That question has been on my mind for a long time now. I still haven't received any answer. The farthest reply I ever got was from one of my accomplices, Vincent Valentine, who said he had "never tried". I don't think I really understand that, though. All I can say is that I have tried. I have tried my hardest to be forgiven by the ones that I let down, the ones that I failed to protect. Doing so was a lot easier said than done. I felt awful for the longest time. I guess you would say that everything in my life was going downhill. Yeah, that's partly it. Only partly. I don't know if I've been forgiven yet or if I ever will be again. I can't force myself to smile when I know what I've done was wrong, no matter how much my friends may hate it. But as Tifa would say, "Cloud is Cloud".
Cloud is Cloud.
You came…even though you're about to break…that's a good sign…
I know I'm not alone.
I never blamed you. Not once.
I miss you.
You came for me. That's all that matters.
I wish you were here with me.
Aerith…
//Aerith is one of the main reasons why I want to be forgiven. As innocent as she was, she was murdered against her will. It was because of me. Aerith might have been against Sephiroth in the first place and joined the league that fought him, but he would've never killed her if he hadn't known how special she was to me. I let her die.
She doesn't deny it.
Aerith represents some sort of angel to me, yet she still haunts my thoughts. The memories will never fade, and neither will my love for her. I still manage to see her every now and then in the light. She comes to me. Kadaj once referred to her as "Mother" before he diffused into the life stream. Guess that what she's turned into, though…the mother to all lost souls. She never did live out her full purpose. Now she is. In fact, I wouldn't even be of this world anymore if it weren't for her and Zack.
Zack.
He's another reason. My best friend. I let him die as well. He was the only one who would fight alongside me when he was alive.
So, you wanna become a SOLDIER, huh? Good luck.
Zack was always better than me. A better fighter, a better person, a better SOLDIER. He treated me as if I were his younger brother and truth be told, that's what I thought of us to be – brothers. Zack always had my back. I told him I'd live out both our lives. Easier said than done.
You okay, buddy?
Always looking out for me.
Cloud, run!
Always.