I've left a mark that no one can ever forget and could alter the society I'm currently standing on. With that, I'm satisfied.

Before I meet my ultimate end, I see L staring at me with his usual hunch back pose with his two hands tucked in his trouser pockets. I know it is not really him and it's only his apparition. Is he here to escort me?

I smile slightly. I'm certain L is pleased. The case that he had started has finally reached its conclusion.

I slowly close my eyes, slowly drifting away from life.

I have come to my end. My life has indeed been a ruin and I'm certain I don't want to die yet but I know I've done my mark and no one would ever forget it.

Author's Note:

Thank you for reading everyone!

I really took time in writing this one since I'm not really used to this kind of writing so I hope this was worth the read.

Please review! I would be delighted to hear feedbacks, comments, and suggestions! Thank you!

I've have a poll up so I hope you would participate! And I have made sketches of the greatest detective in the world L Lawliet on deviantart(dot)com. My name is still the same so I hope you would check it out!

Date created: 5/12/12

Date finished: 5/16/12