Michonne could still feel the adrenaline pumping through her veins as the group was finally slowing their pace while they wandered through the woods just outside of Terminus after their escape. She did a quick head count and allowed herself a minute to feel the happiness and relief that came with realizing that they had all made it out alive. Her family made it. It was always how they referred to themselves. Not just friends or camp members, but a family. A patchwork of blood relatives and orphaned people taken in at various times who had love, fierce loyalty, and an unbreakable bond among them. It was the reason for fighting on now. It was the reason she went back and followed the tracks to Rick and Carl just after the prison fell.
The moment was short lived, however, as Rick tried to rally the group to return to the burning site to take out any remaining members of Terminus. The last thing she wanted to do was go back into harm's way, but she knew he was right. After their experience with the governor, they could take no chances. Every threat had to be eliminated. At times like these, she felt like it wasn't even the physical demands of this world that drained her the most. She could walk miles in the beating sun with little nutrition and even less sleep. She could fight at a moment's notice for however long she needed to even when her arms were sore and her sword felt too heavy to lift. It was the emotional ups and downs that were the most exhausting part, and it felt like they were happening more rapidly than ever. There was no reprieve, no time to enjoy what they were fighting so hard for. Every high was followed by a low, and the lows were reaching depths she couldn't have imagined when the world first turned. Just a few days ago, she told Rick that she was done taking breaks, and she absolutely meant it. She would never stop fighting for this family, but that wasn't to say she wouldn't welcome a break if it presented itself.
Movement up ahead caught her attention and brought her back to reality. She saw Daryl break away from the group and run towards a person she couldn't see clearly enough to identify. She braced the handle of her katana unsure whether it was friend or foe. Daryl embraced the person and when he dropped his head for a moment, she could finally see a familiar face. It was Carol. As she watched Daryl and Carol's reunion, she saw Rick cautiously approaching them with tears in his eyes.
"Did you do that?" he asked her. She nodded and he pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and cradling her head. She saw him murmur something and press his head close Carol's before parting.
"You have to come with me." Carol said as she led the group to a shack where they were reunited with Tyrese and Judith. She again stood at a distance and watched the emotional reunions. Sasha was overcome to see her brother alive, and threw her arms around him. Rick and Carl cradled Baby Judith and clung to each other unable to believe that their family was reunited.
The group decided to head out on foot to find a temporary camp and supplies for the upcoming night. As they walked down the road, Michonne was quiet, thinking about their recent run of good luck. She played over the reunions she had just witnessed in her mind and the happiness started giving way to feelings of emptiness and insecurity as she started thinking about her place in this family. She knew that she was a valued, trusted member, and why wouldn't she be? Along with Rick and Daryl, she was one of the group's strongest fighters. She was self-sufficient and rarely had to ask anything of others. She was at the point where she was opening up and sharing more light-hearted moments with the others adding to a sense of camaraderie. Within the group, though, there were smaller families. Tyreese and Sasha were blood. Carol and Daryl had a long standing bond since the first version of this group. Glenn and Maggie were married. Abraham and Rosita were a couple and Eugene was basically their awkward man-child. And of course there was the Grimes family.
Until now Michonne didn't belong to one of the smaller groups, but it was the Grimes family that she'd grown closest to and wanted to claim as her own. As she admitted to Carl just before entering Terminus, he and his father were the reasons she came back from her dark place and began to live again. Her bond with Carl was already strong, but it grew from sharing laughs and comic books to a deeper place. She became his confidante and protector when his father couldn't be.
The relationship with Rick was more complicated. Despite their initial weariness and distrust, they had grown to rely on each other and trust each other. It was never explicitly stated, but Michonne felt that way and assumed he did as well. Just weeks ago, she saved his life when he was attacked by the Governor and was the first to find him after the fall of the prison. Their reunion didn't look like the ones she had just seen. There were no tears from Rick, no embrace, not even a pat on the shoulder. He smiled and welcomed her, of course, but that was it. No thank you for saving his life, just thanks the next day for being there for Carl. At the time, she was satisfied. She didn't need his recognition or gratitude because that isn't why she did what she did. It was enough to be there with them, smiling, feeling safe for a moment. She wouldn't have expected anything else from him because she assumed he had nothing left to give. How can you ask more of a man who was physically beaten down and emotionally devastated because he had just lost almost everything he had in the world?
As she replayed the day's reunions in her mind, she started to think that perhaps he wasn't as broken as she thought. He obviously still had the capacity for love and affection, but why had she yet to be on the receiving end. Now she was starting to question her place in this family and her standing with Rick. She thought they had grown closer and cemented their bond over the past few weeks, but now back in the context of the entire group, she felt like she had lost ground with him. She needed and wanted more of a connection with Rick, but did he really need her anymore?
The group continued to walk on and came across a priest who offered them sanctuary in his church for the night. After going on a run to the nearest food bank, the group settled in that night for a celebratory feast. There was an abundance of canned food and wine from the communion stock. After dishing up her plate, Michonne scanned the room for a place to settle down. She spotted an empty spot to the right of Rick up against the altar's railing. She had shared all of her meals with him for the past few weeks, so sitting next to him for this one just felt like the thing to do. Along the way to her spot, she leaned down to rub Judith's little head as she sat giggling and eating in her father's lap. Rick looked up and smiled at her. She sat down about 2 feet away and started in on her food. People were catching up and, and the room was full of laughter. She honestly couldn't believe that they had a break, a moment to sit and enjoy themselves. She sighed and allowed her shoulders to slump as she took a sip of wine.
Rick looked over to catch her eye a few times, but she didn't notice. Finally he called over to her, "Hey, why you all the way over there?"
She looked up at him, tilted her head, and squinted her eyes questioning what he meant.
He chuckled, and waved her over with his right hand. "Come join us," he said smiling.
She scooted over to within a few inches of him and mirrored his position with her back against the rail and her knees bent in front of her. Michonne gently poked the baby's nose with her finger and made a honking noise as she did it. The little girl giggled and grabbed Michonne's finger. Rick smiled watching them play. After finishing their food, they sat in silence for a few minutes watching everyone around them. Judith had started to nod off in her father's lap, and Carl was in one of the pews hanging out with Maggie and Glenn.
Rick looked over at Michonne again who was staring off at nothing in particular and seemed lost in thought. He took his right arm and moved it to the space between her back and the railing. He placed his open palm on the small of her back and gently rubbed small circles. When she felt his hand she startled at first then relaxed into it. The small gesture wasn't visible to anyone else in the room.
"We made it," he whispered looking at her profile.
Michonne kept her head forward and and tilted her chin up to the ceiling hoping to keep the tears that were forming in her eyes from falling. "We did," she whispered back after a long pause.
"Michonne..." Rick trailed off. She turned to look at him and saw that his eyes were watering as well. "I..." he trailed off trying to find the words to express how he felt. "Thank you."
She looked him in the eye, nodded her head, and smiled. Any doubt about her place in his family disappeared at that moment.