It was a normal day in Konoha. Team Seven had the day off of doing D-ranks and Naruto was in the process of engulfing his third bowl of celebratory ramen when a shrill, undeniably female, scream split the peace. The blond prankster jumped in shock and turned in his seat to see an almost solid mass of girls of all ages running in his general direction. He smirked, thinking that Sasuke was in for a very bad day. Poor kid. Before he knew it, he was swept off his feet by the horde of screaming fangirls.
"NARUTOOOOO! WE LOVE YOU!" They shouted with one voice.
Naruto screamed and switched out with a hurried kawarimi, muttering an apology to the Log for dropping it into such a situation, and then ran for his life, throwing out several diversionary kage bunshins.
Meanwhile, in a dark corner of the Uchiha complex, Sasuke was in front of his mirror, practicing his angsting face but falling deeper into depression when he didn't quite get it right and ended up looking mildly constipated instead. He twitched in annoyance as he detected the first of his fangirls of that day. The Last Loyal Uchiha made his way down the trembling corridor – wait. Trembling?! A solid wall of girls charged towards him, arms outstretched, his face shining on many of their t-shirts. Needless to say, the dark-haired avenger turned and ran as fast as his little legs could carry him. He leapt over a wall and landed in the street outside. He glanced to his left towards the compound gates. No escape that way. He turned to his right and ran.
He had not been running for half an hour when his left hand was caught and he was dragged into a dark alleyway. Sasuke turned, ready to fight and saw the dobe frantically motioning for him to be quiet.
"I only just escaped," the terrified blond whispered. "They have vision better than a Hyuuga, a sharper sense of smell than an Inuzuka and can move faster than the Yellow Flash on caffeine! I've been running and hiding for hours.
Unfortunately, their whispered conversation had attracted some unwanted attention and, where Sasuke and Naruto fangirls, a creature more evil than any of Orochimaru's experiments (to the recipient, anyway) is created: the SasuNaru Yaoi Fangirl.
"Awwww! They're holding hands! How cuuuuuuute!" they squealed, attack momentarily halted by the perceived fluff.
The dark street was lit up by camera flashes.
"One time." Naruto groused, "One time by mistake and still it haunts me!" he threw himself to his knees and cried out, lifting his hands to the sky. "Whyyyyyyyy?! What have I done to deserve this?!"
"Dobe. Up."
"Awwwwwww!" the squeals were, if possible, even higher. "He's using his pet name for him! How sweet!" the fangirls cooed.
Sasuke analysed the situation, looked at Naruto, looked at the fangirls, back to Naruto, back to the fangirls and made his decision. He grabbed Naruto, remembering Kakashi's lecture about 'those who abandon their comrades are trash', and ran for his life, seriously considering the use of a Grand Fireball to aid their escape.
"Why me?" he wondered out loud.
Temari was getting ready to leave for the chunin exams and planned invasion in her room when she heard the screams. She rolled her eyes.
"Kankuro!" she shouted, "He's doing it again." The painted face of her brother poked cautiously around her door; he had yet to forget what she had done to him last time he had gone into her room without permission.
"Really? I had hoped that for just one day…"
Temari sighed. What can you do when you have a homicidal little brother? She went outside to do damage control only to reel back in shock at one of the strangest sights she had ever seen. Gaara, her psychotic baby brother, who killed almost as a reflex, was surrounded by a crowd of girls proclaiming undying love and promising eternal servitude.
"Gaara! Marry me!"
That was too much for the stunned Wind Mistress and she proceeded to fall down in a dead faint. Nobody noticed; Gaara was smiling!
"I have my existence proved!" he declared, without so much as a spot of blood in sight.
Kankuro, who had been watching from a handy window, almost followed Temari into unconsciousness from pure shock. Was it really that easy to curb the homicidal tendencies of his younger brother?
"Desert funeral."
Kankuro was splattered by a villager who had foolishly walked too close to the horde of whose screams of excitement and elight got, if anything, even louder and more enthusiastic. Kankuro sighed. Of course it wasn't.
Somewhere near the female side of the baths, a perverted giggle was heard. Jiraiya was spying through the oh-so-helpful hole in the fence when he was jerked out of his 'research' by what sounded like very definitely female footsteps. The Super Pervert turned around slowly, preparing for a beating, to be confronted by the sight of hundreds of fine examples of the female form, all looking at him with a lecherous and predatory smile on their faces. He was taken to his happy place, a perverted smile on his face the entire time.
About a month later, Kakashi walked into his favourite bookshop, ready to pick up the latest Icha Icha book, Icha Icha Fangirls. It was half way through the second part of the exam [1] and he was bored with standing around waiting for his brats to get to the centre of the Forest of Death and finish the task set by that psychopath Anko. He picked up the book from the owner, who always kept a copy of any of Jiraiya's new books behind the till for him, and looked at the front cover. The image alone suggested it would be one of the best yet.
[1] Don't question the time scale; it's my story and I can do what I like.
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