Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Dante's, except for a heavily annotated translation of the Inferno.
Dear Readers: Happy (slightly late) holidays!
Yes, this was a school project. I did spend a good portion of December fussing over it though, and it was a lot of fun to write, so I figured I'd post it here.
Weird Update On The Author's Personal Life: That moment when you realize Dante's Divine Comedy is basically a self-insert Bible fanfiction.
Welcome to Hell! I hope that you'll enjoy this tour, and remember, don't look down!
I am your Feline Overlord, and I'll be guiding you through our facilities today. Here in Hell, it's the job of us cats to keep the sinners in check. This Hell takes the form of a pillar in the sky. Darkness? Fire? Underground? They're all so overused, and cats don't like to be predictable. Same goes for eternal punishment- more on that later.
We'll start at the bottom of the pillar, where unlucky souls get their first taste of Hell. The giant ravens will take them to one of nine caverns where they'll be punished; each one punishes a different type of sin. These are located around the pillar and the higher caverns contain more and more sinister people. The worse their punishment, the higher up on the pillar they will reside. I ask all visitors to remain seated for the entire ride, and please keep your hands and feet inside the chariot at all times, no matter how intriguing the flying cat demons are. They tend to get stabby. In the event of an emergency, parachutes are located underneath the seats. If you fall one of the ravens will catch you. They're used to catching any sinners that try and take the easy way out by jumping off of the pillar.
It does get pretty bright at the top of the pillar. If you would like, Overlord brand visors are available at our gift shop for the bargain cost of your firstborn child.
This chariot is pulled by ravens, animals that are generally associated with death or darkness, but I love these guys. Aren't they cute? Here, ravens symbolize wisdom. They are said to know the future, but I doubt that they'd tell. Us cats have our secrets too, so we don't mind. Like cats, ravens are also misunderstood as bringing bad luck. But this is only Hell. How bad could it really be?
We won't be able to see every section today, but I thought that we would go right to the top of the pillar and pay a visit to the ninth cavern. This is the place that we keep our most … difficult cases. We might as well go all out, right?
A little history lesson: cats have nine lives because there are nine different types of sins. Well, except for one of my colleagues. He fell into a vat of radioactive waste and he now claims to have eighteen half-lives.
Feline-haters say that we have one life to sin in every single way, but we say that it's never that simple. No one can have a life where they do only good, or only evil. We have nine lives to live, in the way that we think is right, and nine lives of rebirth and redemption. Also, some of my employees have been joking that the journey out of Hell takes nine lifetimes.
The punishments in each of the caverns are structured to contain anyone who continues to sin. However, redemption is possible. Only those that realize how wrong they were for sinning and change their actions are able to escape. For example, the third cavern, which we're passing right now, is for those that possess hubris, or extreme pride. The only way to escape is to beg for your freedom, which is for cats the ultimate form of humiliation and shows that you are able to put aside your own pride in order to redeem yourself.
Now we're approaching our destination, so it would be a good idea to put on your shades. If you look straight ahead you'll see the highest cavern in Hell.
Cats are solitary. We'll help out a friend sometimes, maybe show people around Hell if we're paid well for it, but we're naturally independent creatures. We think for ourselves, unlike dogs. Maybe that's why you humans like them so much. They're basically your slaves. For us, obedience is the worst type of sin, so in this cavern you'll find people such as supporters of Adolf Hitler, who did things that were against their own moral codes because it was simply easier to just follow. You also might see people that cling to fake news, like global warming being a hoax invented by China, instead of accepting the truth. These are people that are unable to think for themselves, or those that choose not to, and instead let others make the decisions for them regardless of what they believe is right. It's sad, really; their lives aren't even their own anymore.
The punishment of these sinners is being trapped in a maze where they're blinded by harsh light. That's Hell's very own DJ Kitty Kat up there in the corner. His job is to step on our state-of-the-art portable keyboard to blasts random commands at the sinners, and the poor sinners just follow them because they don't know what else to do. They're blinded by the light and the commands now, but maybe one day they'll realize that they only need to think for themselves. This shift in their mindset will allow them to escape. Then, after the long journey down, they will be redeemed and can go on to Heaven.
As we return to the bottom of the pillar, our tour is almost over. Thank you for sticking with us, and be sure to leave a nice review on Yelp. You wouldn't believe what some people have said; you'd think they'd feel grateful to even make it out of Hell alive!
By the time a soul makes it to the lowest point of Hell, they will have proved themselves worthy of passing onto Heaven. Heaven is beyond the clouds, but I've never actually seen it. Here is where we must part ways; border control is already out to get me. It's a long story.
Let me leave you with one last thought. For us cats it's always easier to climb up than to climb down, and what mortals often call a fear of heights stems from seeing how far from the ground you are. But however daunting the journey may seem, here in Hell we believe that redemption is always possible. Look down into Heaven and take a leap of faith. I'm sure you'll land on your feet.
I know this was a school project and an obscure fandom (can I even call it that?) but I'd love to hear what you think. The world-building was a lot of fun, so I hope you enjoyed it too!