The Swear Jar
By Lika Amanaka
AN: I was going through my desk and found a very very old notebook with partial stories and then this piece of gold one shot that I wrote way back when. I don't know when I originally wrote this as I never dated it but it still cracks me up (I wrote down Jan 7…but of what year?). Enjoy!
A new hell has begun. My new favourite word "fuck". Oh yeah, the biggest and baddest of them all. Too bad I can't use it anymore. Because of her. And her swear jar. I don't even know why I care, I could easily ignore her. My mouth, my rules. It's a free country. Actually, that's a lie, you have to pay for everything, including the air you breathe.
*Flashback to earlier in the Preventers' lunch room*
"So," Trowa asked, "what do you think about the new councillor in the Vice Foreign Minister's office?"
"Oh, the fuck that I could give about THAT is none, zero, nil." Duo replied, wadding a piece of paper into a ball and aiming for the trash can in the corner.
"So basically, you don't give a fuck?" Trowa asked as the paper ball sailed through the air, hit the rim and went in. Two points, he thought.
"Exactly, I don't give a fuck."
"So…why didn't you just say 'I don't give a fuck' instead of taking the long way around?"
"Anyone can say 'I don't give a fuck'. I'm different, I'm unique." Duo replied, taking another aim at the trashcan.
Trowa shrugged, "Well, if you say so."
"Stop, stop, stop! What is wrong with you people? You must have said the F Word seven times unnecessarily already" Relena walked in, blocking Duo's shot.
"Actually, only 5 times so far" Trowa replied.
"Now here's a person who actually gives a fuck about something pointless" Duo said, trying to take aim around Relena who was still standing in his way.
"6 times" Trowa corrected himself.
"It's not pointless, it's rude and unnecessary and I don't like people who swear in common conversations when they're not even angry!" Relena exclaimed. "Everyone around here has become a rude potty mouth and I'm going to correct it."
"How?" Duo countered, finally landing another 2 pointer when Relena moved away. "You're gonna give everyone a bar of soap to wash out their mouth when they say the word 'fuck'?"
"It wont be just the F Word, but all swear words" Relena replied. "And not a bar of soap, a jar of money"
"You're gonna give everyone who swears a jar of money?"
Trowa rolled his eyes at that one, Duo was clearly not paying attention to the Vice Foreign Minister's thread of conversation.
"No!" Relena sighed. "Every time you swear you'll have to put some money in a jar. As a punishment and so that you guys take it seriously, I'd say $1.00 for each swear word."
"Wow…one WHOLE dollar." Duo aimed and threw another paper ball through the air.
"Think about it Duo." Relena snatched his third paper ball out of the air before it could hit the trashcan. "For the amount of times you just swore, you'd have to put $7 in the jar. That's a lot of money. Enough to buy lunch. There goes your lunch money."
"This is good," Relena muttered to herself, ideas forming in her head. "I think I'm going to type up a list of all the worst swear words."
Trowa and Duo exchanged looks. Relena sighed again and explained, "it's so you'll know what words you'll have to put money in the jar for."
"And what, pray-tell, will you do with a jar full of money?" Duo asked, leaning his chair on it's back legs and crossing his arms.
"Donate it to a worth cause or buy a yellow Porsche Turbo!" Relena exclaimed, as she scribbled down a few choice swear words on a list. Trowa took the list from her, read it over and passed it to Duo.
"Damn? You cant take 'damn' away from us!" Duo exclaimed. "It's the only good substitute for the, for the, the 'F Word'" Duo censored himself.
Trowa grinned. "Which 'F Word?" He asked, ticking them off his fingers as he went along. "Finger? Flower? Family? Fun?"
"Fuck, you idiot." Duo said.
Trowa grinned and pointed at Relena, who just happened to be holding a jar, the flower vase from the lunch room table she has just emptied to us substitute jar.
Relena shook the jar in front of Duo's face. "I believe you owe be a dollar. I'll let 'damn' slide as you were just reading it off my list."
Duo glared at Trowa who was chuckling, and fished a dollar out of his wallet.
"You know," Trowa said to Relena. "I think you're going to need a bigger jar."
"Hey hold on." Duo said, once again reading Relena's swear list. "How often do you hear someone say 'piss off'? Or are you including foreign swear words too?"
"Oh! Ha ha, no I came across that word earlier and I thought it sounded silly"
"So…are you taking it off the list?"
"Piss off"
*blink* *blink*
"Yes, but only because I like to say it" Relena smirked, turned around and left the lunch room, leaving both Trowa and Duo shaking their heads.
^_^ And that is why I made this PG13, so many potty mouths! Hope you liked it. If not, go ready my other stuff, much funnier and well developed than this one shot from an old journal lol.