This idea came from the episode Ripped in which Elliot goes to Doctor Hendrix for help and continues to leave Olivia on edge.

I own my imagination - that is all... Read it, review it, and I hope you enjoy it.

I hate you

I hate who you are and who you were

I hate who you've become

I want to shatter you in to a million tiny pieces

then piece you back together...

Make you new...

Because then I could love you, unconditionally...

Stars dotted the sky and the moon provided a clear path to the car as I left Rebecca's office later that evening.

I was raw, that simple.

For so long I had repressed all of the bad parts of my childhood and many of those parts involved my father.

It was why violence toward children always made me especially angry.

I think I actually avoided being at home because of the rage that often times rules me, I'm afraid to hurt my own kids and I'm afraid of hurting my wife so I avoid them. I don't want to take out my feelings on my family.

Every time I look in the mirror I do see the person my father always saw.

That scares me more than I can express.

But the person I see doesn't hurt his family, he hurts himself and the person closer to him than his own wife.

I see myself hurting Liv, every day.

And that hurts more than I care to admit.

She's the one closest to me yet the one I seem to hurt the most until she suddenly breaks behind her dark chocolate brown eyes that I'm usually the only one allowed in to.

Now I don't want to be let in because all that's left is hurt and confusion.

I know Liv feels that the person she once knew is gone and he won't ever return again.

She feels that she used to be able to gauge my moods and she anticipated my next move and now I don't think she's so sure anymore.

That tells me we're so close that if she loses me then she loses herself to.

But that's just it, we are so close- she can't be objective in the way I need her to be because she knows me too well and I, her.

We're both dealing with our pasts and the damage our parents inflicted upon us.

Sometimes I think Liv's better at it than I am and in a lot of ways I know she is because she's accepted her past to an extent, even though I know she struggles with the memories of her mother every day and every day she's careful to figure out herself.

The day she can't figure herself out is the day she leaves us all behind.

But me, I have no idea who I am or how the hell to figure myself out. There's just so much I buried that it's gonna take a long time to unburden myself, to heal.

And I think that I gotta start to be honest, Rebecca's right - I have to start to really talk.

The person I should start with is Liv ... my expectations and what I need from her ... and to let her know why I am unable, at times, to talk to her.

Looking up at the night sky I have one last thought before I drive home... that maybe, just maybe the damage can be repaired.

And that my shattered pieces can be mended and that I can be put back together...