Andy rang the bell and waited. She was 15 minutes late but had made it to dinner 30 minutes earlier than she had thought she would. It had been a long week. In fact, it was a miracle that dinner was even happening at all. She was sure Miranda would cancel and had half planned on it. The door swung open.
.
.
"I'll ask Andy; she said she wasn't doing anything this Sunday."
"Andréa is not here to cater to your whims."
Miranda's and Cassidy's voice filtered down through the stairwell as Andy stepped inside.
"What's going on?" She asked Caroline, who had greeted Andy at the door.
"Cass is trying to get mom to agree to let us go to Pride on Sunday." Caroline shrugged as if it didn't matter to her either way.
"Oh. Do you want to go," Andy asked as she hung her coat in the closet.
"It would be fun and you know, we're 18 now so," she shrugged again.
"I've never been myself. I always seem to be busy with work."
"Me either. Cassidy tried to sneak out last year to go after mom said no. She didn't want us running around alone with so many people in
the city."
"Yeah, that makes sense."
Cassidy's voice rose in volume but the words were muffled.
"I better go save Cassidy before she ends up grounded again. I think mom is overcompensating because we're leaving in August. I mean she's dragging us to the Hampton's for the 4th of July."
"Don't you normally go to the Hampton's" Andy asked, following Caroline up the stairs to the second floor.
"Ugh, no. Mom usually attends some boring party there and we go to dad and watch from his yacht."
"So… you're not going to your father's yacht this year?"
"He has a meeting in Paris and won't be back in time. He offered to fly us to Paris but we don't really want to visit Paris during the busiest tourist season. I mean even the VIP lanes at museums are super slow."
"Uh, yeah, that seems," Andy hesitated, "awful."
.
.
They reached the kitchen. Miranda was stood near the stove, hands on her hips, while Cassidy glared.
"Andy!" Cassidy turned towards her. Andy rapidly shook her head, to no avail.
"Tell mom that it would be okay to go to Pride this year. I mean we're 18,"
"Leave me out of this," Caroline interrupted as she glided between her sister and mother, and grabbed the glasses to set on the table.
"Fine, I'm 18 and Pride is safe. Besides you'll be there."
"I'll be where?" Andy silently cursed herself. She should have just followed Caroline's lead.
"Pride, of course. You're gay."
"I'm not gay." At that, Miranda's head whipped around and she stared at Andy.
"Fine, I mean lesbian. Whatever. The point is…"
"I'm not lesbian either. I mean, I guess if I was dating a woman, I'd be considered a lesbian but I don't label myself and I'm not sure I want anyone else to either. Besides even if I was gay, why am I going to Pride?"
"Uh, I, uh."
"What my sister means is, sorry Andy. We know you don't like to be labeled and she didn't mean to sound so rude. Can we come back to this later though because dinner is on the table and I have plans in an hour with Rebecca."
"Yeah, sorry Andy," Cassidy mumbled as she took her seat.
Andy just rolled her eyes. "It's fine Cassidy. I know you didn't mean anything."
"Now that that's settled," Miranda spoke up for the first time, "why don't we eat and Caroline you can tell me about your plans."
"It's nothing much, Rebecca wants to catch a movie. Apparently, she finally broke up with Jacob and just wants to hang out."
Andy tuned out as the girls filled Miranda in on their day and the ins and outs of their friends lives. She realized that she was going to miss them when they went off to college. She hadn't thought about it much. They were always there and if she was honest, she had always seen them as an extension of Miranda. Not to say she didn't see them as individuals but rather it was always the three of them, Miranda and the girls.
"I'll go." Andy blurted out, interrupting Cassidy.
"What," Miranda tilted her head to look at Andy.
"I'll go to Pride with you if you want. I haven't gone before and you haven't either. It will be fun to do something with you guys before you head off to college. I'm going to miss the both of you.
Miranda's eyes softened as she gazed at Andy; a small smile tucked into the corner of her mouth.
"Thanks Andy," said Cassidy before turning towards her mother. "There, now you won't have to be worried. I'll be with a responsible adult."
"You mean we'll be with a responsible adult," Caroline added.
"I thought you wanted me to leave you out of this."
"I wanted you to leave me out of ambushing Andy the second she got here," Caroline snipped back.
"Girls," Miranda stopped their bickering before it could begin, "we'll all go."
"We'll all…" Cassidy started, looking horrified.
"Go," Caroline finished her sister's sentence, with an equally surprised look.
"That way there will be two adults looking after you," Miranda explained. Andy looked at Miranda; she felt her eyebrows knit together. Miranda at Pride with her and her daughters would definitely land on page six.
"Now," Miranda continued, as if she hadn't just suggested something woefully out of character, "I think everyone is done with dinner and Caroline, I believe you said you have plans tonight.
Caroline looked down at her watch, "Yikes. I've got to go."
"I'll call the driver," Miranda reached for her phone.
"Don't bother mom. I'll just take the subway."
"Don't take the subway. Take a cab at least." Miranda started dialing.
"Mom," Caroline sighed, "the subway's fine. Keanu Reeves takes the subway."
"Keanu Reeves isn't an 18 year old girl." With a sigh, Miranda stopped dialing and put her phone back down.
"Mom," Caroline rolled her eyes as she stood up from the table. She gathered her plate. "Look I'll take the subway to the Rebecca's and a cab home ok? It's not even late out."
"Acceptable." Miranda turned her attention to Cassidy. "Did you have any plans?"
"Uh, no." Cassidy, who had also begun to clean up her plate, answered.
"She can come with me." Caroline offered.
"Uh, sure. I can…"
"But we have to hurry. Go grab your phone and jacket. I'll wait in the hall."
Bewildered, Cassidy turned towards Andy and her mother. "I guess this is good night Andy. Thanks again and I'll text you about where to meet."
"Sure, have a good time."
Caroline stuck her head back through the doorway. "Cass, hurry up. Good night Andy, mom. We'll be home before midnight."
Cassidy hurried out after her twin, leaving Miranda and Andy alone at the table.
"What just happened," Andy asked.
"Teenagers, they may be 18 but they're still teenagers."
.
.
Andy and Miranda stood from the table and picked up their dishes. They moved around each other as food was put away and dishes were loaded into the dishwasher.
"Coffee" Andy asked, reaching into the cupboard for the grounds.
"Yes." Miranda opened the fridge and pulled out the previously made dessert. She set it on the counter and looked towards Andréa. "What
are we doing?"
Andy turned away from the coffee machine. "Having coffee?"
Miranda puckered her lips.
"That's not what you meant of course." Andy waited a moment, and hoped that Miranda would clue her in to whatever she was thinking. Miranda turned her attention to arranging the dessert plates on the counter.
"What do you want me to say Miranda? We're two friends having dinner? Or dessert rather."
"Are we?"
"I think so. That's chocolate cake I see on those plates. That is chocolate cake right? Not some gross substitute like last time."
"No, it's real chocolate," Miranda rolled her eyes. "This is what I'm talking about. Why does my cook know you hate substitutes? Why is she planning my dinners around your preferences?"
"What do you want me to say?"
"I want you to answer my question."
"What are we doing?" Andy repeated.
Miranda nodded.
"What's this about?"
"It's a simple question Andréa?"
"No, that's," Andy stopped for a moment and watched Miranda. She wouldn't meet Andy's eyes. Her hands were fidgeted, something Miranda never did. "This is about Sunday. Miranda if you're worried that someone will say…"
"Don't be ridiculous. I don't care what people think."
"Of course you do," Andy continued calmly. "Otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned my age or that you're my boss or any other reason you've given me on why you can't be with me."
"This is exactly what I mean. Why are you here? As friends, when you want so much more." Miranda turned away from Andy and walked out of the kitchen.
Struck dumb, Andy lingered a moment and gathered her thoughts before following her.
.
.
"Miranda," Andy began as she walked into the study across from the dining room, "I want to be friends. There are no strings attached." Andy put up her hand, and stalled Miranda from interrupting. "Do I want to date you? Of course. I love you and I love your girls but I'm not hanging on, hoping you'll change your mind. You either will or you won't and no matter what happens, I like being your friend. You're the most interesting, fascinating person I've ever met and I know that knowing you has made me a better person."
"How can you say that?" Miranda walked towards Andy. "How can you say that and stand there?"
"I don't know what you want from me?"
"I want…" Miranda trailed off. "I want," and with out another word she gripped Andy's chin and kissed her. When breathing became an issue, she withdrew. "I want to stop thinking about your lips; or how soft your skin is. I want to stop dreaming about you and that god forsaken cabin. How do I do that?"
"Miranda," Andy whispered, "why do you think I'd be able to tell you that. I've been in love with you for 5 years. I've never figured out how to stop."
"I…I can't," Miranda voice broke.
"I know."
"This was a bad idea."
"What was," Andy asked.
"This friend thing."
"No, don't say that. It's been good, hasn't it been good?" Andy pleaded, her eyes filled with tears.
"Good," Miranda laughed sarcastically, "it's been frustrating, sending you home after dinner, when all I want to do is keep you here."
"So keep me here!" Andy felt her control slip.
"No, Andréa. I can't."
"Because I'm too young?"
"No, you're not too young."
"Then what?" Andy's voice broke. "Your daughters love me. I love them."
"Oh Andréa," Miranda stepped forward again and pulled Andy into her arms. "There is so much ahead of you. One day you'll have my job."
"No," Andy mumbled into Miranda's neck. She let her tears flow as she breathed in Miranda's perfume. She knew she'd never be this close again. She let her arms wrap around Miranda's back and her fingers brunch the silk fabric of her shirt. "I don't love fashion."
"No, but you don't have to. You're already running the articles that get featured in Runway. No, one day you will have my job and I won't stand in the way of that."
"You're not standing in the way."
"I am; you don't see it yet but I am." Miranda held Andy tighter. "If anyone ever found out that I…"
"That you loved me?" Andy mumbled, her tears subsiding.
"Yes. That I loved you, you wouldn't even be considered for advancement,"
"So no one needs to know."
"Andréa now is not the time to be naive. Someone will find out, someone always does."
Andy pulled out of Miranda's arms, "so that's it? We can't be friends because you and I want more but we can't be more because one day someone will find out and that's the end of my career advancement."
"That's not what I said but yes."
"Can I still see the girls on Sunday? They leave in August and I…I just want," Andy trailed off, not meeting Miranda's eyes.
"Of course. I'll tell the girls," Miranda's voice shook "that I can't make it."
Andy nodded. "I should go."
"I'll call a cab." Miranda turned to grab her phone.
"No. No, I think I need to walk a little," Andy said as she headed towards the stairs.
"Andréa…"
"Good night Miranda." Andy walked away. She grabbed her coat from the closet and turned around. Her eyes met Miranda's. The evening had started so well. She knew convincing Miranda to be friends would be difficult but she thought they had a chance. Now, her eyes filled with tears again, there were no more chances, just work. She didn't want that, not any more. She swallowed a sob and let herself out. She stood on the stoop and waited a moment. Left or right, it didn't much matter. Left then, she decided. She opened her phone.
.
.
"Hello, this is Andréa Sachs. You asked me to call you back with an answer this week. I know I said I wasn't interested but…"
"Yes, Monday's fine. Of course. Yes. I can't start before September. Right. 10 on Monday. Thank you Ms. Jones. Radhika. I'll see you then."
Andy ended the call. She'd take the position as assistant to the director of editorial operations with Vanity Fair. It was a lateral step but seeing Miranda and knowing what they could have been would be too much at this point. If she knew then, what she knew now, she would have never shared her crackers with Miranda on that rooftop. She shook her head. It was no use lying to herself. She would have done it; even though it didn't work out she wouldn't have traded a second of it.
God, she'd have to tell Nigel on Monday. What was she going to say?
