One Foot Out The Door: Chapter One
Takes place during the Setup and the Countdown (3x16 and 3x17)
Disclaimer I don't own Castle.
Some of the dialogue is true to the show, otherwise it is mine.
I wanted the beginning part to stay the same. This was just a way for me to change the ending. :)
I did some editing, nothing major. I fixed some errors and added things where I felt the writing wasn't as clear.
Hopefully it won't take too long for me to get the next chapter up.
He tried to listen to her with sincerity like he always does. He tried to listen as she told him what she wanted in a relationship. Tried to listen like he had done before when she talked about her boyfriends with him. He wanted to be a shoulder for her to lean on and the person she could talk to about everything. But what she was saying he had become tired of hearing.
So as they sat down on separate benches facing one another in a made up room to keep them quarantined from everyone else while she talked about Josh, he scoffed. Not at first and not out loud. His reaction came later. She had been talking about Doctor Motorcycle boy and herself, discussing his extended trips to foreign locations. She admitted that she liked that he saved lives and was making a difference, how she understood that. The need and want to help people.
But she veered the conversation to how she just wanted someone to be there for her. That she wanted to be there for him and they could dive into things together. For Rick, this wasn't just some conversation she was having because she was conflicted with her relationship with her boyfriend.
This was a slap in the face. How could she say that to him? He was her partner. Did that mean nothing to her? Was he not with her through everything? Had he not come into the precinct in the morning and handed her a coffee almost every day for over three years? I mean hell, who was the one sitting in a make shift tent, quarantined with her due to possible exposure to a dirty radioactive bomb? Oh, right. Him. Castle. So when she said that, he couldn't help but scoff.
He was nervous. His writer brain was coming up with every possible situation he could think of and none of them ended well. That's what he was good at because of his writing. Heartache and crime. He loved creating the story and finding out why a character would act how they do. What drives the character? And Castle didn't normally write things without mixing things up a bit. I mean he killed off Derek Storm just for himself to feel some excitement. He didn't do it for the readers. Some authors may say they write for the readers but they are lying. First and foremost, you write for yourself. And if somehow you don't, then your own writing will show it.
So as they sat in their personal oasis of a four walled, white tent with a few makeshift plastic windows he thought about what he would write. He thought about the person behind the bomb. It wasn't yet verified it was a bomb but somehow, he knew. And because of his love for the macabre, his theories weren't resting well with Beckett. He could tell his words were not the least but comforting to her when she wasn't acknowledging his theories.
"I'm sorry. It's just the writer in me going through worst case scenarios."
"Can we just talk about something else?"
"Yeah… How's Josh?"
Beckett took a while to answer him, like she was reluctant to talk about Josh. Castle couldn't tell if it was because she didn't want to talk to Castle about it or because Josh and Beckett weren't on the best of terms.
"Fine. He's um, he's on his way to Haiti to do another doctors without borders mission."
"How long?"
She had answered with a quiet voice at first but then as she continued to talk her voice became her normal volume.
"I don't know.
It's so funny Castle, you know at first I loved that he was so busy it just… Just gave me an opportunity to keep one foot out the door just in case."
Castle had known about her one foot out the door tactic quite well. She had been playing that game with him for over three years. Castle may have been playing that game with her too in the beginning. For him it was a fear of getting hurt and of her turning him down. He didn't want to lose what he already had but he also knew he wanted more. He answered her, hoping maybe she would pick up that he was wondering where exactly he stood in her life.
"But with one foot out the door, it's hard to know where you stand."
Castle couldn't help but like how Beckett was feeling in a small way. He didn't like that she obviously wasn't happy with her relationship, he does want her to be happy. But he cannot help liking the fact that she is finally feeling how he has felt for a good amount of time now. That now, if he told her how he felt at least she could relate in some way.
"And even if I did I mean what does it mean? He's out there, he's saving people, how do you even compete with that?"
"You can't. No. No one can."
His voice didn't crack when he answered her question but it was slightly strained. He was trying to hold back his feelings from his answer. He didn't want his voice to give away that he knows all too well that he couldn't compete with Josh. Not the guy that saves other people's lives and is in most cases is a nice guy. Castle wouldn't deny that. It would be so much easier to hate the guy Beckett chose over him if the guy was an ass.
That's another thing about Beckett. She wouldn't even be in a relationship with the motorcycle boy if he was a bad guy. That's not to say Castle doesn't still hate Josh a little, because well, he does. It's not exactly personal, it's that fact that because Josh is in the picture Castle can't be there for Beckett how he wants to be.
"That's one of the things that attracted me to him the most. That passion, that drive. Why is it that the thing that attracts you to a person always ends up being that thing that just drives you crazy?
I just wish that, I wish that I had someone who would be there for me and I could be there for him and we could just dive into it together."
Castle was about to tell her how ridiculous this conversation is. How he has been there for her all this time and yet she has been blind to him.
That's when some guy unzipped the entrance to the tent and walked in. His hazmat suit was hanging around his waist as he informed there was no longer a threat and Beckett and Castle would be fine.
"You're free to go."
Castle couldn't believe it. He was happy that they would be fine but the timing of this guy couldn't have been worse.
"We are?"
"What about the radiation?"
"We found residual traces of Cobalt-60 in the storage unit. Not enough to cause any health problems."
The guy walked out of the tent and Beckett got up to follow. Castle knew this was his only chance to say what was on his mind. Even if she deflected and things between them got weird, he would deal with it. He could stay long enough to finish this case and then if she didn't want a relationship with him he could just be on his way. Assuming this case wasn't everyone's last. Though their personal health was fine at the moment, they still had no idea where this case would lead them.
Castle grabbed Beckett's arm as it slid past him and told her to wait.
"Hey Beckett can you hold up for a minute?"
"Yeah Castle what is it?"
He looked to the floor trying to find his words that somehow left his head in between grabbing her arm and her turning back to face him.
"I um, I just wanted to say that, um…"
"What is it Castle, you can tell me."
He didn't understand why this had suddenly become so difficult. Just a minute ago, before their conversation got cut off he would have had no trouble telling her what was on his mind. Maybe it was because now, for the moment, they were fine and weren't worried about their exposure to radiation.
"It's, uh, nothing."
"No, I know you better than that Castle, come on. You wouldn't have asked me to wait if it was nothing."
"It's this, our relationship."
"What do you mean Castle?"
"You just don't get it do you?"
Beckett looked kind of confused and her brows furrowed a little bit as she continued.
"I guess I must not, what about us?"
"What you said earlier, about having someone there for you and having you being there for him. You know, you already have all that if you'd just open your eyes and look.
Who is the one who brings you a coffee every time they come to see you? Who remembers your favorite places to eat and gets you lunch when you're too involved in a case to remember to stop and eat? Who has stood by your side through everything since they met you? Who is it that you felt comfortable enough to talk to them about your mother's case? Who is it that has been at your side for over three years? Who was the one sitting in a quarantined room with you waiting to know if we would be okay?
If you haven't caught on by now that person is me. Your partner.
I really like you Kate and I thought by now you would know that. I didn't think I would have to literally say the words for you to hear them. I kind of thought when I started saying always that you understood.
Now I'm not telling you that for me to stay you have to break up with Josh or anything. Like you agreed, no one can compete with that. Regardless, I'm here until the end of this case, no matter the outcomes of our conversation or the case itself.
I'm your partner and I mean that. I will stick with you until this case is over. And then I guess I will be around even after. But me staying around and coming to precinct will only happen if you come to me. I'm not going to keep seeking you out, you've gotten to good at hide and seek for me to keep looking. I think I've proved myself as your partner more than once so now it's your turn.
You can take your time and think about what it is you want. I've already been by your side for three years and you haven't even noticed. I don't want to keep waiting around for you if it's a lost cause. Decide if you want someone to be there for you or if you really only like that idea of always having someone around. I'll see you back at the precinct."
Beckett stood there and watched him leave. Deep down she knew everything he had said was the truth. He had stuck with her longer than anyone else that she can remember. And even if they weren't together, he had said he wasn't going to leave. That is, as long as Beckett went to him. And he was giving her until the end of the case to figure things out, so for now, she had some time to think.
Let me know what you think.
This probably won't be a very long story, one or two more chapters. Not sure yet.
TBC