Christmases When You Were Mine
Disclaimer:
I own nothing (with the exception of Britny & Gage Haralson).
Rating:
T (Just to play it safe)
Genre:
Romance/Drama/Angst (Come on. You can't really expect me to write a good story without at least a little angst.)
Pairing:
Savannah/Marti
Author's Note:
Yes, this is femslash! If you don't like it, don't read it! I am so sick of people who read slash-KNOWING FULL WELL THAT THEY DON'T LIKE SLASH-just so they can leave a review and completely bash it JUST because it's slash! Also, this story was inspired by Taylor Swift's "Christmases When You Were Mine" (which I do not own) and just hit me outta nowhere about 7:30 this evening (12/15/10) and was really sort of written on the fly, so, I apologize if it totally sucks!
Lyrics Used:
1.) Taylor Swift "If This Was A Movie"
2.) Aly & AJ "Not This year"
If This Was A Movie
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would you would if this was a movie
Stand outside in the rain til I came out
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You could, you could, if you'd just say you're sorry
I know that we could work it out, somehow
But, if this was a movie, you'd be here by now
It was Christmas Eve and-just my luck-I finally get the white Christmas that I've been dying for forever and I can't even enjoy it. All I can think about is the devastated look in Savannah's eyes when I confessed my night with Dan. She looked so heartbroken, I just wanted to hold her and absorb all of her pain. I knew I had been right. Sleeping with Dan had been THE biggest mistake of my life! Twice!
"A couple weeks ago...Dan and I...were together." There, it was finally out in the open. I didn't expect Savannah to be all smiles and tell me it was all okay because she and Dan were over. I knew she'd be hurt. She really cared for Dan. But, I never would have anticipated the reaction I got.
"Physically?" Savannah asked. Her voice watery from her tears. It had already been a traumatising night for her-what with nearly being date raped and all. And, I was only making things worse. I hated myself then even more than I had immediately after I had been with Dan. I really am a horrible slut.
I steadied myself with a deep breath and closed my eyes before I answered "Yes." When I opened my eyes, Savannah looked like her heart had been shattered into millions of pieces and I remember just praying for the earth to open up and swallow me whole. That look in her eyes still haunts me.
As she rose from her seat, I braced myself for whatever attack she might launch. But, nothing could have ever prepared me for what came out of her mouth, next. "Marti...I think you better find somewhere else to stay in Cheertown." I felt a stab of pain spread across my chest. "Permanently." As Savannah stalked away, I felt the tears falling freely down my cheeks.
Since that night, my elder sister Britny & her husband, Gage, had taken me in. I could have found myself another dorm in 'Cheertown', but, the closer I was to Savannah, the more I felt my heart shatter. I couldn't bear to see the pain in her eyes every time her gaze her landed upon me. Yes, this was much better. It was still an easy commute to school and I could still maintain cheering for my scholarship and kept my contact with Savannah down to a minimum. As much as I hated distancing myself from her, I knew she needed her space. If we could ever have even been friends again, I couldn't force her hand. I would have to let her come around on her own.
"You know the drill, Mars Bar. If you love something, ya gotta let it go. If it comes back to you, then, ya know it was meant to be. If not, then, at least ya know where ya stand and you'll know you've done everything ya possibly could to make them happy." My sister's advice played through my head. My head knew she was right. But, my heart wanted to run to Savannah and beg her forgiveness. I know she'd never want me the way I want her, but, even to have her in my life-in ANY capacity-would mean the world to me. But, I know that the more I try to force her hand, the more I'm only going to drive her away. If she's ever going to come around, I have to let her do it on her own, in her own time.
I was sitting in my guest room, strumming my guitar and trying to commit my feelings to paper just to keep them from pounding through my chest. It wasn't easy knowing that-in ONE night-I had manage to alienate anyone and everyone that had ever meant anything to me.
I can't, I can't
I can't take it
This is the time to smile,
I can't fake it
Please allow me the chance now
To break it down
It's not snow, it's rain coming down
And the lights are cool,
But they burn out
And, I can't pull off the cheer
Not this year
Not this year
Not this year
I was right in the middle of an...albeit unconventional Christmas song when I was startled by a knock on the front door and my sister shouting "Got it!" I must have been in some sorta zone, the way the knock had startled me. I shook it off and looked down at the page before me. Wow! I had done a lot more than I thought. I looked at the finished song before me and felt an odd combination of accomplishment and heartache. I was proud of myself for finishing a song in one sitting. But, my heart shattered as I thought of my inspiration behind the words before me.
However, I was caught completely off guard when Britny knocked on my door and I was absolutely floored when I saw the breathtakingly beautiful brunette next to her. I was gobsmacked. I couldn't believe she was actually here. Right in front of me. Of her own accord!