A/N: This first flash fiction is something of a parody of a scene from the comedy movie, Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The story is taken from the scene, "The Tale of Sir Lancelot," and some of the DVD audio commentary.
Money, Money, Money!
Ah, the life of a Hutt kingpin! Especially one on the Hutt Grand Council and head of one of the Five Hutt Families!
Old Oruba the Hutt was quite the criminal emperor, ruthless as a Militarist, huge as a young krayt dragon, and for some reason, the palest Hutt known to most people in the underworld. His skin had an unnatural lack of pigmentation, making him a lot whiter and less slimy green than the average Hutt. It was one of the things that made him unusually ostentatious for such a slug, but it wasn't the only thing. Unlike most Hutts, he wore two articles of clothing, to hide his skin, or at least part of it: a black coat, and a black beret on his head.
Even with these drawbacks, though, Oruba had a knack for self-preservation and quick wits that allowed his empire to grow quite large. And being part of a culture that thrived on criminal enterprises, he knew what drove him as well as other Hutts.
I'm completely unsentimental, and unromantic, totally in love with money, and with beautiful Twi'leks and Pa'lowicks bringing great dancing and musical entertainment to my private chamber. What else does one expect a Hutt to be infatuated with in life? But I'm also in love with some things that only a few of my colleagues, like Jabba and Arok, can boast of. Look at all the things I've done with my money, and all the things I can do in the future with it. I've got more harem girls, more guards (except for Jabba), more castles than any other Hutt in the galaxy. I built my empire up from nothing. All the land around me was quicksand, and other Hutts told me I was daffy to build a palace in quicksand, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em what I could do. It sank into the quicksand, so I built a second one. That sank into the quicksand. Then I built a third one, and it sank into the quicksand, but the fourth one stayed up. And that's what my son, Yolar, is going to get when he comes into his inheritance, the strongest Hutt castle in the galaxy.
And we Hutts don't mess around with anything like art or culture, no, we don't want any of that! We need more land, slaves, and spices to keep us going. We need all the land we can get. It's all about… money and things and power and possessions! That's what makes an empire of smugglers, revelers, bounty hunters, and crime bosses grow to the mightiest power we can achieve. And I intend to keep going and going until we have the hugest tracks of land a Hutt can have!
Meanwhile, some visitors in the form of two powerful Zabraks and a human soldier were on their way to speak with Oruba and the Hutt Grand Council…