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Clare

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I put the blunt to my lips and I breathed in the smoke as it filled the inside of my lungs. I took another hit; a light cough escaped my mouth. It's funny how I still cough from how many times I have done this. My fingers intertwined with the grass. I am lying on my stomach in the park the only thing separating my body from the grass is my old blue and white striped blanket. My grandma and I made the blanket when I was little…..Oh the irony if my grandma knew what I was doing she would do backflips in her grave.

I miss being young, well scratch that I am still very young I am 16 years old and a junior at Degrassi. This year my life feels like it's been spiraling out of control. Scratch that again it doesn't feel I know my life is spiraling out of control. The sick part of it is I kind of enjoy it.

My parents got a divorce boom there goes my faith. Then I got a boyfriend boom there goes my self-respect and confidence. My boyfriend cheats on me and I know it. I can't quit Jake.

He introduced me to the life of drugs and how great it is. I can finally escape the yells from my parents. I can finally escape all the pressures of being perfect. I am addicted to the monsters. I used to be the role model student, now look at me. I am addicted to drugs.

Who would have thought Clare Edwards? A druggie, I laugh menacingly to myself.

Saint Clare, they would call me. I took a 2 more hits I could feel my body feel lighter like a feather. Even colors seemed to seem brighter to me. I searched in my white bag to find a bag filled with sliced up apples. Jake always makes fun of me for my choice of munchies. I started to giggle the park was empty at this time of the night.

Once you get involved in the drug world there's no way of coming out. I am getting deeper and deeper into it. It all started after I gave Jake my virginity…..

He used me… made me feel worthless. I gave him everything he wanted. How could I almost give him something so valuable? My virginity. My innocence. I could never give something so treasured away to boy who didn't care about me at all and once it's gone, I could never get it back. How unbelievably beautiful someone's virginity is. I only get one chance and that one chance forever shaped my memories. From an early age I was taught how I need to preserve my innocence until my wedding night with my husband. This year I don't care. Where was God when my parents got divorced? Where was God when I was sexually harassed?

I can't leave Jake I gave him everything and he's my only source to….that world.

I need that world.

I crave that world.

I have never loved the feeling of not being in control. I used to be such a control freak….I took another hit before.

I felt my phone beep, I took it out and read the text

Babe, meet me at Fitz's pad, a bunch of us brought the good stuff.

I felt the eagerness in my stomach explode in excitement I could finally get a real high.

I replied quickly,

On my way.

I quickly pack up and roll up the blanket. I flinch a little bit because I remember my grandma once again. Then I started to laugh for no apparent reason.

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Eli

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I'm walking forward. I'm walking straight into the horizon and not looking back. The fake I.D. is burning the seams of my tight black jeans. The urge to drink lingers in my throat. I am thirsty for the poison. I want to forget about

Her.

There hasn't been a day that my thoughts haven't revolved around her.

What would she do if she was still alive? Why am I still here? I don't deserve it.

The urge in throat starts to increase in desire. The blood in my veins starts to crave it. My world was her.

Now it's about finding out where I could get my next drink, the next buzz.

I enter the store. The door feels ten times heavier than yesterday, as if trying to persuade me to go back and forget about this place.

I don't listen just like yesterday.

I grab the first bottle I find, it feels like ice against my burning skin making a warm tingling feeling. I make it to the cashier who was wearing a striped shirt with missing blue button with white shorts. I noticed his choice of fashion because it's the complete opposite of my dark attire I choose to wear.

I set the bottle of alcohol my weakness.

"I.D please"

My name is Eli, I am seventeen, and I am an alcoholic.

It really is a sick disease and I dwell in it. I love it because I deserve the pain….How could I live when Julia isn't able to breathe once more.

I showed the cashier my I.D, he looked at the picture and back at me. I could see doubts but the I.D looked authentic thanks to my handy work.

I checked my phone for the time real quick and I noticed a text from Fitz

Party at my house, bring the alcohol!

I smirked before I replied

Alright, see you soon.

Tonight is going to be interesting.

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I arrive to the party. The music was exploding from the house; I could have sworn the walls were shaking. Girls were grinding on boys and other girls. Red cups were everywhere. I laughed at the teenage wasteland in front of me. I smelled weed from one corner and I noticed some kids taking heroin in another corner. Each corner is a different "station" of self-destruction. It's a sick system Fitz and I thought of to keep the peace. I was about to go over to the drinking area. I don't really touch the pills or drugs; I favor the alcohol the best. I am a big fan of weed though. I felt the same familiar skinny arms snake around my waist. I close my eyes and breathe in.

"Imogen" I said quietly but loud enough for her to hear over the beating music. Poor girl, I use her for meaningless sex and her and I both know this isn't going anywhere yet she still comes. I am a sick fucking bastard. How dare I use this girl? But she and I both use each other for our own different intentions. She looks so similar to Julia…..

"Elijah Goldsworthy." Imogen chimed in a singy-song voice.

I flinched involuntary at the sound of my voice.

"It's Eli, Imogen." I corrected her.

I saw the odd girl with two high pigtails make a frown but she quickly began with her smiling face.

The need to drink began to burn my throat. I look around for Fitz; I looked at the pill section knowing him….

"Looking for Fitzgerald?" Imogen smiled as I escaped from her touch. It's crazy how this girl knows everything.

I nervously cough,

"He's with Jake Martin and his girlfriend. I guess they got some cocaine and they are in his room." Imogen pointed to Fitz's room.

Cocaine? Mhmm I wonder which one is the rich one in that trio. I know it's not Fitz so it must be Jake or his girlfriend.

"Imogen, will you do me a favor?" I turned to look down at the skinny girl.

"Of course." She said extremely peppy.

"Will you grab the alcohol from the hearse?" I trust this girl with my car but not with my black heart. I did not have to get the keys for her because my car is always unlocked…no one wants to steal a hearse.

"Of course." She repeated once again with the same peppy tone.

I watched her skip away in her two different shoes, I waited until she left and I went to Fitz's room. I opened the door without knocking, that's more my style.

"The fuck dude?" Fitz wiped his noise, I smirked. Fitz noticed it was me and his mood completely changed. I noticed the white powdery lines set up.

"Eli! Come sit down, this is Jake and his girl…Clara."

I honestly didn't give a shit so I wasn't planning on even turning but I gave Jake a head nod. I could tell he was tall even though he was sitting down, he waved his hand as he went back down to snort some more. I turned back to Fitz to talk to him but then I heard the most pleasant voice with a hint of sass,

"It's Clare." The only female in the room chimed. I looked at the source of the noise.

She seriously was so angelic looking. Her brown ringlets of curls ended above her shoulders. Her pink lips were full and pink. This girl had the most stunning blue eyes. It literally took my breath away from me. She looked so out of place in a scene like this. Our eyes meant and I could feel the pit of my stomach have an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach. I noticed her cheeks flushed pink and the unfamiliar feeling became more dominant.

"Eli." I smirked at her. I noticed Clare roll her eyes at my tone…she's got an attitude.

"It's your turn, Babe." Jake said he gulped down the remaining of his beer.

"I'm going to pass." Clare stated confidently I saw right through her she didn't belong here, and that's good. She deserves to be anywhere but here.

"Awhh Babe!" Jake's pupils were dilated. Jake continued,

"You should try it, I feel greeeeaaaaattt." he imitated Tony from Tony the Tiger cereal commercials, Clare let out a small giggle, I tried to suppress a smile from creeping on my lips from the sound of her laughter.

"Are you chickening out, Saint Clare?" Jake taunted her. Fitz was already snorting another line.

I noticed Clare flinch at the sound of her nickname. Only for a moment I noticed her eyes flicker with pure pain then they blinked back into her confident persona. She smiled as she got up and straddled where Jake sat and she kissed him passionately I awkwardly looked away at the sight of them. I felt a sting of jealousy punching my stomach. I have no right. Clare arches her back as he places his hands around her ass. Clare pulled Jake closer then she pushed him away.

"Would a saint do that?" Clare mocked. Her voice was so sultry and sexy. Clare climbed off of him as she gulped down the rest of her drink. Jake had a happy look on his face. He's one lucky son of a bitch.

"Go fill up my drink, Babe." He ordered her; I shot him a glare at the way he just orders Clare around. Clare get ups obediently. I watch as she gets up. Her perfectly curved body moved side to side. I gulped at the sight of her. If she did to me what she did to Jake…

"Nice meeting you…but this is my cue to get some alcohol in me." I announced but the two boys were busy adding more lines.

"Are you coming?" her voice kept her confident tone.

"Coming….Clara." I smirked as I opened the door for her. Clare's eyes glared at me.

"Well aren't you so clever?" she sarcastically said as she walked outside. I shut the door behind me.

"The night is young…I have just begun with my smartass remarks" I turned to look at her I glanced at her eyes but I honestly couldn't stare at it too long without my knees going weak.

I could honestly say I can hate this girl for making my body have these reactions around her. She has too much control over me and I despise her for that.

"You are right about one thing; Eli…The night is young." She paused as we finally made it to the kitchen.

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Okay I want to dig deeper into writing more darker….so be prepared for that.

This is going to be a short story probably like 5 chapters maybe less maybe more.

It's going to be rated M for language/drug use / slight sexual content

I hope you enjoy.

Please review!