Okay so i posted this before but it was hard to read because of the format so i am reposting it and breaking it up a little more so it is easier to read. I can understand if some of you don't agree with the themes here so if you don't then don't read it (:

God she is gorgeous, I almost can't take my eyes off of her but I don't want my wife or family to think I am checking out another girl, let alone a 17 year old one.

She is in black from head to toe; her hair black as night with sexy blue streaks going through it, she was wearing a small black sundress and black flat strapped sandals, her make-up and nail polish were deep black was as pale as a ghost and the only color on her besides black and blue was her beautiful emerald eyes and her puffy red cheeks from all the crying she had been doing plus I think she was high. I could see the mascara running down her face as she shied away from her father and step mother, all I wanted to do was walk over there and wipe away all her tears then hold her as tight as I held Ashley that last night after our high school graduation.

I don't know if it is because I miss Ashley so much or because I am so tired of Bette right now, but I cannot stop my body from reacting in ways it should not for the daughter of my first true love. People keep walking up to her rubbing her back and telling her how sorry they are about her mother passing, she just nods her head and dismisses them. I see her stepmother starts to say something when Jamie jumps up from her chair and runs upstairs, to her room most likely. I don't know if lust is calling me to her room or just the motherly instinct I have but I excuse myself from my wife and other guests as I pretend to go to the bathroom, everyone lets me go with a sympathetic nod because they know how dear Ashley was to me.

I make my way up the stairs and look through all the doors to find Jamie's. I finally find a door that is painted blue with small green stars on it and a bunch of stickers and the name JAMIE written in big sweet script. I tap gently on the door and she says go away through her sobs. But of course me being the type of person I am, I do not go away. I open the door quietly and step into her room closing the door behind me. I take a moment to look around the hug room and admire the posters and hand painted drawing on the walls.

I saw pictures of her and cute girls – in some she was kissing them- like mother like daughter I smiled and it got wider when I saw one of her and Ashley on a motorcycle. Jamie looked about five and Ashley looked like the happiest person alive.

"Did I say you could come in?" I was brought out of my picture walk by her abrupt and apparently pissed off tone

"I…I'm sorry I didn't mean to intrude, it's just I saw you crying downstairs and couldn't help but follow you" she used a napkin to wipe her eyes and looked at me for what appeared to be the first time she did, because her mouth opened slightly and she gazed at me body for what seemed like eternity.

"Who are you?" this question was calmer and her voice didn't seemed as strained as it was before

"my name is Spencer Carlin, I was….a really good friend of your mothers back in high school, I just found out she had a daughter today" I said this with a sad chuckle as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Spencer…" she said my name though she was in a daze, but suddenly she snapped out of it. "Spencer! Yea I know you, you're the girl form all the videos, you and mom were…lovers? ...She caught me watching a tape of the two of you kissing and talking in her old room and she got mad at me and cried after she sent me to my room"

I sat down at her bed interested and wanted to hear more. Ashley kept all those videos? She cried for me? Did she still love me? Jamie looked at me as though asking whether she should go on or not, I nodded for her to continue.

"she told me you were her first love and that no one had ever made her feel as safe as she did in your arms, she said that whenever you held her all the hurt and emptiness inside of her went away and she felt alive again. I asked her why you two broke up and she told me it was time for her to be strong and you had to help someone else feel alive"

I was crying be the time she finished her story and she was choking back tears too, I wanted to jump her right there, god what is wrong with me? Is it even possible to feel all these emotions at once? Love, passion, hurt, cold, warm and horny. I actually wanted to have sex while I was crying and talking to my former lover's 17 year old daughter, god I'm sick.

I was about to tell her I should go when she looked up at me from between her jet black hair "c…can you hold me like you held her? I feel empty and alone. I don't feel like just the women that gave me birth died, I feel like a part of me just died, my best friend and the only person I ever truly loved in the world has just died."

I looked at her and listened to her because I understood, I felt the same way. Sure I love Bette but nearly as much as I loved Ashley and not nearly as much as I want to love this beautiful creature in front of me right now. "I know…I know how you feel because I feel the same way, I thought I got over your mother years ago but the truth is was still in love with her and I wish she was here right now so that I could tell her how I feel. I would love to hold you because to be honest when I saw you downstairs through the crowd the first thing I wanted to do was run to you and hold you as tight as possible even though I didn't even know who you were."

I put my hand over hers and felt my heart jump; I looked deep into her beautiful eyes then leaned forward and kissed her wonderful pink lips. As soon as my lips touched hers I felt as if I was just shocked by lightning, like a light bulb just flicked on over my head; like everything in this world suddenly made sense. She moved closer to me till she was practically on my lap and I held her like I wanted to while she cried and kissed my collar bone. Oh God, she smells like vanilla and strawberries

...Just like Ashley did