A/N: So I kind of need to write something angsty right now. So enjoy. Oh, and for the record, Kurt never expressed his feelings in Silly Love Songs.
Kurt and Blaine were sitting in the Lima Bean together, just like normal…only it wasn't. Blaine was going on a date with Rachel and Kurt was trying to hide his heart break. He was staring at his coffee cup while Blaine continued to talk about his recent events. Kurt always listened to Blaine, but he just couldn't today. All he could think about was how Blaine was going on a date with Rachel. Not with Kurt, Rachel. Kurt felt terrible.
"Kurt, are you listening to me?" Blaine asked, looking confused and hurt. Kurt snapped back into reality, seeing Blaine this way. That broke his heart even more.
"Blaine, I'm really sorry. I just need to go." Kurt said, trying to hold back tears. He stood up from the table and walked swiftly out of the coffee shop. Kurt walked outside in the pouring rain and ran to his car. Once he was safely inside, he let finally let go of his tears. He let his sobs go; they were almost embarrassingly loud. If the rain wasn't down pouring so hard, people probably would've been able to hear him. When Kurt finally gathered himself up just enough to drive home, he did just that. He drove home.
All Blaine could do was sit at the coffee shop table, alone. He couldn't get his mind off Kurt. What was going on with him? He looked pained and he looked… hurt. He looked like he was dying inside. But why? Kurt always told Blaine everything. Blaine went through the mental checklist of things it could've been. It wasn't his mother's birthday or death day, nobody had died as of recent, Karofsky hadn't been around… Blaine had no idea. But all he wanted to do was make Kurt better. And he was going to do that. He picked up his phone and dialed Kurt. No answer. He redialed 3 more times after that, each with no answer. He didn't understand, what was wrong with Kurt?
Kurt had pulled in the driveway when he heard his ringtone go off; his special ringtone. It was Teenage Dream. It was Blaine. Kurt picked up his phone, and saw a picture of him and Blaine set as the caller ID icon; a picture Wes had sent him. It was the two of them holding hands together in line at the coffee shop. Kurt felt his tears forming again; letting them fall once more. The ring tone stopped for a minute, before going off again. Kurt let his tears flow faster. And then the phone rang again and once more; each time Kurt sobbing harder than the last. Finally the phone had stopped ringing. Kurt sat with his head leaning on the steering wheel, sobbing for a few minutes before making his way to the front door of the house.
Blaine gave up on calling Kurt. Why wasn't he answering? Is he okay? Did he make it home okay? What if he got hurt? Blaine than began to think. What if he had a life without Kurt? Blaine felt himself tearing up at the fact. What if Kurt had died, or what if he walked out on Blaine? Blaine quickly wiped a tear from his eye, so no one in the coffee shop would see. He stood up from the table and threw away his coffee cup, running out into the car.
Kurt walked into the empty household, running up to his room. He slammed the door behind him and sat on the edge of his bed, taking his shoes off. He saw a picture of Blaine and him on his nightstand drawer, the two of them posing at Dalton. Kurt felt the tears welding up again; his heart was physically hurting. His heart was in two. He flopped down on his bed and buried his face in his knees, letting his sobs take over his body once more.
Blaine sat in the car and texted Kurt.
Kurt, just text me and tell me you're okay? Please? I'm worried about you.- Blaine
Blaine stared down at the phone, waiting for a reply. He decided it was no use. He dialed on his phone again.
"Hey, Rachel? Hey I have to cancel our date tonight. I'm really worried about Kurt. He's not answering my phone calls or my texts and I just need to check on him. I'll fill you in if anything's really serious." He rushed out. Rachel seemed to understand, because Blaine hung up pretty quickly. Blaine let more tears fall from his face as he gripped the steering wheel tight. He needed to see that Kurt was okay. And that's what he was going to do.
Kurt felt his phone vibrate with a text. He lifted his head up from his now wet pillow and looked at the phone. One New Text Message.
Kurt, just text me and tell me you're okay? Please? I'm worried about you.-Blaine
Kurt felt a new wave of tears hit him at the text. He typed a reply.
I'm not okay, but it's alright.- Kurt
He reflected on the text. He wasn't alright. And it wasn't okay. And it never would be because Kurt was heartbroken. He deleted the text, and clicked out of Blaine's message. He sat up in his bed, and plugged the iPhone into his doc. He scrolled down his music playlist until he found the song he wanted. He tapped on it lightly, and turned up the volume on his stereo.
Blaine drove as fast as he could to the Hummel household. Even just seeing Kurt's car would give him a little reassurance; that at least Kurt would be alive. Blaine drove faster and faster until he reached the Hummel house hold. He saw the only car in the driveway was Kurt's, which meant he was the only one home. Blaine couldn't let him be alone. He got out of his car in the pouring rain and ran up to the front door. He turned the knob to see it was unlocked and quickly ran inside. He fumbled to get off his shoes when he paused. He heard light music coming from upstairs… was that.. a Goo Goo Doll's song?
Kurt sat with his cheek pressed against his knees as he listened to the song.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cuz I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cuz sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
He felt tears weld up in his eyes yet again at the song, and how it hit so close to home. He didn't want to miss Blaine. He wanted to be with Blaine. And if he couldn't be with Blaine, he didn't want to feel what he feels. But you can't control heart's desire. It goes for what it wants.
And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Kurt was sobbing again but it was louder than he had ever sobbed before. He felt a physical pain in his chest as he practically screamed into his knees.
"Why can't he see that I LOVE HIM? Why can't he understand what he's DOING TO ME." Kurt called out into the emptiness of the house.
Blaine moved quickly up the stairs to where he knew Kurt's room was. He saw the door shut, but could hear what was definitely a Goo Goo Doll's song playing. He couldn't hear anything but the music.
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cuz sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Blaine couldn't have mistaken what he heard; loud, painful sobs from Kurt. It could be no one but Kurt. His screams were like shards of glass to Blaine; slowly cutting into his heart. Blaine felt his tears forming once more.
"Why can't he see that I LOVE HIM? Why can't he understand what he's DOING TO ME." He heard Kurt sob. Blaine's heart broke. It broke because he finally understood.
He finally understood that Kurt was really in love with him, and that he was supposedly going on a date with Rachel Barry tonight. He slumped down on the ground leaning his head against Kurt's door frame; letting his tears openly fall. He was why Kurt wasn't himself. He was the reason Kurt was sobbing behind the closed door of his bedroom. He did this to Kurt. And the worst part was that Blaine loved Kurt back. All of this could've been avoided.
Kurt sobbed as the song continued. He could just barely hear the music over his cries; each word of the song breaking his heart.
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Kurt continued to sob into his knees; the wails growing louder and louder as the chorus repeated itself. His chest felt like there was a dagger in it; he felt like he was dying a slow, painful death. Kurt knew that the worst part was that he would still love Blaine after all of this. He knew he would always love Blaine.
Blaine sat against the door frame and listened to Kurt sob as he hugged his knees close to his chest. He let the song control the flow of his tears
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Blaine heard Kurt's sobs grow louder as the chorus repeated itself over and over again, and as Kurt's sobs grew louder, Blaine's tears grew faster. He felt his heart ripping in half. He had caused that pain on Kurt. He couldn't take it anymore. He stood up and held his door on the door handle before opening the door. He saw Kurt hugging his knees just like Blaine had just been. Kurt didn't even notice him come in. Kurt had his face buried in his knees; his body shook at the force of his racking sobs. Blaine's heart snapped right in half. He ran over to Kurt and squeezed his body tight in his; as if he'd never let go.
Kurt was suddenly shocked when he felt a massive warmth around him. He knew it was Blaine; he could tell by the feel of the hug and by the smell that it was him. His sobs sped up, Blaine was going to try and fix him; try and make him feel better, but he knew he couldn't. He was with Rachel now; the Rachel Barry that got everything over Kurt. That broke his heart; he couldn't take it. His sobs grew even louder; now like screams. All Blaine did was tighten his grip around Kurt. Kurt could even hear Blaine's sobs now.
Blaine felt Kurt tensing up and heard his sobs growing louder. All he could do was let his own tears fall and squeeze Kurt tighter. He was scared to let go of Kurt, because he was scared that he would lose Kurt if he did. He felt sobs leave his own body now; his heart completely shattered. Look what he had done to Kurt? The music had stopped, and the only things that filled the room were the shaking sobs of both Kurt and Blaine, as they cried into each other's shoulders.
After an intense thirty minutes, Kurt's sobs had stopped. He was shaking violently in Blaine's arms; Blaine still held him like he had since he entered the room. He spoke his first words since his arrival.
"I'm so sorry Kurt." He whispered. He heard Kurt inhale sharply. He released Kurt from his chest and let him sit up. For the first time, Blaine saw Kurt's eyes. Kurt's eyes were always beautiful to Blaine, and they were no less today, but their current state broke his heart. They were completely red and blood shot; the rims both steaming red, and dark bags circled Kurt's eyes. Blaine wanted nothing more than to hold Kurt in his arms again, to tell him everything was going to be alright. But Kurt was about to speak.
"Why are you sorry? You can't control a person's heart." He said. Blaine visibly watch Kurt crinkle his face, unsuccessfully holding back more tears. Blaine opened his arms and let Kurt rest his head on his chest, stroking his hair comfortingly. He whispered small 'shhhhs' to Kurt, and would whisper small encouraging words into Kurt's ear.
"Blaine, I'm sorry. I love you. I've fallen in love with you. And for some reason, I thought I was good enough to get you. I thought I was good enough for you. I thought you were the way Earth was trying to heal me after everything that's happened. But I was wrong. Because you're in love with the same person who seems to get everything I want. And I thought that even if I couldn't have you, she never could. But in the end I was wrong. She got you. And I got heartbroken again." He cried into my shoulder. I felt my heart break. It wasn't just I went with another person, I went with Rachel Barry. I hadn't even realized.
I rubbed Kurt's back soothingly as he rested against my chest.
"Kurt, I don't love Rachel. The only person I love is you." I said to him. He sat up, and looked at me with his swollen, tear drained eyes.
"But you're supposed to be on a date with her." He said shakily.
"Kurt, I went with her because I THOUGHT I felt something. With you, I KNOW I feel something. Something deep down in my heart." Blaine said, putting Kurt's hand on his chest; directly over his heart.
"I was only going to date Rachel because I thought you didn't love me like I loved you. Kurt, I have always loved you. I didn't believe in love at first sight until I met you." Blaine admitted, letting a tear fall from his eye. For the first time that whole day, Kurt smiled. It looked weak, but it didn't look forced. It looked broken, but it was genuine. I smiled weakily, yet lovingly back at Kurt.
"Blaine.. I…" Kurt stuttered. Instead of talking, he slowly leaned his head on my chest as I wrapped his body in my arms.
"Kurt." Blaine said, moving warm arm to lift Kurt's up on his chest. They were seeing each other eye to eye; blue to hazel.
"Kurt Hummel, I Love You." Blaine said. He slowly leaned in closer to Kurt, stopping inches away from his face to give time for Kurt to stop if this wasn't what he wanted. Blaine watched as Kurt's eyes lingered down to his lips; granting Blaine the silent permission he's been dying to have.
He slowly planted his lips on Kurt's; moving them ever so slightly. He was absorbing the moment; his lips finally were meeting Kurt's. Blaine felt Kurt start to response to the touch, so he increased the intensity of the gesture just a tiny bit. He felt at home; he felt where he was supposed to be. Right with Kurt. Kurt slowly pulled away from Blaine's lips, though he did not move his head. His red rimmed eyes met Blaine's once more; with each blink Blaine felt Kurt's wet eyelashes hit his face.
"I Love You So Much." He whispered shakily before crashing his lips down on Blaine's again. Both of them remained kissing as they lied down together on Kurt's bed. One their heads were both resting on Kurt's pillows, Kurt released and let his head settle on Blaine's chest. Blaine reached for Kurt's hand and snaked his fingers between each other's, resting the conjoined hands on Kurt's chest. Blaine planted a soft kiss on the top of Kurt's head, and watched a smile form on Kurt's face. He watch as Kurt fluttered his eyelids shut, falling asleep in the arms of who he loved.
Blaine couldn't help but feel happy. He was happy with Kurt. And he couldn't ask for anything more. It was all he ever wanted. Blaine let his eyes flutter shut too, as he fell asleep in the presence of the only man he would ever love.
So now my brain is officially fried. I think this and the new chapter of The Boy Next Door is enough to make up for my few days of not posting.
Please review! (: Reviews mean so much to me.
The song belongs to the Goo Goo Dolls, and it is called Iris. That whole song belongs to them, not me. Though I totally wish I wrote that song because it is absolutely beautiful. One of the most emotional songs I know.