DISCLAIMER:I do not own the characters and Persona 3.
WARNING: The characters in this fanfic might be OC (out of character). This fanfic is about my character in Persona 3.
"Melodies of Life"
Have you ever asked yourself why you love someone? You're lucky if your answer is something profound and meaningful. If you're like me, utterly confounded on why God has decided to play this cruel joke on you, I wish us the best of luck, or that we find a better answer…
…
It was our first Christmas vacation since we defeated Nyx and we are now seniors. Mitsuru-senpai rarely visits us now since she's studying in a university while managing the Kirijo group. Akihiko-senpai, meanwhile, still finds time to visit us in our dorm and also to check on how Ken was doing. Almost all of us are focusing on our studies since now, Tartarus and the Dark Hour is gone. Well, Junpei's not that focused like all of us are, but I can still feel his determination to graduate with us. Since the death of Chidori, Junpei had been taking things a little bit seriously but he's still the same 'Stupei' we know. Everyone has been jolly after we defeated Nyx, but…I just can't be that happy…not without him…Yeah I know, I'm being selfish. I'm not the only one who lost a loved one. Yukari-chan lost her dad. Mitsuru-senpai lost her dad too. Akihiko lost his sister and soon after, he lost Shinji-san too. Junpei lost Chidori. Ken lost her parents too and as for me…I…I lost Ryoji…
…
It was only a few days before our Christmas vacation ended when I had decided to do a thing I should have done a long time ago…I have decided to move on, for my sake and for his sake too. I know that he wanted me to have a good life. He wanted the best for me. In order to move on, I decided to go somewhere far after graduation. Although, I haven't told it to anybody yet, that is my decision. But, before that, I decided to…I'll reminisce the few memories I had with him…with Ryoji….
…
There were only 4 places in which I had significant memories with him, so… I decided to go visit those 4, at least, before telling everyone that I'll leave. That way, it'll be easier for me to move on and to accept the truth that…that I might not be able to see him ever again…So, I started to take a closer look on his seat in our classroom. I remembered when we first met; he was like just a normal high school student. He was like…a normal human being. From my seat, I smiled and Junpei suddenly sat on my desk. "Hey, Mio, what are you smiling for? Something nice that happened to you?" asked Junpei, having a grin on his face. I smiled and shook my head. "Nope, I just remembered something funny." I said while I stood up while still looking at his seat. Junpei seemed to notice that I was looking at Ryoji's seat so he patted my shoulder and looked at me. "You know that he's ain't coming back anymore, right? Besides…we can't even do anything to…stop him…right?" Junpei said with solemnity. "Nope, you've got that wrong. We stopped him, you know." I said with a smile across my face. Yeah, we've stopped him from becoming a creature he doesn't want to be. We…saved him, I thought. Junpei was startled, but had his smile on his face afterwards. "Come on; let's go out for today with Yuka-tan, Aigis, Ken, and Fuuka. You're free this evening, right?" asked Junpei, putting his arm on my shoulder. I chuckled. "I'm totally up for it!" I said with enthusiasm. With that being said, we headed out of the classroom.
…
The next day, I went to school with everyone except Ken. We rode the monorail and everyone was talking about how busy school was. My attention was caught by the ocean that reflected the sun's light. It was dazzling…and a painful, yet precious memory has emerged from my mind again.
"The sun's shining off the ocean beautifully, the view really lifts my spirit"
I stared at the ocean, remembering his words. I stared at it as if something was there except the ocean itself. I stared at it as if he was there, smiling in front of me. "Mio-chan, are you alright? You've been awfully quiet for these past days. Is everything alright?" asked Fuuka, looking at me. I shook my head, still staring at the ocean. "She is probably touched by the beautiful appearance of the ocean." said Aigis. I smiled. "Yeah, that's probably it!" I said happily.
"I thought the world was being especially dazzling today...could that be because you're standing here with me?"
Yeah…the world will probably be dazzling everyday if I stand here with you…
…
Our classes ended fast and I decided to go home quickly. As I was on my way on the school's gate. I can see many girls flocking around a certain person. That time, I remembered what happened to us and what he said to me when that exact scene happened to us. He told those girls that he has chosen his princess for that day and…he suddenly took my hand. It was scary for the glare of those girls hurt that it feels like it can pierce your skin. When I asked him if I can go without him, he was surprised. He suddenly tightened the grip on my hand…and…
"I want to be more sincere to you"
I wish you could have done that a long time ago when you had the chance, Romeo. Thinking about that, a smile flashed across my face as I walk past around the flock of girls. Suddenly, a familiar voice calls out my name. "Hey, Mio!" yelled the familiar voice that seemed to be Akihiko-senpai. In that instant, I once again felt the cold glares coming from his fans. "H-hi, Akihiko-senpai. Long time no see." I said, trying to put a smile on my face. "Hey, do you have plans today? Want to go somewhere?" asked Akihiko-senpai, ignoring the girls. I nodded although I knew that the girls will hate me more. "Great, let's get going." said Akihiko-senpai who immediately left the school with me.
…
Akihiko-senpai brought me to the Chagall café and he let me order my favorite milk tea. While I was quietly enjoying my milk tea, many memories of Ryoji flashed in my mind. The first time Ryoji brought me here, he said something funny. He said that he would still like me no matter if I were a guy or a girl. I wonder if that will be true if I were to be a guy? Unconsciously, I giggled. Akihiko-senpai stared at me. "Hey, is something funny?" asked Akihiko-senpai. "I-I was just thinking about this funny thing I saw on TV." I lied. "Hey, what is it really? Do you mind sharing it with me?" asked Akihiko-senpai. I had no choice, but to make up a story. We chatted for a long time in the café. But even so…I cannot remove his words that seemed to be selfish in my point of view.
"When I'm with you, I just get this feeling that I'll find out how I know you, and we'll become closer...But for some reason, that makes me cry...I've never cried before."
Isn't it kind of….selfish for him to say that? It's not like I've cried before, not like this. I have not yet cried inside my heart…
The moment Akihiko-senpai and I left the café; I remembered the things that he had said something funny, yet it made me feel so good inside, so good that it may hurt me anytime I remember it.
"Are you the one I've been waiting for all this time...? I know you... I feel like I've known you for a very long time…"
Probably I'm that one…after all, Aigis sealed him inside of me for ten years. There's no way he won't know me after being inside me for long. But…knowing that he was indeed inside of me for long…it feels weird. I can't explain it, but it feels like it's something to be sad about.
…
We were in my room, Ryoji and I. Everything was blurry, but I can hear his voice clearly. I can see his face but it was a bit blurry. He was…talking to me…
"I think this... is my first time." said Ryoji, uncertain by what he had just said.
"What are you talking about?" I said, unsure of what he meant.
"I mean, I'm pretty sure that this is my first time I've been in your room. It just feels similar for some reason... I wonder if it's just something that I've dreamed about. Or I wanted to see it too much that it came to me in a vision..." said Ryoji with a smile on his face.
I laughed inside and said "Smooth line, Romeo." He laughed merrily.
"Ha... I'm being serious." said Ryoji happily. "I think that I did come to see you…probably to become friends with you... Ha...But I got it all wrong." He added.
"Got what wrong?" I asked unable to comprehend what he's saying.
""I think what we have is different from just being friends... I think of people like Junpei-kun and Yukari-san as your friends too, right? But I can't imagine thinking of them in the same way I see you..." said Ryoji with a smile. Suddenly, the atmosphere around him changed. "You have such a kind heart... You shouldn't give so much of yourself to me. I'll...probably make you sad. It's just a feeling I get... Even though you're so precious to me... It's probably wrong of me to feel this way...It's like... a forbidden love." Ryoji added, his voice trembling with what I can say as sadness. "Mio-chan... Please touch me... Make sure that I exist. Feel for yourself that I'm actually here." he said, as if it was a plea. I touched his hands gently, trying to feel his hands very presence. His hands were cold, but comfortable.
"You're hand is so warm... It brings tears into my eyes... Why is that? Please, tell me... It's painful deep inside..." said Ryoji, as if he was in the brink of tears. Suddenly, the scene changed. He was telling me the things that I never had wanted to hear from him.
"Thank you…Good bye, and….I'm sorry. I wish we could have had more time together. It was nice. I'm glad that we met." said Ryoji with a sincere expression on his face. He suddenly slipped his ring from his finger and handed it to me. "Could you…hold onto this? It's proof that I was human for however short a time. If you held onto it for me, I…I think I'll be able to stand it." he added. I just cannot find the right words to say to him. It was like I do not have the voice to say anything to him at all. It was like…all of those things were just so overwhelming that…that I can no longer utter a word.
"I love you…" Ryoji said, smiling.
At those words, my heart was shattered into pieces. I knew that it was not supposed to be like that, but…hearing those words again…brings tears into my eyes. His form unexpectedly changed into a huge Shadow that seemed to look like he was one with Nyx now. He was looking at me with cold eyes. It was like he cannot realize me anymore. I cannot say anything to him, but…unexpectedly, he smiled…He smiled even when he was in his Shadow from…He smiled even when he was under Nyx's control.
"I love you…my dearest." he said with a voice that doesn't sounded like him. But still…traces of his voice can still be heard and...The warmth in his words is still…there.
I woke up, with tears streaming down my cheeks and my whole body trembling. It was all a dream…A dream that contained our last few memories together. My body was not trembling from the fear of his Shadow form, but rather, my body was trembling from the loneliness and pain I was feeling inside. All this time, I've been hiding it from everyone, trying to burden it all by myself. I never sought anyone's help. I always cried alone and I do it as quiet as I can. But this night seems to be different…The pain was consuming me from inside, and I cannot do anything but to cry silently even though my voice still escaped my throat. Suddenly, Aigis knocked on my door. "Mio-san, I know something is wrong. Please open the door." said Aigis worriedly. Seeming to lose it all, I opened the door and bawled into Aigis arms. "All this time, Aigis, I've never like anyone but him! Why, Aigis? Why is it him? Why? Why, Aigis? WHY!" I exclaimed, losing it all. That moment, I was unable to tell Aigis what I truly wanted to say to Ryoji, but…all I know is that he left a great void inside my heart… Aigis hugged me and comforted me. "I know that being alone in this world and losing someone you love is painful, but Mio-san, you must always remember that you are not alone. We are always with you. We will always be here for you till the end. No matter what happens, no matter what life may give you, we will always be here for you. Mio-san...you must not forget that he is not completely gone. He may be sealed away with Nyx, but he is always with you. You did not leave him alone there in that cold place. That very seal you casted on him and Nyx shows your warm presence. You only did what you knew was best for everyone…and that goes for him too." said Aigis, with deep affection. I smiled a little with tears still in my eyes. "…Yeah…Thanks a lot, Aigis." I said, trying to stop my tears. For the past months…this was the only time when I had cried that loud.
…
When I woke up this morning, I was surprised to see all of them in the lounge with Mitsuru-senpai and Akihiko-senpai. Junpei had a wide smile on his face. "Hey, Mio, pack your things now! We're going to Kyoto!" said Junpei excitedly. I blinked a few times. "Eh? As in now?" I asked in disbelief. Mitsuru-senpai nodded happily. "Yes, Karasuma, we are going to spend our Christmas vacation together in Kyoto. I'm sure we all wanted to dip into the hot springs again." said Mitsuru-senpai. "Make sure you don't DO that thing you did there the last time we went there." said Yukari, snapping at Junpei. "What happened back then?" asked Ken. "H-Hey, it's not gonna happen again right, Akihiko-senpai?" said Junpei. Akihiko-senpai was blushing a bit. "Th-That's not going to happen again, never!" exclaimed Akihiko-senpai. Everyone laughed and it was decided. We all went to Kyoto after I packed my things.
…
We all decided to visit we once visited in Kyoto and took pictures of us. Before going back to the inn we decided to stay at, I decided to stop by the Kamogawa River where Ryoji asked me to talk with him alone. Once again, I bought the same crepe I bought during that time. We all sat there, talking about random things that are going on with our lives. I stared at the flowing river, seeming to remember again what he said to me at that time…
"Why you, I wonder. Sure, you're nice and pretty, but...I don't think it's that. It's just...you..."
I smiled and remembered that he was gazing intently at me when he said those words to me. It was funny on how he was saying words like Romeo or some sort of a romantic guy. After we all watched the sunset, we have all decided to go back at the inn. After a short while, the girls decided to go to the hot spring. Fuuka, Aigis, Mitsuru-senpai, Yukari, and I were talking happily about our future plan and of course…my future plan was moving on, but I still did not mention to them my plan of moving somewhere. I just enjoyed our moment until vacation was finally over and the days flew by so quickly that it was already our graduation day…
…
Everyone was so excited and emotional on the graduation. Many of the students were hugging each other and taking pictures of each other with their friends. After spending my remaining time with our class, all of us in the dorm, including Mitsuru-senpai and Akihiko-senpai who had just have the time to celebrate with us, went to Hagakure Ramen and ate to our heart's desire. That night, when everyone was asleep, I went outside the dorm and went to our school. Staring at the locked gate, I remembered how Ryoji and I made our way in. I smiled and climbed the gate, carefully making my entrance. I immediately went to the rooftop, aware that I might be caught. I enjoyed the cold breeze of the wind and the light of the full moon had brought. I stared at the moon, remembering that it was also a full moon the time we had fought Ryoji. I felt like I had a sad expression on my face so, I smiled at the moon. Every now and then, I felt like he was watching me from the moon without my knowledge.
"When I'm alone...I don't feel right.I think...I'm scared. Thinking about you...it scares me. The fact that tomorrow will come...scares me. But I can't figure out why. Hey, Mio-chan...I-I...I'm" said Ryoji.
"You're Ryoji" I said with a reassuring smile.
…
Those were the things he told me when we were in this very rooftop. But…he also said something that up to now, I'm still holding unto it.
"I don't want to lose you because you're important to me...that's probably why I'm scared. You're... the only one there is for me. The only one I want... So please, stay with me." said Ryoji.
"Okay" I simply said, trying to hide my overjoyed feelings deep inside.
"Mio-chan...Yeah, thanks. You're the most precious thing in the world to me...More precious than my own life." Ryoji said with a smile on his face.
Yeah…you probably love me too much that you even asked me to kill you when I had the chance to forget all the pain I have gone through…You are…definitely…my…my…
I caressed the ring that he once wore and gave to me. I wore it and for a moment, tears fell down from my eyes…
"Even though you had looked at me with those eyes full of love devoted only for me…Even though I did not have the time to tell you how I really feel…Even though those moments have already passed by and even though the whole world has moved on…I still want you to know that…that I dream to be free of this love, but, that day hasn't and probably won't come so…I..I dream to meet you once more…my dearest…Ryoji…" I said, tears streaming down from my cheeks while looking at the moon and caressing the ring at the same time. I gave him the same smile I always gave him back then…and before I leave the place…I wanted to say it…I wanted to say it before I leave the very place I met him…I wanted to say it to him…before I lose another chance again and this time…I'll be able to say it, loud and clear.
…
…
I'm glad that I was able to be with you even if it was for a short time…I enjoyed every single minute of it…
…
I'll never forget you…
…
And…
…
I love you, my dearest Ryoji Mochizuki…
+THE END+