(A/N) Over Christmas, I ran a silly little challenge called 12 Days of Smutmas on Tumblr. This is the first of the stories I wrote for it.

"So what was the top-secret gift?" Cisco asked when the door closed behind them.

Caitlin took her time about taking off her coat. Her cheeks were bright red, and probably not from the cold air outside. "It was actually a mistake taking that. I was grabbing gifts this morning and it got mixed in."

"Uh-huh, uh-huh, so do I get to open it or what?"

She rooted around in the canvas bag she held and pulled out the last wrapped present, an oblong package in silver paper. At Joe's, she'd hurled herself across the living room like a goalie in the World Cup to stop him from opening it. Poetry in motion, honestly.

"Not that one that one's private!" she'd yelped, ripping it out of his hands.

"Well," Iris said, raising her brows, and everybody had laughed.

Caitlin had turned red, and Cisco had kissed his wife's cheek. "Okay, okay," he'd said. "Later."

It was later now, and he reached for the package.

She held it out of his reach. "Look, it's sort of silly, but I thought it would be a fun project, because you like fun projects - "

"What is it, a model car?"

"We can return it."

"Well, shit, let me see it first."

She held it out, and he took it and ripped off the paper almost in one motion. His mouth fell open. "Ho-ly -" he breathed.

It was not a model car.

She took in his expression. "It's stupid. Okay. I'll return it - "

He skittered out of her reach, keeping the present safe against his body. "Not on your life."

It was a model dick.

Or more accurately, it was a dick molding kit. Everything was included - the molding agent, the silicone, even - awww, nice - a vibrator insert. Make an exact vibrating copy of ANY penis! the package said.

"And it's purple!" he said delightedly.

"Yes, well."

He beamed at her. "You got me a bright purple dick molding kit."

"With vibrator," she pointed out.

"With vibrator!" He wondered how she was going to keep him hard enough long enough to make a good cast, and grinned. She was brilliant, this wife of his. She'd have some ideas. "Have I mentioned lately how much I love you?"

She blushed and smiled. "Anyway," she said. "I figure that, short of opening up one of those breaches from a few years ago and looking around until we find one of your doppelgangers who's up for it, this is about the closest I'll get to having two of you in me."

"Sold," he announced, picking at the tape that held the lid closed. "Holy shit. Where are the directions?"

FINIS