A/N:
A one-shot that I think describes Kurt and Finn's real relationship. It's sad and it's not perfect but it's them.
The song lyrics aren't actually in the story but the song describes them so well that you should definitely check it out.
SONG: Beautifully
BY: Jay Brannan
~``~``~``~Kurt~``~``~``~
Finn had been living here at mine and my dad's house with his mom for about two weeks now and already this was killing me. Things had gone very well after the whole calling me a fag and almost getting himself kicked out thing. We'd managed to come to some sort of silent agreement on how things were going to work out. Carol, Finn's mom, had talked Burt into letting Finn come back to stay with us. Finn had claimed that he didn't want to have his own room anymore, that he wanted to room with me still. I just think he was still trying to make everything up to me even though he'd worn that ridiculous red shower curtain and stopped Karofsky and Azimio from pounding my head in, which had been good enough for me but he was insisting.
We planned on redecorating again soon so Finn could have his say in the room as well. Things had been going pretty smoothly so far. In the mornings I was usually the first up so I'd wake him up and let him use the bathroom before I took over. He'd usually end up making some sort of boxed breakfast, like poptarts, and claim he made them himself as we went out the door to head to school. At school we'd see each other between classes and I allowed myself a wave when he gave a lopsided smile. In Spanish we were always partners now and it was a good thing he was the densest person in the world because it meant I got to spout out random words of affection to him and he would never know. In glee it was always the same, Rachel and Finn central, especially now that Jesse had quit the glee club. Then our days would end with coming home and working on homework, or in Finn's case, going out to toss a football with my dad. We'd all eat dinner together and then Finn and I would take turns being in our room to get dressed. He usually got dressed for bed first then left the room to me while he went to go find something to occupy his time while I got undressed then redressed in pajamas. We'd go to sleep and start the whole thing over again.
Now though, now was different. It was the weekend and we'd never spent a weekend together. I stood at the end of his bed and watched as his chest rose and fell. He had kicked his blankets and sheets off in the middle of the night and his arms and legs were spread out randomly like a star fish, small snores lifting from his slightly open mouth. It was the weekend and usually people like Finn, normal teenagers, would sleep until noon. Unfortunately we had to go to the store today to figure out what we wanted our room to look like. I didn't want to touch him to wake him incase he would wake up and think I was caressing him or something. Instead I kicked at the end of his bed until he grumbled to life. He pulled a pillow over his head and slurred his words.
"What time is it?" Though it came out more like 'Fuck you, Kurt'.
"Eight, now get up, we have stuff to do." He gurgled out more profanity that he normally wouldn't use and rolled over. I sighed and picked up a pillow from my bed. I stood at the side of his bed, held the pillow high over my head and brought it down as roughly as I could against his side.
"Okay, okay! I'm up!" He snatched the pillow easily away from me after the fifth strike I'd made at him. I smirked and told him to hurry up and do whatever he needed to do in the bathroom.
When I came up the stairs my eyes widened as the burning smell of smoke filled my lungs. I rushed to find what the source was and found thick tufts of smoke coming from the kitchen. I pushed through the two-way door and revealed Finn trying to turn off a smoking toaster. I quickly rushed to his side and pushed him away. He couched a bit as he stepped back. I pushed up on the side lever and unplugged the toaster, waving my hand to clear any excess smoke. Finally it stopped smoking but left it thick in the air.
"What did you do?" I asked him. He looked down guiltily.
"Um, poptarts didn't want to agree with me today." I rolled my eyes and couldn't help but laugh.
"You're hopeless, Hudson." He gave an offended look at moved to open the kitchen window to let out some of the smoke. "I wonder why the smoke alarm didn't go off?" I thought out loud and turned the toaster upside down, watching as burnt pieces of poptart fell out.
"About that…" He said from beside me. I looked over and stared at the disembodied smoke alarm. I tried to bite back the laughter but I couldn't help it as it slipped past my lips. "It's not funny! It was really loud and I got freaked out!"
"Where are dad and Carol?" I asked, propping open the kitchen door and front door as well.
"Uh, I think they said they went out somewhere." I entered the kitchen and shot him and amused look.
"Well, gee, thanks captain obvious." I reached for my phone in my back pocket and text dad. A few seconds later I got the reply. "Ah, they went out to sign the rental papers on your old house." I looked at Finn carefully, knowing that moving was a sensitive subject for him. He nodded and began to fan smoke out of the room.
After the house was cleared we decided to head out. I sighed impatiently at the door as Finn was bent down, trying to remember how to tie his shoe laces. I rolled my eyes as he mumbled off those little kid tricks about bunny ears to himself. Finally I had had enough and I bent down next to him, tied them for him like he was two and pulled him out the door. He tried to pry the keys to the car away from me, insisting on driving. I held them to me for dear life as he tried to unwrap my hands from around the keys. Unfortunately he was bigger than me and instead, held onto my hand that had the keys firmly and used the other to actually pick me up and move me towards the driver's side. I laughed and struggled to keep him from sorting out the right key in my hand and unlock the car. He slipped into the driver's seat before I could and smirked triumphantly at me.
"Now, we can either sit here or you can give me the keys and let me drive." I sighed, seeing that I'd already lost this round and handed him the keys. He thanked me and closed the door as I headed around to the passenger's side.
"Gay…fag…stupid…" I heard some guy mumble as he passed me on the sidewalk. I glared at his back and got into the passengers seat.
"Hold on." I commanded as he turned the keys and started the engine. I reached into the backseat where all his football stuff was and grabbed his helmet and his padding before buckling my seat belt. I got his helmet on and put his padding across my chest. "Okay, I'm ready to handle your scary driving now." He made an offended noise and snatched the pads away from me. I looked at him as he began to drive. He looked over at me.
"Keep the helmet on." He admitted his own defeat. I laughed and looked out the window as trees passed us faster than I was sure was allowed by the law. We first pulled into the parking lot of Sheets 'N Things so we could find a new bed for Finn and get new blankets and sheets that didn't look like 'the porno version of Aladdin' as Finn so kindly put it.
I loved shopping, adored it. Any kind of shopping I could get I would take the chance. It was almost as much like crack to me as make-overs were. So I would have thought that shopping with Finn would have been ten thousand times better, and it was in general pretty fun but there was still one problem. Finn had the attention span of a five year old. One second I'd point out something to him and ask for his opinion. He'd start to tell me a vague answer that said he really had no care but he'd cut off and see something else that he just had to go touch. For instance, right now it was a Spiderman pillow. We had only been in the store for maybe fifteen minuets and yet he'd managed to point out all of the most useless stuff in the world. I sighed and let him become engrossed in his Spiderman pillow and started to look at different types of towels for the bathroom when a few seconds later I heard a crash. Oh god, oh god, please say it's not Finn's fault. I slowly turned to confirm the fear that Finn had wondered off on his own. I sighed and went in search of the source of the crash.
"No, I told you, it's break and buy. You broke it so you have to buy it!" I blinked at the scene of Mr. Schue's ex-wife stood looking up at Finn with her hands on her hips and an evil glint in her eyes. Finn looked sheepishly away from her and to the floor to where a shattered plate was strewn into a ton of tiny pieces on the ground.
"Finn." I called and walked over to him. His eyes widened as he tried to look anywhere but at me. "Hi Mrs. Schuster. Gosh, I let him out of my sight for five seconds and look what happens." She looked at me skeptically. "You're looking very nice today the blue contrasts well with your eyes." I smiled at her brightly, pinching Finn's arm to let him know he was in big trouble. She seemed flattered by the comment and ran a hand over one side of her hair. "Geez, alright, how much is the plate?" I asked and she seemed to tune back in from her thoughts.
"Oh, um, it's alright. It was just the display one anyways." She said brightly. I smiled, thanked her and drug Finn off.
"Alright, you're never allowed to go anywhere on your own ever again." I old him when we were a safe distance away. For the rest of the time we were in Sheets 'N Things I had him hold onto a shower rod and I'd smack him slightly if he took his hands off of it. It was pretty much the only thing I could do to keep him from getting into more trouble.
Eventually I let him let go and put the shower rod down so he could help Howard Bamboo get the mattress and bed frame into the back of Finn's truck. I hauled the bed sheets and blankets that we'd found for him in a very dull brown up to the front seats. He smiled at me as he got in and asked where next. I gave him the directions to go to the grocery store so we could pick up some thinks for dinner tonight. We were soon standing in an aisle having an argument about getting frozen fish sticks.
"Do you know how bad those things are for you?" I tore the bag of the offending frozen food out of his hands.
"Uh, its fish and fish are supposed to be good for you." He took the bag back.
"Yeah, real fish, not processed fish where they add a ton of fats and other stuff and fry it to make an indescribable item of something people actually call food. Do you know that these things sit in your stomach for about a week before they are fully processed because of all the salt and other junk in them?" He held the bag out of my reach and stuck out his tongue. Damn him for being so freakishly tall.
"Hey, Finn." We both stopped trying to wrestle each other for the bag and looked down to the end of the isle where a guy in a red McKinley High football jacket was coming towards us. Finn sort of pushed me off of him when he saw the guy.
"Hey, Sam. What are you doing here?" They did a sort of fist bump secret handshake thing that every guy but me seemed to be born knowing how to do.
"Oh, you know, mom needed milk so ere I am." They nodded and the guy, Sam, looked over to me and smiled, actually smiled. That was something the jocks never did to me. "Hey, Hummel." I blinked in shock and let a small smile cover my lips.
"Hey, dude, there's a game on Sunday and Puck wants all the guys over. You going?" Finn asked, breaking the slight silence that surrounded the room.
"I'd have to ask my mom." He looked back over to me. "Are you going?" He asked sincerely. I actually laughed out loud then. Well, it was more of an embarrassing bark.
"Please, the guys would eat him alive, especially while watching a game. It wouldn't be a good idea to talk about how their uniforms didn't blend well with the color of the field." Finn shot me a smile that told me he was joking. Sam nodded next to him and looked down a bit…sadly.
"I guess I'll have to catch you around some other time then." He gave Finn a pat on the shoulder and grabbed a gallon of milk from one of the fridges and left us there. I stared on after him in shock. No other jock had treated me that way before besides Finn.
"So where did we land on the fish sticks?" Finn's voice brought me back to reality. I sighed at him.
"If you want to kill yourself then, fine, get them." He smiled.
"Thanks, I will!" He tossed the bag into the small shopping basket I held in my hand and I rolled my eyes.
When we got home we found that Dad and Carol had gotten back from signing house rental papers. Carol and I migrated to the kitchen where we started dinner while Dad helped Finn bring his new bed down to our room and set it up. Tonight I had decided on Fondue. I know it causes a lot of weight gaining problems considering it was just dipping things into melted chocolate and cheese, but it also got you full pretty quickly, plus I could work of whatever fats tried to stream into my body tomorrow.
I went down to mine and Finn's room when dinner was ready to get them. I couldn't help but laugh at the sight of them bending confusedly over the pieces of the bed frame and the instruction manual lying across the other side of the room. When I told them dinner was ready they both rushed up the stairs, exclaiming that they were starved. We sat at the table as a family. Dad was off on some sort of sports rampage and waving a piece of bread in the air as he spoke.
"So, Kurt, those jocks giving you any more trouble?" I sat up straighter when I was addressed.
"Uh, no dad, they're not." He nodded.
"Yeah, in fact they're being really super nice, especially Sam." I glared at Finn from across the table when my dad became more interested than he had been with sports.
"Sam? Who's that?" He asked gruffly.
"A guy on the football team." I kicked Finn hard under the table. "Ow! Geez!" He bent down slightly to rub his leg.
"Hm, is this guy someone special?" Carol asked and Finn choked on air next to her. I blushed brightly and looked down.
"Do I need to meet this Sam guy?" Dad asked me, leaning over to me slightly. I glared a thousand glares at Finn and decided that I'd give him a taste of his own medicine.
"So, Finn, you're going on a date with that Melody girl from school right?" His face paled and all the attention turned to him.
"Why didn't you tell me you were going on a date?" Carol asked.
"Yeah, Finn, is she someone special?" I repeated Carol's question. He glared back at my glare. "In fact, don't you have her number written on your hand right now?" His eyes dropped the glare and widened.
"Please, shut up." He ducked his head down towards his plate and I scoffed triumphantly at him.
The darkness in our room was filled with anything but silence. Finn was rolling over and tossing and turning in his bed across the room from mine. He'd curse every once in a while and try to find a new position. I sighed and tried to block it out but he only became louder when that happened. Finally I sat up and flicked on the light. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights as he blinked at me in confusion.
"Would you please settle down!" I commanded in a bossy tone.
"Sorry, I just can't get comfortable." He sighed and sat up too. "Plus there's something bugging me." I looked over in him in question. "Do you like Sam?" I blinked at his bluntness.
"What?"
"Well, it's just, what my mom said got me thinking. I was just wondering. Sorry. You don't have to answer if you don't want to." I shook my head.
"No, I don't like him." He made an 'oh' sound and averted his eyes. "Why was that bugging you?" He seemed to freeze up then.
"W-well…I guess I was just wondering if you….m-moved on." I turned to face him fully now.
"What do you mean?" I crossed my arms and brought my legs up to sit.
"I guess…I just kind of wanted to know if you…didn't like me anymore." He shifted nervously.
"Finn I-"
"Look, don't make this into something it's not. I-it's just, I kind of feel like you're my only real friend right now and you, you know, liking me has kept you close to me. I just don't want to loose you too." He admitted quietly.
I looked down in shock. I knew Finn had been going through a lot. First the whole 'my baby is actually my best friend's baby' thing and now with Rachel dating Jesse and keeping him on the rocks about liking him. All of glee club could tell that she loved him with a fiery passion that was just disturbing and Finn returned it with just as much passion. The only thing keeping them apart was Jesse. Rachel swore she loved him more than anyone she'd ever loved but we all knew that she was only kidding herself and hurting Finn further in the process.
Before I could start thinking and stop myself I just reacted. I let my feet carry me over to Finn's bed. He looked up at me just before I sort of just feel awkwardly into his arms. He was hesitant to return the awkward hug but soon he slowly slunk an arm around to my back and gave in. After a minuet I moved over him to crawl into his bed next to him. I know that I was seriously pushing my luck here but Finn honestly seemed okay with it right now. It was warm under the blankets with him. I felt his leg shift and brush by mine and I tried to keep myself from taking in too sharp of a breath. Slowly I felt his arm snake around my waist and pull me slightly closer to him. I let my head rest on his chest and breathed in heavily the scent that was purely Finn Hudson.
"This is kind of weird." He said lowly.
"Do you love me?" I asked without thinking. He pulled away slightly at the question, looking me deep in the eyes. He opened his mouth to try to say something but I had something else to add. "I love you." He took in a deep breath and swallowed thickly. I was shocked when, instead of a verbal answer, he leaned over and placed a kiss lightly on my forehead.
"I do…l-love you. It's just not in the way you feel about me. I think of you more like my best friend or brother." I nodded and looked down at my hand that rested in the slight space between us.
"If I were a girl?" I asked sadly.
"Then I'm sorry to admit that things actually might have been different." He admitted, sounding just as sad. I couldn't help but let a few tears fall. I wiped them away from my face and tried to laugh through it but it came out more like a sob.
"I'm guessing you wouldn't wait if I wanted to get a sex change, then?" He laughed and shook his head and I couldn't help but smile.
"Can I ask you something else?" I nodded, preparing myself for whatever he had coming. "Why me?" I thought about my answer for a minuet.
"Why not?" I shrugged. "When we first met, that day you told to control himself after pushing me into a locker, you made me feel special. It was before glee club started so I had no actual friends since I was just known as 'the gay kid'." His eyebrows furrowed but he kept listening. "You were the first person, besides my dad, to actually acknowledge the fact that I might have feelings too." His eyes searched mine for a long time before he spoke again.
"But it was just an off hand comment. I was probably talking more about saving the school property more than anything else at the time. You started to like me because I said something I really didn't mean. That's terrible!" He tried to sit up but I put a hand on his chest and he sunk back down.
"It may have been an off hand comment but in that moment I knew that you were different than all the other guys. That you had more emotions than just wanting to hit something all the time." I smiled. "You were my knight in a red football jacket." We stayed silent a while after that and I began to drift slightly off to sleep.
"Kurt?"
"Mm?"
"You know that this doesn't change anything, right? I mean what I said. I love you, but not in that way." I cracked open one eye.
"Sadly I know. Now would you please shut it, Hudson. Some of us are trying to sleep." He chuckled and lay down fully again.
"This is only a one night thing though, you sleeping in my bed." I didn't answer but just smirked at him. "I'm serious, Kurt!" I pretended to snore then, my smirk growing into a smile. "Kurt!" I opened my eyes, hit him lightly on the forehead and turned over so my back was facing him. I had to repress a chuckle when he mumbled something incoherent and turned over so his back was facing mine.
The next morning I was surprised to find myself curled up in Finn's arms. He was wrapped completely around me. My legs had tangled and twisted in his and his arms were wrapped around me like I was a giant teddy bear. His chin rested gently against the top of my head so when I woke up I was faced with a Finn Hudson neck. I blinked and tried to move out of his grip, only to be met with grumbles and a tighter hold around my body. I tried to get free once again only this time Finn gripped tightly and rolled so he was flat on his back, bringing me along with him so I was literally lying on top of him. I lifted my head and found myself so close to his face.
"Finn! Finn!" I hissed and he begrudgingly opened an eye.
"Ah!" He screeched and sat up, pushing me clear off the bed. "Oh my god, Kurt! I'm sorry, dude." He stood up and helped me to my feet again. "Why were you on top of me?" He asked, still a bit sleepy. His eyes widened as the situation hit him. He looked down at his lower half and groped at his pajama bottoms, sighing thankfully. I glared at him.
"You pulled me on top of you." I said sourly to his reaction at the thought of the possibility of us having done something last night.
"Oh," He looked away from me guiltily. "Sorry." I rolled my eyes and told him to hurry up in the bathroom. He scurried off and I sat on my bed and waited. When he came out his hair had been freshly gelled into a usual faux-hawk and he wore a jersey to some team sport. He smiled and picked up his football. I quickly got up and headed to the bathroom. "You should come today." He said through the closed door.
"Huh?" I asked, rubbing in some skin moisturizer.
"To Puck's house. You should come watch the game with us. I know it's not exactly your thing but someone will probably need to have the Heimlich maneuver used on them from a dare to stick as many of something in their mouths. Plus Quinn will be there and if you get really bored you can talk about flowers or whatever you guys like to talk about."
"I don't know. None of the guys really like me there." I said, rinsing my face now.
"I like you and Sam seems to not mind you being there." I sighed and thought for a minuet. "Come on it'll be fun!"
"The other jocks will call you names and then probably try to beat me up if I go." I actually heard him laugh.
"Not on football day. It's at Puck's house and he's still trying to make the whole Quinn thing up to me so he won't touch you and if anyone does then we'll throw them out and Puck has a big screen so everyone comes to watch the games on them and they won't take the chance of being thrown out. Who knows, maybe they'll start to like you." I thought about it some more before I opened the door to find Finn leaning against the opposite wall. He looked up from twirling the football in his hand and smiled.
"Fine." I sighed and rolled my eyes.
I was a nervous wreck the whole way there. I had tried to dress down from what I normally wear but when Finn saw me trying to look like I did back when I had tried to 'go straight' he laughed and sent me to go change again, reassuring me that everything would be fine. We finally pulled up to Puck's house. I had been here a few times when Mercedes and I would come over to help Quinn with a few things. She was actually the one that answered the door. I had been hiding behind Finn's large frame incase it was one of the jocks. When Quinn saw me she practically pushed Finn out of the way.
"Oh, thank god! I needed someone else here with me today. The boy's have taken over the whole house and I needed a little feminine power around here." She said, hugging me tightly. She led us inside just as Puck came around the corner.
"Hey, dude." He walked over and they did the whole secret handshake fist-bump thingy before looking over at me. "Aw, man, why'd you bring him?" I huffed and Quinn and I both glared at him.
"Hey, be nice to my brother." Finn defended and Puck rolled his eyes.
"Whatever, come on. Everyone's already set up in the living room." I followed Puck and Finn into the living room. When they cleared out of the way everyone in the room was looking at me. It was quiet as they looked between Finn and I. Suddenly everyone broke out in a riot. "Hey!" Puck shouted and silenced them all. "Everyone leaves him alone. Just ignore him if you don't like him being here and watch the game instead. Otherwise you're out, got it?" I was shocked that what Finn had said was true.
"Hey, Hummel." I knew that voice. I turned and came face to face (okay face to chin) with Sam. He smiled down at me and squeezed a hand around my shoulder before going to sit next to another jock on the couch. "You can come sit by me if you want." Sam gestured to the seat next to him when he noticed that I was sort of standing there awkwardly. Everyone gave him a glare but they ignored him. I carefully sat next to him.
"Here." Finn tossed me a bag of chips. "Have some fun for once in your life, bro." He smiled when I looked down distastefully at the Doritos.
"So how much do you know about basketball?" Sam asked me as the game started.
"Just about nothing." I admitted and looked down at my hands. He smiled at me and tugged his jersey over his head so he was left in a long red sleeved shirt that had the word 'Ass' printed on the front.
"For starters, put this on and I'll try to teach you some stuff." He handed me the jersey. I looked between him at the material before shrugging it on over my own clothes. It was about two sizes to big on me and one side hung off my shoulder and it came down to my thighs but it was still a nice offering. "Okay, right now that guys gets to take a free shot."
Then he was off on explaining what a free shot was and how you could get one. Then he started on the rest of the game. I tried to keep up but I honestly had no interest in it. Quinn tugged on my arm after a while and asked me to help her bring out the food. I stood up and Sam's jersey felt bigger on me than it had before. When I got to the kitchen Quinn handed me a tray with various meats and cheeses on it.
"He likes you, you know." She spoke, piling another tray onto of the one I was holding.
"What? Who?" She giggled.
"Sam of course. It's easy to tell by the looks he's been giving you." I scoffed and watched as she skillfully balanced a small tray of eggs on her stomach while she got another one situated in her arms before adding the eggs.
"And just how has he been looking at me then?" I asked, truly in disbelief.
"Like he wants to take you upstairs and do very naughty things to you." She laughed when my face dropped like I had seen a ghost. "Come on, Mr. Handsome is waiting for you." She said as she began to walk back into the living room.
As we walked back into the room the guys started cheering and hollering about food and they all started to come at us. Quinn snapped at them to all sit down. No one denies an angry pregnant woman and so they all sat. She instructed that they were not to touch anything until they finished setting up. After we'd gotten all the trays set up I looked behind us to find a mass of hungry teenage boys drooling over our shoulders. Quinn grabbed my wrist and pulled me aside before giving the okay. Within seconds it was all gone and the guys had gone back to watching the game.
After a lot of time the game ended and the guys started heading home. Instead of being there when they got the freedom back to push me around I moved out to the back porch and sat on the steps. I was shocked when Sam came and sat down next to me. He smiled and looked into the dead back yard of Puck's mom. He leaned back on the palms of his hands.
"It's almost time for the sun to set." I blinked and was shocked that the day had gone by so quickly. "I like the sunset. It makes the sky cool colors."
"Yeah…" I let my hands rest loosely at my sides and was shocked when another hand found mine. I looked down at my hand intertwined with another. I slowly traveled up the arm and looked into Sam's face. He was smiling lightly.
"My jersey looks good on you." He commented. "Very cute." I felt my breath catch in my throat. He had said I looked cute, and he'd said it with such ease as if it were a normal thing to say to another guy.
"Thanks." I could feel the blush creep up on my cheeks as the sky turned a golden blue color.
"I really like you, Kurt." This time I couldn't stop a sharp breath coming from surprise at his bluntness. "I have for a while. I've been watching you. The handshake you and your friend Mercedes have is cute, mostly when you do it though." My eyes were as wide as saucers now.
"I-I b-barely k-know you." I cursed myself for stuttering.
"And I want to change that." My eyes widened in surprise as he leaned over and gently connected our lips.
His hand cupped my cheek and his lips moved against mine slowly. I quickly closed my eyes. I had done this only once before, and that was with Brittany, which was a huge mistake as I later learned to find out since it had taken a few days to convince her that we were no longer going out. I was trying to remember all the stuff that I tried to keep in mind when I kissed her but it was all out the window. My guard broke down and I was just me, Kurt, vulnerable and able to be hurt easily. I let my arm instinctively come up to hold onto his shoulders.
"Kurt I think th-" Then there was a crash. Sam and I split apart and I turned quickly to look at broken glass next to white Nike sneakers. I trailed up the body to look into the shocked face of one Finn Hudson. His eyes were wide and he looked incapable of speech at that moment.
"Hey, Finn." Sam said casually.
"I-I have to, um, go find that thing…" Finn turned confusedly and headed back inside.
"Crap!" I exclaimed and started to get up. Sam stood up as well. I tried to leave but he grabbed my hands and pulled me closer.
"I got your number from Finn today. I'll call you later. He really is stupid if he didn't get the fact that I liked you when I asked for your number though." He smiled. I chuckled slightly but stopped when he leaned down once again and kissed me gently.
"I have to go." I said when we separated. He nodded and let go of my hands. I smiled back at him once before I headed inside to try and find Finn. Puck said he went out to his truck already and I bolted out the front door, calling a goodbye to Quinn as I passed her.
Finn was indeed in the truck. I got in and it was silent. He started up the truck and we headed home. I looked down and realized that I'd taken Sam's jersey by mistake but I shrugged it off. After a while of silence we were home and sitting in front of the house in silence. He sighed and turned of the truck before getting out and closing his door without a word to me. I watched him retreat into the house. I knew he was just a bit freaked out, especially after his confession last night about being worried that I was going to leave him but it still hurt that he didn't even want to talk to me about it. I wasn't sure why I was crying but I had started crying and I felt terrible, like I had cheated on him or something. After sitting there for another minuet I straightened myself back up and got out of the truck. My dad was standing at the front door and tried to ask what was wrong with Finn but I just told him everything was fine and brushed him off. Finn stayed in the living room while I went downstairs to our room until dinner was ready. We were silent through dinner and I could tell that Carol and Dad knew something was up and gave each other knowing glances from across the table.
I took a shower first that night, not wanting to have to talk to Finn to see if he was ready for bed. I was going to let him break the silence first. When I got out and dried off I put my pajamas on and passed by Finn as I headed to my bed. I crashed down into it and fell asleep shortly after. It was a calming sleep that made me feel as if nothing was wrong in my life. This is why I was so mad when I was being shaken away in the middle of the night.
"Kurt! Come on, get up!" I cursed at Finn's timing to want to talk but sat up anyways, rubbing my eyes and turning on a light.
"This better be good." I mumbled and glanced at the clock. "Finn do you realize we have school in a little less than four hours?" I asked him in annoyance. He just shrugged it off and began to try to pull me out of bed.
"Come on." I was too tired to put up a fight so I just let him drag me. He shushed me a few times even though I was making no noise and it was only when I heard the sound of crickets chirping did I realize that we were outside. I blinked in confusion as he strapped me into the passengers' seat of his truck and got in on his won side. I looked out the window at the passing houses.
"What the hell? Where are you taking me? I'm still in my pajamas!" I exclaimed as consciousness began to catch up with me. He just shushed me and said we were almost there.
When he stopped the truck I looked around and saw that he'd come up to a nature trail. We were parked on the edge of a small cliff that over looked our national lake. He drug me out of the warmth of the truck and into the chilly night air. I looked out at the moon, still confused as to why he would bring me here. Then loud music filled the air as he turned up his radio. I laughed when Nothing 'bout Memphis by Trisha Yearwood blasted through his speakers. I was glad that no one else was out this late and the trails were empty because we would have been getting some pretty weird stares right now.
"Come on!" He grabbed my hand and pulled me over near the edge of the cliff with him. He stood there and looked out at the moon that hung over the glistening water below us.
"Seriously, Finn, what are we doing here?"
"Let's dance." He said breathily. I looked at him in confusion as he grabbed my hands and pulled me close to him. I couldn't help but sink into his grip. I closed my eyes and let my head rest against his chest and listened through the rest of the song as we turned in small circle, trying to avoid stepping on each other's feet.
"Finn?" I looked up at him to see his brown eyes burning brightly back at me. "As nice as this is, why are we doing it?" Instead of answering directly he had to be vague and speak in riddles.
"What are you feeling, right now?" I looked at him and I was running out of ways to describe how confused I was by his fast paced need to bring us here.
"Curious as to why you brought me here." He just shook his head.
"No, I mean, what are you feeling when we're dancing? What are you feeling when I pull you close?" He leaned down so his face rested by the side of mine. "What do you feel when I whisper in your ear?" I shivered slightly and hoped he hadn't noticed. This was really weird. "Well?"
"I-I don't know." He sighed and told me to try again. "I guess, warm, happy…loved." He smiled.
"I need you, Kurt. I don't care what I have to do to keep you with me. I-you're the only friend I really have anymore, or at least the only one I can trust anymore. I can't loose you." I looked up at him and let one hand pinch myself to make sure that this was real.
"Finn, if this is about Sam then you should know that I'm not going to leave you. You're my best friend too. Don't you think it's better if I move on?"
"No." I was shocked by his answer. "First off, it's not better. I told you what I felt and you lied to me. I knew you liked him and I knew he liked you. Second, don't use his name. I'm kind of hating that name right now." He was obviously going crazy. "Look, Kurt, I need you here with me and I know that if you don't like me anymore you're going to slip away and I can't let that happen."
"So that's what you're trying to do. You're trying to make sure I'm still in love with you. That's why you're doing all this, trying to play with my feelings by dancing here." He looked down in awe that I figured it out. "Finn this is low, even for you."
"No, Kurt, It's not like that I-"
"Do you love me? Not as in a brother or best friend love, but a real live 'I love you and want to be your boyfriend' mushy drama-filled love?" He looked at me as I pushed away form him. He seemed torn trying to figure out what the right answer is.
"Y-yes." He looked down at the ground, unable to meet my eyes because he was lying.
"Finn Hudson you have now gone way to far. I'm going to the truck and I want you to take us home right now." I tried marching away but he stopped me.
"Kurt, wait." He grabbed my arm and I turned back to face him. "Okay, so I may not be in love with you but-"
"But nothing. What if I'm finally going to be happy for the first time? What if this is something really good for me and you're ruining it all right now just because you're so afraid that I only want to be your friend because I like you. What kind of person do you think I am?"
"Kurt, okay, I get it. I'm an idiot, you know that better than any one. Please, just don't hate me. I'm just really tired of loosing everyone in my life and…I'm sorry. Can we please forget this?" He asked. I looked down at my feet, my back turned to Finn. I sighed and gave my honest answer.
"I don't know." I heard him take a step forward, the dirt on the ground crunching under his weight. "I mean, geez, Finn. You obviously know how much I like you and yet you were willing to manipulate my feelings to get what you wanted. What would you have done if I had believed everything you told me, if I actually thought you liked me like that? If I suddenly broke whatever's going on with Sam off?"
"I-I don't know." He admitted softly. I turned back to him on my heel, making my way back over to him.
"That's right you don't know!" I jabbed him hard in the chest with one of my fingers. "How far would you have gone? Would you have kissed me and held me close? Would you tell Rachel and the rest of the glee club we were together? What about our parents, would you be willing to come out to your mom? Think about that and the rest of the stuff you'd have to do all for a lie." My voice had gone sort of high pitched, more so than usual, and Finn was flinching with every word.
"Okay! Stop, please, stop!" He grabbed my hands. I breathed heavily as he looked down at his hands gripping my wrists. "I'm so sorry. I really want you to be able to see that." He brought one of my hands up and I let a small gasp out as he kissed the top of my hand. "I do love you, Kurt. You know I do. It's just not like that. I'm such an idiot for all of this. Please, I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you."
"Finn," I slipped my hand away from his and tilted up his chine so he was looking at me. "Just take me home, please." He nodded and smiled, placing a hand on my back as he led me back to the truck.
It's been almost a month since the incident with Finn. It was kind of hard at first. Sam and I got closer and closer until we finally made it official and started dating. He happily told anyone he could, not bothering to hide it from anyone. Of course that was the second of many panic attacks Finn had about loosing me. It wasn't as bad as the one that night out by the lake but still pretty bad.
For a while my relationship with Sam got pretty rough because I had been spending more time with Finn, trying to show him that I was still here for him, than I was spending with Sam. I had explained many times to him that Finn was a bit territorial about me and he hadn't gotten it at first but he slowly came around. Eventually he learned that he, of course, would always be second to Finn. I admit that easily because Finn is my best friend and I would be there for him before anyone else. It was when Sam realized this that he became more sensitive to Finn's situation with me and eased up on the love train.
Slowly but surely Finn started to believe me when I said that he was more important than any guy, no matter how close the guy and I would be. Sam and I begun to get more time together but Finn and I still had our brotherly time together. I was there for him when he went through everything with any girls, Rachel mostly. I still disliked her with a fiery passion but for Finn I kept myself together. When they got together at Regionals I smiled and clapped my way through it, knowing Finn could do much better. Then when, of course, their relationship went all to hell I was there to comfort him while he tried not to cry and even got into a giant shouting match with Rachel in front of the entire lunch room, which Finn had to actually pick me up and carry me out of. Then when he and Rachel got back together I reminded him of what happened last time they tried to make their already failing relationship work but still supported him through and through.
Oh boy, then there was my first date. Carol, dad and Finn all made Sam sit in the living room and endure countless rounds of questioning before I could leave the house. Finn text me throughout the entire date and finally I got sick of it so I turned my phone off. He and I had a huge argument about how I wasn't answering and how he thought I had died. Sadly, he was worse than my own father was. After seeing Finn react to my dating he laid off of me, obviously having decided that I was under enough pressure as it was.
Then came the time when Sam and I got into a huge argument that ended in me threatening to cut a vital part of his anatomy off. Of course Finn had seen me crying the hall and I told him all about the fight. The next day at school I was called down to the principals' office where Finn and Sam were sitting, each holding ice packs and dampened cloths over cuts. Sam and I got back together shortly after and Finn made a huge thing about it, almost like the world was coming to an end, but eventually he and Sam got back on understanding terms with each other and we all moved on.
Well, we all moved on until the night Finn came home from a date with Rachel to find Sam and I making out on the couch. Okay, I won't even shield you and make it sound more innocent than it is. I mean, we were really making out. Sam had me practically stripped and he wasn't doing so well in the clothing factor either. When Finn found us I thought that would be the night Sam's life would actually end. I think it's the first time I was ever actually glad Rachel had been around, though that poor lamp didn't make it out alive. Finn had a major melt down on me right after Sam left and Rachel had gone too. I simply explained to him that I had thought it was time Sam and I went to the next level and made our relationship more…intimate. He hadn't taken to lightly to that and after almost killing him with his bare hands; Sam wouldn't even hold my hand for the next week and a half.
I was actually shocked the first time Finn and Sam got along like they were best friends. Rachel was hosting a gleeks pool party and we were all laughing and having a good time and I had been making sure to keep Sam and Finn away from each other at all costs, so I was shocked when they both teamed together and threw me in the pool. I would have been mad if I hadn't come up and seen them both laughing and high fiving. Of course I smacked each of them for their actions, Finn smacking me back and Sam just kissing me lightly on the forehead before pushing me back in the pool again.
Things had been getting a lot better now. I was finally able to say that I was completely over Finn with any romantic feelings. Finn had learned to share me with another person and not freak out. So then when it finally came time to tell him the big news, I sat him down to talk to him alone, thinking it better if Sam wasn't there. I told him about Sam proposing to me and told him that we were going to be getting married a month after graduation. He had been quiet for a bit but then became super excited for us both. A few weeks later we decided it would be a good time to ask him if he would like to be Sam's best man. He had agreed right away and we soon asked the rest of the glee guys to be grooms men and the glee girls to be brides' maids, except Mercedes, who was my maid of honor.
Finn had been a huge help the day before the wedding when I told Mercedes that I couldn't do it, that I didn't want to get married so young, that I wasn't ready. She called Finn right away and he was able to talk sense into me. When Sam and I decided a few years later that we wanted a kid, we began to look for adoption agencies. We were lucky to find a woman who would be willing to give up her baby to us. When we told everyone else they were ecstatic. Mercedes was honored to be called godmother and Finn took his duties as godfather a bit to seriously. He was right there with us when the baby was born and help us in any way that was possible when we needed him, he even babysat free of charge when both of us were working late.
Finn wasn't doing to badly himself. Thankfully, he didn't marry Rachel. I don't know what I would have done if she had become Rachel Hudson. Ugh, probably killed myself. No, they were still friends but after everything was said and done, Jesse St. James managed to worm his way back into her life and woo her. Instead Finn met a girl named Claire while ordering coffee one day. He was being his usual clumsy self and spilled it all down her white top. Now they were happily married. Finn had been devastated when he found out Claire was unable to carry children and he took it upon himself to make our daughter like his own almost, smothering her and making her too spoiled for her own good.
The ride that came along after that was pretty bumpy for a while when Sam hadn't come home from work one night. I was in total shock when I found out that Sam had been in a terrible car wreck and hadn't made it out. I was shocked to see the full circle of my life coming around in my daughter's life. She had lost one of her fathers at a very young age. I had completely cut off from the entire world accept for Finn. He came over the second news spread to him and helped with my little girl while I basically fell off the edge of the earth.
After another year my life had gotten back up and running again in full force. I smiled to myself when I thought about the night I came home from work and heard my daughter call Finn daddy. I listened in secret to him whisper sweet words about being a father to her. He still doesn't and probably never will know that I heard him says he would be her father if she wanted him too.
I guessed that was why, about eight years later, when she was no longer eight years old and wearing fairy wings, she felt the need to have Finn there when she herself came out as gay. I gave her the same treatment that my dad had given me, told her I loved her and no matter what that I was there for her. Finn returned those feelings to her as well. It had been strange for a while after that when Finn's wife died. We attended her funeral with Finn and I can honestly say that it was the biggest mistake of my entire life. He cornered me after the wake, when Mercedes had taken my baby and her girlfriend home. He started saying all this stuff about how he regretted not ever getting the chance to be with me, how he was stupid for letting me slip away from him. I knew that what we did was not out of the reasons he had said. He regretted nothing; he was straight and always would be straight. That was why kissing Finn Hudson and doing what I had fantasized about doing with him many moons ago in the McKinley high locker rooms felt so…wrong. Yes, Finn and I had sexual intercourse with each other and it had been so wrong. Finn was only searching for any comfort he could and the closest was from me. What he said brought up old washed away feelings from Sam.
We wouldn't talk for a month after that. My little angel wasn't stupid and she knew what had happened, which is why I had gotten so angry at her for asking where her other 'daddy' had been for the past month. After making up with her, I knew I had to call Finn. It had been a long and awkward conversation to have that took up more minuets on my phone that I'd use all month but it had been worth it since Finn and I were better. Both of us understood it had been a one time thing and out of nothing but pure need for comfort and moved on.
It was Finn, it had always been Finn. I suppose we learned that a little too late since neither of us moved on. Suppressed feelings would bottle up and come out at the worst of times for the next years of our life, leading to other random times when we would become…intimate with each other. Each time we'd come to the same conclusion that we had the first time, that it was just the need for comfort.
For the rest of our lives Finn was always there. He was there for me and for my now fully grown, graduated and married daughter who was about to turn thirty. Each time Finn and I would engage in any sort of sexual activities we would continue to suppress them into nothing again. Then Finally, on my birthday, he proposed to me. I never thought Finn would have been the first of us to realize that we needed each other as more than brothers but as lovers. Of course I said yes. Sadly we were never married, our lives ended soon after we had made the promise of love to each other. But I knew in my heart that we died as Kurt Hudson and Finn Hummel.
A/N:
Wow, how sad is it that I'm actually crying when I re-read that. That was NOT how I planned that to end. I was just going to leave it with Sam and Kurt's life and have them both move on from each other and their lives. Somehow I always knew they couldn't get away from each other. Wow, I'm shocked that the story actually ended with them together.
Let me know what you think because I really want to know what you think about the end most of all. It was basically a vicious circle back to Kinn. Interesting. I really like this story and I'm very proud of it.
Review and let me know what you think!