I Hate You, So Why Do I Love You?
A Naruto Fanfiction
Characters belong to Kishimoto and the Naruto Shippuden Series. I did not make them up. All rights reserved.
Chapter 1-Antlers, Potato Chips, And Poor Chouji Who's Scarred For Life
...
It was a bright and sunny day in Konoha. Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji were practicing throwing shuriken at moving targets, when Shikimaru suddenly turned to Ino.
"You know," he said "it's a total drag, but I'm going up to my family's woods this weekend and my mom said I had to bring at least two people up with me. Something about training… but anyways, you wanna come?"
"Why don't you ask Chouji?!" Ino said coolly.
Shikamaru sighed. "Maybe you didn't hear me. Mom said TWO people have to come along. Obviously, he's already coming."
Chouji gave her a wide smile. Ino rolled her eyes.
"So?" She said, "Why don't you ask someone else? I'm not your only friend you know."
Shikamaru threw a shuriken lazily at his target. Then he turned to Ino, "True, but since we're a team and all, I figure whatever stupid training my dad has in mind, teamwork should help us survive it. I don't work as well with anyone but you two. Besides," a small smirk crossed his lips "it's not like you've got anything better to do."
Chouji nearly chocked on his handful of barbeque chips. "Good one Shikamaru!"
Ino's face reddened. "FINE!" she hollered, "But just so you know, I could be spending time with ACTUAL boys!"
Shikamaru ignored the hidden insult. Instead, he simply raised one eyebrow, "Like who?"
"Um… Uh… Well…" She couldn't think of anyone. She was sixteen now, and ever since Sasuke had left the village, she didn't even try to get a boyfriend. "I don't know!" she said "But boys!"
Shikamaru chuckled. "Sure." He said, "So ya coming or not?" Ino threw a Kunai only to miss her target by nearly 10 whole feet "Yah yah!" She said, "I'll be there."
2 days later, team 10, along with Shikamaru's parents, reached the small wooden cabin on the outskirts of the woods. Ino started to unpack her things, Shikamaru's mom started cooking dinner, and his dad headed into the woods. While Shikamaru and Chouji lay in the grass, munching on potato chips.
When she was done, Ino went outside. She stood over Chouji, who was making loud snorting sounds, with crumbs all over his face. He was asleep.
"WAKE UP!" she yelled "WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT MR. NARA IS GONNA MAKE US DO YOU LAZY PIGS! WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO WATCH CLOUDS!"
Chouji opened his eyes slightly, only to realize he was lying directly under Ino's skirt.
"OH MY GOD!" He screamed, jolting upright "MY EYES! GOUGE 'EM OUT! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!"
Shikamaru stirred lazily, "Mmmm." He moaned, "Gimmi five more minutes…" Ino 's face turned a dark shade of crimson, "No!" she shouted, "Get up NOW!" Then, of course, she stomped on his gut.
"Ow!" He cried, "Alright! Alight! I'll get up! Yeesh! Women are so troublesome!"
Shikamaru rose to his feet, staggering into the cabin. Ino swore she could hear muffled curses under his breath.
A few hours later, Shikamaru's dad returned from the forest, holding 3 different pieces of antler, black and blue encircling his right eye.
Ino starred. Shikamaru rolled his eyes. And Chouji nonchalantly shoveled down more chips.
"These," he said, holding out his hard-earned achievements, "are antlers from 3 different deer." When no one said a word, he went into further detail. "You will each take one of these, and find the deer it matches. You will have exactly 4 hours to search our 600 acres of woods until you find the deer I broke the piece of antler off of. This will test your ability to gather information quickly and sufficiently." He looked at Shikamaru skeptically. "Also," he said, "I've carved a different number into each of the deer's hooves, so I'll know if you've cheated because you will each have to tell me your number." Shikamaru scoffed "What a drag…"
His father held out his arm, "Now everyone come up here and grab a piece of antler!"
Chouji was first, taking the shortest and fattest one in the Jounin's hand. Next was Ino, who took the thin, long antler. Last was Shikamaru, who reached out to take the last one, a plain piece, with no smaller parts branching of it. If he hadn't known better, he wouldn't easily thought it was just a stick.
"You have 4 hours." Shikamaru's father said, "Starting… NOW!" And with that, team 10 was off.
Chapter 2-OMG! A TALKING HOLE IN THE GROUND!
…
40 minutes later, Ino and Chouji met in the woods. "Find yours yet?" Chouji asked, "No. You?" He gave her a huge smile "Yep! Pretty easy if you ask me!" Ino scowled. "What about Shikamaru?" "Oh he finished AGES ago!" He said, "That genius knew exactly where to look!"
"Figures."
"Mhm."
Ino looked away "Well see ya, Chouji! I'll finish up quick then catch, up, okay?" "Works for me!" Then they were both gone.
32 minutes and 15 angry deer later, Ino was still having bad luck. When finally, she came across some earth that looked slightly newer. She stopped, and bent down, touching the soil. Yes, it had definitely been upturned more recently then the rest. She was about to go, realizing that had absolutely nothing to do with the mission, when a hoarse voice called out to her. "HEY! IS ANYONE OUT THERE?!" Ino looked down at the dirt, wondering why in the world the ground was talking to her. "Um, hello?" She asked hesitantly, "OH THANK JASHIN! HE'S FINALLY SENT MY FUCKING SAVOUR!" "That's it!" Ino said, "I've finally lost it!"
"No, wait!"
"I know I'm gonna regret this, but what?"
"Could you maybe give me a fucking hand here? I've been trapped in this god damn whole for ages! I'm fucking starving, seriously."
"And just who are you, exactly? Your voice sounds familiar..."
"Who am I? WHO ARE YOU?"
"Answer my question if you ever wanna get out of there!"
"Fine, bitch! Lets see… Um… My name's… Um… Deidara? I was buried down here by… an avalanche?"
Unsatisfied, she tried to remember where she knew his voice from again, "Well, Deidara, what do you look like?" Suddenly, he recognized her voice, and realized the situation he was in. This required the utmost care and precision.
"Well…" He said, "I've got blonde hair, blue eyes, and I'm totally gorgeous." He snickered, thinking about what Deidara would say if he found out Hidan called him "gorgeous". Ino just rolled her eyes.
"What else?"
"Geez, bitch! What more do you want from me?! My credit card number?! My address?!"
"Yah." She said sarcastically, "Although a better description of your features would work too."
"Fine. I'm 6 foot 3 inches, I've got fair skin, and..." He tried to think of an attractive hobby, one that wasn't 'I like killing people and playing with clay in my spare time'. "I… Uh… surf?"
"Go on…" He could hear the intrigue in her voice. "Almost got her! Just one more push…" he thought. Then he spoke again, "I'm from the land of the moon and I'm LOADED! I'm pretty much royalty there. Seriously. But I got ambushed here by some thieves trying to steal my fucking huge amount of cash."
"Really?"
"Seriously." He turned on his charm, "Oh, if only there was someone who would set me free… I would pay 'em a bunch, and if they were a chic, I'd marry her for sure!"
Ino thought back to Shikamaru's doubtful words, "Like who?" He didn't think she could get a boyfriend, and her eyes lit up.
"Alright!" she said, "Look no further, Dei-Dei! I'll save you!"
"What the fuck?!" He thought, "Did she just call me, 'Dei-Dei'?!"
He repressed the urge to call her a 'dumb bitch' and instead said "Great! Seriously, thanks!"
Chapter 3-Deidara's Freaking Female Twin
…
Ino spent the next half-hour digging. When she had almost reached him, Hidan used the transformation-technique to change himself into the description he'd given Ino.
By the time she reached him, she found a man in 4 different pieces, but he matched Hidan's description perfectly, so she didn't realize who he actually was.
The first thing she saw was his face. "Wow." She thought, "He IS gorgeous." When Hidan saw Ino's face, though, and he didn't exactly have the same reaction…
"Shit! Speaking of Deidara… This girl could be his fucking twin!" He thought.
Then she uncovered the rest of him.
"Oh my god!" She cried, "Look at you! How the hell are you still alive?!" She bent down carefully, and pulled out each of his pieces from the hole, setting them down gently on the freshly dug up dirt beside her.
"Um… I took a immortality potion before coming here?"
Ino looked into his beautiful blue eyes, and was dazed. "Whoa…" She giggled.
"This girl…" He thought, "Is seriously fucking stupid."
Ino spent the next hour and a half sewing Hidan back up, and wrapping cloth bandages around his wounds.
Before she began, both his arms were still mostly intact, and attached to his chest, but his right arm was hanging on by only half of itself, so even though he could still move it, if he tried to lift it over his head, Hidan guessed it would probably tear off. His head was detached from his body, and his legs were each separate, too.
He wasn't in any condition to fight, or even move. Over all, he was a mess. But by the time Ino had done her basic procedures on him, Hidan was standing on his own. And after that, she used her medical ninjutsu, which healed him nearly completely!
Much to his surprise, she was a really talented medical ninja.
He was almost at full strength by the time she was done with him.
"Shit! You're good!" he finally said, it was the first thing he'd told her since she started to save him.
She grinned "And the things I gave you for the pain should help too." "Oh?" "And the ointment I applied to your wounds should ensure a bacteria-free recovery!"
He looked down at her. "Fuck." He said, "You're being too modest. I wouldn't be anywhere near this if it weren't for you being a fucking talented medical nin. Seriously."
Ino blushed. "Oh! It was nothing…" she looked down at her feet, arms behind her back.
"No it was!" he said, "It means a lot! We just met and already you're helping me!"
Hidan tensed his muscle, and made a fist, then he punched the air repeatedly.
"Well," he said, "looks like I'm almost up to full strength again! This is fucking amazing! I swear. Jashin-Sama must've sent you as a 'thank-you' gift for all my hard work! You saving me… It was a fucking miracle!" Ino's blush deepened.
"Aw!" she said again, "It was nothing…"
Hidan kicked the air. "Hm." He smirked "too bad I don't know what to do with you now… I was gonna kill you, but if Jashin-Sama sent you then It'd be a fuckin' big mistake. Plus, you did save me from rotting away down there like that shit head atheist wanted me to…"
Ino looked confused, scared, and a little angry at the same time. "Kill me?!" She said, "I thought you were gonna marry me!"
Hidan broke out into hysterical laughter. "RIGHT!" He howled, "Like I would ever marry YOU! You're like Deidara's fucking clone or something! And that guy pisses me off! Seriously!"
"WHAT?!"
Hidan saw the confusion in her eyes. "Oh!" He said, "That's right!" and with that, he made a hand sign, and turned back into himself.
"YOU!"
"Me."
"Y-Y-You're…"
"I'm…?"
Her confussion and fear abruptly changed to raging anger. "YOU'RE THE BEASTARD WHO KILLED ASUMA!"
Ino took out a kunai and lunged at him, screaming, "SINCE SHIKAMARU DIDN'T FINISH YOU, I WILL!"
Hidan laughed, "Please." Catching her wrist, he yanked the Kunai out of her hand. Then he hit her on the back of her neck, and slung her over his right shoulder. "Geez… I guess I have to take you back to head quarters until I figure out what the fuck to do with you…"
Then he walked off. Ino was unconscious, and slung over his shoulder, as they began heading back to the Akatsuki territory. He smiled "Hope those cock suckers didn't miss me too much."
(End of chapter 3!!! Please review and try to keep the negative comments to a minimum? Thanks ^__^ I'll try to get chapter 4+ out as soon as I can!)
Chapter 4-What A Drag. Failing At a Simple Task
…
It was 3 in the after noon, and Chouji, Shikamaru, and his father, Shikaku, were all waiting for Ino. It had been too long. Way too long.
"What a drag. How could she fail such a simple task?" Shikamaru said, putting his hands behind his head "She's already an hour late. How much longer to we have to wait for her, Pop?"
"Maybe *munch* she got *munch* lost?"
The Jounin looked at the two boys, "No." he said, "This is too reckless. Ino would never be this late."
"Should we *munch* go looking for her?"
"Yah, Chouji. Let's go boys!"
"Ug. What a drag…"
Shikamaru, his father, and Chouji all split up, searching for Ino's footprints. Shikamaru was the first to find the trail, and sent up fire flair, alerting his father and friend of his location. Soon, they had caught up to him, and were all following Ino's footprints together.
Eventually, they found the spot where her footprints ended. Her bag of ninja tools, Medical supplies, and weapons was tossed next to a huge whole in the ground. Shikamaru's eyes widened when he realized what spot they were in.
"What's wrong, Son?"
"Yah, Shikamaru, you okay?"
"T-This…" He began, "This is the spot where I buried Hidan…" Chouji's eyes widened too, as he realized both the enemy and their friend were gone, leaving only one set of footprints behind, which were far too large to be Ino's.
"You think He's got Ino?!"
Shikamaru jumped down from the tree he was perched on, and bent down.
"See this?" he said, pointing to skid-marks on the ground, "someone was picked up." Then he pointed to another spot, "and here, the relaxed footprints change to the ones of someone who's running." He stood up, and pointed to the one remaining set of footprints, "And these are unmistakably Hidan's footprints." He closed his eyes for a moment, and then thrust out his right hand, forcefully hitting the tree next to him, "DAMN IT!"
Chouji took a step forward, "Shikamaru…" he began, "What should we do?"
It was Shikamaru's father who answered, walking up to the boys. "There's only one thing we can do. We have to go after her. But not now."
Chouji spun around "WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT NOW? THAT BASTARD KILLED ASUMA! HE COULD KILL INO TOO! AND BESIDES WE CAN'T JUS—"
"Shut up, Chouji. Pop's right."
"Shi-Shikamaru?"
"If we go now, there's no telling what lies ahead. We'll need back up if we want any chance of defeating the Akatsuki. There are still more, and we don't know how many of them are where Hidan is going… we'll need powerful Jounin if we want any chance of getting Ino back."
His father smiled. "Exactly."
Shikamaru turned around, "Dad," he said "Call Inoichi Yamanaka and Choza Akimichi. We'll need your team, and ours if we wanna do this."
"Got it."
Chapter 5-Waking Up To a Random Psycho Who For Some Unknown Reason Is Totally Naked
…
Ino opened her eyes "Ug!" She said, raising her head, and rubbing her temple "What the hell just happened?!"
"So you're finally awake then?"
Ino abruptly sat up "YOU!" She screamed, pulling a kunai out from the leather band wrapped around her upper thigh. She jumped to her feet, feeling a sharp pain in her head and lower neck. "SHIT!" she yelled, as she started falling back down, grabbing frantically at the wall, but finding nothing to grip, ended up on her butt.
"Hey," Hidan said, "I wouldn't try standing for a while, seriously. You're gonna fucking hurt yourself." He turned his head away from her, muttering under his breath "dumb bitch."
Ino raised her head towards him, taking in her surroundings. It was only then that she realized exactly what she was looking at.
There, standing a few feet away from her was Hidan. And he was completely naked.
(I added that especially for you! enjoy that mental image, fangirls!)
"HOLY SHIT!" Ino cried, covering her eyes. "PUT SOME CLOTHS ON!"
Hidan looked down at her. "Dumb bitch!" he said, "This is my room so I'll dress however I fucking want! Seriously."
Ino scowled.
"Besides," he started, "I was about to take a fucking shower. I didn't think you were gonna wake up for AT LEAST another hour or two. Seriously."
There was a long pause, and neither of them spoke. Eventually, slightly curious, Ino spread her fingers slightly, peeking through the gaps up at him.
He was muscular, and his body was sweating. He was naked, but there was something coating large portions of his body, peeling at some places. It was, Ino realized upon closer inspection, blood?
Hidan noticed the young blonde was starring at him, scrutinizing his features.
"God!" he chuckled, "You little fucking pervert!"
Ino glared at him angrily, "Bastard…"
"Say what you want, bitch. But keep in mind YOU'RE the captive here, and the second I'm told Jashin-Sama doesn't mind if I kill you, you're dead. Seriously. So don't push it."
"What the hell do you even want from me?!"
"Honestly," the young Jashin-ist turned to her, "I'm not sure. I don't wanna kill you because you're my savor, and honestly, I think you're a gift from Jashin-Sama."
She raised an Eyebrow, "So why didn't you just leave me there, then? Why'd you bring me HERE?" she said skeptically, glancing around at the dimly lit, one-bed, room.
It was moldy, and cracks were lining the gray stonewalls.
She let out a soft squeak as a rat the size of a small dog scurried past her feet.
Hidan laughed.
"I keep you here," he said, "so you can't go running off to your little friends, crying to those atheist cocksuckers about how you accidentally helped an S-class criminal escape. It'd be trouble for both of us if you did."
"You're just scared that Shikamaru's gonna kick your ass again."
Hidan scoffed "Don't get too cocky. He only won because he used cheap tricks. Seriously. I won't fall for them again."
She rolled her eyes "Right."
It was only then that Ino realized she was wearing something different, too. Her Bandages were taken off, and a crimson-red slip gown replaced her usual purple outfit!
Covering herself with her arms, she shrieked "And just why the HELL am I wearing THIS?"
Hidan shifted uncomfortably. "Well," he began sheepishly, "I can't let the rest of Akatsuki know who you are, or they'll kill you for sure. Seriously. So for now, you're Ino Yamanaka, a fellow Jashin-ist."
She raised her eyebrows incredulously "You want ME to worship THAT TRAS—"
Before she could finish, Hidan was pinning her to the wall with his full weight, his hands pressing her wrists down by her sides.
"Don't you ever, EVER diss Jashin-Sama again!" he said. Then a small smirk crossed his face "or I WILL kill you."
Ino just stared at him, bewildered, until he got up, and walked over to his bed, finally putting his cloak back on.
"Come on, pet!" he said, "We've gotta introduce you to the gang!"
(POSSITIVE COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED!! AND IF YOU WANT SOMETHING TO HAPPEN IN THIS FIC, EMAIL ME! BUT REMEMBER, NEGITIVE COMMENTS REALLY AREN'T NESSASARY! QUITE HATTIN'! IF YA DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT. REALLY, IT'S NOT THAT HARD…)
Chapter 6-Meet The Family. The Worst First Impressions In The History Of Ever
…
Konan, Itachi, and Pain just stared at her, saying nothing, as Hidan and Ino entered the room, while Zetsu licked his lips, Tobi danced in circles, and Deidara just stared, mouth open, at his look-alike.
"This is Ino Yamanaka." Hidan said, "She's a fellow Jashin-ist. So she'll be staying with us for a while."
Zetsu looked disappointed, "So I can't eat her then?" one of his faces asked, "That's too bad" the other said "I haven't eaten a girl in ages…"
A bead of sweat dropped down the side of Ino's face.
Just then Tobi ran up to her "MY NAME'S TOBI! AND I'M A GOOD BOY! LET'S BE FRIENDS!" then he grabbed her, crushing her in an overly enthusiastic hug.
"HEY GET OFF ME!"
Hidan pulled the masked man off her, "Go away or I'll fucking kill you, seriously."
Tobi ran away screaming, "Oh no! Tobi is a good boy! I don't wanna die!"
"This is a waist of time." Itachi said, stalking off towards his room.
"You're absolutely right." Konan said calmly, turned into paper, and fluttered off down the hallway.
"I'm going now, too." Pain said, and left for his own room too.
Now it was just Hidan, Ino, and a really freaked out Deidara.
Sensing the tension between the two of them, Hidan decided it was time for him to go and make another sacrifice to Jashin-Sama.
"Well…" He said, "I'm gonna go now. Bye bitches!" then he was gone too.
Deidara's eye twitched, and Ino played with a strand of loose hair awkwardly.
Then, slowly, he approached her.
He was carefully checking out each little detail of her, wondering if she was what he would've looked like, had he been a girl.
The room was silent now, save for his shallow breaths. Finally, he said, "I'm Deidara. Un."
Ino's eyes widened, and she glared at him "OH YAH! RIGHT! Like I'm gonna fall for THAT again!" she yelled, "And lemme guess, you surf, right? And you're gonna marry me, too?! HA!" then she turned and stomped back to Hidan's room, leaving a confused Deidara standing there, wondering what the hell just happened.
"UN! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?"
Chapter 7-If Inoichi Sees Red, A Chipmunk Will Die
…
"Well," Choza said, thrusting 2 more shuriken into his satchel, "at least one good thing came of this!" Inoichi gave him a skeptical look, and Shikaku tied his hair up silently. When Choza got no reply from either, he took it upon himself to answer his own question.
"At lease," he continued, "the original Ino-Shika-Cho is back in action!
Shikaku smirked slightly, a satisfied grunt emanating from the back of his throat. "Well," he said, "if you put it that way, maybe then it's a good things Ino got kidnapped."
"Yah! You get it! There's always a silver lining on the cloud!"
"I was being sarcastic."
"Oh… my bad…"
"Stop fooling around and let's go!"
They both turned to see a very annoyed Inoichi, back facing them, heading out the door. When neither of them moved, he added, "or encase you've forgotten, my daughter's life is at stake you assholes!"
Inoichi never swore. When he did, especially at his two closest friends, it was a really bad sign. It either meant he had to deal with Ino's time-of-the-month, or someone he cared about was in danger.
Choza immediately regretted his joke.
"Sorry." He said, "let's go."
Inoichi didn't reply as he hurried through the door, Shikaku and Choza fallowing close behind.
It had been 12 hours since then, and the three Jounin still hadn't taken a break. Shikaku and Choza didn't dare ask for one, either, afraid Inoichi would get mad.
Since they left, the 3 had switched positions; thanks to the one time Shikaku had spoken in that entire time.
He had plainly pointed out, shortly after leaving, that the formation they were in made absolutely no sense.
Shikaku said that as the one most capable with strategies, he should be in the middle; sending orders back to Inoichi and up front to Choza.
Choza was in front because Shikaku said was the obvious choice for the spear-head, thanks to his quick takedowns that would save them time, and were much more useful in that situation then a temporary paralysis.
Then, he stated, Inoichi would hold up the rear. The reason for this was so he could only offer back up while fighting, and not be allowed to decide when to attack.
As Shikaku flatly stated, "In such an angry state he would attack a chipmunk if it crossed his path."
Choza repressed a snicker.
"And that," Shikaku stated plainly, ignoring the soft chuckle, "would be about the least useful thing to do right now."
Choza and Inoichi had nodded, and still moving, the three switched positions. Even after all these years, it still amazed Choza that Shikaku always just said these complex things as if they were the most obvious facts on earth-as if he was trying to explain the alphabet to complete idiots.
A few meters behind them, Chouji snickered. Shikimaru looked ahead towards him, "What is it?" "Oh, it's nothing. Just déjà-vu."