Love After Love

by queenofsarcasm-14

Scenes from a friendship

Love After Love

Rating: K+

Summary

Some moments from Callie and Erica's friendship after 5x07, volume one

Disclaimer:

All publicly recognizable characters, settings etc. are the property of their respective owners.

---

Love After Love

'Erica, open the door! I know you're in there and I've got about thirty seconds before your neighbors call the cops.'

Callie glanced nervously around before thumping her fist on Erica's door yet again, convinced that flashing lights and sirens would be screeching round the corner any second.

'Erica, for God's sake!'

The door swung open and Callie was confronted with the icy glare Erica usually saved especially for the dumbest interns.

'Was I not clear earlier?' She asked dismissively, tell-tale puffy eyes and tear tracks taking a considerable edge off her intimidating act.

'Can I come in?' Callie persisted bravely.

'Will you go away if I say no?'

'No.'

'Fine.'

They stood in Erica's living room, a chasm of distance between them.

'Well?' Erica prompted impatiently.

'I don't condone what Stevens did. At all. I'm sorry about Mike and I'm sorry if you thought I wasn't on your side. I am.'

Erica nodded.

'I'm sorry I slept with Mark.'

She nodded again.

'Thank you.'

'You're not okay with it,' she stated matter of factly.

'Not really, no.'

'I didn't mean to hurt you.'

'I know.'

Erica sank onto the sofa, drinking deeply from what was obviously not her first glass of wine. Callie stayed standing, about as far from comfortable as possible.

'So, what now?' She eventually summoned up the courage to ask.

'Well, I think my time at Seattle Grace is at an end.'

'I figured,' Callie said quietly. 'And…us?'

Erica smiled at her sadly.

'You don't know what you want, Cal.'

'I'm trying,' Callie pleaded, suddenly tearful as well.

'I don't have to try,' Erica said nearly inaudibly, breaking eye contact to stare into the depths of her wine glass.

'I'm so sorry,' Callie sobbed.

'Me too.'

They shared a teary hug, both of them nearly choking on regret.

'So, you're leaving?' Callie asked when they broke apart, wiping her eyes.

'Seattle? Not if I don't have to. I have some contacts at Mercy West and UW; I guess I'll call in the morning.' Erica said unenthusiastically, swirling the dregs of the wine around.

'I don't want you to leave. You're my best friend!' she added when Erica directed a disbelieving look her way. 'We can still be friends, right?'

'Not right away,' Erica said after a pause. 'But eventually yeah, I think so.'

'Really?' Callie questioned, feeling a tiny bit of hope spark inside her.

'Yeah.' Erica repeated, squeezing her hand. 'Really.'

'So, you'll call me?' Callie checked, standing up to leave. 'When you're ready?'

'I will.'

'We could go to yoga,' Callie suggested, making a heroic effort to sound cheerful.

'That was only good for checking out your ass.'

They both chuckled, both of them pretending not to notice that it was more than a little forced.

'Take care,' Callie said, voice wobbling again.

'You too.'

Callie's hand was on the front door handle when she heard Erica say her name.

'Yeah?' She said turning around.

'What I said….I do know you.'

'Thanks,' Callie whispered.

'I'm lucky to know you. Now beat it before you make me cry again.'

---

Callie leaned against the concrete wall of the ambulance bay, enjoying the first opportunity she'd had to get some fresh air in eighteen hours. Relishing the quiet, she was annoyed at first when she was disturbed by the shrill ringtone of her cellphone but soon smiled when she saw the name on the display.

'Hey!'

'Hey. Is this a good time? I didn't know if you were at work or…' Erica's voice was a little hesitant but warm nonetheless.

'I have a few minutes,' Callie reassured her. 'How are you?'

'Fine, I guess,' she sighed tiredly, contradicting her words. 'Mike died yesterday.'

'Oh no,' Callie said sympathetically. 'I'm sorry.'

'Yeah,' Erica said flatly. 'He just ran out of time. At least he got a few more months from the ablation I suppose.'

'You did everything you could.'

'It doesn't feel that way.'

'I know,' Callie said simply. 'You cared about him, it's only natural that you're upset.'

'I did,' Erica admitted, voice strained. 'More than I should have done, probably.'

'Hey, we all get overly attached sometimes,' Callie consoled her. 'Are you going to the funeral?'

'His wife asked me, that's actually why I called. Look, I know I have no right to ask this of you and-' she began in a rush.

'I'll be there,' Callie interrupted immediately.

'It's next Monday.'

'That's fine.'

'If you have to work then-'

'Erica. I'll be there.'

There was a short silence on the other end of the line.

'Well. If you're sure.'

'I am.'

'Thank you. This, um, it really means…it….'

'No problem.'

---

Service over, Callie waited while Erica offered her condolences to Mike's wife, even initiating a brief hug. She'd never even met the guy but when his oldest son, who couldn't have been more than seven, offered his little hand to Erica to shake she couldn't help choking up a little.

'Do you want to go to the wake?' She asked when Erica rejoined her, subtly handing her a tissue.

'No, I don't think so, I've said my goodbyes. The wake should be for his family.'

'Do you want to get a drink then? I'm guessing you could use one.'

'God, yes.'

Settled in one of their old haunts half an hour later, Callie raised her wine glass and clinked it against Erica's.

'To Mike.'

'Mike,' Erica repeated quietly and took a sip, relaxing a fraction.

'Those kids were delicious.'

'Yeah,' Erica agreed. 'They're good boys. Smart. I just wish they didn't have to grow up so fast.'

'You didn't call UNOS,' Callie stated, tone betraying a hint of surprise.

Erica shrugged.

'I thought about it. Maybe I should have done.'

'Why didn't you?'

'What happened…happened. It was despicable and it turns my stomach but it can't be undone. Dragging it all up would only have caused more pain for Mike and his family. At least that's what I tell myself.'

'Did you hear about Stevens?' Callie asked cautiously.

'Did she steal another organ? Heal someone with her tears?' Erica guessed bitterly.

'She has cancer.'

Erica's head shot up.

'What?'

'Metastatic melanoma, stage IV. Derek's going to operate but it…doesn't look good. She signed a DNR.'

'I'm sorry,' Erica said, shaking her head slowly. 'Really. What is she, thirty?'

'About,' Callie confirmed ruefully. 'Life really sucks sometimes, huh?'

'That it does.'

'Anyway,' Callie said after a few seconds of heavy silence, attempting to move the conversation in a lighter direction. 'I heard you're at UW now. Do you like it?'

'I do,' Erica said genuinely. 'The department's great- talented surgeons, state of the art facilities. You should see the research lab they gave me, it's incredible.'

'You'll have a Harper Avery in no time,' Callie predicted, grinning.

'That's the idea.'

'Anyone as badass as me?'

'I'm pretty sure you could run rings around the Head of Ortho but everyone's very nice. Professional.'

'Oh yeah?' Callie questioned, raising an eyebrow. 'What's that like?'

'It's nice, I can sleep in an on call room without worrying about getting some kind of disease.'

'Sounds dull,' Callie teased.

'Hmm, after the saga of Seattle Grace dull makes a nice change.'

'Fair enough,' Callie laughed, relieved that they had slipped back into their easy banter almost effortlessly after months apart. 'You look great by the way, this new professional environment obviously suits you.'

'Black's my color, it matches my soul.'

'Clearly,' Callie agreed, earning her a poke in the arm.

'And you?' Erica asked, pouring them both some more wine. 'You're happy? You look happy.'

'I am,' Callie admitted simply. 'It feels kind of wrong with everything that's going on with Stevens but I really, really am.'

'You and Mark, you're together?' Erica guessed tentatively.

Callie blinked in shock.

'What? No. God, no. You're never going to believe this but Mark…' she shook her head incredulously. 'He's with Lexie Grey.'

'Little Grey? Is that even legal?'

'No really, he's besotted with her. He met her father.'

'I'm sure they had a lot in common.'

Callie snorted into her wine glass.

'Stop,' she said half-heartedly, both of them snickering unkindly about the reformed man whore.

'But you have…met someone?' Erica asked again, a little awkwardly but Callie couldn't detect any trace of bitterness . Even so, she hesitated.

'We don't have to-'

'Oh please, Torres,' Erica cut her off prematurely. 'My days of pining for you are over. I'm your friend, tell me.'

'Really?' Callie double checked.

'Really. Sorry if you thought I spent my nights writing poetry and stalking you online but I have better things to be doing.'

'Okay, okay,' Callie said, holding up her hands. 'I get it, I'm dead to you.'

'Drama queen.'

'She's a peds fellow,' Callie began, rolling her eyes at Erica's trademark snarkiness.

'She. Hmm.'

'Kind of a lesbian,' Callie reiterated, pointing at herself.

'Right, of course. Continue.'

'Hear me out because I think you're going to hate the initial description. So, she's kind of perky, wears a pink butterfly scrub cap, skates around the hospital on these Heely things…What?' she questioned when Erica's mouth fell open.

'You don't mean…Arizona Robbins?'

'How did you- Oh,' she realized. 'Hopkins. Right.'

'You're dating Sparkle Robbins?!'

'Hey,' Callie attempted to defend her. 'She's fierce and...pretty and really fun! I admit maybe she goes overboard on pastels and pep sometimes…'

'Sometimes?'

'She's not an obvious choice for me,' Callie admitted. 'But it feels good with her, it feels easy and…comfortable. You know?'

Erica closed her mouth with great difficulty.

'I'm sorry, it's just…Robbins?'

'I'm going to take a wild guess and say you two weren't BFFs?'

'She was my med student, it was my job to torture her,' Erica said, shrugging unapologetically. 'Most of the time it was so easy it wasn't even that fun.'

'Nice.'

'Oh, like you never took joy from giving a first day student a box of gloves and some lube. You're going to tell me you didn't look forward to seeing their face?

'Me?' Callie feigned innocence. 'Never. I'm the protector of med students, their guardian angel.'

'Robbins was always so relentlessly cheerful,' Erica remembered, barely suppressing a shudder. 'It was…uplifting,' she improvised after seeing Callie's expression.

'She makes me happy,' Callie reminded her.

'And you're definitely not under some spell or pretty pink hypnotism?' Erica checked, signaling to the waiter that they were ready for a new bottle.

'Give me a break.'

'I don't think I can,' Erica confessed.

'Try. She's really…pretty amazing.'

'I'm happy that you're happy,' Erica managed eventually. 'How's that?'

'It's a start, I guess. What about your love life, anyway?

'Things are quiet. No roller skating Stepford surgeons.'

'Seriously.'

'Seriously, I'm busy and I'm not really looking for a relationship right now.'

'So, have some fun,' Callie suggested lightly. 'I'm sure Arizona has some single friends in her super perfect lesbian circle.'

'Friends from the Dreamhouse? Skipper and Stacie?'

Unable to help herself, Callie burst out laughing.

'I missed you.'

'Me too Torres, me too.'

---

'Callie?'

Erica's reflection in the glass of the ICU room shook Callie out of the trance she'd been in since they'd discovered John Doe's identity that afternoon.

'How-'

'Sloan called me,' Erica explained quickly. 'Is it really him? O'Malley?'

'Yeah,' Callie confirmed, a fresh wave of tears falling as she wiped exhaustedly at her face. 'He jumped in front of a bus for a total stranger.'

'Wow,' Erica said softly, shaking her head in disbelief. Her gaze landed on Louise O'Malley, sitting by her son's bedside, face frozen with terrible pain as she held his hand.

'Where are his brothers?'

'Some fishing trip in Alaska. They're on their way.'

'You're not going to go in there?' Erica asked uncertainly.

'I'm not his family anymore,' Callie reminded her. 'We're not even really friends.'

'You're still her family, in her eyes. You always will be.'

Callie slumped against a nearby gurney, completely wrung out. Her throat hurt from crying, her heart felt like it was bleeding into her chest and her brain was fried. How much more misery was she expected to cope with?

'She wants me to decide whether to donate his organs or not.'

'That makes sense.'

'That makes sense?' Callie fired back angrily, no longer able to control her emotions. 'Me? His Vegas show wife? In what universe does that make sense?'

Erica didn't bat an eyelid, just passed her a bottle of water and waited for her to calm down.

'Obviously she doesn't feel up to thinking about it and it's not like Tom and Jerry are going to be much help here so she asked you, someone she loves and trusts. Makes perfect sense to me.'

'Ronnie,' Callie corrected her, a ghost of a smile breaking out across her face as she digested Erica's words.

'What?'

'His brother's name- it's Ronnie.'

'Right. Look,' Erica began apologetically. 'They're nice guys but they weren't exactly helpful when their father was here. I can't see them handling this very well.'

'No, you're right,' Callie agreed. 'But…me, really? I mean, we were married for about five minutes before he slept with someone else. I wasn't important to him, I was nothing. A blip.'

'I don't think that's true.'

'How do you figure?'

'Cal, you helped him through a terrible loss. You made him happy at a time when his life was unbearable, that's not nothing.'

Callie sighed and leaned her head against the wall.

'What do you think I should do?'

'He seemed like a generous guy.'

'He is,' Callie agreed. 'Was. God,' she dropped her head into her hands. 'He was going to join the army.'

'As in some kind of online elves and wizards capture the cave thing?'

'More like buzz cuts and bootcamp and helping the helpless.'

'O'Malley?'

'We had an intervention planned and everything.'

'You should go in there,' Erica said, indicating George's room. 'Sit with her until Ronnie and Jerry get here.'

'You really think she wants me in there?' Callie asked doubtfully.

'Absolutely.'

'Okay.' She exhaled slowly. 'I can do that.'

Erica smiled and patted her knee comfortingly.

'Hey, you need anything? Coffee? Tequila? Spar- Arizona?'

'I'm good,' Callie reassured her. 'Thanks for coming, I know you hate this place.'

'No problem. Okay, I got to get back to work, my minions await. Hang in there, okay?'

'I'll try. Thanks.'

---

'Callie! I know you're in there, open the door!'

Loud sniffling and zombie like shuffling announced that she was about to get her wish and she stepped away slightly.

'Oh boy,' she muttered as Callie literally fell into her arms.

'My ex-husband died!' Callie sobbed hysterically into her jacket. 'He died, he actually got hit by a bus! George got hit by a bus and n-now I have to get a new job and-and I'm never going to see my friends again and Arizona keeps bringing me doh-oh-oh-nuts!'

'Alright,' she said soothingly, privately wondering what the hell she was talking about. 'Come on, let's go inside.'

Coaxing her backwards, she surveyed the carnage of the apartment- dishes were piled high in the sink, empty donut boxes were scattered on every available surface and the place smelled like the windows hadn't been opened in weeks. Depositing Callie on the couch she went to draw the curtains, hoping to banish the creepy night of the living dead atmosphere.

'Do you even like donuts?'

'Not really. Hey!' she exclaimed petulantly when light spilled into the room. 'What are you doing?'

'What does it look like? What are you doing, locking yourself away in here?'

'Mean,' Callie griped under her breath.

'Alright,' Erica said briskly, ignoring Callie's sullen teenager act. 'Into the shower, let's go.'

'No,' Callie protested, moving to lie down. 'I'm not in the mood. Please, just leave me be.'

'Yes,' Erica persisted, snagging the blanket before Callie could hide under it. 'Come on, you'll feel better, blow away the cobwebs.'

'I don't need a shower!'

'Callie, your pores are leaking beer and stale pastries. Trust me, you want to get in the shower.'

'Leave if you don't like it!'

'Don't make me put you in there!' Erica finally threatened. 'I'll do it but I'm pretty sure that Arizona won't be bringing you any more donuts if she finds out.'

'I'll pay you back for this one day,' Callie promised grimly as she stalked into her bedroom. A few minutes later Erica heard the shower running and grinned triumphantly. Quickly she opened every window she could find and grabbed a garbage bag, clearing the worst of the mess. She'd just finished loading the dishwasher when Callie emerged, toweling her hair.

'Hey. Feel better?' Erica asked, pouring her some coffee from the freshly made pot.

'Actually, yes,' Callie admitted, gratefully accepting the cup and sitting down at the bar. 'Pretty sure I'm never going to be able to look at those sweats again though. You didn't have to clean,' she added, looking around.

'It's fine. You lost your job?'

'Technically, I quit.'

'What?'

'Webber told me that the attending position I applied for no longer existed and I kind of…overreacted,' Callie said evasively, playing with her cup awkwardly.

'Okay. So you don't want to leave?'

'Of course I don't!'

'So, talk to Richard. You've been through a lot recently, he'll understand.'

'Yeah, I'm pretty sure if I show up at Seattle Grace again he'll call security.'

Erica raised an eyebrow.

'Well, don't leave me hanging.'

'Firstly, I told him he'd regret it.'

'Starting with a threat- nice.'

'Oh, it gets worse,' Callie promised, cringing at the memory. 'I uh, stormed out of his office and made a huge scene on the walkway in front of Jennings.'

'Jennings from the board?'

'That would be the one,' Callie confirmed, nodding to confirm her stupidity.

'What did you say?'

'Among other things I compared myself to God, told him that I was too big a star for him to say my name and that he would rue the day he let me go. Also, I may have indirectly called him a dinosaur,' Callie reeled off matter of factly.

'Well,' Erica said after a few seconds. 'This is a big country, there's lots of hospitals.'

'Yeah, not helping.'

'Sorry.'

'What am I going to do?' Callie asked hopelessly. 'I just flushed my entire career down the toilet.'

'Oh please,' Erica scoffed. 'Maybe if you were some small time carpenter.'

'That's kind of how I feel right now,' Callie said quietly. 'Actually it alternates between that and a giant idiot.'

'Once word gets around that you're available you're going to be inundated with offers.'

'Yeah, I'll sit by the phone,' Callie said sarcastically.

'Callie,' Erica said firmly, covering her hand with hers. 'You are one of the most talented young orthopedic surgeons in the North West. People are going to be lining up for you.'

'Thanks,' Callie whispered, managing a small smile.

'You're welcome. As for what you're going to do, why don't you start by letting me buy you lunch?'

'Sure. Why not?'

---

11.36 18 Nov

Hey. Any plans for Thanksgiving? Having a gathering at my place.

11.48 18 Nov

Working. Plus I think my presence would put Sparkle off her food. Does she even know you asked?

12.00 18 Nov

She knows we're friends.

12.05 18 Nov

Right. That's what I thought.

13.53 18 Nov

OMG OMG OMG

13.55 18 Nov

…

13.57 18 Nov

Just did a paternity test- ON MARK. Some kid walked into the ER claiming to be his daughter!

14.00 18 Nov

Ha. A holiday miracle.

14.03 18 Nov

I wish you could have seen his face :D

14.15 18 Nov

Not as much as me, trust me.

14.27 18 Nov

It gets better. Her name is…wait for it…SLOAN

14.30 18 Nov

Sloan Sloan? Consider my year made.

---

27 Nov 09.18

Hey. Hope work wasn't too crazy yesterday.

27 Nov 11.48

Nothing I couldn't handle. How'd your dinner go?

27 Nov 12.00

Mark announced that Sloan Sloan was moving in and Little Grey nearly cut her finger off.

27 Nov 12.05

Okay, I just spat coffee all over myself. You're buying me a new shirt.

---

28 Dec 19.53

Guess who's going to be a grandpa…

28 Dec 20.00

You're killing me here, Torres.

28 Dec 20.03

Wanna meet me at Joes? We can trashtalk him…

28 Dec 20.05

Actually I'm busy tonight.

28 Dec 20.15

Busy? What's her name?

28 Dec 20.16

Goodnight, Callie .

---

'To medical brilliancy,' Erica said, smiling widely and raising her glass of champagne. 'And cartilage.'

'Thanks,' Callie replied, trying her best to look enthusiastic.

'Okay,' Erica said slowly, putting her glass down on the table without drinking. 'I've seen you more excited about tater tot day in the cafeteria.'

'I'm excited,' Callie countered defensively.

'Seriously. This champagne cost $200.'

'Arizona doesn't want kids,' she blurted out, downing the champagne in one gulp. 'In her womb, in her house…ever!'

'That is inconsistent with what I remember,' Erica said neutrally after trying and failing to find an appropriate response.

'Right?' Callie exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. 'She's a freaking pediatric surgeon! She wears roller-skates for shoes! I was prepared to have to talk her down from ten kids to two, not for her to physically shudder with disgust at the idea.'

'She shuddered?' Erica repeated, wincing.

'And said 'yikes'. She's totally on board with raising chickens in our back yard though. Because that's normal.'

'Okay, seriously, is she a character from 'The Waltons'?'

'Focus,' Callie snapped.

'What did you say?'

'Nothing, at first. Then I took some very bad advice and told her that having children with her wouldn't you know, repulse me, and now we're not talking at all.'

'Nothing?'

'Well, we had a scintillating discussion about pound cake this morning. That's all we have left now.'

'Pound cake?' Erica questioned, forehead crinkling with confusion. 'Is that some kind of euphemism?'

'Huh,' Callie said in surprise. 'Maybe you and Mark have more in common than you think.'

'What?'

'Never mind.'

She picked up the menu and moodily browsed through it.

'If I get the lasagna will you give me a lecture about clogged arteries? I really need carbs.'

'You're safe.'

'Thanks. Oh, we're out of booze,' she said sadly when she tried to refill her glass only to be confronted with an empty bottle.

'What are you going to do, Cal?' Erica asked when the waitress brought their entrees after a few minutes of meaningless small talk.

'I was kind of hoping you could tell me that.'

'Maybe she'll change her mind?' Erica offered weakly.

'What if she doesn't? What if my eggs shrivel and die while I'm waiting for her to change her mind and I become the weird childless lady who sits in the playground watching the children?'

'I don't know what to tell you,' Erica confessed. 'This isn't really something that you can compromise on.'

'Don't tell me to break up with her,' Callie warned her pre-emptively, stabbing her lasagna aggressively. 'I love her. Everything about her,' she acknowledged sadly.

'If that's really how she feels then…you have a choice to make,' Erica stated as gently as she could.

'Oh God,' Callie groaned. 'Let's change the subject, please.'

'Do you want to talk about your research?'

'No. Let's talk about you,' Callie suggested, desperate to take her mind off the impending car crash her relationship was heading towards.

'Me? What about me?'

'You're happy,' Callie pointed out almost accusingly, a knowing smile spreading over her face.

'And?' Erica prompted, trying for a bored tone but blushing slightly.

'You're getting laid. Sorry, but it's practically radiating out of you,' she shrugged when Erica rolled her eyes.

'Just sex?' She asked, leaning back in her chair.

'No,' Erica said simply. 'Not just sex.'

'But you're having lots, right? All over the place.'

Erica shook her head at Callie's bluntness but couldn't stop herself from grinning widely.

'Maybe,' she conceded.

'Okay,' Callie laughed. 'Maybe. And how long has this maybe been going on for?'

'A few months.'

'A few months? Well, I'm a little hurt,' Callie said, pouting.

'Oh give me a break, Torres,' Erica scoffed.

'I'm your best friend,' Callie reminded her. 'I demand the right to judge her!'

'Judge her?'

'Check her intentions, whether she's good enough for you…'

'Oh trust me,' Erica reassured her, smiling to herself as she dreamily pushed food around her plate. 'She's way too good for me.'

'Hey,' Callie reprimanded her gently. 'Don't sell yourself short.'

'I meant to tell you sooner. It's just…this is the first serious thing I've had since um, well…you know,' Erica clumsily attempted to explain. 'I didn't want to jinx it.'

'You like her,' Callie sing songed happily, unable to believe how adorable Erica could be sometimes. 'As in like like her.'

'You're insufferable.'

'But it's true,' Callie continued, still in the same voice.

'I preferred you miserable. Think about your aching womb.'

'At least tell me her name,' Callie said hopefully, ignoring Erica's attempted deflection.

'Laura,' Erica gave in.

'She a doctor?'

'A lawyer. Real estate.'

'And when can I meet her?'

'So you can judge her?' Erica asked, raising an eyebrow.

'Yeah, because Sparkle's not a judgmental nickname at all,' Callie pointed out, gesturing emphatically with her wine glass as her alcohol consumption finally caught up with her.

'Sparkle prefers chickens to babies, remember?'

'Oh right, yeah. Judge away.'

'Talk to her again, Callie. You love each other, don't just throw that away.'

'Yeah yeah, and I can meet Laura…'

'Soon,' Erica promised half-heartedly.

'Soon? I want a date!'

'Let me know when everything's okay in the happiest place on earth again. Then we'll talk.'

---

'This is Dr. Hahn.'

'Uh hey, sorry to call you at work. Are you busy?'

'Um, I have a minute. What's up?'

'I think I may have found a solution to the Arizona hating my future babies problem.'

'Oh?'

'Yeah, can I run it by you?'

'Yeah, quickly.'

'So, Sloan gave birth today- beautiful boy, everything's fine- but she's totally not ready to be a mom so Mark might adopt him and Iwas thinking maybe-'

'Did you hear that?'

'Hear what?'

'My head just hit the desk in despair.'

'You're hilarious.'

'You can't seriously be considering this.'

'So, it's a bad idea?'

'Is catastrophic a strong enough word?'

'Okay okay, I get the message you smart ass.'

'Look, that's the cath lab- I have to go. I'll call you later- don't sign any forms.'

'He's really cute…'

'You're going to be the death of me.'

---

Erica pushed open the waiting room door and surveyed the collection of SGMW doctors scattered around on various chairs, all wearing identical expressions of horrified disbelief.

'Derek?' Mark asked as soon as he saw her, half rising from his position of cradling a trembling Lexie Grey. Heads swiveled her way expectantly.

'He's doing well,' she said, glad to be able to give a little bit of good news on such a terrible day. 'He'll need an additional repair at some point but Yang did an excellent job. He's in recovery. Hunt and Karev are holding strong too,' she added, anticipating the next round of questions. A collective sigh of relief went around the waiting room.

'Can I see him? Yang said she was taking Meredith to get checked out for shock but someone should be with him.'

'Sure,' Erica nodded. 'Ask at the nurse's station and they'll give you his room number.'

'Thank you,' he said genuinely and gently handed Lexie over to Bailey. Erica made her way to the corner of the room where Callie was sitting with Arizona, hands clasped, and for once didn't mind about public displays of affection when Callie stood up and hugged her tightly.

'I'm so glad you're okay,' Erica murmured, nearly overcome with relief.

'I don't know about that,' Callie said shakily when they broke apart. 'But I'm not really in any position to complain.'

'Sweetie?' Arizona interrupted tentatively, standing up too. 'I think I should go sit with Karev, he shouldn't be alone.'

'Right,' Callie agreed quickly, though privately not thrilled at the prospect of letting Arizona out of her sight. 'No, right, of course.'

'Could you take her home?' Arizona asked, turning to Erica. It was the first time they'd spoken in nearly ten years. 'Stay with her until I get back?'

'Of course,' Erica agreed automatically. 'Absolutely.'

'Thanks. I'll try not to be long, okay?' Arizona promised Callie tenderly, leaning in for a lingering kiss. Erica looked away, trying to give them some privacy. The last she'd heard about their relationship had been Callie crying into her cereal about how much she missed her so apparently the events of the day had changed things.

'I'll just get my stuff,' she told Callie when Arizona left, disappearing through the swinging doors.

'I thought he was going to shoot her,' Callie said faintly. 'I've never been so scared in my entire life.'

'I know,' Erica reassured her, putting her hand on her shoulder. 'But you're safe now, you both are.'

'Yeah,' Callie whispered, almost if she were in a trance. 'Safe.'

'I'll be right back. Does anyone else need a ride?' She offered, raising her voice a little. Whilst not exactly suited to play the role of the good Samaritan she figured it was the least she could do.

'Actually,' Bailey spoke up. 'I don't think it's doing her any good being here,' she said, indicating Grey. 'Her father lives near here, maybe you could drop her off there?'

'That's fine,' Erica said, nodding. 'And you?'

'Tuck's at his dad's,' she said, shrugging. 'I'm going to stay with my friend but she lives in Madison Park, that's a long dr-'

'It's no trouble,' Erica interrupted her abruptly. 'I'll be back soon.'

They rode the first part of the trip in silence apart from Grey's racking sobs. Erica watched her worriedly in the mirror, concerned about her mental status. Honestly she didn't know if she had any idea where she was or what was going on.

'Poor girl,' Bailey said, shaking her head as they watched her father lead her inside his house. 'She found Karev in the elevator, bleeding to death and then nearly got shot to boot.'

'We've got a great trauma counselor at UW,' Erica said, clearing her throat. 'I'll make sure she gets an appointment.'

'Mark'll take her,' Callie said sadly. 'He'd do anything for her.'

'No kidding,' Bailey agreed.

'Did you hear about the Mercy Westers?' Callie whispered as they pulled away, tearing repeatedly at a hangnail until Erica touched her hand, stilling it.

'Yeah, I heard,' Bailey said expressionlessly after a few seconds.

'The girl- I can't even remember her name.'

'Reed,' Bailey said quietly. 'It was Reed. The boy-Percy- he had a crush on her. Told me right before he died.'

'I'm sorry,' Erica said uselessly when the silence stretched too long.

'So am I.'

By the time they finally arrived at Callie's apartment it was over an hour later. Erica looked on non-judgmentally as Callie turned on every available light and then stood in the middle of the living room, apparently at a loss what to do next.

'Maybe I shouldn't have left,' she said doubtfully. 'Do you think I should go back?'

'I'll take you back, if you want,' Erica offered, unsure of what she wanted her to say.

'I don't want to,' Callie confessed. 'I wanted to scream in that waiting room- Grey crying like a baby and Mark pretending everything was going to be okay. Does that make me a terrible person?'

'Of course not.'

'I don't know what I should do.'

'How about a shower?' Erica suggested. 'Change your clothes?'

Callie looked down blankly, she was still in her scrubs.

'Oh. Yeah, I guess.'

'I could run you a bath?'

'No, that's okay. Hey,' Callie said suddenly, voice laced with panic. 'Did you lock the door?'

'I can check,' Erica humored her, walking over and checking the knob wouldn't turn any further.

'And the outside door locks automatically,' Callie recited, almost to herself. 'We closed it right, when we came in?'

'Yeah, we did.'

'You remember?' Callie pressed, breathing becoming noticeably faster.

'I remember. You're safe, Cal.'

'Right, I know. Of course, I was safe at work until today too,' Callie reminded her, letting out a bitter peal of laughter.

'How about that shower?' Erica said after finding no good response to that.

'Yeah, um,' Callie crossed her arms and stared at the floor. 'Can you uh…sit in my room while I'm in there? I'd just, um… I'd feel better.'

'Sure.'

Usually someone who enjoyed a long shower, Callie hurried through it tonight, her skin crawling with discomfort at turning her back on the door to her bedroom. She was brushing her teeth when she heard Erica's cellphone ring on the other side of the door.

'Hey…no, she's fine, just a little shaken up…yeah, I'm going to stay….mmm,okay, I will…sure, no problem…'

Gleefully anticipating what was coming next, Callie opened the door for the big finale.

'Yeah, I…I love you too. Okay, bye.'

Callie gave her a few moments to squirm uncomfortably before she moved in for the kill.

'You know, mortified red is definitely your color,' she teased, consciously pushing the horrific events of the day to the back of her mind for a few seconds. 'You should wear it more often.'

'I guess I'm not used to saying it yet,' Erica admitted.

'But you're there? You love her?'

'Yes,' Erica confirmed simply.

'That's great,' Callie said genuinely.

Still blushing like a schoolgirl, Erica smiled her sweet, understated smile.

'Can we move on? You're making me look like an idiot here.'

'You look happy,' Callie countered, sitting down on the bed next to her. 'That's all.'

'So, you and Arizona?' Erica redirected. 'You guys didn't look so broken up in there.'

'We decided to try again. Damnit!' she cursed suddenly as she dropped the comb she was attempting to pull through her hair. She'd been able to stop her hands from trembling while she needed to help with Ruby's appendectomy but ever since she'd been getting random attacks of the shakes .

'I've got it,' Erica said quickly, grabbing the comb. 'Here, turn around.'

'Thanks,' Callie sighed.

'She change her mind? About kids?' Erica asked.

Callie shrugged.

'She said she has. I don't know if she really meant it though, it was right after we got out of the hospital, maybe it was just the heat of the moment.'

'And if it was? You're okay with that?'

'I can't live without her,' Callie stated simply. 'I realized that today. When I saw that gun…' She tensed slightly as the memory stirred up the dread and nausea all over again. 'She was all I could think about, how stupid I was to let her go…I'll never love anyone the way I love her. I don't want to.'

'I'm glad you guys are working things out.'

'I just wish she was here,' Callie said wistfully.

'I know, but she's doing a nice thing- sitting with Karev. Waking up alone after that experience would be rough.'

'I guess. Hey, um, I didn't mean…I'm glad you're here,' she backtracked half-heartedly when she realized how her words must have sounded.

'It's fine. The day you've had, must be hard being apart.'

'Yeah.'

'You want to talk about it?' Erica asked, putting the comb down.

'No,' Callie said after a moment. 'Not today.'

'Okay. Where's your blow-dryer?'

'Uh, in the bathroom I think.' Her shoulders slumped with exhaustion as Erica stood up to get it. 'God,' she groaned. 'I'm so tired but the thought of sleeping…'

'I swiped some Diazepam,' Erica told her neutrally. 'Could help.'

'Valium?' Callie raised an eyebrow. 'I've been trying so hard not to turn into some bored, neurotic socialite.'

'I won't tell if you won't,' Erica promised, grinning.

'Maybe. I really just don't want to be alone.'

'You won't be, don't worry.'

---

'Hello?'

Callie froze, phone pressed to her ear. That was definitely not Erica's voice. Quickly she checked the display in case she'd dialed the wrong number but it appeared to be correct.

'Um, hey,' she said awkwardly. 'Is Erica there?'

'Yeah,' what could only be the mysterious Laura grunted semi-consciously and the phone was passed over.

'Yes?' Erica didn't exactly sound ecstatic about the situation either Callie noted, cringing.

'It's Callie,' she said apologetically. 'Look, I'm sorry; I didn't even look at the time. I'll call you back tomorrow.'

'No no, it's alright,' Erica reassured her quickly, tone softening a fraction. 'Just a second.'

Callie heard the rustle of fabric, some indecipherable murmurings and then a door clicking shut.

'Is everything okay?'

'Yeah,' Callie tried for upbeat. 'I mean, I had a nightmare. About the shooting.'

'A bad one?'

'Pretty bad,' she admitted. 'Arizona's at work and Yang moved out last week, not that she'd have been much help, and I just…'

'It's fine, Cal. You can call anytime, you know that.'

'Say sorry to Laura for me. That was her, right?'

'Ha ha,' Erica said drily. 'Yes, it was her.'

'Did you move her in already? You know, for someone late to the party you're very diligent in fulfilling your stereotypical quotas.'

'No, I did not. And as for stereotypes- you're the one that just U-hauled with Sparkle,' Erica pointed out snarkily. 'How's that going by the way?'

'Fine, if you like beige.'

'There's worse colors.'

'She compared my apartment to the bat cave,' Callie whined semi-seriously.

'I suppose the décor is more obvious now Yang's disgusting mess isn't there anymore.'

'Really though? Is it frowny?'

'That's not even a word. Now tell me about this nightmare.'

---

'The Carter Madison? Wow. No-one-'

'Wins that,' Callie finished sullenly. 'Right.'

Erica regarded her knowingly over her latte. She'd noticed something was up with Callie the second she'd seen her storm through the door of their favorite coffee place and typically for her it hadn't taken her long to reveal what was bothering her.

'That's a pretty big achievement,' she said neutrally, sitting back and waiting for Callie to explode.

'I'm proud of her,' Callie recited dutifully. 'Of course I am.'

'But…' Erica prompted, spreading her hands expectantly.

'It's three years!' Callie exclaimed, finally feeling like she was allowed to express a negative opinion about it all. 'In Malawi!'

'You don't want her to go.'

'No! Yes. I don't know,' she sighed, emptying an obscene amount of sugar into her coffee cup. 'I can't tell her not to go.'

'No, you just want her to decide that herself.'

'I want her not to want to go,' Callie admitted. 'I wouldn't, if I was in her position.'

'Callie, this is a huge oppor-'

'I will throw this coffee at you if you finish that sentence,' Callie warned her seriously, unable to tolerate another gushing speech about the tiny humans of Malawi.

'You can't expect her just to dismiss it out of hand,' Erica ploughed on, regardless.

'What about in hand?' Callie muttered.

'It's not unreasonable for her to think about doing this.'

'She hasn't thought about it though!' Callie exploded, all the hurt she'd been carrying around for weeks spilling out all at once. 'She heard she got the grant and ten minutes later she was buying a freaking pink sunhat and handing in her resignation! She didn't even discuss it with me.'

'She's definitely going?'

'Yeah and it's going to be awesome,' Callie spat out bitterly. 'If I even try and point out one tiny flaw in the plan she just accuses me of being negative and lays on the 'huge opportunity' guilt trip. God, I'm so tired of hearing it!'

'I know this wasn't exactly what you had planned,' Erica acknowledged carefully, aware that she shouldn't be too harsh despite the fact that Callie was acting like a petulant teenager.

'No, it wasn't!' Callie agreed emphatically. 'It's not fair for her to just tell me that she's turning our lives upside down for three years and expect me to accept it!'

'You want her to turn it down for you? So she can resent you for the rest of your lives?' Erica asked her frankly.

'She's acting like our life together means crap! Sorry if I expect her to have second thoughts about throwing away everything we've worked for!'

'You need to talk to her,' Erica stated obviously, shaking her head.

'I told you, I've tried.'

'Not like this, tell her how you feel. Calmly. No wonder she's getting defensive if you're making accusations like that.'

'I can't,' Callie admitted. 'I'm too mad.'

'Get over it,' Erica told her bluntly, draining her cup.

'Thanks,' Callie said sarcastically. 'Great advice.'

'Look, Cal,' Erica began in a no-nonsense tone. 'Here's the way I see it. Apparently she's going, however you feel about it, so you need to find a way to live with it or end it so you're both free to move on with your lives. Either way you can't let her leave like this.'

Callie stared at the table in silence for a few seconds, unable to quite accept the cold truth of what Erica was saying.

'She asked me to go with her,' she revealed eventually. 'Maybe that could be a compromise.'

'Do you want to go?' Erica asked skeptically.

Callie shrugged.

'I don't see what other solution there is.'

'Not an answer,' Erica said, refusing to let her sidestep the question.

'No,' Callie admitted. 'I don't want to go, I like my life here. I thought Arizona did too but obviously I was wrong.'

'Then it's not a solution, it's just a temporary fix. A bad one.'

'It's only three years,' Callie pointed out, sounding more than a little desperate. 'I could start a new research project when I get back and, okay, we'd have to delay starting a family but uh…that's um…we'd be together. We could make it work, right?'

'Are you trying to persuade yourself or me?'

'Both, I guess.

'Honestly?' Erica checked and continued at Callie's nod. 'I think you'll hate it and eventually you'll wind up hating her.'

'What else am I supposed to do?' Callie asked miserably.

'Stay here. You can visit her, she can visit you, there's email and Skype and it's not forever. You could continue with your research and she could just come back at the end of the grant instead of both of you having to find new jobs and somewhere to live. And, you know, in three years you'll be in a great position to have a baby- you'll be a senior attending- financially stable, better hours. It could all work out for the best.'

'Three years long distance?' Callie pulled a face, apparently not having heard anything after 'stay here'. 'Sounds fun.'

'More fun than three years in a place you don't want to live thousands of miles from your friends and family.'

'She told me once that she doesn't even know if she believes in long distance relationships,' Callie sighed.

'Won't she at least consider it?' Erica asked, becoming a little irritated with Callie's constant determination to rush blindly into a guaranteed disaster.

'I don't know.'

'Why don't you ask her?' Erica suggested as patiently as she could.

'Yeah.' Callie said perfunctorily. 'Will you at least come and see me off if I decide to go? Arizona wants to leave on November 4th.'

Erica took in Callie's watery smile, nervous body language and refusal to make eye contact and her heart sank as she realized that she had already decided to go long before their coffee date this morning. Obviously Callie wanted her to reassure her it was all going to be okay and trot out some platitudes about giving it time and rewarding work but she couldn't bring herself to say them. Any idiot could tell she was making a huge mistake.

'Actually,' she said awkwardly. 'I'm going on vacation on the 1st.'

Callie's mouth fell open in shock.

'Vacation. You?'

'Yeah,' Erica confirmed, shrugging. 'It's about time I took one apparently.'

'You and Laura are going together?' Callie asked, trying her best to sound happy but Erica caught the undertone of bitterness loud and clear.

'Yeah, we're uh, going to Australia for ten days.'

'Australia. Wow.'

'Well, why not right?'

'No, absolutely. Take some photographs for me, okay?'

'Sure,' Erica said, gratefully noting the time on her watch. Callie's terrible mood was getting more and more contagious by the second. 'Sorry, I have to go- I'm on at eleven.'

Callie nodded silently, watching her as she quickly gathered up her belongings.

'Talk to Arizona again, okay?' Erica tried to talk sense into her one last time before she left. 'You don't have to make a decision yet.'

'Yeah, I will. Bye.'

'Bye, Cal.'

---

Erica pushed open the door of Joe's, breathing in the familiar scent of beer and pheromones. Two years and the place hadn't changed a bit, the floor was even sticky in the same places.

'Dr. Hahn!'

Apparently not everything was the same.

'Yang?' She blurted out, mouth falling open at the sight of her former resident mixing some fluorescent concoction from a myriad of different spirit bottles.

'It's called the "Early Onset Alzheimers",' Yang said proudly, apparently not noticing Erica's stunned expression.

'You…work here?'

'Yep!' Yang confirmed happily. 'You want one? I've had two and I've nearly forgotten what a bitch you were to me.'

'Is Torres here?' Erica asked impatiently, deciding that Yang's career change was definitely not her problem.

'Erica!'

She turned around to see Derek Shepherd waving at her from a table in the back. Closer inspection revealed Callie slumped over it, semi-conscious.

'She's really drunk,' Yang informed her needlessly, cheerfully sloshing vodka all over the bar.

Erica sighed and walked over, nodding a greeting to Shepherd, as she approached the table. He seemed to be the only one of the Seattle Grace gang present, she noted with relief. She had no real problem with most of them but Sloan still made her skin crawl for some irrational reason.

'Derek. Congratulations on your trial.'

'Thanks. Sorry for calling so late but she insisted it had to be you.'

'No problem. Hey Cal,' she said loudly, shaking her awake. 'Ready to go?'

Callie raised her head blearily, blinking in confusion. When she saw Erica her eyes lit up for a second before disappointment clouded her features.

'I thought you were Arizona,' she mumbled incoherently. 'You know, you kind of look like her in a low light.'

'I'm going to take you back to my place, okay?' Erica said, not knowing whether to be offended or flattered.

'But I haven't finished my drink!' Callie protested, making a clumsy grab for the dregs of the bright blue poison she'd been drinking all night.

'Yeah, I'll make you one when we get to my place,' Erica placated her. 'Lean on me, okay? My car's right outside the door.'

Between her and Shepherd they managed to get her into the passenger seat of the car. Her head lolled back on the headrest as Erica leaned over her to fasten her seatbelt.

'I'm a mess,' she slurred self-pityingly, tears glistening in her eyes.

'You just need to sleep,' Erica tried to reassure her. 'Don't worry, okay? I'll take care of you.'

Callie nodded bleakly and moved her arm out of the way so Erica could shut the door. Shepherd shoved his hands in his pockets and smiled sympathetically.

'You heard about her and Robbins?' He asked Erica as she moved around to the driver's side.

'Actually no, but I can't say I'm surprised unfortunately,' Erica admitted. 'Look, I'm glad you called.'

'Well, I figured she could use a friend,' Shepherd said easily. 'Good night.'

'Good night.'

'Sooo,' Callie drawled as they pulled out of the parking lot, carefully enunciating each word. 'How was Australia?'

'Great,' Erica said briefly. 'I'm sold on this whole vacation thing.'

'It didn't begin with you being abandoned at the airport then? Cuz that's the best way to start a trip.'

'I'm sorry, Cal.'

'You can say it, you know,' Callie told her when they were waiting at the stoplight.

'What?'

'I told you so. Go ahead, I deserve it,' she encouraged her, throwing her hands up in the air in defeat.

'Come on, Cal,' Erica said dismissively. 'You think I'm happy about this?'

'Ev'y one loves to be right,' Callie giggled, still managing to look heartbroken somehow.

'Not this time,' Erica insisted. 'Hey! Ouch!' She exclaimed as Callie poked her in the arm suddenly.

'You have a tan, rubia,' Callie said accusingly, leaning in closer to inspect it properly.

'Yeah, I guess,' Erica agreed distractedly, rubbing at the spot where she'd been jabbed. 'The weather was pretty nice.'

'You smell good. Not like me.'

'You smell fine, Cal,' Erica responded automatically. 'Come on, we're here. Let's get you to bed.'

'Is Laura here?' Callie asked in a stage whisper louder than most megaphones as she stumbled through Erica's front door. 'I don't wanna wake her up.'

'No, she's at her place tonight.'

'Startin' to think you're making her up,' Callie warned her, the stairs rising and falling alarmingly in her cloudy vision. Steadied by Erica's hand she started to slowly make her way to the guest room.

'I promise she's real. You want some pyjamas?' She asked, guiding Callie to the bed and helping her take off her boots.

'Oh, comfy,' Callie sighed, head hitting the pillow with a thump. 'Hey, I didn't know you had spinning ceilings.'

'I'll take that as a no,' Erica said under her breath. Raising her voice again she put Callie's purse on the nightstand. 'Get some sleep, okay? I'll see you in the morning.'

'Hey,' Callie mumbled, eyes already drifting shut. 'Do you like my hair?'

'It's great.'

'It's short. And kind of blue.'

'I see that.'

'Arizona liked it long…'

'Get some sleep,' Erica repeated steadily. 'Good night.'

'Night.'

A few hours later Erica jumped awake to the sound of crashing from downstairs. Frowning, she pulled on her robe and went to investigate, soon finding Callie standing sheepishly on the tile floor in the middle of most of her saucepans.

'Sorry,' she giggled coquettishly.

'It's alright,' Erica said uncertainly, feeling uncomfortable for some reason. She was getting a weird vibe from Callie who didn't look all that sorry about waking her up, it was almost as if she'd done it on purpose. Quickly she picked up the pans and returned them to their hooks, warily watching Callie out of the corner of her eye. When she turned around to face her properly she was leaning against the table, arms crossed, looking almost...calculating. Noticing that her shirt sleeve had slid down to reveal a bra strap and her skirt, which was short to begin with, had gotten rucked up, Erica averted her gaze awkwardly.

'Do you want some water?'

'No, I'm good.'

'Okay, so…' Erica let her voice trail off as Callie started to walk towards her, a horrible suspicion creeping up on her.

'I want…sorbet,' Callie said huskily, stopping at a decidedly closer than friendly distance away.

'Sorbet,' Erica repeated flatly, shaking her head in angry disbelief. Undeterred by Erica's lukewarm response Callie reached for the belt on her robe only to have her hands shoved away.

'A palate cleanser?' Erica questioned incredulously. 'That's what I am to you?'

A little taken aback at being so summarily rejected, Callie tried to shrug it off.

'I thought we could have a little fun. I mean, why not?'

'A little fun,' Erica echoed sarcastically. 'Cheating on someone I love with someone who'd be thinking about someone else the whole time. Is the light low enough? Can you kid yourself it's her?'

Trying to ignore the shame that was starting to seep through her body, Callie backed off sulkily.

'Fine, you don't want to. No big deal.'

'What's the matter, Cal? Can't handle being the sad, lonely, reject for once? I guess that always has to be me, huh?'

'Stop being such a bitch!' Callie spat angrily.

'Me? I'm not the one who's trying to sabotage their friend's happiness because I can't deal with my own crappy decisions!'

'My crappy decisions?!' Callie yelled disbelievingly. 'So this is my fault? She left me at the airport! After I had given up everything-'

'You shouldn't have even been going!' Erica shot back coldly, knowing that she was crossing a line but so pissed off with Callie's self-centered behavior that she didn't care. 'You couldn't take the fact that the grant was more important to her than you so you decided to tag along on something that was nothing to do with you so you could make her feel guilty for ruining your life!'

Stunned by Erica's vicious outburst, Callie opened and closed her mouth silently several times before storming out of the kitchen to her room in search of her purse, taking the stairs two at a time.

'Where do you think you're going?' Erica demanded, following her and shoving the door open when Callie tried to close it in her face.

'You know what?' Callie exclaimed, shaking with adrenaline as she stabbed at the buttons on her phone. 'Screw you. I'm calling Mark, he'll come and get me.'

'Oh, so you're going to fuck him instead?'

'Maybe I will,' Callie said savagely.

'Go on then,' Erica dared her. 'See if it makes you feel any better.'

'He was a much better lay than you!' Callie bit back pettily.

'Yeah, well, I hate to break it you but you're far from the best I've ever had!' Erica responded lightning quick, drawing on her unattractive talent for hitting people where they hurt the most. 'The world doesn't start and end with you, you know. People don't exist simply for you to use and discard as you please!'

'Get. Out,' Callie practically growled.

'Fine,' Erica surrendered. 'But you're insane if you think jumping into bed with Sloan is going to do anything except make things a hundred times worse. Something you'd know if you ever thought about the consequences of your actions for more than two seconds.'

Turning her back on Callie she slammed the door loudly, giving into her temper and then nearly instantly regretting it. Blowing out a breath she leaned heavily against the landing wall, guilt overwhelming her when she heard Callie's racking sobs start a few seconds later.

'Son of a bitch,' she muttered, anger still very much there but now firmly redirected towards herself. Bracing herself for a missile aimed at her face she opened the guest room door again.

'Callie…' she began resignedly.

'I'm sorry,' Callie sobbed first before she could finish. 'I just miss her so much and I was trying to forget…'

'I know,' Erica said shortly. 'I know exactly why you did it.'

'I'm sorry,' Callie repeated anyway. 'I just can't bear feeling like this,' she confessed, her face so distraught that Erica couldn't help but feel sorry for her.

'It won't last forever,' she reassured her, sitting down on the bed next to her.

'I'm such an idiot,' Callie whispered. 'I ruin everything good in my life. It's pathetic. I'm-'

'No, you're not.'

'Yeah?' Callie scoffed. 'I realized today that I'm right back where I was when my marriage ended- another triumph in decision making.'

'Acting pathetic and being pathetic are different, Cal.'

Callie blinked at the tough words after weeks of being smothered in meaningless sympathy from her colleagues but then nodded in agreement.

'You know I'll help you through this, you can drink, cry- whatever, but throwing yourself at me? You're better than that.'

'Apparently not,' Callie sniffed.

'You made a poor judgment call, let's just put it down to Yang's woeful bartending skills and forget the whole thing, shall we?'

'Really?'

'Yeah,' Erica said simply, reaching over to squeeze Callie's hand. Callie managed a small smile and ran her hands through her hair before standing up and grabbing her phone again.

'I should go. Thanks for not kicking me out but I think it's probably best if I get out of here before I embarrass myself even more.'

'Go where?' Erica asked.

'I have a room at the Archfield, I guess I'll stay there until I figure out...something better,' Callie settled on, not capable of contemplating a permanent home without Arizona at that moment.

'Do you want to stay with me for a while?'

Callie glanced up from searching for a cab number in her phone book and looked at Erica doubtfully.

'After my little performance tonight?'

'It's forgotten, remember?' Erica reminded her.

Automatically Callie opened her mouth to say yes, desperate to escape from the place she had come to see as the soulless graveyard of her relationships.

'That's settled then,' Erica said, correctly reading Callie's facial expression.

'You don't have to,' Callie protested weakly.

'You'll never be able to fight your bored, neurotic socialite tendencies if you're bathing in champagne and eating caviar for breakfast everyday at the Archfield. You'll turn into your-'

'Don't you dare,' Callie warned her.

'Mother,' Erica finished triumphantly, grinning widely at her victory. Callie shook her head but then couldn't help a small peal of laughter from escaping, banishing the lingering awkwardness from the room.

'Can't have that,' she acknowledged.

'I couldn't bear to see it. Okay,' Erica said, standing up. 'I'm going to go and get you something to sleep in and we'll go get your stuff from the Archfield in the morning, okay?'

Callie nodded obediently.

'Okay.'

'We're going to get you back on your feet.'

'I can't wait.'

---

20 Nov 12.42

Hey, are you going to be back in time for dinner?

20 Nov 12.50

I think so. Why?

20 Nov 12.55

I told Laura what happened and she feels sorry for you. Wants to cook for you.

20 Nov 13.00

Seriously? I kind of thought she'd be weird about me staying with you.

20 Nov 13.07

Apparently it's mature and generous. Also the fact that we're friends means that I successfully passed that stage of initiation or something.

20 Nov 13.15

So what you're saying is my pain and suffering is actually getting you more sex.

20 Nov 13.30

Every cloud

20 Nov 13.47

Whatever. I'll be there, if she's the one that made that banana bread then I want her pity meal. I'm not proud.

20 Nov 14.00

7pm and if you eat the last piece of that again you're out of my house for good.

---

'Doorbell,' Callie announced lazily, barely even looking up from her magazine.

'I don't know what I did without you,' Erica drawled sarcastically from where she was standing in the kitchen.

'Repressed your true self and had bad sex.'

'Right.'

'You're not going to answer it?' Callie asked when Erica didn't make a move towards the door.

'So some salesman can try and sell me rip-off insurance? No thank you.'

'What if it's...um...' Callie tried hard to think of people Erica would tolerate in her house beyond her and Laura, both of whom had keys.

'Exactly.'

The doorbell rang again rudely, then a third and fourth time in quick succession.

'You picked the wrong house, pal,' Erica muttered ominously as she stalked into the hall to get rid of whatever poor unfortunate was on the other side of the door.

Returning to a day in the life of J-Lo and her newest husband, Callie only half paid attention to Erica unleashing her wrath on whoever was outside. It was only when she'd reached the end of the article and was admiring the tackiness of an outrageous diamond ring that she fully tuned into the conversation.

'Sparkle, you're barking so far up the wrong tree you're not even in the right forest!'

Callie nearly dropped the magazine. Sparkle? Arizona was outside? That was impossible.

'Look, just wait here. And stop sniveling over my porch.'

Callie heard the door close and waited dumbly for Erica to reappear, not sure whether to be hopeful, angry or ecstatic. Her stomach churned with nerves.

'Well, Safari Barbie's back,' Erica announced bluntly a few seconds later. 'And full of squeaky accusations.'

'Arizona's here?' Callie said slowly, still in disbelief. 'Outside?'

'In the flesh. Do you want me to get rid of her?'

'I...I don't know,' Callie said honestly. 'Is she back? Has she come back...for me?'

'She's certainly not here for me,' Erica pointed out.

'Do you think I should talk to her?'

'From a selfish point of view I have to say yes, seeing as she's making some ridiculous claim about sleeping on my driveway until you do.'

'She's going to stay out there all night?' Callie said doubtfully. 'It's freezing.'

'That's what she thinks. I'm giving her fifteen minutes to get the hell off my property.'

'What if she won't go?'

'Oh, she will. Trust me.'

'I...I don't know what to say!' Callie stammered.

'You can start with the fact that I haven't 'moved in on you' or 'taken advantage',' Erica suggested, rolling her eyes in irritation. 'And that I'll take an apology whenever she's ready.'

'She said-'

'She said a lot of things. You'd probably find them a lot more interesting than I did.'

'Okay,' Callie decided, squaring her shoulders resolutely. 'I'll hear her out but that's it. It doesn't mean-'

'Yeah yeah. Take your coat, like you said it's freezing and she's not coming in here.'

'Well?' Erica questioned when she heard Arizona's rental car pulling away twenty minutes later. Callie was in the hall trying to stamp some feeling back into her feet.

'I nearly froze my ass off out there, you know,' Callie moaned, half seriously. 'Cubanas shrivel and die when it gets below 68 degrees.'

'Have you ever even been to Cuba?'

'Yeah, because growing up in Miami was great preparation for a Seattle winter,' Callie griped.

'You sent her away?' Erica prompted, all too aware of Callie's delaying tactics when she didn't want to make a difficult decision.

Callie shrugged.

'She's staying at a hotel. I told her I needed time to think so I guess she went back there.'

'Fair enough,' Erica stated matter of factly and picked up her book.

'That's it?' Callie said when a few seconds had passed.

'Is what it? This was only my business when she was outside my house with her boombox. You need to think and whatever you decide -'

'I didn't mean think alone!' Callie exclaimed frustratedly, grabbing Erica's book and nearly hitting her on the head with it. 'Do you really need a run down of my stellar decision making skills? I need help, okay? Because right now all I can think about is how beautiful she looks and how that hotel room probably has a really big bed and it has been months, actual months and...oh God, maybe I need to go stand in the cold again.'

'Alright, alright,' Erica cut her off and pulled her down onto the couch. 'Sit down. Although, I'll just remind you I can't exactly be impartial about a woman who, at best, irritates the hell out of me.'

'She apologized, by the way,' Callie told her, clearing her throat. 'About the...misunderstanding with us.'

'The hell she did,' Erica scoffed.

'Alright, she didn't,' Callie caved easily.

'So, what did she say?'

'That she came back for me. That she can't be happy without me. That she'd do anything for a second chance,' Callie repeated quietly, remembering the seemingly genuine feeling and emotion behind the words.

'And you believed her?'

'You think I shouldn't,' Callie guessed.

'Pretty words don't really do much for me,' Erica said, shrugging. 'Anyone can make a grand declaration, me- I like to see proof.'

'She did...you know, give up her dream job and fly halfway across the world for me,' Callie pointed out meekly.

'True,' Erica acknowledged.

'But...'

'What about in a week or two when Christmas is over and she realizes what she's done? How do you know she won't want to go back?'

'I don't,' Callie admitted.

'You could wait a while. Let her prove that she really intends to stick around for you.'

'Yeah, I could,' Callie agreed half-heartedly, playing with a ring she was wearing.

Erica sighed.

'Look, I don't mean to be negative. I just don't want you to get hurt again.'

'I know,' Callie reassured her. 'And everything you've said is true, I know it is.' She spread her hands helplessly and fell silent, letting the unsaid words hang in the air between them.

'What do you want to do, Cal?' Erica asked her frankly.

'Go to her, of course,' Callie admitted, shaking her head ruefully at her weakness for Arizona.

'You still love her.'

'Yes.'

'I don't really understand your relationship,' Erica admitted finally. 'You told me once that it feels easy for you to be with her but I don't exactly get that impression.'

'I know it must seem like a never ending series of needless dramas to you,' Callie acknowledged, waving away Erica's perfunctory protest before she could even start.

'It's not that I don't think that you and Arizona love each other. Anyone can see that you do,' Erica clarified hastily, frowning. 'It's just...it seems like there's always something pulling you apart.'

'Something always brings us back together,' Callie pointed out gently, smiling despite herself at the prospect of reuniting with Arizona after months apart.

'Isn't it...exhausting?' Erica asked, unable to wrap her head around the desirability of such a turbulent life.

Chuckling at her friend's confusion, Callie nodded in confirmation.

'Sometimes, but when we're apart I feel like a part of me's missing. Like I'm not...complete,' she clumsily attempted to explain. 'Any life I had without her couldn't compare.'

Erica thought about it for a few seconds then shook her head slowly.

'I can't imagine feeling that way.'

'Of course you can,' Callie protested. 'You love Laura, you told me yourself! And I've seen you two together- they should use you on recruitment drives!'

'I do love her,' Erica reiterated, rolling her eyes reflexively at Callie's statement. 'I care about her and I want to make her happy. But-'

'And it makes you happy, being with her,' Callie continued as if Erica had never even spoken. 'Like I said, you found something that you were missing and without her-'

'That's not what I think at all,' Erica interrupted contrarily. 'What do you mean, that you're somehow less of a person when you're not with Arizona?'

'I'm saying I'm more with her, that's all.'

'That's not true,' Erica said, frowning. 'I don't think that's true at all.'

'No, I'm not...I'm not saying this right,' Callie tried to explain frustratedly.

'I think you are, actually,' Erica said coolly, daring Callie to defend her standpoint.

'Come on...' Callie ducked her head uncomfortably, trying to avoid confrontation. She should have known Erica wouldn't have gone for something so illogical, so unverifiable.

'It just doesn't sit right with me- you thinking that being in a relationship makes you...better or worse.'

'Okay. Fine.' Callie said monosyllabically, hoping to shut her down before she went too far.

'And if you really want my honest opinion...' She broke off and read the expression on Callie's face surprisingly accurately. 'You don't.'

'It would be great if I could make a completely logical decision about this...'

'I don't expect you to-'

'...if I could just ignore my feelings and look at the facts.' Abruptly, she stopped before she shot herself in the foot with the last damning clause. Like you do.

Silence descended, heavy with honesty too offensive to voice. It wouldn't kill you to be single for a while. I love my girlfriend more than you love yours.

'Let's not fight,' Erica said, dispersing the tension a little. She smiled tightly at Callie. 'You just got a big shock, I shouldn't be on your back.'

'Maybe we...love differently,' Callie offered, searching for some way of meeting in the middle. Like we do most things, she added mentally.

'That sounds about right. Which is why I can't help you decide what to do about Sparkle,' Erica concluded, getting up from the couch and heading towards the kitchen to check on dinner.

'What? Aren't you at least going to mock her for daring to turn up to your house wearing a Tinkerbell hoodie?' Callie checked.

'Why waste my breath? Now, do you want some dinner? Sustenance for the exertions of the night ahead?'

'I haven't decided what I'm going to do,' Callie insisted stubbornly. 'I'm going to take my time and... and...think! Yeah, really think.'

'Whatever you say.'

---

'Hey,' Callie slurred groggily as she floated out of another drug induced sleep. Blurry people-like shapes slowly began to take the form of Arizona and Erica, both wearing identical concerned expressions. 'Look at you two being in the same room and not killing each other.'

Arizona smiled out of necessity and sank into the chair by her bed, squeezing her hand.

'How are you feeling?'

'Like I went through the windshield of a car. Sorry,' she apologized vaguely when Arizona flinched. 'She's not ready to laugh about it,' she directed to Erica, giggling absurdly.

'I'm so-' Arizona began for the thousandth time, voice shaking with imminent tears.

'Don't cry,' Callie begged. 'Please don't.'

'Yes, please don't,' Erica muttered from behind them, not so under her breath. At Arizona's wounded look she just shrugged. 'There's a perfectly good drunk driver to transfer your blame and rage to.'

Callie giggled meaninglessly again and Arizona stared at the floor, emotions apparently under control for the moment.

'You look like crap,' Callie told her bluntly after a few seconds silence, making Erica shake her head in amusement and Arizona blink in shock.

'I'm fine,' she protested weakly.

'Such a bad liar.'

'I'm not leaving,' Arizona insisted with the air of someone who had repeated that statement a few times already that day. Turning around she eyed Erica almost challengingly, 'Don't even try and-'

'What? Volunteer to be your babysitter? Don't worry, you're safe.'

'Well, good,' Arizona said, a little lamely, and turned back to Callie.

'At least get some sleep,' Callie implored her. 'You might as well, 'cause not to be bad company but I think I'm gonna pass out again soon.' She punctuated this statement with a huge yawn as she felt her eyelids drooping again.

'Well,' Arizona considered reluctantly. 'I guess I could. But only for a few hours,' she stipulated. 'And as soon as you wake up I'm coming straight back.'

'kay,' Callie agreed easily, smiling dopily at her.

'I love you,' Arizona told her tenderly, kissing her on the forehead as she rose from the chair.

'Me too.'

Pausing on her way out of the room, Arizona turned her exhausted gaze Erica's way.

'If anything-'

'I'll get you,' Erica promised simply.

'Alright. Thank you.'

Erica just nodded in acknowledgment and went to take her turn in the chair.

'We're getting married,' Callie announced dreamily when Arizona's footsteps had faded away to nothing.

'So I heard. Congratulations.'

'I know you don't like her, but-'

'I'm happy for you, Cal,' Erica reassured her. 'Really.'

'You'll come, right?'

'Wouldn't miss it.'

'I'd ask you to be my bridesmaid but I think it might be a little weird for Arizona, y'know 'cause you've seen me naked an' all,' Callie explained bluntly.

'I understand. Go to sleep now.'

'I'm really messed up, aren't I?' Callie said quietly after a few minutes, apparently having a more lucid moment. Startled, Erica looked up from her book, having assumed the drugs had pulled her under again. Momentarily debating some semi-truthful platitude she instead decided to be honest.

'Yeah, you are.'

'Arizona keeps saying that I'm going to be fine but I don't know if I really believe her,' Callie admitted for the first time in a small voice, keeping her eyes firmly shut.

'Look, I won't lie to you- recovery's going to be a bitch but I actually think she's right. Apparently there's a first time for everything.'

'And there's nothing you're not telling me? I'm not going to look in a mirror in a week and find out that half my face melted off and you thought I was too fragile to know?' Callie checked, only half joking.

'It's a quarter, max.'

'Not funny.'

'You're going to be fine, Cal. It's going to take a lot of time and a lot of work but you'll get there, I promise.'

'Okay then,' she breathed out in relief. 'Okay.'

---

'Just...just fuck off!' Erica froze in the doorway of Callie's hospital room as Callie attempted to push Arizona away from her, trembling with anger. 'I'm so tired of your fucking cheer. You have no idea what this is like and-'

'Callie,' Erica spoke quietly, cutting her off in mid rant. Arizona stepped away from the bed, hurriedly wiping tears from her face.

'What?' Callie fired back unrepentantly. 'Don't you dare fucking cry!' She warned Arizona, high tones of hysteria creeping into her voice.

'Arizona, go and get some coffee or something,' Erica told her calmly, gesturing towards the open door. 'I'll stay.'

'Both of you can leave,' Callie proclaimed spitefully and Arizona practically sprinted out of the room, obviously needing no further encouragement.

'Are you deaf?' Callie questioned when Erica didn't move. 'Get out!'

'Make me,' Erica challenged her coolly, causing Callie to completely explode and shove the food tray in front of her onto the floor. It clattered noisily as it came to a rest, various unidentifiable liquids seeping out of containers.

'Bitch!'

'You're going to have to step it up from pedestrian insults if you want me to run away sobbing, Cal. Not all of us are blessed with Sparkle's anxiety about being likeable.'

'So you only cry after sex then?'

'Better,' Erica acknowledged, folding her arms.

'Just go, please,' Callie begged her, breathing getting thready as she desperately tried not to burst into tears herself.

'No,' Erica refused simply

'I can't...I can't stand this,' Callie finally broke down, angry tears running down her face as she clenched her good hand into a fist. 'I can't do anything for myself- I can't walk, I can't go to the bathroom, I can't even straighten my fucking hand!' She exclaimed. 'I'm going crazy in here, just lying in this bed all the time and Arizona just keeps...keeps fucking going on about how lucky I am and what an achievement it is that I can sit up instead of lying on my back staring at the damn ceiling!'

'She's doing her best,' Erica grudgingly defended her.

'I can't be positive about this all the time!'

'You don't have to be,' Erica reassured her. 'But you can't behave like this either.'

'She...she tried to feed me,' Callie told her, cringing with embarrassment at the memory. 'Like I was some kind of invalid.'

'She wants to help, Cal,' Erica pointed out. 'She blames herself for the accident and she needs to do something.'

'It wasn't her fault,' Callie said, frowning. 'She knows that.'

'Does she?' Erica questioned but decided not to push it any further.

'She's never going to find me attractive again,' Callie whispered, voicing her deepest fear. 'Not after seeing me like this- feeding me and bathing me like a baby.'

'So, she's shallow and self-centered then?' Erica inferred, leaning against the wall.

'What? No, don't say that!' Callie immediately reproached her.

'Then give her a little credit, for God's sake.'

'I guess,' Callie conceded.

'If she's willing to spoon feed you jello in her free time I think we can safely assume the waters run deeper than pouting that you're not up to sex goddess standard yet.'

'I still don't like it,' Callie reiterated moodily. 'And I'm going to hate every second of being in here.'

'Fine. You've got to try and be nicer to her, though. Can't believe I just said that,' Erica muttered disbelievingly.

'What about you?'

'Don't worry, I can take it.'

---

'I'm married!' Callie flopped happily into the chair next to Erica's, finally taking a break from dancing and coming to find her friend, who was sitting quietly at a table near the back of the reception. Between the ceremony, photographs, speeches, bouquet throwing, cake cutting and general joy they'd barely had a chance to talk all day.

'So I see. Congratulations.'

Smiling genuinely, Erica clinked her champagne glass against Callie's.

'I got married and there wasn't an Elvis impersonator or drive-thru chapel in sight!'

'I don't want to alarm you but your uncle Berto started threatening to sing 'Love Me Tender' sometime around his fifth cosmo.'

'Oh, don't worry, Daddy found him passed out in the ball pool in the kids' play room about ten minutes ago. He's taking him back to his hotel.'

'I'm oddly disappointed.'

Callie grinned and shoved her playfully.

'I'm so happy,' she giggled, high on champagne and newlywed bliss.

'Well, good. You deserve it.'

'Where's Laura?' She asked, looking around.

'Oh, she saw some friends of Arizona's she knew. They're over there.'

'The gold stars?' Callie squinted in the direction Erica was indicating, the long day and generous alcohol consumption finally causing a blurry tinge around the edges. 'I didn't even want to invite those bitches.'

'Apparently they'll ease up on the sleeping with men jibes in five to ten years.'

'Does marrying in speed up the process?'

'No idea,' Erica shrugged, trying and failing to conceal the fact that she couldn't take her eyes off her partner.

'Maybe you should find out,' Callie suggested bluntly, smiling wickedly when Erica wrenched her attention away to shake her head mock disapprovingly at her.

'Give me a break, Cal,' she admonished her.

'Ooh, she's coming back,' Callie told her happily, completely ignoring her. 'Now's your chance!'

'Hi!' Laura leaned down to kiss Erica's cheek, the appreciative flush this provoked not passing unnoticed by Callie. 'Congratulations, Callie, you and Arizona both look stunning.'

'Thanks! It just feels so special to be able to call Arizona my wife,' Callie said saccharinely, the temptation to tease Erica too great to pass up. 'I feel closer to her already.'

Narrowing her eyes at her over her glass, Erica passed Laura her drink.

'That's beautiful, Cal.'

'Marriage is beautiful.'

'Want to dance?' Erica asked Laura suddenly, seizing on her chance to escape as the band struck up a forgiving slower number.

'Well, finally.'

'Trust me, you're going to wish I never asked,' Erica promised grimly but allowed herself to be led in the direction of the dance floor anyway. 'See you later, Cal.'

Callie watched them dance for a few moments, marveling at the contentedness shining out of Erica despite her slight discomfort at being so publicly affectionate. Laura stretched up to whisper something in Erica's ear, provoking a slow, lazy smile to spread from ear and ear and Callie got the feeling that it wouldn't be long before she caught them sneaking away. Accepting a final glass of champagne from a hovering waiter she cast her eye around for her wife, having decided that it was high time that they continued celebrating in private.

---

'You hosting a party,' Callie marveled, standing in the kitchen of Erica and Laura's new house. 'Never thought I'd see the day.'

'It's drinks for a few friends,' Erica corrected her pointedly, glancing uneasily towards the living room where significantly more than a few friends were congregated, merrily getting drunk in honor of their move. 'And Laura wanted it.'

'Right. And you're going to hide in here all night?'

'I'm making drinks! Trust me, at the rate most of them are going it's a full time occupation.'

'At least let Arizona give you her perfectly rehearsed compliment about your super awesome new home.'

'Fine,' Erica huffed. 'I'll even give her the good wine. What are you having, the same?'

'Um, actually,' Callie hedged evasively. 'Do you have any Sprite? Ooh, or ginger ale?'

'Sprite?' Erica stared at her. 'You're going to toast this momentous step in my relationship with Sprite? Why don't you just invoke the spirits of the underworld and curse me?'

'I can't drink,' Callie said. 'I'm...' the pre-prepared 'taking antibiotics' lie was on the tip of her tongue. 'Pregnant.'

Guiltily she covered her mouth as Erica's dropped open.

'What?'

'I'm pregnant,' Callie whispered gleefully after checking they were still alone. She beamed at Erica, wholly unable to stop herself.

'Wow!' Erica stuttered out after gawping like a fish a few times.

'I know, right?' Callie agreed elatedly. 'We'd only been trying for two months, I never thought it would happen so soon but then my boobs were hurting and I thought maybe and I was! I am! I'm going to have a baby! Can you believe it?'

'No!' Erica said honestly, laughing. 'Callie! Come here!'

They hugged, both smiling breathlessly.

'Do you think I'll be a good mom?' Callie asked earnestly when they broke apart.

'Are you kidding me? The best!'

'I hope so.'

'Callie, you're going to be fantastic. Arizona too,' she added, extremely generously.

'It feels so good to tell someone,' Callie confided. 'Do you have any idea how hard it's been for me to keep my mouth shut?'

'But you're usually so good at keeping secrets.'

'Shut up,' Callie nudged her. 'Now, please tell me that you have some ginger ale somewhere in here. It's the only thing that settles my stomach.'

'I think I remember picking some up,' Erica said vaguely, poking around in the copious bottles of spirits on the counter.

'Can you make it look like a cocktail so no-one asks any awkward questions? And, um, because it's really early we kind of agreed not to tell anyone yet so when we go out there can you pretend we never had this conversation? Especially in front of Arizona.'

'Anything else?'

'Just one more thing.'

'What is it, then?'

'Will you be their godmother?'

Erica whirled around, bottle of ginger ale in hand.

'What?'

'I want you to be my baby's godmother,' Callie repeated, resting her hands on her stomach. 'You will, won't you?'

'Callie...' Erica said thickly. 'I don't...I don't know what to say.'

'Say yes!' Callie implored her. 'Oh, please say yes!'

'Have you run this past Arizona?' Erica asked her skeptically.

'Turns out you can ask for pretty much anything you want if you're housing the baby and preparing to push it out of a very small hole in your body.'

'I don't want to cause any trouble between you two.'

'There's no trouble!' Callie reassured her. 'She's fine with it, and she gets to pick godfather so it's totally fair!'

'What about your sister?'

'I wouldn't trust her to take care of my purse, let alone my kid! Please say yes!' She begged her again. 'I can't think of anyone else who'd do it half as well as you!'

'Well, of course I will,' Erica said after a few moments consideration. 'I'd be honored.'

'Oh, thank you!' Callie exclaimed happily, throwing her arms around her again. 'Oh my God, you'd make them so sensible I almost want me and Arizona to die!'

'Yeah, I'll look forward to that.'

---

'I don't need to feel guilty about drinking this, right?' Callie stared determinedly into her steaming coffee cup, the promise of a caffeine hit causing an almost Pavlovian reaction.

'No, Cal.'

'It's one small cup of coffee. That's totally fine, right?'

'Yes, Cal.'

'Because those studies Arizona keeps shoving in my face showed birth defects in rats. And there's a world of difference between me and a rat, right?'

'A universe.'

'I really don't think this is out of line. I've been so good- no booze, no good cheese, I even drink her disgusting kale and apple juice smoothies every morning, so-'

'Callie. Drink it or shut up about it.'

Needing no further encouragement Callie greedily raised the cup to her lips and took a generous gulp.

'Oh my God,' she groaned rapturously. 'That's so good.'

'Should I leave you two alone?'

'Oh, mock away,' Callie said sarcastically, finally pulling her face out of the cup. 'But this pathetically sized cup of coffee is the highlight of my day right now. Between the gas, the morning sickness, the drooling, the constant peeing...'

'Please, don't hold back.'

'I'm just saying, count yourself lucky that you escaped this.'

'Right,' Erica agreed after a fractional pause, joining in with Callie's laughter as best she could. 'It sounds awful.'

'Yeah. Awful.'

Callie watched Erica fiddle with a sugar packet for a few seconds, fixed smile still determinedly in place.

'I mean, you do...count yourself lucky, right?'

'Hmm?'

'I just figured kids weren't, I don't know, in your plan.'

'They weren't,' Erica confirmed briskly. 'They aren't.'

'Okay,' Callie shrugged, not convinced in the slightest by Erica's forced nonchalance. 'I'm just a little surprised that when I pointed it out you looked like a kicked puppy.'

Erica's brows knitted with irritation at getting caught out. Casting a warning glance across the table, which Callie dismissed on sight, she crossed her arms over her chest defensively.

'I have no idea what you're talking about.'

'I'll admit you hid it well.'

'There's nothing to hide!'

'Look, if you want kids-'

'I don't!' Erica continued to protest but then sighed in frustration, the wind suddenly taken out of her sails. 'I just...I took pause, okay? When Laura and I started talking about moving in together, I thought about it for a moment. A family. What that would mean.'

'And?'

'And it's not going to happen. Which is fine, really, so stop making concerned eyes at me and drink your crappy one shot coffee before it gets cold.'

'You guys talked about it?'

'You're like a dog with a bone,' Erica huffed, fixing her with her best intern-obliterating glare.

'If you want me to leave you alone, you know what you have to do...'

'Callie...what is there to say, really? If we had met at different points in our lives, if the circumstances had been right, then...I don't know, maybe. But they're not and we didn't, so...'

'You could-'

'We talked through all the options,' Erica interrupted firmly. 'None of them were feasible.'

'Surely-'

'Callie,' Erica said softly. 'Leave it alone, please.'

Taken aback by the vulnerability in her friend's voice, Callie nodded.

'Of course. I'm sorry.'

'I'm happy with my life, Cal, I really am, and it's not like I don't have a family; Laura has a ton of nieces and nephews, cousins...there's thousands of them!'

'And us,' Callie pointed out, her sentiments seeming to take on a new importance and truth. 'Me and the baby. You have us, whatever happens.'

'Exactly, so don't feel sorry for me, okay?'

'Don't worry,' Callie reassured her. 'I'm way too involved in feeling sorry for myself to waste any time on you. You know I sweated through my scrub shirt the other day right before I threw up on myself? I looked like a junkie going through withdrawal.'

'Only six months to go.'

'Terrific.'

Extract from Sofia's baby book

Dear Sofia,

So, you are finally here and even at a few weeks old you clearly know your own mind and have no intention of leading a boring life, just like your Mamá! I can see I'm going to have my work cut out with you. As I hold you right now I have no doubt that you are going to grow up into an extraordinary woman, whatever path you end up on, and I am very honored that I'll get to be a part of that journey. I want you to know that I will always be here for you if you need me, in times of celebration or crisis, and that I will do everything in my power to help and guide you if you ask me. Lastly, I hope that one day you will have a friend as important to you as your Mamá and I are to each other who you can trust with this special job when the time comes.

Love,

Your godmother, Erica.