HOW SHE FELT
I sat at my work station and listened as Tosh told me what she'd seen
"Yeah, as I walked round the corner I saw them jump apart and Jack turned round and was clearly doing up his shirt while Ianto straightened his tie." She said as my brain struggled to cope with it all.
"So you think there's something going on between Jack and Ianto then?" I asked already knowing the answer.
"Gwen,the evidence speaks for itself I don't need to even speculate." she gave me the answer I was dreading.
"Hey whats up?" tosh asked as she saw my face falling.
"Oh its nothing, just tired, you know." I replyed, trying to hide what my problem really is.
I am in love with ianto. I still love rhys but, Ianto is so perfect well he was. Now Jack is having a relationship with him. I never thought Ianto was gay, what with him and Lisa, so I thought I was maybe in with a chance. I don't want to ruin things at work so I will just keep my mouth closed. I cant tell Tosh, she wont understand, shes a great friend but she just isn't someone I can talk to about this. I fell so isolated. I have noone I can talk to about this, every time I see them, and even just when I see Ianto, it feels like someone is stabbing a knife through my heart, and saying 'your not ever gonna be right for him', its like a physical pain to be away from work, but being there is just as bad. I don't want to be away from him, but seeing him hurts so much.
Oh my god I just burst in on Jack and Ianto having it off, Seeing them together like that is even worse as it feels like im being ripped apart, pulled pushed and tossed about until my heart is well and trully broken into a millon pieces , which feels like its never gonna mend. Jack made a joke about about the whole thing. I tried to hide all this feelings but I think Jack saw through it, I hope he doesn't say anything to Ianto, I think that would make it hurt even more, knowing they are trying not hurt me even more, pitying me. Maybe if they see me flirting with Owen they will think im fine. I feel so lonely but I cant tell anyone this, they would ask why I want to be with anyone else when I have Rhys, Rhys is a god send, he knows what I do and still he doesn't leave me though most men would run a mile, he trully loves me, so why don't I feel the some? Ido. I just want Ianto as well, does that make me greedy well so what if it does I don't care because noone is ever going to find out about this so what bother worring about it?