I don't even read Mario fanfiction. I don't even play most of the games (though I used to) but this idea came up and shot me in the head when I was almost asleep. So of course I had to get up and write it.

I have no idea what Mario fanfiction usually sounds like but I hope you enjoy this anyway!

xxx

Peach stumbled as she crossed the gate to the trailer park, and cursed loudly at her stubbed toe. Her cell phone was buzzing again, but she ignored it; Peach didn't want to talk to her mother or her father or her boyfriend. She didn't want to listen to her mother talk about next week's pageant or her future in modeling; she didn't want to listen to her father prattle on about how important a good marriage was to their family; she especially didn't want to listen to Mario telling her what a good time he had last night.

So she shoved her phone back into the waistband of her sweats and continued to walk.

Peach knew she should be going back home, because the longer she waited the more grief she was going to get. But the stress of being the perfect pretty princess was getting to be too much. And Waluigi's trailer was getting nearer. Almost as if by magic, she felt a weight lift off her chest as she got closer.

The door creaked in the still air when she swung it open. Waluigi was slumped on his couch, coffee in one hand and the remote in the other. His TV was the biggest one she'd ever seen, bigger even than her father's. As far as Peach knew, he'd spent five years worth of savings to buy it.

"Hey, Toadstool," he said as she came in. He knew it was her without even looking up. She rolled her eyes it him.

"Don't you have work?

"Shift was cancelled," he answered, eyes not leaving the TV. He was watching something. A movie. Peach recognized one of her favourites; Dumb and Dumber. "Coke's in the fridge."

Gratefully, the swung open the refrigerator door. He had barely anything; a carton of eggs, a tub of peanut butter, a mango that was growing fur. Her lip curled. Ah, but there – an entire 12-pack of Coca-Cola. "Jackpot," she murmured, pulling one out.

Waluigi was not, by any means of the word, and attractive guy. His limbs were long and lanky, all elbows and bony knees. His nose was a little too big, and a little too red; and he had a wonky mustache that was so thin in just barely counted. His knees hit the coffee table when he sat. His eyes glanced up to look at her for the first time, and she grinned when his eyebrows went up in surprise.

"What are you wearing?"

"Do you like it?" She spun around. "Don't I look so gangster?"

She was wearing the baggiest grey sweatpants she owned, and a loose muscle shirt with the armpits so low they fell to her waist. She was also wearing a sports bra, shiny and red, and most of it was showing. Even her hair, so normally blonde and perfect, was pulled back in a loose ponytail. Peach grabbed his baseball cap from the counter and put it sideways on her head. "Come on, man, I got the swag!"

He snorted. "Maybe without the perfectly manicured fake nails."

She flipped him the bird. "I would rip them off it I could, but they're super-glued on."

They sat for a while on his threadbare couch, sipping drinks and giggling at the movie. Peach had her feet propped up on the table. She jumped when her phone buzzed again. "Whoops, I'm vibrating," she said, and Waluigi snickered at her.

She stared at the small LCD screen for a moment. "Shit. Why won't these people just leave me alone?"

Waluigi lolled his head sideways. "Who was it?"

"Mario." She grumbled. "He's called me..." she scrolled down the list. "Mom's called me, Dad's called me – fuck! Even Bowser is calling me!"

Waluigi burst out laughing. "What, that delinquent who wears the spiky necklace?"

"He's been harassing me," Peach moaned, putting her face in her hands. "He won't leave me alone! And even though I really just want to beat his ass, Mario has this stupid hero complex and he thinks I always need to be saved!"

Waluigi was really laughing now. "Oh, that sucks so hard! He's really got it bad, huh?"

Peach threw her phone backwards. It slid under the cabinets. Waluigi watched it go, mild amusement on his face. "You know that's forever lost to the spiders and dust bunnies, right?"

"I don't care," she pouted, crossing her arms.

Waluigi watched her, contemplating silently. "You know, Bowser lives in the park just beside mine," he said.

Peach glanced up. "Really?"

"Yeah." He shrugged. "So, you know, if wanna just go kick his ass now..."

She was on her feet in a second. "Let's do this!"

xxx

Bowser's trailer was the ugliest thing Peach had ever seen, she decided. It was an ugly grey colour, spray-painted to look like bricks of a castle. The stench of weed hung low in the air, mixed with alcohol and rotting food. A bone-thin cat was stretched out on the windowsill, eyeing her with disinterest. Peach stomped forward and banged on the door.

Waluigi stood off to the side, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. He nodded at her encouragingly.

The door slowly creaked open, and Bowser appeared, his massive body taking up the entire doorframe. His eyes scanned the area, before coming at last to rest on Peach, standing right in front of him. "Oh hoh," he said lecherously. "Has someone finally returned my booty calls?"

Peach glared at him. "I'm here to tell you to leave me the hell alone," she shouted, pointing at his face. "Stop talking to me, stop calling me, and stop harassing me."

Bowser chuckled. "As if anyone could ever take you seriously," he drawled. "Look at little miss princess, doesn't want to get down and dirty with the common folk."

She slapped him, so hard the sound rang out down the street. Bowser looked stunned, he raised a hand to touch his face. Then it contorted in anger. "You're gonna pay for that, you bitch!" he roared, and pulled a hand back to punch her.

Peach half expected someone to save her. Someone always did, after all, coming to stop Bowser before he could do any damage.

His fist connected to her cheek in a satisfying crunch, and she stumbled backwards, falling into the dirt.

"As if you could ever take me on," Bowser hissed.

Peach spotted something lying on the ground just a few feet from her. A crowbar, glinting on the sunlight, just beside his truck tires. She looked back at Bowser, who was retreating back into his tin can.

"I knew you weren't man enough to face me," she called tauntingly. "You're afraid to fight a girl."

Bowser didn't answer. He started to slam the door. Peach ground her teeth in frustration. She needed to really piss this guy off. "I knew your dick was too tiny!"

With a roar, Bowser went flying towards her. Peach rolled to the side, grabbing blindly. He fingers closed around something cold, and she raised the crowbar, swinging it like a baseball bat. It connected to Bowser's face, causing him to collapse backwards.

Peach loomed over him, as he dizzily tried to climb to his feet. "I'll say it one more time," she ground out. "Leave. Me. The fuck. Alone!" And she brought the thing down on his head again.

Waluigi whooped as Bowser passed out cold. Peach threw her arms up in the air, elated by her success; and in doing so, she tossed the crowbar through his truck windshield.

"Oh, shit!" Waluigi yelped. "You go, Toadstool!"

Peach double fist pumped. "Suck my dick, mother fucker!" she called to Bowser, and Waluigi nearly hit the ground laughing.

"Ah, nicely done," he applauded, as he slung his arm around her shoulders. "I wish I had that on film, I think you just made my entire life."

There were almost back to his trailer when Peach spoke. "Thank you," she mumbled, "for not coming to save me."

"Wow," he said, turning to walk backwards so he could face her. "Way to make me sound like a dick."

She huffed. "You know what I meant! I just... thank you for letting me be the hero for once."

Waluigi rolled his eyes affectionately. "Yeah, well, I wasn't too worried about you anyway. You're tough as super-glued nails when it comes down to it."

Something warm and fuzzy coiled in Peach's gut. She giggled as Waluigi, idiot that he was, smashed back into the wall of his trailer. He yelped in pain. She watched him rub his back, grumbling like an old man. Her best friend Waluigi, all lanky limbs and crooked mustache, with his too big, too red nose.

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.

It wasn't much of a kiss, just the simple pressure of lips passing from person to another, but it made sparks fly inside Peach's heart. When she pulled back, Waluigi was looking at her, one eyebrow raised on confusion and a little happiness. "I thought you had a boyfriend."

"I don't care," Peach said, and as she did, she realized it to be true. "I mean, I don't have a boyfriend. Not anymore. I don't even like him. And I'm tired of being everyone's stupid little princess who always needs rescuing. That's not me, not anymore. I-"

"Whoa there, Charles Dickens," Waluigi teased, raising his hands to stop her. "I didn't some here to read a novel."

She smacked him, and he kissed her again, and this time it was better, slow and sweet and utterly brain-melting. Waluigi raised one hand to caress the side of her face. His fingers pressed along her cheek, and she winced, pulling away. The bruise from Bowser's punch was starting to form, and she could already feel the swelling.

She half expected him to apologize, to cradle her head and swoon over her like she was some fragile porcelain doll. If he had been any other guy, he would have. But he wasn't any other guy; he was Waluigi, and he laughed at her. "Nice bruise, Toadstool. Too bad it wasn't any higher, you could have had a real shiner."

He hooked his thumbs into the waistband of her sweats. Peach heard her phone buzz again from somewhere inside his trailer, but the sound was faint, and she honestly couldn't bring herself to care. "Too bad we missed the end of Dumb and Dumber."

He shrugged. "We both know what happens anyway. But, I think there was another one coming on after."

"Oh yeah? Which one?"

"American Pie."

"..."

"Are we gonna go watch it?"

"Hell yes!"

That was another thing Peach really liked about Waluigi, she thought as they slouched together on his couch sipping Cokes. When they watched a movie, they actually sat there and watched it.

xxx

What am I doing with my life.

I've been shipping Peach and Waluigi ever since I was nine years old so I guess it was only inevitable that I write this someday. Anyway, I hope anyone who actually read it found some enjoyment of it.

~CCS