It hurts to say, but it's just not going to work. No means no. He's made that perfectly clear. But when I think about what we could have been, it confuses me. 15 months. 15 months of my life I've wasted on him. And all I have to show for it is a crudely broken heart and memories that are ready to be scrapped. I've given up on hoping. Dreaming. Wishing. I only hold onto that one last strand of lies to keep me sane. Lies that he may have feelings of love towards me. Even small ones. Ones that are next to nothing – that he hasn't even noticed yet. But I know it's not true. I'm beyond lying to myself. But I wish I weren't. I wish I could continue to live like I did, 12 months back, for the rest of my life. Carefree and happy. It seems I'll never move on. Another lie I keep on telling myself not to believe. But deep down, I want to believe it. I want to believe I'll never move on, and that one day, he'll love me back. It's like I've put a barrier up in my mind – forbidding, yet daring me to fully move on. People say 'you never quite move on from your true love'. It seems so true too. All I know for sure is I still love him. I still get jealous every time I see him flirting. And he's broke and (tried to) heal my heart too many times to count. And I'm finally sick of it!...