Paige's Confusion
Summary: Set during the episode charmed again. Paige's thoughts as she lays on her bed after discovering the Halliwell sisters and the existence of magic.
Throwing her black bag on to the floor Paige Mathews dived onto her bed and buried her head in the soft white pillows. She couldn't believe anything that had just happened, two hours ago she was a normal twenty four year old women working for social services as an assistant and now… well now she didn't know who she was, or what she was for that matter. Sure finding her birth family wasn't a huge shock, after all she had known that she was adopted for years that the Mathews weren't actually her real family, but even in her wildest dreams, or nightmares, she had never imagined something like this.
She couldn't remember exactly when her parents told her she wasn't theirs; she just always seemed to have known. Paige obviously knew they must have talked about it when she was younger at some point, but she just couldn't recall when… Maybe her brain had blocked it out, it must have been a confusing, probably even traumatic time, a small child finding out that the people she called mummy and daddy weren't even related to her. But a part of her always felt special, that someone had actually chosen her to be their daughter… but now… now she wondered if they would have made the same decision again… knowing what she was, what she could do… who her biological family were and what they did for a living.
Paige buried her head deeper into the cushion as she replayed in her mind what they had told her… they killed evil beings… beings that were people… they killed people using their magical powers and spells.
That was another thing she couldn't understand, how could they do that? How could they go around murdering creatures with out battering an eyelid? They said to her they were only doing it to protect the innocents, that they were good people who helped others, but if that was true, then why were they killing? Surly that made them no better than the demons they vanquished.
Apparently though it did and that made her even more confused! How the hell did they expect her to absorb all this information in a few hours and be okay with it? Witches, demons, warlocks and ghosts were all real! And dead spirits were reborn as Whitelighters? How was that supposed to make any sense to her?
In the background Paige could hear her phone ringing and for a brief second wondered if it was her newly acquired sisters. But when she really thought about it she realised that was a stupid idea, how the hell would they know her number? She had barley known them for more then five minutes.
Magic!
That was the one word that found its way into her head, her sisters were witches, her brother in law was a Whitelighter and they worked with a demon, they had powers and if they really wanted to they could probably use those powers to find her, or the yellow pages at least.
Grabbing a pillow she pulled it over her head to try and stop the headache which was already slowly forming, she felt like someone was banging a hammer on her skull it was becoming that painful. That's when another thought entered her head, one that she had known but had yet to sink in.
Sisters!
She had sisters, SISTERS! Her whole life she had been on her own, an only child and now in a flash of an eye she had older siblings, three to be exact, only one she would never meet as she was dead! What was going to happen now? Did the other two, Piper and Phoebe Halliwell, expect her to take the eldest sister's place in their demon killing cult? To fight evil and become a murderer just like them?
She didn't know is she could do that, hell she didn't want to do that, Killing was wrong! She may not have listen to a single thing her parents said once she hit the rebellious years, but one think they had managed to teach her before they died was, the difference between justice and murder and she defiantly knew this whole situation was no way cast as justice.
But was it?
The little voice piped up again, If these men, these demons were going around killing people left right and centre, and the police force couldn't stop them, then maybe they weren't murderers, but a sort of magical police group?!
Sitting up she threw one of the pillows at the phone, which was still ringing, making her headache worse and slowly made her way into the bathroom. Turning the cold tap on and leaning over the sink, Paige gathered up a puddle of water and splashed it all over her face, before gazing up into the mirror.
She couldn't handle this! Could she? Could she really be a witch, really fight evil and face death everyday? Be part of another family, like her's never even excited?
"Do I even have a choice?" She asked out load, using the sink to support her weight.
NO!
The voice spoke out, like the voices of the Halliwells in her head. Paige chose to ignore it and hastily walked into the kitchen to get a drink of mineral water and aspirin, times like this really made it difficult to not pick up the gorgeous looking substance which made her thoughts go away, the liquid known as alcohol which she could no longer consume.
Sitting back down, she rubbed her forehead and brushed her long dark hair out of her pale looking face. She couldn't handle this she just couldn't!
She had been attacked twice! Twice in the space of a few hours and her boyfriend Shane had almost died because of a blue skinned monster! She was going on about killing being wrong, but she'd already done it, she had helped vanquish a demon, the one that killed Prue and she hated it! She hadn't known what the hell she was doing, but as soon as it was over she had run a mile, she was terrified and they didn't even understand that, her so called sisters didn't realise what she was so scared of!
They only wanted your help to kill shax
The voice yelled out causing her to cover her face with her hands. What if that was true? Did they just want her to get revenge? Would they just disappear from her life again? Did she even want them in her life? There were so many unanswered questions and to be perfectly honest she didn't know if she would ever get the answers she craved.
Reaching out in front of her, Paige picked up a photograph of her once happy family. In the picture was a younger version of her, around twelve years old and her parents. They looked so cheerful, like they didn't have a care in the world.
"I wish you were still here!" She said silently, letting a tear drop from her eyes, her mother would know what to do, she always did. Then again apart of her was glad they weren't around any more, what would they possibly make of their daughter now? She had tided up her life to make them proud, to be the child they always deserved. But would they still be proud of her? Knowing she had vanquished someone, knowing that she was different from everybody else in the world… even her sisters, who were witches like her self. At least they were half human, but she, she was the only half angel ever to be born, she was all alone with no one to turn to, they had each other!
Fed up of the smiling faces, Paige tossed the photo across the room and watched as it smashed onto the floor. It may have been her favourite picture, but the girl in the photo wasn't who she was, it wasn't her, not anymore, it was like that was a completely different person and she was just a stranger who had invaded that little girl's body.
The phone started ringing again but for the second time that day she ignored it, who ever it was would get the message eventually. It was probably a call centre any way.
Getting back up onto her feet, Paige grabbed hold of her bag and car keys and made her way to the front door. She wanted answers, she wanted to know what happened the day she was given up and she knew, she knew the only way she was ever going to find out was to ask the nun who she was left with. She had talked to her uncle the other day and he had told her exactly where she had to go, the church her original family had abandoned her at was still being run by the very same person who found her the Mathews family and her name.
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