Hey! Thought I'd make a little drabbil-ish collection of crack-ish nonsense to fill my time. Tell me what you think. If you like this one, I'll continue with the other ones I have planned!
Slight SasuSaku ;)
Disclaimer: They belong to Kishimoto-sama. You know that...
"It's almost a crime that we should be so young and so powerful..."
1. Striptease
Haruno Sakura considered herself a patient woman. She was patient with the sometimes incompetent, but dedicated, rookies on her medical staff. She was patient with the Council when she had to plead with them to fund her medical research. She was patient with Naruto and his over-zealous Monday morning meetings.
But Haruno Sakura's patience was wearing thin. She felt the muscle above her right eye twitch as she read over the organizations that had neglected to turn in their medical forms, yet again. She had allowed them three weeks beyond the initial deadline, and she was getting agitated.
The sheer amount of time and energy that went into creating, updating and organizing medical records for every ninja employed by the Hidden Leaf Village was getting to her.
She skimmed the list.
Almost all, she decided, simply needed a personal, life-threatening visit from her. She felt her muscles relax until she came to the last organization on the list:
Konoha Police Department
She crushed the paper violently.
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"I need hard liquor," exclaimed Tenten, plopping down in the chair next to Sakura.
"Ditto," sighed the pink-haired woman, moving over to make room for her friend.
"Hope you don't mind, I ordered for you," said Temari, briskly, surveying the brunette over a cup of hot tea.
"Figures," muttered the weapons mistress bitterly.
"We weren't going to wait around for you. I'm starving..." complained Ino, glaring at Tenten. "You're late."
"Bite me..." she replied.
"Tenten-san," greeted the waitress politely, as she placed Tenten's meal in front of her.
"What the hell is this?" she asked, clearly disgusted by the fresh garden salad in front of her.
"Food!" Temari retorted defensively.
"Can I get you something else, Tenten-san?" asked the waitress apprehensively.
Tenten nodded absentmindedly as she searched her pockets for a lighter, a cigarette dangling precariously between her lips.
"Steak, medium rare and cold sake," she replied.
The waitress gave the woman a strange look, before collecting the salad and leaving.
Tenten emerged victorious from her search with a small silver lighter. She clicked it open, but before the flame could make contact with the end of the cigarette, a well-manicure hand reached out and ripped the it from her lips.
"Hey!" the brunette protested.
"You are going to die at 30!" Temari scowled. "Tell her, Sakura! Tell her she is going to die."
"We're ninja. I would say 30 is a good, long life," Tenten glared at the blonde.
"Temari-san is right, Tenten. You should be more careful," Hinata spoke timidly from the place on Sakura's left.
"Yeah, and it's noon. Why would you order sake? You drink like a man, Tenten," said Ino, snidely.
"I drink like a man, smoke like a man and f-"
"We get it, Tenten," said Sakura, passively.
The brunette just smirked and leaned back in her chair.
"How's the paperwork going?"
"Ugh! Don't remind me," replied Sakura tensely.
"Are you still missing forms?" asked Temari, staring at a particularly wilted piece of lettuce on her plate with a frown. Tenten snickered.
"Only one organization," Sakura ground out.
"Seriously?" asked Ino, rolling her eyes. "Who?"
"Three guesses," grinned Tenten, leaning forward on her elbows.
"Oh..." said Hinata softly. "Sasuke-san must be very busy."
Sakura glared at her.
"We're all busy. But we all managed to hand in our forms..." added Temari, hastily, as Sakura's face turned several shades darker than her hair.
"If I were you, I would just walk into his office naked and refuse to leave until he gave them up," suggested Tenten, lightly.
"Naked? Are you nuts? Do you know how many men are in that building?" Temari chided.
"Loads!" exclaimed Ino. "Loads of delicious men!"
"I'm not going to walk in there naked..." sighed Sakura.
"I would..." Tenten sing-songed.
"Well, we all know you would," clipped Temari.
"Oh, don't get your panties in a bunch," Tenten retorted.
"Your food, Tenten-san," the waitress said, placing a large, steaming steak and a bottle of sake on the table.
"Ew..." Temari made a face.
Tenten chewed a piece in her mouth carefully, then stuck out her tongue and showed the contents to the blonde.
"Ugh, Tenten!"
Sakura smiled and took the bottle of sake from the table. With a small sigh she took a swig.
"Thanks for getting your backwash in it..." grumble Tenten, between mouthfuls of steak.
"You're welcome," smiled Sakura.
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"This is the best part of my day," the officer grinned, leaning against his desk.
"What?" asked the female lieutenant in front of him. He jutted his chin towards the door, where Sakura had entered.
"And she looks angry. This is fantastic..." added another, as he approached.
"Just another job perk," sighed the first male, crossing his arms over his chest.
The female tsk-ed and walked away briskly. "Better warn the Chief," she muttered.
Sakura walked quickly between the rows of desks, smiling at the greetings of 'Sakura-sama' and 'Haruno-sama' as she passed. Normally she might stop and chat, but today, she was on a mission.
"UCHIHA!" she barked at the man with his back to her, bent over a large map spread across a table.
The man nodded slightly, never looking away from his work.
"Sakura..." he said, politely.
"Sasuke, where the hell are your medical forms?" asked the female, tersely. As she approached the table, the captains on the other side backed away slightly.
"I'm busy, Sakura, I don't have time for your annoying paperwork..." replied Sasuke. He picked up a bright red pin and stuck it in a spot on the map.
Sakura growled.
"You are the only organization that is not accounted for. I'm sorry if you find the health of your officers annoying, but it's my job."
"I'll get them to you as soon as I have the time," replied Sasuke. He glanced at her with a look that let her know it was the end of the conversation, straightened and began walking away toward his office.
Sakura wanted to scream and ripped him to shreds. Instead, she decided to take a little advice.
"Fine," she said, haughtily. She turned around and walked toward the desk behind her. The female lieutenant who had come to warn Sasuke was sitting at it. When she saw Sakura approach, she jumped up.
"Ma'am," she said. Sakura smiled at her.
"Mind if I use your desk?" she asked, sweetly.
The woman thought Sakura's sounded like poisoned honey. She nodded stiffly and backed away.
Sakura climbed on the wooden desk with all the grace she could muster, careful not to disturb anything on it.
"For the last time, Uchiha, get me your paperwork!" she called, over the crowd.
Sasuke turned to her with a slight sneer.
"Or what?" he asked, taunting. "You're going to jump off a desk?"
The room roared with laughter. Sasuke smirked at her, triumphant.
"No..." she said, simply.
She took the clip out of her hair and shook it out gracefully. Somewhere in the back, someone whistled.
She smirked, and began unbuttoning her blouse.
"Sakura," Sasuke growled, "What are you doing?"
"You won't give me your paperwork..." said Sakura casually. She unbuttoned her blouse and slipped it off her shoulders. She silently thanked herself for wearing her nice red lace bra.
She threw the blouse daintily onto the desk.
The room exploded in a burst of applause, catcalls and whistling. A few of the men got on their knees to thank God.
"Well, Sasuke?" asked Sakura, lifting one perfect eyebrow.
Sasuke approached the desk swiftly, keeping his eyes on the ground.
"Sakura," his tone was low and tense, "what are you doing? Put your shirt back on!"
"No!" she yelled, loud enough for everyone to hear. "Not until you give me your paperwork!" She smiled evilly.
Slowly she pulled down the zipper of her skirt. The men catcalled and whistled.
Then, with one swift motion, she slipped down her skirt, and stepped out of it.
"Sakura!" Sasuke hissed, indignant. He glared up at her, but quickly realized his mistake as a slight blushed spread across his cheeks.
Sakura was amazed. She had never seen Uchiha Sasuke...flustered.
"Get me my paperwork," replied Sakura, smirking.
Sasuke growled and then turned to the female lieutenant on whose desk Sakura was currently stripping.
"Get the medical paperwork. Quickly!"
Sakura giggled evilly. She was down to her red lace bra, panties and a shiny pair of black heels.
Sasuke seemed unable to look at her. Instead, he glared hatefully at the floor.
"If I don't get my paperwork soon, looks like I'll have to take my bra off!" said Sakura, loudly.
The men cheered. Sasuke's jaw popped.
"Hmm...this is taking a little long..." Sakura sing-songed. She reached her arms up behind her to unclip her bra.
Sasuke looked up at her scowling. "Wait," he said tersely. "It's coming!"
"I don't know, Sasuke. You've wasted a lot of my time already..." she said, winking at him.
Uchiha Sasuke was fast losing any dignity he ever had. He was about to plead with a woman to not take her bra off.
"I found them!" cried the lieutenant, pushing her way through the crowd of men that had gathered around her desk.
"Here," she said, breathlessly. "It's all complete!" she added, as she handed the folder up to Sakura.
Sakura took it graciously, opened it and took her time looking it over.
"It's all there, Sakura," Sasuke growled. He kept his eyes fixed on Sakura's shiny black shoes.
"Well, everything seems to be in order..." Sakura hummed, flipping through the documents.
"It is. Get dressed!" Sasuke sounded almost desperate. Sakura smirked.
"Fine," she said, hopping of the desk directly in front of the Uchiha. Sasuke refused to look at her, still glaring mercilessly at the ground.
"I'll just get dressed in your office, then?" asked Sakura. She grabbed her clothing of the desk, and, paperwork in hand, marched triumphantly through the crowd to Sasuke's office door.
The men cheered as she passed...
"Who the hell do you think you are?" Sasuke spat, as he slammed the door behind him.
Sakura growled and turned to him, not caring that her shirt wasn't button all the way yet.
"I have been wasting my time, waiting until you felt like giving me this paperwork. Do you have any idea how time consuming this process is? And how much more difficult you make it when you don't hand in your paperwork on time?"
"You didn't have to do that," Sasuke bit out.
"It worked, didn't it?" Sakura retorted.
Sasuke glared at her, but suddenly looked away.
"What?" asked Sakura, running her fingers through her hair. Her triumphant mood had quickly turned to sour annoyance.
"Your shirt is unbuttoned..." replied Sasuke, eyes fixed on the wall. Sakura could see the muscles in his jaw jumping with tension.
She blushed and quickly finished up her buttons.
"Thank you," she murmured, bitterly. "Now if you'll excuse me..."
Sakura made a beeline for the door, feeling her face heat up as the adrenaline left her and she realized what she had just done.
"Sakura..." called Sasuke, curtly.
"Yes?"
"Next time, just do it in my office..."
Sakura couldn't think of a response to such an uncharacteristic thing to say. Instead she nodded dumbly and walked out.
She could still hear the cheers and whistles coming from Police Headquarters as she rounded the corner toward the hospital.
Please tell me what you think!