The inspiration for this fic came from my very dear friend Cleone, who has a (in my opinion) lovely SasuTema fic that she won't continue. Basically, Sasuke and Temari talk on a date chatroom and decide to meet for sex, although they don't know who the other person is... I think that's how it goes.
Anyway, seeing as how she's not continuing it, I decided to make a little thing like that of my own. Only with SasuNaru.
I am in no way "stealing her idea"! Flame me and I will retort with the sarcasm/rudeness that the deviantART forums have instilled in me.
Happy reading, all ye non-flamers.
"Are you looking for that someone special? Have you stopped caring who that person might be?"
Sasuke glanced at the television in disgust.
"Then join "Desperate Interest", the hot new dating service for the lonely! Because face it, who cares when you're desperate?"
Sasuke sneered as the number flashed on the screen, urging viewers to call and "hook up now". It was one of the dumbest things he'd ever heard of (other than when Naruto told him that he had once tried to eat ramen with a fishing pole).
"That's right, pal, I'm talking to you!" The man on the screen pointed out at Sasuke. "Call now and get laid!"
"Kiss my ass!" Sasuke shouted loudly at the TV. He rolled his eyes and knew it would be a cold day in hell before he ever became pathetic enough to call such a service. You could always trust Kakashi or Kiba to do lame things like that.
"Besides," he thought. "Who says I need to get laid?"
Truth be told, he did. But he kept that secret to himself. Seventeen years old and probably the only single male left in Konoha (though not for lack of trying on the girls' parts) other than Naruto, now was not the time to admit that you were horny and desperate to be screwed.
"Desperate..." the word echoed in Sasuke's mind. "I am not desperate!"
He wasn't desperate, but he was, in a sense. He wasn't desperate to actually have a girlfriend, but he was desperate to find a decent one that perhaps he could be with someday. The girls of Konoha were just out of the question.
Sasuke glanced at the TV, and quickly scribbled down the number, smacking himself mentally for doing it.
XXX
"Please contact our website at oh desperate one, if you wish to find your true soulmate." The monotone female voice of the prerecorded message dropped, leaving a very confused and irate Sasuke holding the phone.
"What the hell was the point of even calling then!" he shouted, slamming the phone down on the desktop. He was seated at the desk, perched halfway up on his comfortable swivel chair, gettng more annoyed by the minute. He typed in the address with stiff fingers and waited for the homepage to pop up.
"Welcome to Desperate Interest!"
He stared at the page in irritation, his eyes scanning the words for links.
Find Another Desperate Soul
Click. "Tch."
Share Your Interests Now
Click.
Sasuke looked at the description of the page. From what he could tell, you were not allowed to post anything other than your interests. No self-description, no gender, no age, nothing. Because, as the site maintained, who cares when you're desperate?
Sasuke scowled, and sat back in his chair.
"Damn," he thought. "Am I really going to do this?"
Then a thought occured to him.
"What are my interests?" he asked the room aloud. There was despising his brother with a burning passion, wanting to avenge his family, hating almost everyone he was forced to be in contact with, writing the occasional angsty poetry... but other than that, he couldn't really think of any.
"First I need some interests..."
"Hmm..." his fingers tapped the keyboard. "Best make it up..."
Cooking. What woman didn't love a man that could cook?
Animals. Instant charm.
Shinobi Training. Everyone loves a good ninja... after all, it was Konoha.
Watching Television. Eh... desperate people are usually also TV loving couch potatoes.
"Um..." He thought hard. "What else?"
He smirked.
Being the best damn looking person in Konoha.
XXX
"All right!"
Naruto jumped out of his chair as the computer informed him "A MATCH HAS BEEN FOUND".
He opened the messgae and began eagerly reading. He had joined "Desperate Interest" becuase he was, well, desperate to find someone he could date. Anyone. He was running a little low on love at the moment.
Cooking.
His heart leapt. This chick could make ramen for him! He wouldn't have to pay any more money for Ichiraku. He giggled gleefully and read on.
Animals.
This was even better, he thought. Maybe if she liked animals, she might be a little more open to the fact that he had a fox spirit concelaed in his body.
Shinobi Training.
That was great. A kunoichi he could practice with.
Watching Television.
Hmm. Not the greatest quality, but when he thought about it, he could always get nice and comfortable with her on the couch with a movie... and possibly do something more... He snickered.
His blue eyes nearly bulged out of his head at the last one.
Being the best damn looking person in Konoha.
"YEAH!" He sprang right from his chair and danced around the room. "I've got a hot chick! Dattebayo!"
XXX
Sasuke raised an eyebrow as he read the interests of his "perfect match". Nothing extraordinary, but he had to admit, they were a match for the fake interests he had listed. The site was good.
Ramen.
"Tch," he thought. "Sounds like Naruto."
Being Outdoors.
A nature girl, eh?
Friends.
Probably one of the gossipy fangirls. He rolled his eyes.
Being the best.
His dark eyes lit up. Now there was something he liked.
A beep surprised him. He eyes traveled to the top of the screen, where he the words "YOUR PERFECT MATCH HAS SENT YOU A MESSAGE" flashed. Intrigued, he opened the message.
"Hey, cutie... you wanna meet up?"
Sasuke laughed. Straightforward, wasn't she? He lowered his fingers to the keyboard and began to type.
XXX
"Sure, why not? Name the place."
Naruto squealed. She wanted to meet him!
"How about... Ichiraku?"
He waited for almost a minute until the message beeped.
"...Sure."
"Ok... see you tonight then babe," Naruto typed. He paused, biting his lip. He grinned and finished. "Hope you're ready for some action."
XXX
Sasuke's eyes widened.
"Action?" Was she some controlling dominant type? He grinned wickedly, feeling hornier already.
"Tonight at 8 then," he sent back. "And I'm always ready."
He stood up and stretched, looking around his room. He needed a shower, then he had to find somethig nice, preferably something sexy, to wear.
He scowled when he remembered that they would be meeting at Ichiraku. He hated that old ramen stand, but he couldn't really think of anyplace better.
"Hn," he thought with a smirk. "That lucky girl doesn't even know she's meeting Uchiha Sasuke."
XXX
At 7:50, Sasuke stepped outside, locking the door behind him. He checked his reflection in the window, grinned, and turned to walk down the street. His ninja clothes had been replaced with a leather jacket (tight black shirt underneath), ripped, faded jeans, and . He looked like a motorcycle buff, dressed that way, and he knew he looked sexy. No one dressed that way to go to Ichiraku, but it wasn't like he was going there to eat.
He took a few back streets and a couple rooftops, and arrived at Ichiraku five minutes early. He sat down in his seat, earning a few stares from the cook and customers, but he ignored them.
"Sasuke, what are you doing here?"
Sasuke turned his head to see Naruto, sitting three seats down, staring at him in curiosity. Sasuke understood why: he never went to Ichiraku and Naruto knew it. The blonde, although dressed in different, handsome clothes also, was no doubt here to fill his greedy stomach with as much ramen as a seventeen-year-old boy could possibly hold.
"I don't see why it matters to you," Sasuke replied coolly. "But I'm meeting someone."
"Really? Me too!"
That caught Sasuke by surprise. He turned completely around to face Naruto.
"You?" he asked disbelievingly. "Meeting someone?"
Naruto nodded, beaming happily.
"Who?"
"Well... I don't actually know," Naruto replied, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's someone I met on Desperate Interest."
"You actually use that?" Sasuke asked, pretending he thought it was stupid.
"Well, yeah... I don't care who I meet, I just wanna meet someone! Datteb-"
"Yeah, yeah," Sasuke interrupted hastily before Naruto could scream "Dattebayo" and embarrass them both. He turned back around, tapping his fingers impatiently on the counter.
"Who're you meeting, then, Sasuke?"
"...Someone," Sasuke answered slowly. He kept his eyes forward.
"What's her name?"
Sasuke remained silent. Naruto cocked his head and suddenly grinned.
"You used it too, Sasuke... didn't you?" His smile was victorious. He loved humiliating Sasuke, who would never admit to using a dating service for the lonely. Sasuke ignored him. Naruto slid over the three stools between them, and propped his elbows on the counter, still smiling.
"So you don't know who it is?" he whispered, watching Sasuke eyes turn to him. "And that's why you're dressed like a male stripper, to impress her."
"I am not dressed like a male stripper!" Sasuke shouted under his breath, turning violently so that he and Naruto were face-to-face. The blonde's smirk was infuriating, so Sasuke narrowed his eyes and faced forward again.
"Well then," Naruto said, tracing circles on the marble with his index finger. "When are you meeting her?"
"At eight," Sasuke said, and realized that she should have been there by now. He sat up straighter and looked around for a girl who might be looking for someone. He saw no one of the sort.
"Wow, me too," Naruto said. "But why here? You hate this place."
"She suggested it," Sasuke replied, his eyes still scanning the street, which was dark outside the perimeter of Ichiraku's bright lights. "Or else I never would have came here."
"Yeah, I figured that this would be the best place to meet, and my date agreed that we could meet here."
Sasuke nodded slightly to Naruto, still looking and waiting. He vaguely listened as Naruto continued talking.
"I mean, it's great!" Naruto said emphatically. "We have so many things in common!"
Sasuke rolled his eyes. Of course she did, or else the site wouldn't have paired her with him.
"I mean... she likes cooking and animals and stuff..."
"What did you say?" Sasuke's body swung around sharply on the stool, his eyes wide. Naruto looked a bit taken aback, but he smiled.
"I said she likes cooking, and animals-"
"What else?" Sasuke demanded, feeling a dead sense settling inside him.
"Um..." Naruto brought a finger to his lips in thought. "Training..."
Sasuke's heart dropped lower.
"Watching T.V..."
This had to be a nightmare.
"And..." Naruto smirked broadly. "She's the best damn looking person in Konoha."
Sasuke turned, banging his head lightly on the counter.
"What wrong, Sasuke?" Naruto asked, looking somewhat concerned that his teammate was hitting his head on the counter.
"Well..." Sasuke said through gritted teeth. "My girl liked ramen, being outdoors, friends... and being the best."
"Hey, that's what I put!" Naruto said, smiling happily. Five seconds passed before his eyes opened again, the smile fading from his face.
"Wait... Sasuke... what did you put for your interests?"
"Cooking, animals, training, T.V., and... being the best damn looking person in Konoha." His voice was quiet.
"But... but..." Naruto looked behind him, hoping to see a girl waiting for him. He turned back to Sasuke slowly, having not seen any girls.
"Sasuke, I think I'm your date."
T.B.C...
Ooh, interesting. The first thing out of Sasuke's mouth next chapter will probably be "No shit, dobe!"
Now... I have to think of a way to turn this into one hot SasuNaru. Any suggestions?
-smiles-