There we were. I could feel her smooth, bare skin making its way down my naked body. My eyes clenched shut as I forcefully pushed my head back against the pillow—her lips trailing down my neck. She squeezed my breasts in her hands, tweaking my nipples with her thumbs, before continuing to pepper wet, sloppy kisses down my chest. She kept moving south, kissing down my abdomen before coming to rest between my legs.
She quickly forced my legs open and ran her tongue over my outer lips.
What the hell was I doing here?
She widened her tongue, giving me a single broad stroke through my folds. I couldn't even feel anything at this point. Still with my eyes tightly shut, I allowed her to lift my legs over her shoulders, resting my feet against her back.
Normally, I would've felt something by now, but the would-be sensation of her moving her tongue up and down, through my folds, simply felt numb.
You see, after Finn decided he would rather be with Raven, Lexa and I began sleeping together. No strings attached. As the leaders of our respective people, we were both under a lot of stress. This was the most logical method of relieving ourselves of that stress…right?
Since killing Finn yesterday, I've merely been searching to feel something—anything. Everything felt numb to me. The sensation of her tongue, which normally would've felt comparable to heaven, felt like absolutely nothing.
Still going at my pussy, I felt her hand run up my torso, before palming my breast rather roughly. I realized I had shown next to no emotion throughout this entire encounter, so I decided to release a frustrated moan—or was it more of a groan because I was tired of this?
I felt her tongue move up to my clit. Shortly after, two fingers were inside me, expertly moving in rhythm with her tongue. Still, nothing.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I did what I could to tighten my grip on her fingers as I pushed my head back deeper into my pillow, continuing to clench my eyes closed. I pushed my chest out and allowed my thighs to shake around her head before releasing a series of moans.
No, I still wasn't feeling anything. I was tired of not feeling anything and I was tired of wasting her time. It wasn't her fault that I was broken—or was it? What the hell would I care either way? This is solely business. We do this for the sake of our people. We do this to clear our heads of sexual urges so we can make the best decisions for those under our responsibility.
I continued to thrash about until she removed her fingers and rose from the cot. I lied back for a moment, thinking she'd lie down next to me for a bit like she usually did. Instead, I glanced over and saw her throwing her clothes back on.
"Have somewhere to go?" I asked, looking up at the sky through the holes in the tent ceiling.
I lied back, awaiting a response. When no reply was given, I sat up, covering myself up with the sheet, and looked at her so as to say, so?
"This was the last time," she said while skillfully clasping her armor on one-handed.
"What? Why?"
"We just can't do this anymore, Clarke."
With that, she proceeded to exit the tent.
"Wait! Lexa!" I said frantically, pulling the sheet from the cot and following her. "Lexa!" I yelled. "Lexa, would you please just come back and explain!"
She didn't so much as look back before leaving the camp completely.
I rushed back to the tent, fell on top of the rigid cot, and began weeping softly. Why did she leave?
I guess I found the feelings I was looking for.