AN: Well, here's another product of my twisted imagination - a short story
that ended up being longer (and waffier) than I had planned. *sweatdrop*
No character bashing is intended and I avoided it as much as possible while
shaping things the way I wanted to make the story what it is - so all the
stuff about Tokio (and everything else, of course) is just the product of
my imagination. In any case, I hope you find this enjoyable! (^^)
Special thanks to Alexis for beta reading!
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"Kenshin!" Kaoru cried desperately, willing him to stop.
But the red-haired figure never once looked back, storming away angrily into the night, slamming the sliding doors closed behind him with a sharp, furious bang. Recalling the hurt and betrayal stamped across his features before he'd stormed out, Kaoru became agitated and afraid that he'd leave for good without another word in his high rage. Not wanting to let him go like that, she made as if to follow after him but was halted by a sharp tug on her arm. Her action forestalled, she turned to look back at what had stopped her, her gaze going from the strong hand clamped on her wrist and traversing the corded muscles of the powerful arm attached to it until she met the steely eyes of the man to whom they belonged.
"Saitou," Kaoru said plaintively. "I have to go after him."
"Like that?"
As he looked her up and down, Kaoru realized with a start that she was nearly nude and, flushing, she pulled the loosened material of her kimono tighter around her. She glared into his sardonic expression, feeling ridiculous for trying to cover herself up before him when he'd seen her in much, much less in the past. Saitou, of course, seemed relaxed and unembarrassed as he lay there almost as nude as she was except for the coverlet draped across his lap.
"Are you going to let me go?" Kaoru glared at the hand still gripping her wrist, angry sparks flickering in her blue eyes.
"And leave you to do what?" Saitou asked calmly, not budging an inch.
"I have to go after him. You saw how upset he was! I have to explain that," an uncertain expression crossed her face, "that this is-"
"Is what?" His face was impassive. "That this isn't what it looks like? Especially when it's obvious that it is?"
"Well, you just seem to have all the answers, don't you?" Her eyes snapped at him. "Then what do you suggest be done about this?"
"Leave him alone."
"What?!" she practically screeched. "What kind of a suggestion is that?!"
"A wise one."
He drew her resisting form firmly, but gently, down beside him until she was pressed firmly against his hard body. With his considerable strength, it was an easy task despite her attempts to struggle free from his hold on her. He wrapped his muscled arms around her, making it impossible for her to break free and escape.
"Let go!" she cried.
"Struggle all you want," Saitou said calmly. "I don't mind."
Kaoru stilled abruptly when the meaning of his words sank in. Her eyes widened impossibly and a blush crawled up her face, staining it a lovely shade of vivid pink.
"Saitou!" Her cry was full of irritation. "You're enjoying this!"
"Of course." His tone was matter-of-fact. "Any man enjoys it when he has a woman squirming against his-"
"Saitou!" Kaoru's voice was strangled, her face reddening even more. "Stop, just stop!"
Saitou fell silent, but he didn't let her go.
"Why won't you let me go after him?" She shook her head despairingly. "He's so upset."
"Precisely why you shouldn't go after him."
She looked at him. "What do you mean?"
"He's angry, most likely feeling betrayed. If you confront him as he is now, he'll probably say - or do - something he'll regret later. He knows that so he left while he still had some shreds of self-control left to do so." His countenance was stern. "It's best if you give him a chance to cool down."
"How do you know that?" She looked pained. "What if he leaves without letting me explain?"
"Himura isn't the type of person to do that."
"What makes you so sure?"
"I'm an excellent judge of character."
Kaoru couldn't deny that. "But he was so angry." Her tone was distressed. "He really could just take off without a word to anyone."
"He won't." Saitou sounded very certain. "He just needs time to calm down so he can talk rationally. He knows that, that's why he left without saying anything."
"How can you be so positive about that?"
"Warrior's instinct."
"This isn't a battle."
"That's a matter of opinion." At her scowl, he amended, "Very well, then. Instinct - it's saying that you should give him some time alone."
"I have instincts too and they're telling me to go after him."
Saitou's glance was depreciating. "That's a woman's instinct."
"Oh? And yours is so much better?"
"My woman's instinct?" His tone was as sardonic as his expression.
"You know what I mean!" Kaoru was frustrated. "What makes your instinct so much better than mine?"
"I'm a man."
Saitou said it as if it meant everything. And, in a way, it did. Realizing this, Kaoru's expression became disheartened. No matter how much time she spent among males, there were still things about them she just couldn't understand. This, apparently, was another one of those times and, in her uncertainty, she fell back on Saitou's instincts as both a warrior and a man, trusting in them and his solid surety.
"You really think it's for the best?" Her voice was doubtful, but calmer, tired.
"Yes." There was no doubt in his tone.
Kaoru sighed, accepting albeit grudgingly. But she looked up at him curiously. "Why aren't you more upset about this?"
"Why should I be?" His face was calm. "We did nothing wrong. We did nothing to hide it. I wouldn't be surprised if almost everyone else knows. It can't be helped that Himura was the only one who hadn't picked up on it until now."
Kaoru just frowned, sadly.
As a man more used to fighting than offering verbal reassurances, he gave comfort as best he could, drawing her body more closely against his as he cradled her in his arms. And as the warmth of him seeped into her, Kaoru gradually relaxed, her tense muscles loosening until she sagged against him, relieved that she was with someone who seemed to know what he was doing in such a tumultuous situation. Though a part of her still told her to run after Kenshin, it was becoming fainter as she allowed herself to be comforted by Saitou in his own silent way.
Still, she couldn't help thinking about Kenshin as she lay in Saitou's arms and deeply regretted that he had found out like this. She had meant to tell him, had tried dozens of times, but never managed to do so as the words failed her every time she attempted it. How could she explain it? She never expected something like this to happen either when she'd started spending more time with Saitou months ago.
It started out innocently enough with her going to him in order to offer her condolences nearly a year ago when word had reached her that his wife had died. Though Kenshin had told her once that Saitou was married, she'd never met his wife and had always wondered with a kind of amazed curiosity about what type of woman could manage maintaining a matrimonial state with someone so hardened and cynical, not to mention one who seemed to take such pleasure in fighting. Surely any woman who took a man like Saitou as husband had to be close to a saint and the loss of a wife such as that must be a hard blow, even to someone of steely emotions as he was. That had been the thought uppermost in her mind as she had visited Saitou, hoping to offer some comfort to the man who had done so much for the people she cared for, even if she didn't always approve of his heartless methods.
But Saitou had been most unappreciative of her first visit. Indeed, he'd acted as he always had, as if nothing of importance had occurred. It had worried her as she garnered the impression that it was just a façade, for a man of such self-control wouldn't like to be thought weak by showing any emotional weakness, even if there was just cause. Constantly suppressing a destructive emotion such as grief would eventually cause any man, no matter how strong, to break and that was something she hadn't wanted to see happen to him. And so she had continued to visit him, monitoring him in her own way for signs that he was close to the breaking point.
How could she have foreseen that those early meetings could lead to this?
Visits that had begun with the purest intentions had unexpectedly given way to a surprising attraction that she had been unable to resist as it had led to something more. If anyone had told her a year ago, or even months ago, that she would one day find herself in love with Saitou, not to mention a physical relationship with him, she'd have laughed herself into an early grave. But now, with the truth of the matter being that she was indeed in love with the steely-eyed wolf, and was also in an intimate relationship with him, she didn't find it quite so humorous anymore.
Especially since she didn't know if he felt the same.
"You're frowning."
At Saitou's words, Kaoru blinked as she suddenly found herself in the intense scrutiny of a penetrating gaze. It wasn't a very comfortable feeling, especially considering her last thought before his voice had broken the silence that had fallen between them.
"What is it?" Saitou asked.
"It's nothing."
He gave her a look. "You can't lie to me."
Kaoru was silent for a moment as she debated whether or not to tell him. She'd never spoken of it before and wasn't sure if this was the time to do it - but if not now, then when? With Kenshin discovering them as he had and the confrontation that was no doubt to come once he returned after he'd calmed down, she felt that the gray areas of the relationship between her and Saitou had to be resolved, one way or the other. He would either return her feelings or end up pushing her away. Though her heart trembled with uneasiness, it was also unwavering with newfound determination.
"Kaoru?"
She took a deep breath, released it, then looked at him steadily as she announced, "I love you."
Silence.
She stiffened, her heart starting to crack as the wordless quiet lengthened.
"Is that all?" Saitou suddenly asked, amused.
"What do you mean 'is that all'?" Pain turned to outrage as she struggled again to free herself from the steely arms clamped around her like a vise. "Let go! You- you beast! I can't believe I was such an idiot! Let go!" She gave him a hard smack on his bare chest and took grim delight in his wince. "You deserved that. And a lot more too for laughing at me like that! To think that I thought that telling you would be- mmph-!"
Hard lips clamped down on hers, silencing her as she struggled to get free. But the strong hand threaded through the dark strands on her scalp held her in place until she became dizzy and breathless. Just when she thought she was about to pass out, he released her, leaving her blinking at him owlishly though the hazy fog clouding her mind.
He tilted her chin up, making sure she was staring direction into his eyes. "I love you, as well."
"You can't." Confusion and anger crossed her features. "How could you?"
"Love you? That's easy."
"No!" She glared. "How can you say that? I never thought that you'd stoop to lying-"
"I am not a liar." There was a dangerous edge to his voice as he gave her a steely gaze that had more than once sent vicious criminals fleeing for their lives. "Think wisely before you accuse me of something such as that."
"So what?" She tilted her chin up defiantly, undaunted, as she scoffed. "You mean to say that you're telling the truth?"
"Yes."
"I don't believe you." Her eyes narrowed. "You laughed! I don't think that's something usually done when a person returns the feelings of the woman who just confessed her love."
"For your information, I didn't laugh. Don't go making up events that haven't occurred just to suit yourself."
"Fine, then," she sniffed. "You were definitely amused, so don't tell me you weren't. And I don't think that's the normal reaction either."
"Yes, I was amused. How could I not be?" His lips twitched as she looked on wrathfully. "You confessed your feelings with as much enthusiasm as a criminal facing his execution."
"Considering whom it was I confessed to," she said dryly, "I don't see that much difference."
Saitou chuckled.
Kaoru grew irritated. "Back to the subject at hand - if you are telling the truth," she ignored the ominous narrowing of his eyes, "then why didn't you speak up sooner? You didn't say a word after I confessed."
"Oh, that."
"Saitou," she growled warningly.
He was amused, uncowed by the angry spark in her eyes that flashed blue fire at him, a lovely sight in his opinion. He did enjoy teasing her so but deemed it wise to put her out of her torment. His chest was still smarting from the smack she'd given it and he didn't really want a repeat.
Saitou sighed. "I've known how you felt for quite a while," he told her calmly. "You are, after all, not the type of woman to give yourself to a man without affection involved. But you were so grim when you finally said it out loud, I thought you'd have more to say about it than that. I was only keeping silent because I wanted to give you a chance to get it all off of your chest before I had my say."
"What do you mean you knew?" Kaoru was flabbergasted. She was also embarrassed and even angry as she recalled over how she'd worried about telling him. But if he had known all along, and despite the words she had spoken she didn't really believe he was the type to outright lie, then what was all that emotional turmoil she'd been put through worth? "All this time," she shook her head, "why didn't you say something?"
"Would you have taken it well if I had told you that you were in love with me?"
"Well, no." Kaoru grimaced, thinking of how he tended to set off her temper without even meaning to, especially when the realization of how she felt had chafed terribly at first and she had tried to put such emotions aside, which had failed, of course. She sighed. "I'd have gotten upset, maybe even try to slap you or laugh in your face before I avoiding you as much as possible."
Saitou's brows rose. He hadn't really expected her to admit it. "That's what I thought. And that's why I thought it would be best for you to realize it yourself without me interfering and planting the idea in your head." He inclined his head. "Besides, I wanted you to figure out for yourself the difference between Himura and me."
Kaoru's eyes widened. "You were never a substitute for Kenshin."
"But there were times what you tried to convince yourself that I was, yes?"
"Yes," she confessed, shamefaced. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," he said sardonically. "It's a natural reaction for anyone who gets involved with me. As long as you don't confuse me with Himura, it's all for the good."
"Well, you're very difficult to confuse with Kenshin."
"I did gather that."
Kaoru was quiet for a moment. "I still love Kenshin though," she said softly. "Does that bother you?"
"Yes and no."
She looked at him, silently demanding explanation.
"Yes," Saitou responded, "because I am a possessive man so having my woman- "
Kaoru arched a brow at the 'my woman' though she said nothing.
"-with affectionate feelings directed towards another male does tend to get a bit," he hesitated, "uncomfortable. But your feelings for him are different from what they are for me, aren't they?"
Kaoru nodded.
"Well, then. There's my point."
"And the 'no'?" Kaoru asked.
"No, because I was aware of your feelings for Himura before any of this begun between us." His eyes glinted. "It did take some careful maneuverings around that on my part to get us to this point."
"What?" Her features reflected her astonishment. "Are you saying you planned this?"
Saitou just shrugged.
"But," she blinked, surprised and confused, "how? Why?"
"The 'how' is easy; you're very susceptible to subtle maneuverings."
Kaoru was still too dazed to take offense at his words. "What do you mean?"
"You were so eager to offer comfort to the 'grieving widower' that I didn't really have to do anything." Humor edged his tone. "I merely kept silent, went about my business as I always did, and you convinced yourself that I was mired in grief and appointed yourself to be the one there in case I snapped."
"You noticed?" Kaoru fought with mortification.
"I said before, I'm an excellent judge of character. And you're very open, your face reflecting your thoughts so easily, it wasn't difficult for me to read."
Kaoru blushed. But then something he said bothered her. "Wait. What you said before then," she frowned at him, partially appalled, "you weren't grieving?"
"No. And don't give me that look," he admonished her.
"It's difficult not to. A man who deliberately makes moves on another woman after his wife has passed away is-"
"Now stop right there." He gave her a stern look. "You don't know anything about my marriage. Or my wife."
Well, that was true. Still, Kaoru couldn't keep the disapproval from her face.
At it, Saitou scowled. He didn't like airing dirty laundry, especially when what was past was past and dredging it up again would do no good. But he also didn't enjoy having her look at him as if he were dirt either. There was no other choice in the matter. Besides, he felt safe in knowing that she wasn't the type of woman who enjoyed repeating such tales either.
"So?" Kaoru prompted. "Tell me about the paragon."
"Paragon?"
"Your wife."
Saitou laughed.
"What's so funny?" Kaoru remained unamused.
His humor died. "Whatever she was, Tokio was no paragon."
"What happened?" Kaoru asked quietly.
"She wasn't exactly what you'd call," he hesitated, "faithful."
Kaoru's mouth dropped open in shock.
"Yes," he commented dryly. "That was close to my own reaction when I first found out as well. Walking in on a lover's tryst was quite surprising." He smiled grimly. "Needless to say, I wasn't happy."
"What did you do to her?" Kaoru ventured warily.
"Relax. She might have died but I wasn't the one that killed her. I left her to do as she willed while I went about my own business."
"How did she die then?" Kaoru had never heard about the circumstances surrounding her death and Saitou had never before offered an explanation for it. And it wasn't as if she could get the information from anyone else since she had no idea where his wife lived; she only knew that it was in a different city.
"From what I understand," Saitou told her, "she caught an illness that only worsened, and eventually claimed her life, when she undertook a tryst outdoors with one of her lovers."
"She had more than one," she wondered in surprise.
"Yes," he said quietly. "Many more. A husband who is frequently absent isn't good for much, I imagine."
"That's no excuse." Her lips flattened. "I dislike speaking ill of the dead but you're better off without her." She shook her head, thinking badly of a woman who would betray matrimonial vows with a man who fought so hard to protect Japan, questionable methods or not. "It must have been terribly painful discovering like that."
"Our marriage was strained before that. Although it didn't leave me with much appreciation for other females."
"What about me?" She frowned. "Why did you bother with me after going through that?" Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Was it for some sort of revenge?"
"You mean, as some sort of strike against the females of the race?" He snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. I wouldn't waste my time with something that fruitless."
"So then why?" she implored.
"At first, it was amusing to watch you come by, despite how irritated you always became with me, certain that I was locked in some sort of self- destructive grief. I thought you would give up after a little time and go back to your own pursuits, but you didn't. The honest caring that you display, especially for a man you knew little about and obviously didn't quite approve of, do you know how rare that is?"
She flushed at his praise. "I didn't do anything," she said uncomfortably.
"Not that you'd think. But to a jaded man who seen and been through much more than you can imagine, you were quite a refreshing change." His arms tightened around her. "One thing eventually led to another until I found myself planning - how should I put it? - your downfall."
Temper sparked in her eyes again. "Confident, aren't you?"
"When I had the ex-Battousai as my competition," he commented drolly. "Of course."
"I have a hard time imagining you being worried about Kenshin."
"Considering the lengths I went to in order to appear unconcerned, I'm relieved." His lips curled. "It's my good fortune that Himura's so slow when it comes to these things. His hesitation is my gain."
"That's a mean way to put it." She scowled. "I was working up to confessing to him, you know."
A dark brow arched. "Why didn't you?"
She pinkened and glanced away. "You came along," she muttered, recalling how her emotions had gradually shifted away from Kenshin to Saitou without her realizing it.
"Well, then. Everything works out fine, doesn't it?"
Kaoru sighed. "I still have one question. Why didn't you tell me about your wife?" She pursed her lips. "Do you know how many bad moments I had comparing myself to the saint I thought she was?"
"Trust me, there's no comparison in my mind." He stroked her hair, enjoying the silky texture. "Besides, if I had told you early on, then you wouldn't have had an excuse to drop by anymore, would you? I could hardly be subtle about seducing you if you weren't around for me work on."
Kaoru couldn't help but laugh. "I didn't know you could be so devious."
"Live and learn."
She smiled, propping her chin on his chest as she looked at him thoughtfully. His revelations were certainly surprising but did they change anything? No. Knowing that he returned her feelings was really the only thing she needed and she'd deal with anything else that cropped up as they came. Still, the odd twists their conversation had taken made her realize that Saitou's personality was more complex than she had thought and that there were still depths that had yet to be plumbed. It sent a thrill through her as her eyes sparkled up at him.
"What?" he asked warily.
"Just thinking," she responded airily.
"About what?" The wariness didn't leave.
"You've got a lot of unexpected surprised to you," she told him. "I wouldn't have guessed you'd be so well-versed in emotions. Actually, I'm a little put out that you figured out what I felt before I did. I thought women were supposed to do that."
"That's just a myth," he said dismissively. "Why should one gender know more about emotions than the other - they both feel equally, don't they?"
"You do realize that you're highly irritating when you're right?"
"Of course. That's why you're irritated so often, isn't it?"
Kaoru just glared.
Saitou chuckled. Truly, she was so much fun to annoy.
"Velvet," she said suddenly.
Saitou stopped chuckling and blinked at her, wondering what odd turn her mind had taken now. Much as she was easy to read, there were times when he simply wasn't able to predict her next actions or words. Apparently, he thought as he cast a look about the room that was completely devoid of the Western material of which she spoke of, this was another one of those times as he simply had no clue to what she was talking about.
"Why are you bringing that up?" Saitou asked. Was she more interested in feminine trappings and fripperies than he had first supposed?
"You're velvet."
He stared back, confused and feeling that he should somehow be insulted. "Why do you say that?"
"You're a hard man - jaded, cynical, derisive, ruthless-"
"Do you have a point?" he asked impatiently, knowing it to be true but, nevertheless, not liking her labeling him as such.
"You're often referred to as a steely-eyed wolf," she continued undaunted.
"Yes," he commented sardonically. "I'm aware of that."
"But you do have an unexpected soft side that, I suspect, few people see." She twinkled merrily at his displeasure. "That's why I say you're velvet, a soft-feeling yet strong material. A velvet wolf!"
He scowled. If the other men under his command ever heard about this, he'd be a laughingstock! Oh, they wouldn't say anything directly to his face, he knew they were too scared of him for that, but they would whisper it when his back was turned. Rumors and such normally didn't bother them but then, when they concerned him, they didn't usually hint at him being soft. This was different and he needed to make her stop.
"Don't call me that," he growled in his most threatening tone, a sound devised to turn the bowels of even the strongest of men into liquefied jelly.
Kaoru merely smiled impishly. "I wonder what other people would say, hmm?"
"You wouldn't." Despite himself, he shuddered. He'd never admit to fear.
"Wouldn't I?" she teased. "A velvet wolf. Very apt, don't you think?"
His eyes glinted dangerously. "Raccoon girl."
"Don't call me that." Her smile slipped away.
"I will if you will."
Her chin tilted stubbornly. "I like 'velvet wolf.'"
"What a coincidence. I happen to be fond of 'raccoon girl' myself."
They stared at each other in implacable silence, two strong-willed forces unwilling to give ground and back down. It might have gone on for an eternity if a new, challenging glint hadn't entered her eyes, giving them a sparkling light that drew him like a moth to flame and made him very, very aware of their lack of dress.
"You really want me to stop?" Kaoru asked huskily.
"Yes," he said, intrigued by the glint in her eye.
Her lips curved seductively, challengingly. "Then make me."
Never let it be said that Hajime Saitou was a man to back down from a challenge. He took it up with great focus - much to both of their delight.
Special thanks to Alexis for beta reading!
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"Kenshin!" Kaoru cried desperately, willing him to stop.
But the red-haired figure never once looked back, storming away angrily into the night, slamming the sliding doors closed behind him with a sharp, furious bang. Recalling the hurt and betrayal stamped across his features before he'd stormed out, Kaoru became agitated and afraid that he'd leave for good without another word in his high rage. Not wanting to let him go like that, she made as if to follow after him but was halted by a sharp tug on her arm. Her action forestalled, she turned to look back at what had stopped her, her gaze going from the strong hand clamped on her wrist and traversing the corded muscles of the powerful arm attached to it until she met the steely eyes of the man to whom they belonged.
"Saitou," Kaoru said plaintively. "I have to go after him."
"Like that?"
As he looked her up and down, Kaoru realized with a start that she was nearly nude and, flushing, she pulled the loosened material of her kimono tighter around her. She glared into his sardonic expression, feeling ridiculous for trying to cover herself up before him when he'd seen her in much, much less in the past. Saitou, of course, seemed relaxed and unembarrassed as he lay there almost as nude as she was except for the coverlet draped across his lap.
"Are you going to let me go?" Kaoru glared at the hand still gripping her wrist, angry sparks flickering in her blue eyes.
"And leave you to do what?" Saitou asked calmly, not budging an inch.
"I have to go after him. You saw how upset he was! I have to explain that," an uncertain expression crossed her face, "that this is-"
"Is what?" His face was impassive. "That this isn't what it looks like? Especially when it's obvious that it is?"
"Well, you just seem to have all the answers, don't you?" Her eyes snapped at him. "Then what do you suggest be done about this?"
"Leave him alone."
"What?!" she practically screeched. "What kind of a suggestion is that?!"
"A wise one."
He drew her resisting form firmly, but gently, down beside him until she was pressed firmly against his hard body. With his considerable strength, it was an easy task despite her attempts to struggle free from his hold on her. He wrapped his muscled arms around her, making it impossible for her to break free and escape.
"Let go!" she cried.
"Struggle all you want," Saitou said calmly. "I don't mind."
Kaoru stilled abruptly when the meaning of his words sank in. Her eyes widened impossibly and a blush crawled up her face, staining it a lovely shade of vivid pink.
"Saitou!" Her cry was full of irritation. "You're enjoying this!"
"Of course." His tone was matter-of-fact. "Any man enjoys it when he has a woman squirming against his-"
"Saitou!" Kaoru's voice was strangled, her face reddening even more. "Stop, just stop!"
Saitou fell silent, but he didn't let her go.
"Why won't you let me go after him?" She shook her head despairingly. "He's so upset."
"Precisely why you shouldn't go after him."
She looked at him. "What do you mean?"
"He's angry, most likely feeling betrayed. If you confront him as he is now, he'll probably say - or do - something he'll regret later. He knows that so he left while he still had some shreds of self-control left to do so." His countenance was stern. "It's best if you give him a chance to cool down."
"How do you know that?" She looked pained. "What if he leaves without letting me explain?"
"Himura isn't the type of person to do that."
"What makes you so sure?"
"I'm an excellent judge of character."
Kaoru couldn't deny that. "But he was so angry." Her tone was distressed. "He really could just take off without a word to anyone."
"He won't." Saitou sounded very certain. "He just needs time to calm down so he can talk rationally. He knows that, that's why he left without saying anything."
"How can you be so positive about that?"
"Warrior's instinct."
"This isn't a battle."
"That's a matter of opinion." At her scowl, he amended, "Very well, then. Instinct - it's saying that you should give him some time alone."
"I have instincts too and they're telling me to go after him."
Saitou's glance was depreciating. "That's a woman's instinct."
"Oh? And yours is so much better?"
"My woman's instinct?" His tone was as sardonic as his expression.
"You know what I mean!" Kaoru was frustrated. "What makes your instinct so much better than mine?"
"I'm a man."
Saitou said it as if it meant everything. And, in a way, it did. Realizing this, Kaoru's expression became disheartened. No matter how much time she spent among males, there were still things about them she just couldn't understand. This, apparently, was another one of those times and, in her uncertainty, she fell back on Saitou's instincts as both a warrior and a man, trusting in them and his solid surety.
"You really think it's for the best?" Her voice was doubtful, but calmer, tired.
"Yes." There was no doubt in his tone.
Kaoru sighed, accepting albeit grudgingly. But she looked up at him curiously. "Why aren't you more upset about this?"
"Why should I be?" His face was calm. "We did nothing wrong. We did nothing to hide it. I wouldn't be surprised if almost everyone else knows. It can't be helped that Himura was the only one who hadn't picked up on it until now."
Kaoru just frowned, sadly.
As a man more used to fighting than offering verbal reassurances, he gave comfort as best he could, drawing her body more closely against his as he cradled her in his arms. And as the warmth of him seeped into her, Kaoru gradually relaxed, her tense muscles loosening until she sagged against him, relieved that she was with someone who seemed to know what he was doing in such a tumultuous situation. Though a part of her still told her to run after Kenshin, it was becoming fainter as she allowed herself to be comforted by Saitou in his own silent way.
Still, she couldn't help thinking about Kenshin as she lay in Saitou's arms and deeply regretted that he had found out like this. She had meant to tell him, had tried dozens of times, but never managed to do so as the words failed her every time she attempted it. How could she explain it? She never expected something like this to happen either when she'd started spending more time with Saitou months ago.
It started out innocently enough with her going to him in order to offer her condolences nearly a year ago when word had reached her that his wife had died. Though Kenshin had told her once that Saitou was married, she'd never met his wife and had always wondered with a kind of amazed curiosity about what type of woman could manage maintaining a matrimonial state with someone so hardened and cynical, not to mention one who seemed to take such pleasure in fighting. Surely any woman who took a man like Saitou as husband had to be close to a saint and the loss of a wife such as that must be a hard blow, even to someone of steely emotions as he was. That had been the thought uppermost in her mind as she had visited Saitou, hoping to offer some comfort to the man who had done so much for the people she cared for, even if she didn't always approve of his heartless methods.
But Saitou had been most unappreciative of her first visit. Indeed, he'd acted as he always had, as if nothing of importance had occurred. It had worried her as she garnered the impression that it was just a façade, for a man of such self-control wouldn't like to be thought weak by showing any emotional weakness, even if there was just cause. Constantly suppressing a destructive emotion such as grief would eventually cause any man, no matter how strong, to break and that was something she hadn't wanted to see happen to him. And so she had continued to visit him, monitoring him in her own way for signs that he was close to the breaking point.
How could she have foreseen that those early meetings could lead to this?
Visits that had begun with the purest intentions had unexpectedly given way to a surprising attraction that she had been unable to resist as it had led to something more. If anyone had told her a year ago, or even months ago, that she would one day find herself in love with Saitou, not to mention a physical relationship with him, she'd have laughed herself into an early grave. But now, with the truth of the matter being that she was indeed in love with the steely-eyed wolf, and was also in an intimate relationship with him, she didn't find it quite so humorous anymore.
Especially since she didn't know if he felt the same.
"You're frowning."
At Saitou's words, Kaoru blinked as she suddenly found herself in the intense scrutiny of a penetrating gaze. It wasn't a very comfortable feeling, especially considering her last thought before his voice had broken the silence that had fallen between them.
"What is it?" Saitou asked.
"It's nothing."
He gave her a look. "You can't lie to me."
Kaoru was silent for a moment as she debated whether or not to tell him. She'd never spoken of it before and wasn't sure if this was the time to do it - but if not now, then when? With Kenshin discovering them as he had and the confrontation that was no doubt to come once he returned after he'd calmed down, she felt that the gray areas of the relationship between her and Saitou had to be resolved, one way or the other. He would either return her feelings or end up pushing her away. Though her heart trembled with uneasiness, it was also unwavering with newfound determination.
"Kaoru?"
She took a deep breath, released it, then looked at him steadily as she announced, "I love you."
Silence.
She stiffened, her heart starting to crack as the wordless quiet lengthened.
"Is that all?" Saitou suddenly asked, amused.
"What do you mean 'is that all'?" Pain turned to outrage as she struggled again to free herself from the steely arms clamped around her like a vise. "Let go! You- you beast! I can't believe I was such an idiot! Let go!" She gave him a hard smack on his bare chest and took grim delight in his wince. "You deserved that. And a lot more too for laughing at me like that! To think that I thought that telling you would be- mmph-!"
Hard lips clamped down on hers, silencing her as she struggled to get free. But the strong hand threaded through the dark strands on her scalp held her in place until she became dizzy and breathless. Just when she thought she was about to pass out, he released her, leaving her blinking at him owlishly though the hazy fog clouding her mind.
He tilted her chin up, making sure she was staring direction into his eyes. "I love you, as well."
"You can't." Confusion and anger crossed her features. "How could you?"
"Love you? That's easy."
"No!" She glared. "How can you say that? I never thought that you'd stoop to lying-"
"I am not a liar." There was a dangerous edge to his voice as he gave her a steely gaze that had more than once sent vicious criminals fleeing for their lives. "Think wisely before you accuse me of something such as that."
"So what?" She tilted her chin up defiantly, undaunted, as she scoffed. "You mean to say that you're telling the truth?"
"Yes."
"I don't believe you." Her eyes narrowed. "You laughed! I don't think that's something usually done when a person returns the feelings of the woman who just confessed her love."
"For your information, I didn't laugh. Don't go making up events that haven't occurred just to suit yourself."
"Fine, then," she sniffed. "You were definitely amused, so don't tell me you weren't. And I don't think that's the normal reaction either."
"Yes, I was amused. How could I not be?" His lips twitched as she looked on wrathfully. "You confessed your feelings with as much enthusiasm as a criminal facing his execution."
"Considering whom it was I confessed to," she said dryly, "I don't see that much difference."
Saitou chuckled.
Kaoru grew irritated. "Back to the subject at hand - if you are telling the truth," she ignored the ominous narrowing of his eyes, "then why didn't you speak up sooner? You didn't say a word after I confessed."
"Oh, that."
"Saitou," she growled warningly.
He was amused, uncowed by the angry spark in her eyes that flashed blue fire at him, a lovely sight in his opinion. He did enjoy teasing her so but deemed it wise to put her out of her torment. His chest was still smarting from the smack she'd given it and he didn't really want a repeat.
Saitou sighed. "I've known how you felt for quite a while," he told her calmly. "You are, after all, not the type of woman to give yourself to a man without affection involved. But you were so grim when you finally said it out loud, I thought you'd have more to say about it than that. I was only keeping silent because I wanted to give you a chance to get it all off of your chest before I had my say."
"What do you mean you knew?" Kaoru was flabbergasted. She was also embarrassed and even angry as she recalled over how she'd worried about telling him. But if he had known all along, and despite the words she had spoken she didn't really believe he was the type to outright lie, then what was all that emotional turmoil she'd been put through worth? "All this time," she shook her head, "why didn't you say something?"
"Would you have taken it well if I had told you that you were in love with me?"
"Well, no." Kaoru grimaced, thinking of how he tended to set off her temper without even meaning to, especially when the realization of how she felt had chafed terribly at first and she had tried to put such emotions aside, which had failed, of course. She sighed. "I'd have gotten upset, maybe even try to slap you or laugh in your face before I avoiding you as much as possible."
Saitou's brows rose. He hadn't really expected her to admit it. "That's what I thought. And that's why I thought it would be best for you to realize it yourself without me interfering and planting the idea in your head." He inclined his head. "Besides, I wanted you to figure out for yourself the difference between Himura and me."
Kaoru's eyes widened. "You were never a substitute for Kenshin."
"But there were times what you tried to convince yourself that I was, yes?"
"Yes," she confessed, shamefaced. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," he said sardonically. "It's a natural reaction for anyone who gets involved with me. As long as you don't confuse me with Himura, it's all for the good."
"Well, you're very difficult to confuse with Kenshin."
"I did gather that."
Kaoru was quiet for a moment. "I still love Kenshin though," she said softly. "Does that bother you?"
"Yes and no."
She looked at him, silently demanding explanation.
"Yes," Saitou responded, "because I am a possessive man so having my woman- "
Kaoru arched a brow at the 'my woman' though she said nothing.
"-with affectionate feelings directed towards another male does tend to get a bit," he hesitated, "uncomfortable. But your feelings for him are different from what they are for me, aren't they?"
Kaoru nodded.
"Well, then. There's my point."
"And the 'no'?" Kaoru asked.
"No, because I was aware of your feelings for Himura before any of this begun between us." His eyes glinted. "It did take some careful maneuverings around that on my part to get us to this point."
"What?" Her features reflected her astonishment. "Are you saying you planned this?"
Saitou just shrugged.
"But," she blinked, surprised and confused, "how? Why?"
"The 'how' is easy; you're very susceptible to subtle maneuverings."
Kaoru was still too dazed to take offense at his words. "What do you mean?"
"You were so eager to offer comfort to the 'grieving widower' that I didn't really have to do anything." Humor edged his tone. "I merely kept silent, went about my business as I always did, and you convinced yourself that I was mired in grief and appointed yourself to be the one there in case I snapped."
"You noticed?" Kaoru fought with mortification.
"I said before, I'm an excellent judge of character. And you're very open, your face reflecting your thoughts so easily, it wasn't difficult for me to read."
Kaoru blushed. But then something he said bothered her. "Wait. What you said before then," she frowned at him, partially appalled, "you weren't grieving?"
"No. And don't give me that look," he admonished her.
"It's difficult not to. A man who deliberately makes moves on another woman after his wife has passed away is-"
"Now stop right there." He gave her a stern look. "You don't know anything about my marriage. Or my wife."
Well, that was true. Still, Kaoru couldn't keep the disapproval from her face.
At it, Saitou scowled. He didn't like airing dirty laundry, especially when what was past was past and dredging it up again would do no good. But he also didn't enjoy having her look at him as if he were dirt either. There was no other choice in the matter. Besides, he felt safe in knowing that she wasn't the type of woman who enjoyed repeating such tales either.
"So?" Kaoru prompted. "Tell me about the paragon."
"Paragon?"
"Your wife."
Saitou laughed.
"What's so funny?" Kaoru remained unamused.
His humor died. "Whatever she was, Tokio was no paragon."
"What happened?" Kaoru asked quietly.
"She wasn't exactly what you'd call," he hesitated, "faithful."
Kaoru's mouth dropped open in shock.
"Yes," he commented dryly. "That was close to my own reaction when I first found out as well. Walking in on a lover's tryst was quite surprising." He smiled grimly. "Needless to say, I wasn't happy."
"What did you do to her?" Kaoru ventured warily.
"Relax. She might have died but I wasn't the one that killed her. I left her to do as she willed while I went about my own business."
"How did she die then?" Kaoru had never heard about the circumstances surrounding her death and Saitou had never before offered an explanation for it. And it wasn't as if she could get the information from anyone else since she had no idea where his wife lived; she only knew that it was in a different city.
"From what I understand," Saitou told her, "she caught an illness that only worsened, and eventually claimed her life, when she undertook a tryst outdoors with one of her lovers."
"She had more than one," she wondered in surprise.
"Yes," he said quietly. "Many more. A husband who is frequently absent isn't good for much, I imagine."
"That's no excuse." Her lips flattened. "I dislike speaking ill of the dead but you're better off without her." She shook her head, thinking badly of a woman who would betray matrimonial vows with a man who fought so hard to protect Japan, questionable methods or not. "It must have been terribly painful discovering like that."
"Our marriage was strained before that. Although it didn't leave me with much appreciation for other females."
"What about me?" She frowned. "Why did you bother with me after going through that?" Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Was it for some sort of revenge?"
"You mean, as some sort of strike against the females of the race?" He snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. I wouldn't waste my time with something that fruitless."
"So then why?" she implored.
"At first, it was amusing to watch you come by, despite how irritated you always became with me, certain that I was locked in some sort of self- destructive grief. I thought you would give up after a little time and go back to your own pursuits, but you didn't. The honest caring that you display, especially for a man you knew little about and obviously didn't quite approve of, do you know how rare that is?"
She flushed at his praise. "I didn't do anything," she said uncomfortably.
"Not that you'd think. But to a jaded man who seen and been through much more than you can imagine, you were quite a refreshing change." His arms tightened around her. "One thing eventually led to another until I found myself planning - how should I put it? - your downfall."
Temper sparked in her eyes again. "Confident, aren't you?"
"When I had the ex-Battousai as my competition," he commented drolly. "Of course."
"I have a hard time imagining you being worried about Kenshin."
"Considering the lengths I went to in order to appear unconcerned, I'm relieved." His lips curled. "It's my good fortune that Himura's so slow when it comes to these things. His hesitation is my gain."
"That's a mean way to put it." She scowled. "I was working up to confessing to him, you know."
A dark brow arched. "Why didn't you?"
She pinkened and glanced away. "You came along," she muttered, recalling how her emotions had gradually shifted away from Kenshin to Saitou without her realizing it.
"Well, then. Everything works out fine, doesn't it?"
Kaoru sighed. "I still have one question. Why didn't you tell me about your wife?" She pursed her lips. "Do you know how many bad moments I had comparing myself to the saint I thought she was?"
"Trust me, there's no comparison in my mind." He stroked her hair, enjoying the silky texture. "Besides, if I had told you early on, then you wouldn't have had an excuse to drop by anymore, would you? I could hardly be subtle about seducing you if you weren't around for me work on."
Kaoru couldn't help but laugh. "I didn't know you could be so devious."
"Live and learn."
She smiled, propping her chin on his chest as she looked at him thoughtfully. His revelations were certainly surprising but did they change anything? No. Knowing that he returned her feelings was really the only thing she needed and she'd deal with anything else that cropped up as they came. Still, the odd twists their conversation had taken made her realize that Saitou's personality was more complex than she had thought and that there were still depths that had yet to be plumbed. It sent a thrill through her as her eyes sparkled up at him.
"What?" he asked warily.
"Just thinking," she responded airily.
"About what?" The wariness didn't leave.
"You've got a lot of unexpected surprised to you," she told him. "I wouldn't have guessed you'd be so well-versed in emotions. Actually, I'm a little put out that you figured out what I felt before I did. I thought women were supposed to do that."
"That's just a myth," he said dismissively. "Why should one gender know more about emotions than the other - they both feel equally, don't they?"
"You do realize that you're highly irritating when you're right?"
"Of course. That's why you're irritated so often, isn't it?"
Kaoru just glared.
Saitou chuckled. Truly, she was so much fun to annoy.
"Velvet," she said suddenly.
Saitou stopped chuckling and blinked at her, wondering what odd turn her mind had taken now. Much as she was easy to read, there were times when he simply wasn't able to predict her next actions or words. Apparently, he thought as he cast a look about the room that was completely devoid of the Western material of which she spoke of, this was another one of those times as he simply had no clue to what she was talking about.
"Why are you bringing that up?" Saitou asked. Was she more interested in feminine trappings and fripperies than he had first supposed?
"You're velvet."
He stared back, confused and feeling that he should somehow be insulted. "Why do you say that?"
"You're a hard man - jaded, cynical, derisive, ruthless-"
"Do you have a point?" he asked impatiently, knowing it to be true but, nevertheless, not liking her labeling him as such.
"You're often referred to as a steely-eyed wolf," she continued undaunted.
"Yes," he commented sardonically. "I'm aware of that."
"But you do have an unexpected soft side that, I suspect, few people see." She twinkled merrily at his displeasure. "That's why I say you're velvet, a soft-feeling yet strong material. A velvet wolf!"
He scowled. If the other men under his command ever heard about this, he'd be a laughingstock! Oh, they wouldn't say anything directly to his face, he knew they were too scared of him for that, but they would whisper it when his back was turned. Rumors and such normally didn't bother them but then, when they concerned him, they didn't usually hint at him being soft. This was different and he needed to make her stop.
"Don't call me that," he growled in his most threatening tone, a sound devised to turn the bowels of even the strongest of men into liquefied jelly.
Kaoru merely smiled impishly. "I wonder what other people would say, hmm?"
"You wouldn't." Despite himself, he shuddered. He'd never admit to fear.
"Wouldn't I?" she teased. "A velvet wolf. Very apt, don't you think?"
His eyes glinted dangerously. "Raccoon girl."
"Don't call me that." Her smile slipped away.
"I will if you will."
Her chin tilted stubbornly. "I like 'velvet wolf.'"
"What a coincidence. I happen to be fond of 'raccoon girl' myself."
They stared at each other in implacable silence, two strong-willed forces unwilling to give ground and back down. It might have gone on for an eternity if a new, challenging glint hadn't entered her eyes, giving them a sparkling light that drew him like a moth to flame and made him very, very aware of their lack of dress.
"You really want me to stop?" Kaoru asked huskily.
"Yes," he said, intrigued by the glint in her eye.
Her lips curved seductively, challengingly. "Then make me."
Never let it be said that Hajime Saitou was a man to back down from a challenge. He took it up with great focus - much to both of their delight.