"You just don't get it, do yah?" the fortunate ninja propped herself on the hindlegs of a chair, resting the soles of her feet on the edge of one of the few tables lounging within Tifa's Seventh Heaven. A haughty smirk complimented the autumn-colored ale inside her mug. "I guess it's not only you, old man, so I can't say nothin' too bad about cha. A lot of people think that guys like Reno would go for girls like Boobs, who have giant sacks hangin' from their chest. I mean, even he thinks he should be goin' for her – look at the way he keeps leaning down and tryin' to peer under her skirt. He doesn't actually want to see up there, thou…"
Cid snorted through a haze of hot tea and cigarette curls.
"Oh, shut up! Maybe he does, but it doesn't mean anything!" she glared at the matured male sitting beside her and nursed the ale to her lips. "Secretly, he wants a girl like,… well, like yours truly! You know, someone who'sgot nice legsand can kick ass in battle, yah know? Someone who's cute, kinda quirky, a total friggin' babe, can obviously drink anyone under the table" (she held her mug above her head proudly) "has a pretty cool collection of materia, and,… well, everything else about me. Boobs has a lot going for her, don't get me wrong, but she's too,… eh. Too friggin' maternal. He gets bored with those types of girls."
Cid's eyebrow cocked and he presumed to suck his cigarette.
"So why don't I go after him, you might ask? 'cause, unfortunately, girls like me don't go for sleazy guys like him. Girls like me are more into mysterious, creepy grandpas who secretly collect vintage erotica novels and like, wear super long capes and pointy gold boots."
Cid nearly spat in his cup of tea. "You're goin' after Vincent fuckin' Valentine? What kind of shit is that!"
"WHAT. WHAT. The Single White Rose of Wutai won't be so single any more. Vinnie, consequently, also digs babes like me. So we'll be happy in love, and Reno will be sad and lonely for the rest of his life. Just like you," Yuffie slammed her empty mug against the surface of the table and managed to flee the scene before Cid could shove his spear up her ass.
A/N: I totally did not get the idea from Juno. I have no idea what you're talking about! Well, I'm replaying FFVII, and the idea kinda popped in my head so I thought I'd write it out. Depending on the feedback, I might turn this into a chaptered deal, or I might leave it as a very, very short one-shot.
Either way, review, please! Criticism welcomed.
-Isolde Necrophilia