A Solo and His Speedo
"What the..." Han tried to finish the question, but the rarity of being shocked by the sight of something black and really, really small took the other words out of his throat. So all he could do was point at the questionable garment.
Leia wanted to laugh, but she thought better of it. Making fun of his reaction wasn't going to get her husband into the loop of stretchy fabric hanging loosely around her index finger. "It's the latest thing in beach wear for men." She twirled the briefer-than-brief briefs three times. The opaque patented Starprene fabric was guaranteed not to shrink in either saltwater or whatever passed for water in a pool. More importantly, they were also guaranteed to "Fit Tight In All The Right Places". Just what she wanted.
They both needed this vacation. Two weeks at the Glorious Destiny Resort on Eze...even with the package deal, and the discount she received as a princess, this was still an expensive trip. Or it would have been if the manager hadn't insisted on giving it to the galaxy famous couple as a gift. Free publicity for the resort, obviously, which made Leia decline the offer at first. But Han, in his strange yet logical fashion, told her not to look a gift from the Creators in the theoretical mouth. She didn't know where he picked up that turn of phrase, but he was right. Although she still felt twinges of guilt for accepting the offer of something so lavish...
But if it meant she could see him running around almost naked under the sun, all that guilt could fly out a porthole.
"I am not putting that—" his index finger stabbed towards the swim briefs like a missile stuck in pause mode "—or those, or whatever the Hells you call it, on."
Leia put on her best seductive smile. "But I want you to."
"Doesn't matter. I won't wear it."
"They're quite fashionable with the trendy sort in the Core." That wasn't likely to get Han into the briefs, but she had to make up her persuasion as this discourse went along. Lay the foundation, and soon you will be able to place the keystone, as the old saying went.
"When did I ever care about that stuff?"
Score one for him, as usual.
"I want you to wear it." Again, the same cliché offensive. Gods, she had obviously lost her touch in debates. Although winning in a debate with Han took far more work than with a typically Gamorrean-headed diplomat. He was savvy, and knew almost every verbal trick that any being might throw at him.
He leaned back, and crossed his arms. Defensive Posture #3 in his arsenal. "Nice, but I won't."
"You need something to wear on this trip."
"Is Luke going to come over and housesit?" Avoidance Tactic #2 from The Book of Solo, she noted.
"Don't change the subject."
"Yeah, somebody should be here just in case Ackie decides to come by and use our balcony for a party, since he was too cheap to get a place that has one."
"Stop—"
"Stepping outside with nothing but that rubber bandage on. Great, just what I always wanted to do in the summer."
"It's not rubber, it's Starprene."
"Same difference. It could be made out of burlap and Ewok fur, I still ain't gonna put it on."
"Oh, and why? Are you afraid of showing off your body?"
"No guy with one drop of self-respect ever wears midget underwear outside. Not even inside unless he's stupid."
Leia dropped the garment of contention on the table. What did he know about public humiliation while wearing next to nothing? "Remember how I was chained up to your dear friend the Hutt while I was stuck in a metal bikini? Do you think I felt wonderful? No, I felt naked, and ashamed, and chagrined—"
His expression softened. "I know, I know. You don't need to remind me."
Now she had gained some small amount of high ground. Good. "And all those times I've put on the tiniest articles of clothing known to humanity when we've had other vacations. Do you think I wore those because I like strutting around like a Twi'lek cage dancer?"
"But you seemed comfortable. If it bothered you that much, then why—"
"Because I wear those stupid fragments for you." Yes, a valid argument that touched on an uncomfortable truth, a sore point that had been flung between them in the past. She detested putting on those scraps of fabric held together only by two stitches and multiple prayers to the Goddess of Modesty. But every time she put on one of those "garments", Han's appreciation was obvious. It was odd, and terrible, how the nature of attraction worked. It was worth the effort, yes, but he could shoulder the burden of acting as eye candy. One turn of the circle must equal another in order to form balance. Which meant he was the damned thing whether he liked it or not.
Han had still not responded. He was out of objections, at least for the moment. Her defense might have worked.
"Yes, these are tiny. And you do have to lose some dignity to wear them properly. But I'm only asking you to do this just once." That might be a lie. If he did it on this trip, then she might hold the right to maneuver him into the thing on future vacations. For every occasion when he wanted her to parade around in something made of feathers, lace, and dental floss, then he could repay her good grace by traipsing around in the little black contraption.
He reached across the table with his palm facing to the ceiling. "Pass it over."
"Conceding defeat, are you?"
"Just this once. As long as you swear there won't be anyone else around when we get there."
"Of course. We're the only ones in the villa. And we have the private beach, so no one but me will see you wearing it outside."
His expression was plainly doubtful, but he had surrendered, so there wasn't going to be another argument slipping past his lips. "Fine, if you say so."
"I do." And she was telling the truth.
But she didn't have to mention just yet that she had bought a new imager for this vacation. Did he really need to know that she had taken a sudden interest in holography?