Ali: Because I'm in the mood and spirit this is going to go without one fight for me to say the disclaimer. The entire story.

Jiraiya: *pauses walk to hot springs and gaps at Ali* What?! Am... Am I hearing this right?

ALi: It's not that hard to believe.

Jiraiya: Really it is.

Ali: ANYWAY! I own nothing but the plot and I want you to all enjoy.

Jiraiya: *stands there for a second before snapping out of daze* Review!~

Chapter 1: (Jiraiya and Tsunade)

Jiraiya sat in the bar, staring at the drunken Tsunade. He was on babysitting duty since Shizune was off on her honeymoon with Kakashi (who knew), and Naruto and Sakura were on a mission. She'd just downed her seventh drink and he figured that since it was the lucky number he'd best cut her off. He got up and put a wary hand on her shoulder. More times than one he'd done it without being prepared for a bone crushing punch and ended up having to be healed by the same hand after she sobered.

"Tsunade, it's time to go," he said.

"I'm not leaving," she said firmly.

Jiraiya sighed and brought his arm under her knees and the other behind her back and stood up so he was holding her bridal style. He paid the bartender and went to the Hokage Mansion, noticing the amused looks. There were many rumors that he and Tsuande were secret lovers, but all were false much to his disappointment. As he walked she became heavier and her soft breathing alerted him that she was asleep. HIs heart beat faster in fear. He'd have to be very careful, because if she woke up drunk, he would have to be in emergency care for a week. Sadly it happened before and even more it only happened to him. The punch was for everyone in general, when it came to being in the emergency room he was the only one. It made no sense to him, but he had to live with it. He entered the bedroom and set her gently on the bed before turning and tripping on one of her bras. Blush made itself apparent on his face, but he looked back at Tsunade worriedly, hoping he hadn't woke her up.

"Jiraiya," she murmured, reaching out a hand.

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, he thought. There was one time when she reached out to him and he ended up flying out the window. Nor tonight.

Tsunade opened her amber eyes and stared at him in confusion before they brightened and her face darkened. "What are you doing in my room?"

"Bringing you back from your trip to the bar," he answered quietly.

She pressed a glowing hand to her forehead and he knew immediately that her headache was gone. "Thanks."

Never before did she actually thank him for bringing her back. Her usual response was, "Get out of my room." or "I will cut/stab you so deep if you don't get out." and that was that. He'd usually scrambled out of the room and avoid her the next day. "You're... welcome."

She curled up and closed her eyes. "Take a shower, you stink."

There's my girl, he thought. "I don't have any clothes here."

"Take something that Kakashi left."

"Kakashi was here?"

Why I outta- "He and Shizune thought I wouldn't find out, but I did."

THe perverted thoughts that entered his mind. He snapped out of it when Tsunade simply opened her eyes and glared at him. "What?"

"You stink, get clean."

Jiraiya went to Shizune's room and grabbed Kakashi's clothes and scowled. How was a big man like him supposed to fit in these?! He shook his head and went back to Tsunade's room and she had a bottle of sake in her hand. "Tsunade."

"Sorry, I got thirsty," she said.

"THat's the saddest excuse I've heard since you said you thought that beer was apple juice," Jiraiya said.

"Anyway, what are you here for?"

"How the hell am I supposed to fit in Kakashi's clothes?"

"I don't know, but I refuse to let you stink up my room once more."

Not a real legitimate reason to shower in the Hokage Mansion, really he was just going to leave anyway until he saw how the bottle in her hand was poised. Her fingers loosely held the head of the bottle, swinging gently as she moved and her elbow bent in the air. That was the universal sign that she was ready to throw it. He went into the bathroom and showered, his mind taking twists and turns as to why he would have to stay. It was Christmas Eve, why did Tsunade have him stay? He glared at Kakahsi's clothes and he had to cut off the bottom of Kakashi's pants because of the elastic. He couldn't put on the shirt so the only way to cover up was to put on his vest if he didn't want to piss Tsunade off. He walked out and saw Tsunade was leaning against a large present.

"Merry Christmas," she said.

He looked at the clock and it was midnight. That was why she wanted him to take a shower, to buy herself some time to get his present. His eye twitched. He had a bad feeling about this present. "Merry Christmas."

"Open it up," she said with a smile.

He slowly opened it up and saw nothing inside the huge box. Except a mistletoe. "Um... thank you?"

"Turn around," she ordered.

His heart pounded when he turned around. She wore just her bra and underwear, her usual green robe that was loosely tied and he could see to high heaven. "Tsunade?"

"I'm your Christmas present," she said.

"THis is the best Christmas ever," he muttered under his breath as she shed his vest.

"I hope so," she said before kissing his lips. "Now... do you like chains and whips?"

Ali: Okay... this might be the only chapter that gets that inappropriate. But I hoped you like this first chapter!

Jiraiya: *has tissues in bleeding nose* if only that were true.

Ali: *eye twitches* You know what... get out Jiraiya.

Jiraiya: But-

Ali: Tsunade's taking a shower right now.

Jiraiya: *leaves*

ALi: She's not taking a shower.

Tsuande: *comes out of hiding* Thank you. Here's your cake.

ALi: *takes marble cake* Much gratitude. You're welcome. If he comes back though, I'm not going to talk to him.

Tsunade: I understand.

Ali: *easts a piece of cake*

Tsunade: Review.