Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
This is how I think Peeta must've been thinking at the end of The Hunger Games. I hope you guys enjoy!
"What's wrong?" I ask, scrunching my eyebrows at the sight of Katniss' pained expression.
"Nothing," she says.
I kept walking, but my thoughts were trailed elsewhere. She's hiding something from me. I just know it.
I look behind to see Haymitch walking quickly towards us. He nods silently at me then lays a hand on Katniss' shoulder, making her jump.
"Great job, you two. Just keep it up in the district until the cameras are gone. We should be okay," he says.
I let my eyes trail over to Katniss', but she just doesn't want to seem to look at me. What was Haymitch talking about? They both know something that I don't.
"What's he mean?" I ask, thinking over and over in my head, don't lie.
"It's the Capitol. They didn't like our stunt with the berries," she said, swallowing hard. She was still avoiding my eyes. I kept mine still in contact with the milk chocolate colored ones, not wanting to miss out on anything.
"What? What are you talking about?" I say, trying my best not to raise my voice to a shout. What's she mean?
"It seemed to rebellious. So, Haymitch has been coaching me through the last few days. So I didn't make it worse." Coaching her? What about me? I thought we were in this together!
"Couching you? But not me!" I say.
"He knew you were smart enough to get it right," she whispered.
Great. They overestimate me, and now I'm left hanging.
"I didn't know there was anything to get right. So, what you're saying is, these last few days and then I guess... back in the arena... that was just some strategy you two worked out." I couldn't believe what I was saying. It sounded so hurtful, so tragic. I couldn't believe that it was real.
"No. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him in the arena, could I?"
I didn't miss Katniss' hesitancy.
"But you knew what he wanted you to do, didn't you?" I let go of her hand, hating the feeling of my heart thumping painfully harder in my chest. "Katniss?"
She steps away from me, as if scared. No, I wanted to say to her. Don't leave me. But I just couldn't.
"It was all for the Games," I say, realizing something now. "how you acted."
"Not all of it," she says, looking down on the ground sheepishly and twisting her flowers in between her fingers.
"Then how much?" I say, my voice lowering in sadness and anger combined. "No, forget that. I guess the real question is what's going to be left when we get home."
"I don't know," she says. "The closer we get to District Twelve, the more confused I get."
I swallowed hard, biting my lip as if to block out the pain in my chest.
"Well, let me know when you work it out."
I close my eyes and sigh. Then I open them again and walk away from her.
So it was all just a trick. A lie. An act.
I'd thought that if we'd kept up this act for a long period of time, she'd realize that she'd actually fallen for me. It's not like I was kidding about me liking her since I was five. Because I wasn't. But her... all she did, all an act. I couldn't help but feel numb inside as realization spread through me. She had never loved me. She never would.
I know I wasn't being fair, but who cares? I don't feel like talking to her and she doesn't feel like talking to me.
But through all that time... she never felt a thing for me? I wanted to reach out to her as I stepped onto the train, ask her what that another boy (oh, I knew there was another boy, alright) had that I didn't. I felt my eyes sting with tears, but I reassured myself: Peeta Mellark does not cry.
I have feelings for her, she doesn't have them back. I swallowed hard as I closed the door to my room, shutting out everyone else.
I sit down on the bed and put my face in my hands.
I shouldn't be shutting out everyone like this. Perhaps they can help me.
But then I remembered that it was Katniss out there, and she couldn't help me, for she was what was causing me this distress.
Why doesn't she feel for me like I do for her? All those kisses... those kisses! I repeated in my head. Those hundreds of countless kisses that we shared... it was all just... a trick? She did that for the audience when I did that because I loved her?
I lay down on the bed and fell asleep quickly.
I stand up and realize that we are pulling into District Twelve. Had I really been asleep that long? Probably due to depression.
I shook my head of thought and walked out of the room.
At that exact moment, Katniss poked her pretty head out of her room. I nodded, thinking that I should play it nice, hurting though I was inside.
She smiled slightly back, and I knew she was hurting as well.
I walked out of my room and held out my hand.
"One more time? For the audience?" I say.
She realizes the sadness in my voice, but nods. She takes my hand and together we prepare for the cameras.