Disclaimer: I do not own the musical Cats. I own a VHS copy of the show, but not Cats itself. I also do not own the Song If Only. It belongs to the musical a Little Mermaid.

If Only Tugger Knew

(If only you know the things I long to say)
(If only I could tell you what I wish I could convey)

Bombalurina had a lot of things she wanted to tell the Rum Tum Tugger. She wanted to tell him that he was an arrogant pollicle who's ego was to big for his own good. The look on his face would be priceless. No one had dared insult him before. Then just before he would get angry and start insulting her back, she would tell him her real feelings for him.

He would be surprised at first. For the first Tugger would have nothing to say. She would feel ridiculous, standing there waiting for a silent Tugger to speak. She would move, and begin padding away, when she felt someone grab her and pull her back in a kiss.

"I love you to babe."

"Bomby!"

A paw waved in front of the red queens face. Irritated, Bombalurina turned to see who dared interrupt her day dream.She turned around to see a black and gold queen with a concern look on her face.

"You all right?"

Bombalurina sighed. "Yes Demeter. I'm fine."

The red queen slid over some, giving her friend some room to sit. The two began talking about the upcoming jellicle ball. Demeter was hoping that Munkustrap would ask her to dance with him. Bombalurina nodded her head every so often, not paying close attention to what her friend was saying. She was off in her world thinking about the Tugger again. Four female squeals woke her from her day dream though.

(It's in my every glance, my heart's an open book)
(You'd see it all at once if only you would look)

There was no doubt in Bombalurina's mind that Tugger just entered the junkyard. There was nothing else that could make four queenkits squeal like that. She watched as Tugger said a few words to the kittens, before shacking them off. He looked up, his eyes meeting hers. They remained like that for a moment, before Bombalurina realized what was happening, and looked away. She couldn't be looking at him. He would know.

Her looking away didn't stop the mane cat. He padded over to where the two queens were sitting, a smirk on his face.

"Hello ladies."

His voice was enough to make the red queen melt. But she couldn't show him that. She had a reputation to uphold.

"What do you want Tugger?" Demeter asked. He dislike for him could be heard in her voice.

The main cat was unaffected though. He just shook his head.

"Demeter do you hate me that much?"

"Yes."

"Well that's good then." Tugger smiled. "'Cause I'm her to talk to Bomby."

(If only you could glimpse the feeling that I feel)
(If only you could notice what I'm dying to reveal)

A million thought ran through the red queens head. The one that stuck out the most was why did he want to talk to her? Did he know how she felt? Did he feel the same? Pushing the thoughts from her head, she asked him Jumping down from her spot she whispered into his ear, asking him what he wanted.

"I just wanted you to know I saw you."

Those words. They were the only thing he said, before walking off. He left the red queen confused. He saw her.

"Bomby?"

Demeter stared at her friend. What had that said to her? If he said something to hurtful, she would hurt him in more ways then possible.

"Bomby?"

The red queen turned around, a smile on her face. Demeter had no doubts it was fake. She knew her friends smiles, and that wasn't one of them.

"That moron," Bombalurina said. "He wanted to tell m-" She stopped.

She knew how much her friend hated Tugger, and telling her what Tugger said might only make it worse. Demeter was the only one who knew the red queens true feelings for Tugger.

"You should just tell him."

(The dreams I can't declare)
(The needs I can't deny)
(You'd understand them all if only you would try)

Bombalurina knew that Demeter thought that her love for Tugger was a crush. She wanted her to just tell him that she liked him and get it over with. Then if he didn't like her, she could forget him and find another tom. To the black and gold queen, Tugger was just another flirting tom. He would never understand a queen.

But that was where Bombalurina thought Demeter was wrong. Maybe if Tugger knew about someone's true feelings, maybe if he tried, then he would truly love. Demeter didn't know about the daydreams that she had about him. Bombalurina never had told her. Her reputation was almost as important to her as Tugger. He was something that Bombalurina needed everyday.

She wanted to tell him that she loved him. Every time she saw him, the urge to do so would swell up inside of her. But something would always crush that feeling.

(All my secrets, you would learn them)
(All my longings, you'd return them)
(All my shackles, they'd be broken )

(Not a word would need be spoken)

She wanted to tell Tugger of her secrete longing for her. She wanted him t return them. Then she would truly be free. Never again would the dead feeling take over. If she was able to tell Tugger how she felt, then she would be able to say anything to anyone.

(If only it were true, if only for a while)

(If only you would notice how I ache behind my smile)

"Demeter," Bombalurina said, her voice slightly cracking.

"Bomby he's not worth it."

The red queen lowered her head, so her friend couldn't see the hurt expression on her face. "I know he's not."

She began padding away. She could hear Demeter's voice calling to her, but she didn't listen. Her emotions were starting to get out of control, she needed a place to be alone. Bombalurina hadn't been watching where she was walking. As a result, she crashed into another cat.

"Hey watch it!" a voice yelled.

Her eyes widened at the sound of the voice. 'Not him!'

The mane cat turned around, to see Bombalurina standing behind him. He smirked seeing the panic look upon her face. Bombalurina never looked panic.

"What's wrong Bomby?" he asked. She could hear the teasing in his voice. She was a game to him. "You don't want to see me."

Bombalurina quickly changed the panic look on her face, to a seductive smile. "Why would I not want to see you?," she asked. She walked past him letting her tail run under his chin. She herself for acting the way she did. But it was the only way she could get Tugger's attention.

(I guess you never will, I guess it doesn't show)

Tugger padded up behind her, making sure that his body rubbed up against hers. Bombalurina had to use ever bit of control over her body not to swoon.

"I guess I was seeing things earlier then," he whispered in her ear.

"Maybe you were," Bombalurina said seductively

"I know I was," he said pushing his body closer to hers. "We wouldn't want to ruin what we have."

Bombalurina pulled her body back. She knew what his idea of their relationship was. Tugger was surprised by her actions, but just shook it off.

"So should I come by tonight?" he asked, a smile on his face.

Bombalurina shook her head no. "If you can't really see what you saw, then maybe you shouldn't come at all."


But if I never find a way to tell you so
Oh what I would give if only you could know

Bombalurina began padding away, leaving Tugger confused. What did she mean? See what he saw. Queens can be confusing, he decided. He would leave Bombalurina alone for the night, their were other queens. He walked off in search of one of the other queens.

Bombalurina watched as he flirted with the younger kittens. He basked in their attention, he confrontation with Bombalurina forgotten. But for Bombalurina forgetting Tugger was impossible. There was something about him that made her hold on to him like life itself.

Her feelings would never be told. Tugger would never know that someone truly loved him. Someone who didn't squeal and faint in his presence. She accepted this, even though it hurt to. He would never know.

(If Only)

Well that's the end of the fic. Now if you read my other fanfic On My Own, then you'll think that they are the same. I know they follow the same kind of thoughts, but On My Own didn't have any dialogue, which I thought it might have needed. So I wrote this, and I just love this song. Please leave and review. And thank you for reading.