"Cato!" He heard her scream his name. His feet lead him to where the sound that kissed his ears came from. It is as if every part of him worked without his mind's command. Maybe they had enough, his feet had enough of him walking away from what he really feels, his ears had enough of hearing his twisted mind and for once, he allowed himself to follow the only part of him that was left behind for years, his heart. Only it was too late, he never knew that the scream he just heard would be his last reminder of her voice.
He knelt to the field of grass that was flooded with her blood. He can feel her eyes get heavier by every second that pass yet, he took his time to admire the green in it that he wasn't sure if he's going to see again. He begged for her to stay with him, even though he was almost certain that she can't. As the pale lids of her eyes went shut, as he heard the canon that confirmed her death, he bid her one last goodbye and sealed her soft pink lips with one final kiss.
In that moment, he knew that a part of him can still feel something because he felt the feeling fade away. It was too late, the minute he realized he was still human, was the minute after he lost all the humanity that his own demons left him with. Now that he has grown into a full pledged monster, he grabbed his sword and searched for the damned soul who took the life of the girl who unknowingly preserved the human in him.
When he finally found his next kill, he wasted no time and shoved his long sleek blade into the chest of his target in a painfully slow pace. He wanted to savour the moment and he wished she could see him avenge her death so she could see how he regretted never admitting to her and to himself that they were actually in love. He wrote his and her name to the dead boy's body 'Cato X Clove'. But even after the vengeance for his love's life, he still felt empty. Maybe a monster that he is, can never feel anything anymore. He walked and walked into the spaces between the trees wrapped around in the darkness of the night. Everything was silent, adding up to the deafening insanity that is building up in his being together with the images of her.
The absurd silence was swallowed wholly by howls and soon enough he was running for his dear life that is if there was still a part of him that is alive. He felt hollow mass of muscle in his chest thump with every step, with every breath. He didn't dare look back, afraid of what he would see. Soon he reached the Cornucopia and found safety in its top. But soon, his safe place was invaded by the 'star crossed lovers' of 12. He wanted to puke so badly at the sight of them. They are the weaker counterpart of him and Clove and he hates it that they could both survive because of their pretentious romance, while the love he had for Clove, and the love Clove had for him had to be hidden even If it was real.
If only he knew that the feelings he never thought he had could both save him and Clove, he would scream it for the world to see, but what can he do now? He discovered his feelings too late and now she's dead.
Maybe he wasn't really oblivious to the way he felt. He just refused to believe it, he just convinced his twisted rationality, he just forced himself to think the other way around. He refused to believe what his own unattended feelings screamed in his head every night since the first time their lips entwined. He convinced himself that the only thing he is aware of feeling is hatred for others and lust for blood and her body. He forced himself to find delight in thinking about all the deliciously painful ways of killing her even though he always ends up remembering how peaceful she looked in his arms after they made love in their own sadistic way. He turned himself to a monster that they wanted him to be and hid all the traces of his humanity that only Clove knew existed.
But Clove is gone and so was his humanity, he might as well give up and release his soul from its mortal body. But then he thought, why not make the girl of fire feel what he felt, even just a small bit of it. He grabbed Lover Boy by his neck, ready to snap it for his one last kill. He is determined to leave the girl on fire alone, remembering the death of his lover all her life. He was sure she would suffer with the memory he is about to make when he felt Lover Boy drew an X on his arm and seconds after he felt the arrow of girl of fire invade his flesh. Then he fell and soon he felt the sharp teeth of the mutts that awaited him under the cornucopia.
The pain of his ripping flesh turned into numbness and he smiled as his memories flashed before his eyes. How his mentors kept it in his mind that thirst for other's blood is the only way to survive, to make people believe that he's fearless, that he's invincible. Now that he is into the last few breaths of his lifetime, his regrets wash over his physical agonies; it felt like salt being sprinkled in his fresh wounds.
He regretted the way he left her every morning after he devoured everything in her. He regretted the way he forced her into battles that they both knew they couldn't win. He regretted letting her go that morning of the feast, not thinking that that day, he will lose everything as he loses her. But the most painful regret was that, he never told her he loves her when he had all the time in the world.
As he took his last swig of mortal breath, he realized, he survived for eighteen years but he never lived a single day. He seemed to not fear anything when he actually feared to admit to himself that he loved the girl he's supposed to kill. He seemed to be invincible when the only invincible part of him is his heart that loved, loves and will love her even after their death.
He saw a glint of green approach his face, it was one of the mutts, raven furred, with emerald orbs and a tag with a pendant "2". He realized that the blasted capitol wasn't contented with her death, they even turned her into this beast. But even in her mutt physicality, maybe she still has the human in her, because she refused to taste his blood, unlike him, he still looked human but his humanity was long gone.
As his eyes go shut and his canon goes off he thought, maybe, just maybe, in afterlife, they could be the humans they never were and the lovers they should have been.
A/N: I got so addicted to reading Angst one shots of Clato do I should try to write one so here's my take in it. Sorry if it's fluff and doesn't make sense. I did my best though.
Note: The cover photo of this isn't mine I just got it from tumblr. Credits to the one who owns it. :)