Insensitive (one-shot)
By: stupid-cookie-cutter-popstar
How do you cool your lips after a summer's kiss?
How do you rid the sweat after the body bliss?
How do you turn your eyes from the romantic glare?
How do you block the sound of a voice you'd know anywhere?
He was my first love. My first date. My first kiss. My best friend. Shane Gray.
It has been a dream of mine ever since I realized that I was falling for my best friend that he would take me out on a date, a real date and kiss me. Ever since we were ten years old, I was in love with my best friend. But I hid it from him since it would be awkward. We basically grew up together. We lived across each other. We went to the same schools. Our parents are best friends. And we are on the same circle.
He's the high school jock. The playboy jerk. I was Mitchie Torres. The hot cheerleader. But the virgin hypocrite. Actually I am not a hypocrite. It's just that I really wanted my first kiss and first sex to be with the guy that I would basically live my life for the rest of eternity. It might not be Shane but I hope it would be him.
I told Shane why I don't date. I told him that I still haven't found the one. He himself was happy about it because for him, I would always be his damsel in distress and no one can ever touch me or even lay a lustful eye on me. He has always been protective of me. We both are single child that's why I think he practically sees me as his younger sister even though we are of the same age. During house parties, he always sees to it that he doesn't get drunk so that he could keep and eye on me. He really has this high tolerance on alcohol so it really wasn't a big deal for him to drink much. But he forbids me to drink because aside from my low alcohol tolerance, he doesn't want me to be irresponsible as how he puts it. Even though he's with his new girlfriend for the week, he always sees to it that I am just on eyeshot during parties. When he sees that one of the jocks are trying to kiss me on a truth or dare game, he would practically freak out and jump on them. So that caused the jocks to see me as the hypocrite virgin and basically off-limits. I like his protectiveness but sometimes it just gets to my nerves that he's just doing these things because he sees me as his sister and not like those girls that he sleeps with every week.
Well, I really don't want to be his sex machine but I wanted him to see me as a girl or a woman and not his younger sister.
But my dream did come true. He asked me out. To be his date at the prom. It may be a social event but still it's a date. He told me that I might have not yet found the one but at least, before high school ends; I'll be able to experience a real date on my last prom. Last year, he went out with his current girlfriend, the longest girlfriend he had, Tess Tyler. I liked her but she cheated on him, so up until now, I hate her and did a scheme during one of the pep rallies to embarrass her and ever since that time, she was out of the popular circle. Shane was so heartbroken. So ever since that time, he became much protective of me and didn't date a girl that seriously as Tess.
The prom was basically the greatest night of my life. We were a power couple when we entered the venue. People actually were wondering why we never dated. But Shane always keeps saying that "Mitchie's like a sister to me…" Every time that comes up, my heart practically breaks to pieces. Good thing that night, I was his date. It wasn't a friendly date since he only said that it was a 'date' not a 'friendly date'. He was my first and last dance. He served my food. He brought me drinks. He always keeps me company even though a couple of girls were approaching him to have dance. He was a total gentleman. We were crowned Prom King and Queen that night and we danced to David Pomeranz' 'King and Queen of Hearts'. It was so romantic.
We locked eyes while we danced. It felt like we were the only ones there at the venue. Like no other people were watching us. It felt like a dream that I don't want to wake up on. During the entire time we were dancing and eyes interlocked. It felt like he was also feeling the same way for me too. It felt like he was also looking at me the same way I was looking at him. Full of love and passion. But for sure it wasn't that way. He was only looking at me like his sister. I was just
imagining things. Right?
Yes. I am right. After the intimate look he was giving me, he creaked out a smile and whispered "good thing you were crowned queen because aside from you being the most beautiful here, I think I wouldn't be able to stand dancing with any other girl aside from my best friend…" It was a joyful yet hurtful thing to say coming from him. He told me that I am the most beautiful here… But he just took it away by saying that I am just a best friend to him. He didn't have to know that I got hurt by what he said so I just smiled and rested my head on his shoulders. Dancing with him was just an occasional thing so I must just enjoy it and exhaust all the touch I can grab from him.
After the prom, we went to our favorite place, the spacious and covered rooftop of his house. It was filled with stuff to do. There was a mini golf. A basketball ring. A lego city. And a faucet where beside it is a bucket full of inflated water balloons. So when we were still in our formal attires, we went up there and just had fun. We started off with playing golf. Then we got bored and did our favorite pastime of all time, water balloon fight. By the time I exhausted all my water balloons, we were all soaked and panting heavily from all the running and shouting that we did. But Shane still had one, I feel it. He always keeps an extra one and calls a cease fire. But this time I foresaw his stunt and didn't give in to his call so what he did is he chased me around the place and when he got me, he carried me and spun me around and finally splashed the water balloon on my head. After that, we were laughing out our lungs and basically got out of balance. Good thing, there's a couch that was able to support my back. We actually fell and with him on top of me. Good thing he got aware and didn't squish me.
With him on top of me, we got silent and awkward. He looked straight into my eyes and like during the dance that we shared, I saw the love that I hope he would feel for me through his eyes. But if it really was a romantic glare, my best friend is also in love with me. I just hope with all of my heart and soul that it is. Because if it isn't, I would really breakdown.
A weird thing happened. He lowered his face on me and slowly, our lips met. What was happening? Shane, my Shane, my best friend, is kissing me! Is this a dream? Because if it is, I hope it would never end. The kiss lasted for a while and when we realized what just happened, Shane jumped up and turned away from me. I was scared of what he would say. Is this the end of us? Or a start? I don't really know.
But for the nth time, he broke my heart again. He told me, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"
--
Oh I really should have known by the time you drove me home,
By the vagueness in your eyes, your casual good-byes.
By the chill in your embrace and the expression on your face,
That told me you might have some advice to give ...
On how to be...
Insensitive.
He walked me home after saying sorry. I really wasn't talking to him. He too didn't know what to say. My house was just across his so it was a short walk. A walk that I felt like the last walk I will ever have with him. When we reached my doorstep, we faced each other and then he told me, he was sorry again. Why does he keep on saying that? It's getting on my nerves!
The look he was giving me wasn't the same look he gave me twice that night. He was giving me a vague look. A look full of confusion, pity, sorry and all those things that I hoped he wouldn't feel when such thing as a kiss happened to us. He sent me a casual goodbye. It was just a "Goodbye and goodnight Mitch…" and he hugged me quick. Then he left with a weird expression on his face. An expression that I couldn't pinpoint what means.
That night, I cried myself to sleep. How can he be so insensitive? Can't he feel that I liked that he kissed me? Can't he feel that I loved every single minute of tonight and practically every minute that I spent with him? Can't he feel that I love him? Am I not that transparent or he just is that insensitive?
--
How do you numb your skin after the warmest touch?
How do you slow your blood after the body rush?
How do you free your soul after you've found a friend?
How do you teach your heart it's a crime to fall in love again?
After that night, we really avoided each other. Every time I tend to see him coming, I try to change my direction. And sometimes I notice him walking towards me and change his direction as soon as he sees me. People have noticed our broken bond. We haven't really talked for a while. Graduation was nearing and people are starting to plan the upcoming Graduation Ball. Then a week before graduation, Chad Cooper, one of the jocks came up to me and asked me to the Graduation Ball. I told him yes. That is because I heard a gossip that Shane already asked now-single Tess Tyler to the Ball. If he can bring a date to the Ball, then I too can bring one.
After I said yes to Chad, it started to become the hottest talked about topic in the campus. Chad is like the second Shane, one of the popular jocks. So it is a big deal on which he is going to take to the Ball.
The next day, after class, Shane came up to me at the deserted corridor that I always walk on to and pinned me to the wall. I screamed and relaxed when I realized that it was him. He demanded as to why I was going to the Ball with Chad, one of the big time heartbreakers of our circle. His tone was like accusation so I really got mad and shouted back at him. I told him that it wasn't his business. He was like sending me a death glare and right then and there he kissed me forcefully. I pushed him away and slapped him. Then I walked away. When I saw Chad rounding the corner, I called him and walked with him home leaving Shane, speechless.
At home, I can still feel his lips on mine. It wasn't the type of kiss that I wanted since it was forceful and without feelings aside from anger. But I can't hide the fact that it was warm, he was warm. They way he wrapped his arms around me while he kissed me. Despite the force, I can't help but feel a blood rush overcoming my body. He's the only one who can affect me like that.
It was hard but I had to let him go. He's my best friend, my confidante, my first love. But after everything that has happened, I have to let go and for once think of my wounded heart. I have to heal it because it is now overly punched on. It is full of insecurity and doubt on love. I think I would never love again as I have loved him. But I have to try and by trying, I have to give him up completely. He's my life and my soul. But I have to release him and let go.
After Graduation, I didn't talk to Shane. During the Ball, I avoided him completely. It was my way of giving him up. I cuddled to Chad all the time. He loved it. He told me early that day that he had been crushing on me since junior high. In fact, he might have feelings for me but he just hid it because of Shane. I told him that I just came from a broken heart and it would be unfair to him if I just get into a relationship with him. But he said that he had already waited a long time and a few more might not hurt. I liked the thought of someone loving me. But deep in my heart I hope it would have been Shane. So I told him that I'll try my very best to get over my broken heart and once it heals, he will be the first one to know.
A few days after graduation, I was driving myself to New York. I was going to Julliard. It had been my dream ever since I was a young kid. Chad would be studying in New York too. So I was hoping that we'll work out. The day I left Minnesota, is also the day that I decided that I would leave Shane. I didn't tell him that I was leaving. He only got the news from my mom. I saw him coming when I was putting my things on my car but he backed away when he saw Chad. I saw brokenness in him. But I just shrugged it away. I wasn't falling for it again. He didn't love me, he was just concerned of me.
So I drove away, with Chad, but leaving my heart with Shane.
--
Oh you probably won't remember me, it's probably ancient history,
I'm one of the chosen few who went ahead and fell for you.
I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch, I fell too fast, I feel too much.
I thought that you might have some advice to give ...
On how to be ...
Insensitive.
It has been years since I stepped in Minnesota. My parents still lived there and so did Shane. I basically always make excuses that I can't come home because I really don't want to see Shane. I just went back because my dad was sick. It must be selfish but I really can't stand seeing him. I still love him. He's basically the reason that I can't say yes to Chad's proposal of marriage to me. Chad understood and I love him for it. Yes I do love him, but not as much as I love Shane.
What could happen if I see Shane? Would he remember me? It has been way long ancient that we have seen each other. He must have someone now. I really don't know stuff about him because every time mom talks about him, I change the subject. There's too much history there.
Our town is a small place so it really wasn't a big shock that I would see him again. Mom cooked dinner the night dad was discharged from the hospital. The Grays went over and had dinner with us. Shane and I just stared at each other after years of not seeing each other. We broke off when my celphone rang. It was Chad. "Hey baby…" I called. He heard it for sure since he went to the kitchen and joined our parents. After I talked to Chad, I went to join them at the dining table. We talked about basically me. And I accidentally slipped that Chad asked me to marry him. My parents knew about it since Chad asked them first and they agreed. Shane was just quiet while his parents congratulated me even though I haven't told them that I haven't said yes.
Later that night, I was alone at our front porch and Shane joined me and handed me a bottle of beer. I took it and drank a few sips. He asked me how I was doing and stuff that I do. I answered him politely but shortly. I didn't even ask him about his life. Then he asked me about Chad and why I haven't said yes… He might have noticed that I forgot to tell everyone that it was just a proposal and not yet an engagement. He still can see through me. I told him that I didn't know why and I was hoping that he knew the answer. He looked at me and I saw the same look he gave me during our prom night. But then he shook his head and said, "I'm sorry… I don't know…"
Then I stood up and thanked him. And I walked out of his life forever. And by the way Shane, CAN YOU TEACH ME TO BE INSENSITIVE?
--
A/N: so how was it? i hope you like it... sorry for the sad ending... i was planning on doing a Shane POV if you like... :) just say in the reviews if you like a SHANE POV... thanks!
My internet crashed so I made this oneshot and since I was having LSS on Insensitive by Jann Arden I tried to do a songfic... Sorry if I haven't updated Understanding What Love Is... But check out What High School is Like... it's updated! Thanks!