Don't like the pairing, find it disturbing or incest, please don't read. I don't appreciate random flaming. Constructive reviews always welcomed!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this piece of writing. Takahashi Rumiko owns them.
1 Alien
It was alien to him at the beginning. A totally different (lower) class of being, whose needs and desires are foreign to him. He admits that he lets it tag along out of curiosity, it was a little perverse experiment of his as he had been searching for answers for a long time and too many things still remained a dubious blur after many years of searching for explanation of the actions taken in the last few years of the life by the only one person he ever truly respect and held in high awe. He figured then too that it was just a helpless creature – and one human child was a thing, which he could easily get rid of at anytime with a mere flick of his finger, if he were to get tired of having it around him. But now he is not so sure anymore if she is still an experiment. What is worse is that he wasn't sure anymore if he was the one in control of this twisted investigation.
That strong burning sensation in his chest when he realized that tenseiga could no longer revive her.
That strange emptiness that consumed him when he thought that he might have lost her forever.
He shuts his eyes tight in disgust, commanding his mind to shut out such pungent thoughts (and no parts of him would dare to defy the mighty Sesshomaru). The sensation that these thoughts stirs up in him are disturbing… and too much to bear. As he opens his eyes once again, he could not stop the urge of wanting to touch her – he needs to know for sure she is really here with him. As he reaches to stroke her soft cheeks, he looks endearing at her peaceful sleeping form – her chest moving up and down in rhyme with her inhaling. How strange. He could hardly believe that he had been holding her – cold and unbreathing – just a while back ago in hell. What he doesn't realize is how much pain his eyes conveys amidst his enduring gaze of her.
Feeling her warmth, he feels relieved. What is this… feeling? Feelings are alien to him. But she didn't feel alien to him anymore. As if it was a destined ironic turn of fate, in the strangest ways she has become a part of him that he could not bear to miss anymore. She is his treasure.
2 Color
She has never really had a favorite color.
However, she practically liked everything that has color on it.
Blue of the sky, pink of her mother's yukata, green of the grass, purple of the pouch – a gift from the girl she overheard him claiming to their father that he might like to one day marry – which her brother carried close to his heart.
She loved all the pretty colors as they keep the world from becoming dull and her day bright.
She has never really had a favorite color, until recently.
In honesty, she has never thought of white as much of color.
In the past, white to her is like a blank space where no decision has yet been made on what color to fill the space with.
But now she starts to notice how pretty white can be.
White is the color of wild daisies, the type that can easily be found in the open field – the flowers she likes to pick and bundle into a small bunch as a gift.
White is the color of the clouds in the sky, in glaring contrast to the blue of the sky on a bright sunny day.
White is the color of snow – that falls during winter covering the land everywhere like a white giant blanket putting everything to sleep.
White is Sesshomaru-sama
The color of his kimono, the furry mokomoko that is an extension of him in his humanoid form, and sometimes also the color of his hair – when she secretly steals a peak at his graceful silhouette against the dazzling setting sun.
Before meeting him, she never thought white could be such a pretty color.
So lucid and so serene. So quiet and sometimes quite cold, distant, unnerving.
Sometimes it is like he is born to wear white – as if no other being could bring out the dignity, purity and beauty of something so empty and so plain better than he does – and perhaps it is also because no other color is noble enough to bring out the magnificence of his physical beauty. Other colors might just taint his allurement.
She likes it (yes, very very much) that she has a favorite color now.
Sesshomaru-sama is reason enough that white is her favorite color now and forever….
3 Invincible
They say he is one of the most feared demon alive. Naraku has often referred to him as "the perfect demon". Others believe that he would become even greater than his father. It is probably true. He possesses extremely heightened sense, super physical strength, remarkable speed, immunity to diseases, poisons, and gases that would affect or kill most living creatures, and on top of that, he is even resistant to holy and divine powers. He often kills with much ease and precision. Endowed with intelligence and perception, he often has a good insight of other's intentions and can be clever at employing tactics. Cold, stoic and unfeeling, nothing stands in his path when he seeks out his enemy. Recently he has finally gained a sword that would match his prowess. He is almost invincible.
What they do not realize is that as soon as she closes her eyes and walks away from him – he falters.
4 Pretenses
It started with little things like holding hands and going together to look for food. Then he started to be by her side all the time, even when sleeping he would put a protective arm around her to keep her safe. Initially Sesshomaru did not mind Kohaku: the boy had a piece of sacred jewel on his back, so sooner or later Naraku is going to come searching for him, which is precisely what he wants. But lately Kohaku is starting to get on his nerves. However Sesshomaru is a tactician, so he knows he needs to bide his time.
He may have his eyes closed, but it is just pretenses. Not only is he not asleep, his mind was on the contrary active and busy scheming plans. Lately he has been putting on too much pretenses (as if he did not care), but tonight as he watches in cold disdain Rin nudging close to Kohaku as she sleeps, he decides that he needs a plan, just in case. If by the time Naraku is died and Kohaku is still alive, he needs a plan to lose the boy. Right now, he is already concocting plan D, just in case plan A, B or C fails…
5 Yin Yang
Yin and yang – two primal opposing but complementary cosmic forces.
Yin: the dark element. Passive, dark, downward-seeking, feminine, night. Brooding, negative, bitterness, anger, still.
Yang: the bright element. Active, light, upward-seeking, masculine, day. Open, positive, caring, sweet, pleasant, love.
He should have been yang, but he became yin. Life is twisted, so is Sesshomaru. When he meets a girl who should have been yin but is yang instead – he knew he met his match.
6 Bathe
He has highly sensitive sense of smell she knows. He can tell by smelling what had taken place already, or even occurrences that are happening far away. Once he has registered one's smell, he never forgets. Through smell, he would know who and what she has met with and done. That is why when there is someone or something she does not want him to know, she would bathe and scrub every inch of her body before coming home to him.
7 "Do you love me?"
He asks a question, but all she did was to avoid his eyes.
He asks the question again. Still she did not answer.
He was perplexed by her reaction.
Why does she not answer? I don't know.
Is it because she doesn't love me? Then she could have said so.
Is it because she doesn't know if she loves me? She said she knew her heart well.
Gathering up his courage, Kohaku asks the question once again. Do you love me?
Maybe she did not answer is not because she does not love him.
It is definitely not because she does not know if she loves him (yes, she does).
Yet she refuses to give him an answer. Instead she closes her eyes, turns and walks away, leaving Kohaku to stand by himself in the cold confused. She straddles her leg over Aun's back and heads back home.
She does not answer is most likely because she already has someone else in her heart.
8 Fortune
The Chinese has a saying: if one survives a big misfortune, the rest of this person's life would be one blessed with good fortune. Being the youngest and the most helpless of her family, it was almost like a miracle that she was the only one who survived her family's misfortune. When demon wolves attacked her village, being alone without a kin to protect her, it was her fortune that brought her the miracle that enabled her to become the only one who survived the ordeal. When Sesshomaru took her into his care, she knew at once it is her fortune to have someone this kind to protect her from harm. When she died in hell, it is once again her fortune that Sesshomaru's mother has Meidou Seki to bring her back to life.
Rin has escaped one major misfortune and revived in two of her deaths – and she is only eight years old.
9 Relinquish
You are happy that he cares. You are happy that he still wants you around. You are happy that he assures you again and again nothing between him and you would change, even if he will be bedding someone else from tonight onwards.
You thought you could handle it. You thought the most important was to stay by his side. You thought you would be happy if he is. But you thought wrong. Somehow, somewhere, and some time ago, you start to lose faith – you are not sure of your own feelings anymore, or how much more your heart can take. Slowly, you start to want to see him less, and your mind start to wander elsewhere when you are with him. You find tears running down your cheeks when you are alone. You find the food tasteless nowadays. You are sure he noticed, or else he would not have been so unsure of himself around you lately.
He used to let you grab his hand but now he comes to grab yours.
He used to not let his affections show in front of anyone but the last time he even kissed you in front of his mother.
He said he has his reasons. You never said you would understand.
So you do not care anymore. He hurt you, so why can't you hurt him back? You know you should not here at this time when everybody else is somewhere else celebrating his wedding, but then again – who cares? You know very well he has ordered for you not to go wandering outside alone without anyone to protect you. But you don't care, you honestly don't. Not at this wretched moment. The world can fall apart and kami-sama can descend, you will still not care and go your own way. Then the inevitable happens – you realize: you are not alone. You sigh, after all you are precious to him and everybody wants a piece of him. You are his biggest weakness – he knows, you know, and everybody knows.
Even now that he has made his choice of life partner, they still come after you for some reason. So you tell the intruder coolly the following, something that you even surprise yourself in saying, "Go ahead and do whatever you want with me. I really don't care if I live or die."