September 5th, 2006- Tonks Is Wishing She Was Someone Else...
It had been another long day of work, paper work after paper work, file after file and yet she still felt like she hadnt made any head way with getting any of it done.
The days felt longer, draining of all energy, her senses werent what they should have been, with a job like hers she needed to be on top form. Friends and colleagues most of all were noticing she was slipping more and more.
Her once bubbly character that would shine through was dull, sad and somewhat depressing, even her style had changed to something totally oppisite of what we were use to seeing her as.
Her hair once bubble gun pink, was a long, mousy blond colour, her clothes, almost sloppy, as though she wanted to make herself as unattractive as possible, almost unnoticable.
As she walked down the hall to the golden lifts of the Ministry, she nodded with a grimace to other colleagues she knew, running into the lift before the gates closed. Lying her back against the cool lift walls, tilting her head up and watching the last few memos of the day flit and fly around the roof of the now moving lift. She heard the cool female voice and stepped out, glancing at the atrium around her and walking towards a grate, taking a pinch of Floo Powder, throwing it into the empty grate where suddenly green flames burst into life. Her voice croaked softly, the sound as though she barely spoke a word. Stepping inside she felt her body twist and turn, flashes of other wizarding fire places and their living rooms. She closed her eyes, to stop the soot and ash hurting her eyes, wrapping her arms tightly around her and gasping softly as she realised she had stumbled back into her living room of her one bedroomed flat, on the outskirts of London.
She sighed softly, running her hands through her hair, her tired mind and body yearning for sleep, her stomach lightly gurgling for some nourishment. Dragging her feet noisely she moved into the kitchen, making herself some tea, not even bothering with magic, which have taken a second. She opened her tea pot, dropped a tea bag inside and filled it with hot water, letting it breath for a few moments. Traisping to the refridgerater she pulled out some milk, picking up the sugar jar from the top of the fridge and setting them down on the table, reaching for the tea pot and a large mug, she poured the contents slowly, adding her usual amount of milk and two teaspoons of sugar.
She stirred, looking into space as she tried again to block out the memory of Remus point blankly putting her down. She laid her heart in front of him and all he could do was throw it back in his own gentle mannered way.
Her fist made contact with the tabletop, she heaved her chest heavily, closing her eyes tightly, feeling disgusted at how it affected her so much. She opened her eyes, to find her tea all over the work top, biting her lower lip in frustration she pulled out her wand and tried a spell, her wand sparked feebly, cursing under her breath she shoved it back into her pocket and stood up, causing her chair to fall on its side, grabbing a cloth and scrubbing at the table top, picking up the turned over mug and throwing it in the sink along with the cloth.
Shrugging out of her cloak she threw it on the cloak stand, hearing it slide slowly down to the floor with a soft thump, throwing her hands in the air she stalked off down the hall to her bathroom. Pulling her sweatshirt over her head and into the basket. Looking in the mirror and for the first time noticing exactly what her mother, father, Moody and Kingsley had meant.
Her face once soft, looked grey and dull, her eyes werent there soft blue but a dark shade of grey, as though her eyes were expressing her current feelings of saddness and dispair. Her hair, once her favourite bright and in your face pink it was now mousy blond, her natural hair colour, and she still didnt like it.
Looking harder in the mirror she tried to change her features, but nothing seemed to happened. She tried again, again nothing happened, she sighed and walked to the bed room, falling on to her stomach and crawling up to get under the covers. Sighing as she deepened her head into her pillow, closing her eyes and hoping her tired and aching mind and body will send her to a dream land that will take her away from reality. But again another night of tossing and turning, she could tell already as she turned on her side and watched the full moon rise into the sky.
A pang hit her from heart to stomach... She wondered where he was, how he was doing, what he is doing about this problem he will never look pass, a problem he seems to make sure never gives him one piece of happiness in his life, something he can not pretend for one moment that someone has no problem about it. He is determined to put himself down, to make sure he is alone, with out burdening people.
She sighed sadly, thinking of him hurt too. Everything seemed to remind her of Remus...