Double the Fun

It had been a long day for Lex Luthor, prominent Metropolis businessman, current presidential candidate, and head of the secret society of supervillains known as the Injustice League. He was an incredibly busy man with all of that on his plate, and his days lasted from before the crack of dawn until well past midnight. He prided himself on only needing four hours of sleep a night, which was conducive to hard work, and which had got him where he was today. The power was worth the physical and mental exhaustion, the tedious board meetings, and the relentless glad-handings.

And now, as the clock on his desk approached midnight, he let out a sigh, and then beeped the intercom. "Mercy? Send the clown in please."

"Right away, Lex," replied Mercy Graves, and a moment later the door to Luthor's office opened and a very familiar figure in purple suit strode in, chewing loudly on a piece of bubblegum. Luthor glared at him in loathing as the Joker took a seat, propping his feet up on his desk.

"Lexy, old kid! How's tricks?" he asked, grinning and blowing a bubble of gum.

"Fine," growled Luthor. The one good thing about dealing with the clown was that he didn't have to pretend to like him, and could put aside his usual small-talk routine. "Now I've called you here because…"

"Harley's fine," interrupted Joker, grinning at him.

"I didn't ask," retorted Luthor.

"No, and I'm kinda insulted, really, that you don't make the same polite conversation with me as you do with all your little business pals!" giggled Joker. "How's the wife and kids? Golf next week? How about them Yanks?" he chuckled.

"I would hope we were beyond that," replied Luthor. "And could acknowledge our mutual loathing like mature adults."

"Whelp, you're wrong," said Joker, blowing another bubble. "I obviously ain't a mature adult!" he chuckled. "In fact, I'm trying to set a new World Record in bubble gum blowing - the current record is twenty inches in diameter, but I'm sure I can beat that, with a little practice. But anyway, ask me how Harley is."

"You just told me," retorted Luthor.

"Doesn't matter – ask me anyway," he retorted. "You don't make smalltalk to learn anything new - you make it to say nothing new! That's the whole point!"

Luthor sighed heavily. He was too tired for this. "How's Harley?"

"Fine," repeated Joker. "How's your obsessively clingy but unrequited lover?"

"Mercy is fine," growled Luthor.

"I meant Supey!" chuckled Joker. "The big blue boyscout! C'mon, look at the way the guy dresses – all the signs are there! No straight man wears tights and spandex!"

"You know, Joker, my small talk with my business associates doesn't usually consist of conversations about Superman's sexuality," sighed Luthor. "But I certainly wouldn't bring up slash pairings if I were you and Batman. Been on the internet lately?"

"Nope," retorted Joker, blowing another bubble. "Don't really do a lot on the internet. The whole thing's so fake and unhealthy. I like to be out there among real people, spreading smiles and laughter! Ew, gum's lost its flavor, is there anything worse than that?" he sighed suddenly, grabbing the piece from his mouth and then sticking it to Luthor's desk, grinding it in with his thumb.

"Maybe people sticking gum to your desk," retorted Luthor, as Joker reached for a fresh piece in his pocket and popped it into his mouth, chewing loudly.

"Sorry, did you want some?" asked Joker. "I can maybe peel a bit off for you…"

"What I would like to do is get down to business, Joker," snapped Luthor. "And stop wasting time having conversations with you."

"I'm hurt, Lexy," said Joker, frowning. "It's like you called me here just to use me…"

"I did!" snapped Luthor. "We never associate with each other except for business reasons! This is not a social call, and we don't ever casually hang out! We're not friends! I despise you!"

"Only a true friend could be that brutally honest!" chuckled Joker. "Aw, you're a pal, Lexy!" he said, slapping him on the back and jolting him with his joy buzzer. "But you need to relax, buddy – that stress will catch up with you one day! It's already made you lose your hair!"

Luthor managed to keep his temper with great effort. "Joker, I need you to do something for me. It's Injustice League business."

"Oooh, business, sounds like fun!" exclaimed Joker.

"Yes, hopefully it will be," agreed Luthor. He leaned back in his chair. "How familiar are you with the Flash?"

Joker shrugged. "He's one of Batsy's freak show, isn't he? One of those super-powered aliens in the Justice League?"

"We don't think he's an alien," replied Luthor. "But he does have super-powers, the ability to run at incredibly fast speeds…"

"Yeah, clue's in the name, Lex," interrupted Joker. "And I have encountered the Justice League before, y'know. This ain't my first day in the DCU."

"In the what?" asked Luthor.

"Never mind," sighed Joker. "Anyway, I know who the Flash is. How familiar do I need to be with him? Not intimately familiar, I hope – I don't swing that way, no matter what the internet says!" he chuckled. "And even if I did, I'd never cheat on Batsy…"

"As you know, a few of our members of the Injustice League are based in Central City, the home of the Flash," interrupted Luthor, ignoring him. "Gorilla Grodd, Mirrormaster, Captain Cold…"

"Oh yeah, the Mr. Freeze copycat!" chuckled Joker. "Geez, you wouldn't think there'd be two guys lining up for the whole ice powers, ice pun thing!"

"Captain Cold is not a copycat of Mr. Freeze," snapped Luthor. "He's his own, unique character!"

"Sure, yeah, he's real original!" laughed Joker, rolling his eyes. "Just like the Trickster and the Prankster are real original, and not just pale imitations and pathetic copycats of me! Trickster even has his own Harley, for God's sake! Face it, there's just no originality left in the supervillain game."

"Funny you should mention the Trickster," said Luthor. "That's exactly who I want you to go to Central City to see. He's been causing some…mischief lately, getting in the way of real supervillains and our business. We could just kill him, of course, but anybody who's a nuisance to the Flash is an asset to us. So we were hoping somebody could go talk to him and convince him to stop interfering, someone who thinks like him. Someone like you."

Joker chuckled. "If he's anything like me, he won't stop no matter what anyone says. It's too much fun to annoy you idiots who take supervillainism so seriously!"

"Joker, I'm running a business," snapped Luthor. "A business that, frankly, is the only thing standing between a bunch of alien, super-powered jerks taking over the world and telling all us puny humans what to do. Which is what they'd do if they didn't have the Injustice League to fight – you know it, and I know it. And my business of saving the world from self-proclaimed heroes and potential dictators has been put in jeopardy by some two-bit comedian who thinks stupid jokes and dumb tricks are funny. I won't stand for it. Anyway, I can't imagine you appreciate the competition."

"He ain't competition, Lex," retorted Joker. "I don't do stupid jokes or dumb tricks. Mine are the work of a genius. This kid's just an amateur. He's no threat to me."

"An amateur who's gumming up my works!" retorted Luthor, slamming his fist down and accidentally making contact with Joker's gum on his desk.

"Speaking of gumming up - nice visual gag there, Lexy!" chuckled Joker. "Didn't know you had a sense of humor!"

"I don't," growled Luthor. "So put a stop this Trickster guy for me, J, or I will. You'll be well paid for your services, of course."

Joker waved his hand. "Money ain't a motivation in these jobs for me, Lexy. It's all about the fun, the gag! And there's gotta be a gag in this somewhere."

He popped another bubble. "I guess I could show this kid how a real clown does things. Y'know, take him under my wing, be a mentor, and teach him to channel his passion for gags into a more fun course. Maybe even help him humiliate this Flash character a few times, just for grins. Maybe Batsy will even show up with the Flash to stop me. And I suppose it would be unfair of me to constantly confine my enormous comedic talent to Gotham. The people of Central City deserve a classy supervillain who can make them really laugh too. I'm sure they could use some cheering up from a real funny guy."

"You'll have free reign to cause whatever chaos and terror in Central City you want, of course," said Luthor. "As long as it doesn't interfere with my interests."

Joker beamed. "All right, Lexy, now that's what I like to hear! Of course I'll help you out, old buddy, old pal! I'll grab Harley from the hotel and we'll leave for Central City ASAP."

"Excellent," said Luthor, nodding. "I'm glad our mutual interests have once again coincided. Now get the hell out of my office."

"No problemo, Lexy!" chuckled Joker, standing up. "And give my love to the boy in blue when you see him!"

He blew a final bubble, which popped suddenly, splattering gum out all over Luthor's face. "I hate you," Luthor growled.

"I know!" laughed Joker, skipping out the office door.

Luthor buzzed his intercom again. "Mercy, I need a gum scraper for the desk and a wipe for my face. And make sure Joker gets trapped in the elevator on the way out, won't you? And then we're locking up and heading home. See how the dumb clown likes spending the night trapped in a tiny metal box," he muttered, wiping the gum from his face.

"Um…Lex, he's not taking the elevator," replied Mercy.

"He's taking the stairs?"

"Sort of," replied Mercy. "He's sliding down the stair bannisters. And he's already outside."

Luthor gave an annoyed growl, flicking the intercom off irritably. "I really do hate him," he muttered.