Spencer knew the timing for her little breakdown was all wrong. She was supposed to be supporting the event, not getting overwhelmed by a mix of emotions she tried desperately to control since she became aware of the her mother's condition. She still hadn't spoken to her mom, finding that there was never the right series of words, something highly unusual when it came to her. Bad timing or not she found herself sneaking away from the crowds of people to take a moment for herself so she didn't become the front headline. Again. Watching her mom so happy on top of that stage was just too much for her.
Leisurely, she snuck off to the side as she tried her best to keep her tears at bay. It didn't work. It never really worked with Spencer. Once she became overwhelmed with the urge to cry nothing was going to stop her. It all started with a single tear, but before she knew it they were streaming down her face, ruining the makeup she carefully applied that morning. The dam was broken and there was nothing she could do but succumb against the wall of the stage. Whenever she tried to calm herself she found she cried harder, struggling to breathe. Oh, how she was desperate to breathe. Instead she sunk down to the ground, plopping down in the grass that was surely going to leave a stain on her pants.
It was odd, stupid, fucked up really, that the place she felt the most able to breakdown was only a few feet away from those who were supporting the Hastings Campaign. She couldn't cry around her mom, or Melissa. The last thing she wanted was to have this conversation with her sister. Thankfully, her dad was still out of town raising money, but that didn't give her any more of a safe space to process. That's what she was still doing, wasn't it? This would pass and she would be okay. She didn't want to cry in front of Caleb either. Not again, at least. He did his best, but this was footing even Spencer had no answers for. She had answers for everything.
But now, she couldn't keep all of her emotions bottled up anymore.
Spencer never had the easiest relationship with her mother, but in recent years, they became closer. She had a sneaking suspicion it had to do with the fact that she was away and wasn't causing trouble every few seconds. She wasn't ready to lose her. The very idea just sent her deeper into the sobs that were overtaking her now, she hiccuped to get her body the much needed air she'd been stripping it of, breathing in hard to make another attempt to collect herself.
Giving up, she just buried her face in her hands as she tried to coach herself into pulling everything together. The last thing Spencer needed was anyone to see her. She managed to get to the front page of an article calling her a murderer, she didn't whatever stupid headline they would make up.
"Spence?"
For a moment she actually thought she was hallucinating - it has happened before, but the voice she recognized so easily was very much real.
With a deep breath she allowed her hands to fall from her face and looked up at him. She probably looked like she was a wreck. No probably, she did look like a wreck. Her eyes only rested on him for a moment before she carefully wiped the tears from her face trying not to smear mascara all over her face. She only managed to calm herself for a few passing moments before more tears fell from her eyes.
She didn't know that Toby was going to be there...or anywhere near really. Since their last conversation the pair did an excellent job at making sure their paths didn't cross again. The last thing she wanted to do was make him uncomfortable. Job well done. He certainly couldn't have been comfortable watching her cry in public. Crying in front of him wasn't out of character, simply out of practice, but something she wanted to remain out of practice.
"What's wrong?" He finally came to question in that all too gentle Toby way as he took a seat next to her.
"Nothing." She shook her head as she answered with a lie, finding it difficult to get the single word out. Lying was almost second nature to her, not that Toby wouldn't be able to deduce that she was, in fact, lying to him.
He looked over at her, "I know you."
Once upon a time those three words brought her comfort, but in the moment she wished that he hadn't said them at all.
"What are you doing here?" She questioned, deflecting the cause of her own sadness.
"I was in the neighborhood." Neither of them said anything for a few moments.. "Is it Caleb? I can beat him up if you want."
She laughed at that as she brought her knees to her chest, almost as if she was trying to make herself smaller. What she wouldn't give to just disappear. "No. it's not Caleb." He was good to her, but she suspected neither of them really wanted to talk about her new boyfriend.
He didn't say anything after that, taking his gaze off of her, and staring off in the distance. From there a line of stores could be seen, people going about their business as usual in the small town of Rosewood.
"My mom is sick." she barely got the words out. "Cancer." What little peace she found was gone the very moment she spoke the single word that could put the fear in anyone, tears streaming down her cheeks once more. She couldn't even remember the last time she cried as hard as she did then. Probably the last time she was with him. Toby put his arm around her and it was near impossible for Spencer to not lean into him.
Habits. They were hard to break.
"She won't," he said, "You Hastings women are fighters."
"This isn't lawyer yourself out of something. It's cancer, Toby. It's…."
"I know."
She doesn't bother to try to hold herself together after that. Instead she just cries into him. He was her safe place to land once and in some way, he would always be. Certainly now as she doesn't think of how she really shouldn't be allowing him to comfort her the way he does. After a few moments, however, she managed to pull herself together. At least for a few moments. Soon enough she would probably be in a fit of tears all over again.
"I'm sorry." She said as she sat back up, breath shaky, pulling her gaze away from him as if she was doing something wrong. Friends comforted friends, though she didn't know just how friendly they were.
"Spencer." He whispered her name, the way he always did right before he would tell her there was nothing for her to be sorry for.
The sound of her name caused her to look back over at him. The moment she swallowed it seemed tears found her once more, this time she did her best to not allow them to fall past the rims of her eyes.
"Ever since I found out I keep having this dream where I lose her. Over and over. Night after night. I just wake up in a panic before I realize that it's just a dream…..nightmare. what if this is the time she dies? Doctors are wrong all the time. Shit happens." No one knew that shit happened better than the two of them. They both had been through so much that sometimes it was a miracle either of them were still standing.
"She's not going to die." He sounded so sure of his words.
Spencer couldn't even appreciate the way he lied so easily, trying to make her feel better when they both knew there was a harsh reality in which she could actually die. She didn't really know what she would do if the cancer progressed further. Going back to D.C. seemed so silly now. Between her mom's cancer and the new A that was beginning to terrorize them all once again, something she still wanted to keep Toby out of so he could continue living the life he built for himself.
"Is she in treatment?"
His words broke her from her spiraling thoughts. "We haven't talked about it. She doesn't know I know." She prayed he didn't ask either.
"How do you know." His eyebrow raised at her.
A look of guilt washed over his face. Her acting skills were subpar with how upset she was. "It's not important." Code for: I can't tell you and I won't. It was better if he didn't know. Her world when they were together was always about protecting him. It backfired on her so gravely, but now, she needed him to stay safe and be happy with Yvonne. Letting him in on the news would only make her look bad, and put him in a position he shouldn't have been in. Telling your ex-boyfriend that you stole his fiancé's phone, found out your mom had cancer, and they were potentially going to leak the information wouldn't do anyone any good.
"When my mom was sick it felt like a waiting game," Toby began as he changed the subject, "When were things going to fall apart? What day was it going to be that we couldn't turn back? But you can't live like that, Spencer. You taught me that." He reached for her hand and took it in his own. A small gesture of comfort. "Enjoy every moment you have with her. Even if they are her last moments. You still have her, Spence. Don't waste it."
She swallowed as she listened to him speak, eyes drifting to where their hands met, noting the way his thumb stroked her skin. A habit.
"She said she was inspired by me. That's why she got into this. I did it first by being a lobbyist." Even through her sadness, she couldn't help the disdain her voice let out with the thought of being a lobbyist. They were so much more than that. "She's happy. She's finally happy. She has everything she wanted. Her daughter isn't getting arrested for murder every few months," a joke that only made her smile to herself, spying the way Toby cracked a smile, too. "Now everything could be ripped away in a second."
A/N: Prompt: Toby sees Spencer bawling at a political event and finds out Veronica has cancer and Spencer thinks it's gonna be terminal
"Your mom scares mostly everyone in this town. The cancer will find out who she is and run the other way like half the cops in the station did whenever she even thought about walking in." He nudged her, trying to get something other than tears out of her.
It worked because she ended up letting out something of a chuckle. She opened her mouth to speak when she heard her phone go off, stiffening in only the slightest, instantly fearing Toby picked up on it. It was just her mom, which was something of a relief. "It's my mom. I should go, find a mirror so I don't look like a dead raccoon up there with her."
Toby nodded. "I'm only a phone call away if you need me. Day or night."
She smiled, but ultimately wondered if they both knew she wouldn't call him. She hadn't exactly called him to have dinner either. With each passing day things only got more and more complicated, her world turning on it's head once more. A moment of comfort and ill advised hand holding wouldn't change what was between them, and what she thought would likely continue.
After a few more moments of just sitting with him she stood, only letting go of his hand at the last possible moment. His comfort was gone in an instant and she could almost feel the emotions rising to the surface, this time doing far better at making sure she was strong. She needed to be strong and not give any more parts of her away. "Thank you, Toby," she breathed with a smile before turning to rejoin the event.