Beep Beep Beep Beep

I turn over and switch off the alarm, not that I needed it, I have been awake for hours. I'm not usually this bad, I mean sleep has always been a difficult skill for me to master, but today … last night, well lets just say it was bad.

I dreamt of him, I mean I always do, but this was .. Well it was reminiscent of when he first left, though not as torturous. I remember he said that the human mind was like a sieve, but I don't think so, the pain may have dulled a little but I never forgot.

I look across at my clock, to see how much time I have before work, my shift starts at 7, the clock reads 5.57. I climb out of bed and get in the shower. I try not to think, I don't want to think especially not today. . When I finish up and go through to the kitchen I see my mobile flashing, telling me I have a text. I open it up and it is from Jake, filled with the usual birthday platitudes. He knows I don't like acknowledging my birthday but yet every year he tries, damn wolf. I love him to pieces really, but that wasn't enough for him, the way that I love him is not how he felt for me. I loved him like a brother, but his feeling for me were decidedly not brotherly. He kept thinking that I would come around, he couldn't understand that I would never be able to feel those type of feelings again, no matter how many times and how many ways I tried to explain. It was kind of the main reason why I moved here to Seattle really, I had to give him a chance to move on with his life. I couldn't go to far though, so Seattle seemed like an ideal place.

I open up my fridge, knowing that I should eat something. The last time I was at the hospital (non related arm breaking accident) the doctor sat me down and basically explained what would happen if I couldn't get my body mass index up so I am trying. However this morning I know I won't be able to stomach anything so I shut the fridge, grab my jacket and keys and leave the apartment.

It doesn't take me long to get to work, I walk as it is only a few blocks away. I work as a waitress in quite a large, popular restaurant called eclipse. At first it was weird a self proclaimed klutz carrying plates of hot food and such, but really it's not that bad, only a very limited amount of accidents happen, I mean when they happen, they happen (see broken arm comment above), but they are rare now.

I get into work about 5 minutes early and as I am taking my coat off my boss Jennifer walks over to me.

"Izzy, I am going to need you to take sections 3 and 4 today'

I smile and nod my understanding, pick up my pad and walk over to my sections. There are 8 sections in total, and on an evening we get one each, depending on how busy it is there may be 2 waitresses to 1 section. But on a morning, the breakfasts aren't usually that bad, so we normally get 2, or sometimes 3 sections each.

I think Charlie, my dad, I think he is surprised by my job choice, I think he always expected me to go to college and become a journalist or a writer or something, but that is just not who I am anymore. I am not the girl who wants the brilliant career and the brilliant life, I don't want to want my life to mean anything because the only thing that want will lead to is the realisation the life that I wanted has gone, has been ever since I turned 18. So I don't live anymore, I simply exist, I go on so I can be a daughter to two people who deserve so much more than me, best friends to a guy who should want so much more than me and waitress to hundreds of people who will see and experience so much more than me.

Happy 24th birthday Isabella I think to myself as I walk up to the first table of the day with a big fake smile planted on my face

"Good morning my name is Izzy and I will be your server today, can I get you any drinks?