AN: This is the thirty-first installment of my personal challenge to write a tag to every episode. This is a tag to 2x10, War Room + Ship. It takes place about where the episode ends. I'm back in town so we should be getting back to my regular posting of tags. I hope you enjoy, and please leave a review!
Matty stayed with Mac for an hour before she was forced to leave due to a meeting - time differences made these late night meetings hell, but that was all part and parcel with the job - but she gave Mac a tight hug before she left. That surprised him. Matty had never been very affectionate, but there she was, pulling Mac down to her height and wrapping her arms around his shoulders, one hand lovingly stroking his hair.
"I'm proud of you," she whispered, before squeezing him one last time and letting go, bidding him goodnight.
Mac appreciated that more than Matty would ever know. He may have been confused about the woman - was she really hiding something about his dad? - but he couldn't bring himself to doubt that no matter what, Matty thought she was protecting him. She didn't have to stand in silence with him, comforting him, but she did. She didn't have to embrace him and tell him she was proud of him, but she did. Mac couldn't help but think of his mother, who always did the same. Missing his mom came in waves, and sometimes he felt like he was drowning, but Matty helped to ease the pain, just a little bit. His mom would've loved her.
Only a few minutes later, Mac heard soft footsteps approaching. In any other situation he would be spinning around to see who it was, but he didn't need to. It was Jack. He would recognize those footsteps anywhere.
"Matty told me what happened," he said softly. "How you holdin' up?" Jack came right up to the railing where Mac was standing, right next to him so that their shoulders were touching. Mac felt himself unconsciously lean into the touch, but he couldn't bring himself to care.
"I should've been able to save her," he muttered. "Zoey's dead and it's my fault." Mac hung his head in shame, trying to keep his emotions in check. If only he had been faster, or smarter, or just better, Zoey would still be alive and they would've been able to go out for ice cream together. She was such an incredible young woman, and she didn't deserve to die like that, sacrificing herself when Mac should've been smart enough to think of another solution.
"Mac, you can't beat yourself up about this. Zoey made her choice, and it was the same choice you would've made if you were in her position. I know it sucks, but that's the truth of it," Jack said, his voice gentle as he ducked his head to try to catch Mac's gaze.
"But if I were smarter I would've been able to save her-"
"Now you stop right there," Jack interjected. "You are the smartest person I've ever met in my life, are you hearin' me? If you couldn't come up with a solution, then the solution didn't exist. I know that with every fiber of my being, dude. You did everything you could. Her sacrifice was her choice, and that's not on you," Jack said, every word infused with passion.
"I couldn't save her, Jack. I had to watch as she sacrificed herself to save everyone," Mac mumbled. "I couldn't do anything to stop it, to stop her."
Jack sighed, placing a gentle hand on Mac's shoulder and squeezing.
"I know, bud. I know. It sucks. It really does. But like I said, that was her choice." Jack was quiet for a moment, but Mac didn't say anything either. The two just continued to stand, side by side, looking out over the Los Angeles skyline. Finally, Jack spoke again, saying, "I know you hate your name, but do you know what Angus means? Because I do."
Mac turned to Jack, a bit of confusion on his face.
"Yeah, it comes from the Celtic name Aonghus, meaning 'one choice' or 'one strength', but what does that have to do with anything?" he asked. Mac couldn't see how the meaning behind his name, which was given arbitrarily, had any bearing on the situation at hand - or why Jack knew the meaning.
"See, that's perfectly fitting for you, and for this. Zoey could only ever do what you asked her to. You were her one choice for twelve hours. But then, she became her only choice. The only way to save everyone else on that ship was for her to sacrifice herself. You know that, and she knew that. That doesn't mean it doesn't suck, but it's the truth. But you see, your name also means 'one strength', and Zoey had that strength. She was brave, and because of her bravery, she saved the lives of thirty-one people. Now it's your turn to have strength. But this is where things change. Your name is 'one strength', but I'm here too. You don't have to be strong on your own. You don't even have to be strong at all right now if you don't want to. I can be strong for you. Come here, kid," Jack finished, gently pulling Mac towards him and carefully wrapping his arms around the blond.
Mac gratefully took the embrace, gripping the back of Jack's shirt with a deep, shuddering sigh. He hid his face in the crook of Jack's neck and held onto the man impossibly tighter. He knew Jack was right, but it still sucked. Yeah, sacrificing herself was the only way to save the students, but it still sucked.
"You don't have to be superman all the time, kiddo. I know you can be, so you can let me be batman for you sometimes too. Let me be strong for you, because I'm with you through it all, kid. You're not alone," Jack insisted, holding Mac as tight as he could. "I'm here, I'm with you, I won't leave you, and I'll always catch you. You're not alone," he said, keeping up a string of various reassurances as he gently carded his fingers through Mac's hair.
Mac would never verbally admit it, but he needed this. He sank more into Jack's touch and let out another deep breath, trying to keep his emotions at bay. Mac was so used to being a rock for everyone else that he often forgot that he didn't have to be a rock for himself too. He had Jack for that. The man was a godsend, and the greatest thing that had ever happened to him.
"Thanks, Jack," he whispered, not letting up on his grip on the man. Mac only hoped Jack knew how much he appreciated him and loved having him in his life. He could never thank him enough.