Disclaimer: I don't own a shittin' thing. All ownership collars, leashes, muzzles and whatnot are held by Showcase, Prodigy Pictures, etc, etc.
A/N: This story will do it's thang in Bo's POV. Which wasn't originally the way I was going to go, but in the end it became the best option.
-Fae, Prey, Love-
I can still hear all the venom in Kenzi's words just as strong as the night she shouted them over Hale's body. About how goddamn selfish I really am, about how I never really help anyone but myself and the more that I think about it, I know that she was right. Now with the clubhouse so quiet without her I can hear a lot of voices from over the years. The Dark Fae shaman said I had no right to be judge, jury and executioner. My ex-boyfriend Ryan pretty much said the same thing over Kenzi's boyfriend at the time over that whole deal with The Morrigan. It all boils down to choices that I'm afraid to make for myself, and the one's I just blindly do for someone else. But at least I've finally done one thing right, telling Dyson that I'm not in love with him anymore. I know that I shouldn't have strung him along as much as I did, because in the end he just became prey to feed on. I think after I saw into his thoughts, and seeing how his unfiltered selfish arrogance was greater than my own. It was then that I realized that's the type of person I don't want to become or be in love with. But if I'm being honest with myself and I'm trying to these days, I started falling out of love with him back when Ciara was alive.
"Bo I just thought I would drop by and check on you." Lauren's voice jars me out of my thoughts and makes me jump a little on my butcher's block sofa, or at least that's what Vex called it all the time.
"Thanks." I reply while turning on my sofa. Looking up I notice the crack in my ceiling that I put there during one of my threesome bed gymnastic sessions as Kenzi called it. I smile but at the same time I feel tears gathering in my eyes; so much has happened since we met and parted. She was so self-less which by contrast I know that I'm not and I doubt I will ever be, except in small bursts here and there, but I want to change that about myself.
"Rainer was my cop-out, my chance to be selfless and I know how crazy I looked to everyone but I did it anyway because I'm selfish." I say but strangely I don't know how loud or even if those thoughts made it into spoken words.
"What?" Lauren says as I listen to her footsteps move from the kitchen towards my spot on the sofa.
"We never had any of the talks I promised you and I feel like shit about that." I say while continuing to examine the crack in my ceiling.
"Okay." Lauren says with a lilt in her voice which causes me to finally look at her. She's standing at my feet with an amused expression on her face and wearing some jeans that look like they were painted on her legs. "If you'll let me sit we can start anywhere you like."
I smirk and lift my boot-clad feet; she smiles in turn and sits down while placing my feet in her lap. I know she's thinking of the time I did the very same thing all those years ago with her when we were pretending to watch T.V. I don't know where to start which I guess is why I kept putting stuff like this off and well now there is just so much shit to sort through.
"Why were you choking that woman that you were feeding from?" Lauren asks not meeting my eyes but instead looking at my boots in her lap. I suppose that's as good a place to start as any, but she is still not looking at me. So I wait for her and finally those brown eyes of her's track from my feet to my face; I guess the silence has gotten the better of her that and her unanswered question.
"There is no way I can answer that without sounding like a complete asshole." I reply meeting Lauren's gaze and she smirks at me. I sigh, "She was Fae, but she was also just food and more than fine with that fact. And I just gave her what she wanted, desired and God I sound like a complete tool!"
Lauren laughs. "You were right. There was no way for you to answer that without...well." I lean up slightly to glare at her. "What I meant was thank you for the honesty. And I don't think you are a tool, for starters you don't have one and I really like that about you."
"Ha, ha. Very funny. Well be that as it may I still feel like twenty pounds of shit in a five pound bag." I say while still leaning up slightly to look at Lauren and she just smirks and then I fall back on the sofa with a noticeable huff.
"My turn." I say as I clasp my hands together over my ribcage. "Why did you seduce me because the old Ash said so. I mean you could've had me without doing his bidding."
"I stand by what I said when you refused to listen to me that day and the other times I tried to explain myself." Lauren says; her voice going soft, distant almost. "I was trying to protect you and God how I wanted you. Listening to you talk about all your ideas of personal freedom just made me want you even more; honestly I forgot the old Ash was even part of the equation until I woke up and saw that you were getting ready to leave me."
I feel like a knob now. I really am a selfish, self-righteous asshole. I close my eyes tightly and worry my bottom lip. "I'm sorry I let my temper get away from me and I'm sorry for some of the things I said then. I was a total bitch to you, but I..." My voice trails off because I hadn't meant to get all vulnerable just yet. "I was hurt just enough by the thought that the only reason you wanted to sleep with me was because The Ash ordered you to."
"Apology accepted Bo and I'm sorry for hurting you, I never intended to do that." Lauren says as I swing my feet out of her lap and sit up in the sofa. I watch as she runs her hands along her thighs and shifts a bit to the side to face me. "And hey karma worked its way full circle Bo, I was spy-banged." She adds with a laugh tinged with sadness.
I have a pretty good idea how that happened and I know the other party was clearly a woman and I have no right to get mad about it. "I'm guessing that happened when I was on the train and everyone else was missing their memory."
Lauren inhales and holds her breath for a moment. "No, actually it happened after my memory was restored and there was this woman who was working with me at the diner and I was lonely and she came onto me pretty strong and then I went to her apartment..."
"Okay I don't need any details Dr. Lewis." I interrupt trying to keep the jealously I feel bubbling up inside to a minimum.
"There's nothing to tell Bo." Lauren says softly looking into my eyes. "I used her to forget you for a while and she used me because The Morrigan told her to."
"Is that why you slept with Evony; to get back at her?" I say again trying not to get angry that my girlfriend did something or more accurately someone who even I wouldn't do.
Lauren sighs and then scoots closer to me on the sofa until our thighs are touching. "Yes. Although, now I regret giving her the full treatment that I did." She says with a self-deprecating laugh.
"So you went down on her and everything huh?" I say and this time I let the anger creep into my voice. For a moment I can see the two of them in my mind and it's not something that I want to be real, but it is and I'm not happy. But maybe I deserve it, because I can only imagine all the things she must've felt when I was proudly fucking Dyson on a regular basis.
"Bo please don't be mad about something that I've already put behind me." Lauren says gently as she reaches for my clenched fists in my lap. "I wish I hadn't gone through with it now, but what's done is done."
Feeling her hands on me instantly makes me relax. "I'm sorry." I pause for a moment and look into her misty brown eyes and then I open my hands and she laces our fingers together. "Your turn; ask me anything." I finish just as she begins to idly run her fingertips over my knuckles.
"Why did you push me away one minute then pull me back again? Why did you always feel the need to lie to me?" Lauren says and I try not to flinch. "And yes I'm aware I did my fair share of withholding too, but I need to know why I wasn't important anymore when something else came along."
"That's not fair. You have always been important." I say pulling my hands out of her grasp. "Everyone always comes to me for help and I can't turn them away, I have responsibilities to live up to and I didn't choose half of them." I finish rising up from the sofa; moving to stand in front of the decaying old mantle over the non-existent fireplace.
"Bo, you're not perfect and you can't be everything to everyone." Lauren says with that quiet anger lacing her voice. "If you want something serious with someone one of these days it can't be all about you anymore."
This is bullshit, wants to come flying out of my mouth but it's time to grow up a little. So instead I make myself walk back to the sofa and sit down next to Lauren again. I know in my heart of hearts that she's right about me; I do try to be everything to everyone, but contrary to popular belief I only want to be everything to just one person.
"You know all me and Dyson did was have sex and that was pretty much all our whole relationship was based on." I say with as much raw honesty as I can manage. "I wanted more than that from us, but after a while it seemed like that's all you wanted from me too, and don't bring my biology into it."
"I'm sorry Bo that was me letting my insecurities take over, but even that's not a good enough excuse." Lauren replies with a sad smile. "From the start of our relationship I let others convince me I wasn't good enough, would never be enough for you because I'm human and then you cheated on me with Dyson."
Her last words are said so quietly, but I would've heard them all the same. I close my eyes briefly at the sudden pressure in my chest; against two memories that seem like they happened in a dream, if only one of them were true and I know which one I don't want to be real anymore. If only I had just told Lauren I was hurt that day; she's a doctor for fuck's sake, instead of playing it off in the name of my stubborn pride or better yet chose that ambulance over Dyson's offer of his body.
"Did you mean what you said in that back room at that sex party or were you just trying to talk me down like I was some kind of jumper standing on a ledge?"
"Did I mean what?" Lauren asks knowing full well what I mean but she wants me to say it.
"When you said you loved me from the second you met me." I say as clearly as I can against the tears that want to start falling along with those words.
I watch Lauren's chin quiver slightly and instantly I'm reminded again of telling her that I cheated on her with Dyson, and then she said she wasn't enough for me. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to hear and it's not true; she's always been enough. "Yes, it's true." She says; her voice wavering from being on the verge of tears. "You flirted with me and used your powers on me, but you never needed to."
"I kissed Tamsin again." I blurt out. "Well made-out with her pretty heavily is a better way of saying it."
Lauren inhales sharply and I know she's imagining that other time I kissed Tamsin in her old life, which was tame by anyone's standards and meant absolutely nothing.
"When Bo...when did you kiss her again?"
I am about to sound like a whiney kid but at least it's the truth. "When you and Dyson were being weird in my bedroom during that Yule party." I say flatly. "And just for the record I was stuck in a time loop with Kramped-Ass and it was strickly a what the hell, why not deal." I don't expect that to soften things, but for someone who demands honesty from everyone I think it's time I start being honest too.
"So do you want her now?" Lauren says in that cold doctor tone of hers and I hate myself a little right now.
"I love you." I say and my voice wavers slightly but I keep going. "I'm wearing your necklace and I know I'm not perfect and seem to keep proving that fact over and over again." I stop for a moment and look into her eyes. "I told Dyson that I'm not in love with him anymore, but I'm still very much in love with you and I only want you if you'll still have me."
I watch as her chin does that quiver again. "Of course I still want you." Lauren says with the threat of tears coloring her voice as she leans closer to me. "But if this is going to work the second time around I need for you to talk to me, be faithful to me and I will do exactly those same things."
She gives me a small smile and I lean in and grasp her face in my hands and look into her warm brown eyes. "I'm sorry I let the Fae and their shit come between us." I say while gently stroking her cheeks in both of my hands.
It still feels the same kissing her, even though I know where her mouth has been and I'm certainly in no place to judge in that matter either. I'm not ashamed of my nature; it didn't do me any good when I was. Her lips glide over mine into a perfect example of give and take and when her tongue slides into my mouth something tastes different; so I stop. I haven't kissed her since that night Kenzi sacrificed herself and I just walked away from her afterword's; I did more things wrong that night than right.
"What's wrong?" Lauren asks; those brown eyes flashing open instantly.
I pause and lick my lips while she just holds onto my wrists. "You taste different."
I watch closely as her aura changes; it's still like a raging fire but at the same time it's different too, and right then I know that she has done something.
"What would you say if I told you I was thinking of making myself Fae?" Lauren asks as she slides her hands up to hold my face; she can read me so well now.
"Wh...Why would you take that risk?" I ask as calmly as I can manage because I don't want to tell Lauren what she can and can't do anymore; I need to stop being such a controlling tyrant, even when it feels like everything is spiraling out of control. I'm slowly learning that there are something's in this life that you can't help or stop.
Lauren smiles and leans in, "To be with you for as long as I can or until the world ends." She breathes against my lips.
I close the last remaining space between our lips to kiss her again. After all these years I'm so happy to feel that everything is not about some uncontrollable desire, even though the Fae part of me wants to feed off her now more than ever. But I repress it for now, even though a feed would tell me if she's slowly becoming Fae or if it's something that's finished. I feel her hands gently drop from my face, down my neck until the next thing I feel is both of her hands on my breasts.
"You two bitches better not be naked and lurving each other's hot pocket's on that sofa." Kenzi's voice carries in from the front door and now every time I hear it makes me smile just that much more; even against Lauren's lips. "Because if you are I'll be scarred for life and this chica doesn't dig scars."
Lauren and I both laugh as Kenzi's stiletto boots sound out her location; she made a bee-line for the refrigerator. I even missed that for far longer than I was ready for and it would be difficult to imagine my life without her in it again. Because when I had to live life without my best friend, my family; I just never want to know what that's like again, to feel that empty. I love her even more since we forgave each other and even the gates of Valhalla, or Freyja herself couldn't stop me from getting my heart back. And as for the bullshit prophecy; I will always need my healer by my side because she is my heart too.
-END-
Soundtrack: "Fell On Black Days" by Soundgarden, "Casual Affair" by Tonic & "Lost Realist" by Trapt
Final Words: This was my first LG fic, but it's in no way my first piece of FF. Anyway I hope you liked it or if I'm really lucky maybe you 'lurved' it a smidgeon.