Disclaimer: Nothing you recognise belongs to me.

A/N: This was written for The Dialogue Challenge (created by don'..me) over at the HPFC forum. I can't say I'm too happy with this. I've never written a dialogue only fic before. To me, Sirius seems to ramble on at times as I tried to feel the empty voids that description normally creates. I did try, though, so I hope everyone enjoys. Bonus to anyone who gets the (slight) Austin Powers reference!

Challenge Rules: (1) Over 500 words, (2) Pure dialogue

Prompts: Emotion: content; Object: lava lamp

Of Dogs and Books

"What are you doing?"

"I'm reading, Sirius. What did you think I was doing?"

"Don't give me that look."

"What look?"

"That 'Sirius, you are an utter annoyance and a moron' look."

"I didn't give you that look."

"Yes, you did. I've named all of your looks, so I know, you see?"

"Is that so? What are some of them, then?"

"Well, let's see…There's 'Sirius, you're brilliant and I can't believe you came up with that'. And then 'Sirius, get your hand out of there; that is completely inappropriate'. Then there's my personal favourite. 'Sirius, I love you; let's go behind those bookshelves and snog like the wild animals we are'. Which, for the record, is nowhere close to the one you're giving me now. Pity, really."

"Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing in here?"

"I came to rescue you!"

"From what, exactly?"

"The evil books. They are stealing all of your attention away from me. The dog inside of me does not enjoy this."

"The dog outside of you doesn't either, I presume?"

"Not on, Moony."

"Where exactly were you planning on rescuing me to?"

"Oh, not far. Just over there to behind those shelves."

"I thought the whole point was to get me away from the books?"

"No, the whole point is to get you focused back on me. There are much better things to do in a library than reading, after all."

"I don't think there is."

"I'll make you think there is."

"All right. Let's go."

"Leave the books, Moony. You won't be needing them."

"I think you have far more confidence in your abilities than you should."

"Remus! Was that a jibe against my skills as a performer?"

"Not at all, Padfoot. Simply and observation."

"You're awfully smug for someone who spends more time in a library than anywhere else."

"Not smug, Sirius. I'm simply content with what I have."

"'Content'? You shouldn't be 'content'. You should be amazed, astounded! Aroused, even. Aren't you any of those?"

"Not really… Oh, don't look so morose. You look as though I just swatted you with a newspaper… You could make me feel those, though."

"C'mon!"

"Ow! Sirius, you're pulling my wrist out of place! Calm down."

"Can't, Moony. I have been assigned a task!"

"You won't get to fulfill your task if I'm in pieces when we get there."

"You'll be in pieces either way. Or maybe a puddle. What do you think?"

"Let me get this straight. You're asking me what I think of being reduced down into nothing more than a liquid puddle of Moony bits?"

"Yes, I am."

"I think you're daft and it's a horrible idea. Now I am giving you that look."

"C'mon, Remus! It wouldn't be that bad. You'd be all melted down and liquefied because of my charm."

"What charm? I have yet to see any of it. And what would you do with me after I became nothing more than a puddle? I would no longer be good for anything."

"We'll come back to the 'charm' thing later –"

"Looking forward to it."

"Oh, don't be so sarcastic. You're the one who said it, after all. And I would drink you."

"Urgh! Sirius, that's disgusting!"

"No, it's not. It's romantic."

"How's that, exactly?"

"There's that sarcasm again. We're going to have to fix that. And for your information, it is romantic because by drinking you, I would have you with me at all times. No more disappearing to the library unless I decide to do just that. And I would, sometimes. You like your books and words too much for me to deprive you just because you would no longer have eyes."

"How would I enjoy these words and books, though, if I am trapped inside you?"

"I would read to you through my stomach."

"…All right, I'll give you romantic."

"Thank you."

"It is still disgusting, though."

"Yeah, probably…"

"Well, here we are; your beloved bookshe – Ooff! Padfoot, watch it! Books aren't as soft as pillows, you kn – Mmmhm."

"Shut up, Moony. I'll fix the bruises later just like I always do."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you think you're doing?"

"…Nothing."

"Stop trying to shove your hand down my trousers."

"You're no fun, Moony. You know that no one ever comes back here."

"I come back here. Ravenclaws and Madam Pince probably do as well."

"You only come back here with me. And Ravenclaws are feisty underneath their bookworm exterior. As for Madam Pince, it would probably do her some good. I bet she's a kinky old bird. Probably hides behind the books and watches students get off."

"Sirius! That's a terrible thing to say! Think of the rumours you could spread."

"Oh, what's that, Remus? Surely not a smile and a glint of mischief forming in your eyes."

"Of course not. I would never dream of doing such a thing."

"There's that sarcasm again. Only this time, I'm quite happy with it."

"I'm quite enthralled that you're happy."

"I like it when you smile. Your eyes squint a bit and sparkle. You should do it more often."

"I don't do it often enough now?"

"Not for me."

"I'll try harder, then. Just for you, Sirius."

"Just for me… Hey, Moony?"

"Yeah, Pads?"

"There's something I've been meaning to ask you about."

"What would that be?"

"Well, you know how my uncle left me all that money, right? And I'm planning to find a flat during the Christmas hols?"

"I do."

"I – well, I know you'll want to spend the holiday with your parents and all, like you always do. I thought, though, that maybe you'd like to come with me to help pick one out."

"Why would you need my help?"

"I –I was thinking – hoping, actually – that after we left school, you'd move in with me."

"…"

"Remus?"

"…"

"C'mon, Moony, say something, please?"

"M-move in with you?"

"Well, yeah! If you did, you'd have to have a say in where we live. And you know me. I'll end up picking the one that's falling down and infested with something or another. It'd be great, Moony! We could get bean bag chairs and lava lamps. Then we could put a mattress in every room and turn it into our own personal shag pad. Then we could –"

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"You're babbling, love."

"Oh. Right. Sorry."

"So…move in?"

"Well, yeah. Er…wha – what d'you think, Remus?"

"I suppose you do need someone to keep you from choosing a place that should be condemned."

"Yeah…"

"And probably someone to help you keep it somewhat clean and in order."

"Yes! Yeah, I do."

"Only one mattress, though."

"You're right, Moony! Having one in every room would decrease the spontaneity. We'll have to find a sturdy kitchen table… All right, stop with the look; I get it. We're in a public place, blah, blah."

"Mmhm. Lava lamp is a nice touch, though."

"I thought so. Muggles come up with the maddest, most ingenious things."

"They have their moments, I have to agree."

"Love you, Moony."

"I love you too, Pads."

"Now, where were we?"

"Heading back to the dorm so we could continue a little more effectively."

"I've changed my mind. I don't just want you to move in with me. Marry me, Remus! Hmm…there's that look again. I'm not a twit! Moony, don't walk away from me shaking your head. I'm Sirius! Ha-ha! Get it? Moony? Remus?"