Title: Psychosis
Author: Huldra
Disclaimer: I do not in any way own Sirius Black, Severus Snape or any other magical person appearing in these stories.

Summary: It's the summer of '79 and Sirius Black is on top of his life. One night he encounters a person whom he has tried hard to forget, a Severus Snape, and realizes he might just have a darker taint to him, one he would not like to admit.

Notes: This is a freestanding sequel to Sanity and Insanity, but can be read on its own.
Warning: This is rated high for a reason; there will be slash, violent themes, alcohol and drug abuse.

Hallucinations

It was night and the full moon hung high in the sky. A shudder ran through my body, the hair on my neck stood like shackles. It was early in summer and a chilly draft managed to sneak over the floor and under my clothes. What had originally seemed like a thrilling assignment had turned out to be a complete bore. I should have been together with Remus and help him calm the beast. But instead I was stuck in an old manor all alone, waiting for something that was obviously not going to happen.

Dumbledore had said it was just the perfect duty for me, surveillance, but I found him to be quite wrong. I loved the thrill and the game of action and waiting between dusty old books was really not my thing at all. Apparently this house stood in danger of getting a call from a few Death Eaters, curious to snoop through the research done by the man who lived here. He had come to Dumbledore, an old acquaintance (and just as barmy as the Headmaster himself), with his worries about the safety of his home. The Order of the Phoenix had immediately been set on the case, and so here I was, lounging in an old threadbare chair, waiting for nothing. I couldn't even light a candle; much less start a fire to keep the cold from seeping into my very bones. The full moon outside made every shadow ominous and hostile, and the house moaned and creaked as it got abused by the strong winds.

Finally I sighed dejectedly, a lonely sound in the big room, and got up from my chair. I had been sitting in it for over an hour and my body felt stiff. When I stretched to pop some joints my stomach gave a loud, angry growl. I patted it reassuringly and moved to the door, nothing was going to happen anyway so why not indulge myself and borrow a few things from the kitchen? I wasn't getting paid for the job so a bit of food was the least they could give me. Navigating the stairs in the dark was an expected difficulty and I found myself grateful for the high moon even if it was unsettling. The house had become familiar to me since I had been living there for three days already, waiting for no one to show up, and the first thing I had put on my priority list was to find out where the kitchen was.

Cringing at the loud noise of the door into the enchanted cold-room, I quietly pinched a sausage, some cheese and the last piece of chocolate cake. There was plenty of hard bread, and though I usually toasted it, I made do with heating it carefully with my wand. It was not a royal meal, but being jobless, young, and most importantly, hungry, I couldn't find it in me to mind much.

After Hogwarts my only dream had been to become an auror. Unfortunately I had failed spectacularly on my Potions N.E.W.T.s and any glories involving billowing auror cloaks had faded quickly. But on the day of my graduation Dumbledore had approached me and asked if I wanted to help fighting in the civil war in another way, and of course I had accepted. Thus I became a member of the Order of the Phoenix together with James, Remus, Peter, Lily, Alice, Frank and almost everyone else graduating from Gryffindor house that year.

The next months had been chaotic, to say the least. James and Lily had tied the knot mere weeks after the graduation, and I had proudly stood as best man. Their decision to get married had been rushed, but everything was rushed these days. What had surprised me was Lily finally getting over her dislike of James and accepting his many advantages. It had really been an out of the blue sort of thing and had stunned James so badly he hadn't known what to do with himself.

Remus lived together with me since he had been unable to enter any apprenticeships with his curse. He had yet to complain about it, but I knew it agitated him greatly. During school, study had been so important to him, and now all that hard work had been for naught. No one wanted him because of something that happened to him when he had been a helpless child.

Lily had been the only one of us, together with Alice and Frank of course, who had had the opportunity to go on as Auror apprentices, but she had opted not to, rather concentrating on her healing magic. Of all the four marauders, Peter was the only one currently employed, working diligently in a bookshop in Diagonalley.

James, on the other hand, meant that with his inherited fortune it would have been a shame on his ancestors to get a job, but I knew, as I knew with Remus, that he was disappointed with his final scores at school. We had all been surprised by them since James had without a doubt been the most brilliant student. I supposed Lily's sudden advantages had thrown him so much off course he hadn't even been able to concentrate on his N.E.W.T.s

I sat at the kitchen table in the dark, chewing slowly on my hard bread that was no longer warm. There was no way Dumbledore would be able to talk me into doing this again, that was for sure. Remus was a guy much more suited for these kinds of assignments, with his patience and unwavering belief in the cause. I think it was only when he talked about the war that I truly got to see the passion in his eyes. It changed him in a way, made him dangerous. That's not to say I believed any less than him, but it would be difficult to reach the same level of passion. He was good to have in the house too, diligently cleaning up after himself. Truth being told; he was quite effective in cleaning up after everyone, and that was why all the parties were hosted at my house.

I don't know exactly when the war started to change Remus. Perhaps it was half a year or so after our graduation. On the surface he was still the same gentle, young man he had always been, yet his temperament exploded unexpectedly. It could be a regular conversation where both parties were making jokes and he would turn around 180 degrees and bite you off for something completely random. James thought it was because of his disappointment in the society after he graduated. It was just too much hurt pride to swallow all at once. I couldn't blame him; I felt my own blood boil.

Rising from the table I stumbled over to the cabinet to retrieve a glass. After filling it up with cold water I took two gulps before changing my mind and set it down with a lonely clank on the counter. The kitchen hadn't been the only part of the house that I had mapped out. In order to effectively survey the house I of course needed to know every nook and corner. I had placed wards on all the key rooms such as the library, study and basement. In the basement was the manor's wine cellar. Very important for the mission. In fact, I should have checked on it a long time ago.

I could use my wand in the basement since it had no external windows, but I still had to be careful. It was cold and damp, and if possible even more eerie than the rest of the house. It might not have sported beheaded house elves, but I sure wouldn't have liked to live in this manor either. Despite all that, nothing could be said against the wine cellar. Browsing the shelves of wine I decided on a rather new and not as expensive looking bottle. I did have some shame, after all, no matter what Remus might think of the matter.

Back in the kitchen I carefully raided every cabinet trying to locate a wine glass, but to no avail. Giving up I merely used my previous glass and threw myself down by the kitchen table again. It made for a lonesome party. The wine, though not as exquisite as the other bottles, still tasted quite good and made the entire business a little less wasted.

When I downed my second glass I had decided that it could be worse. And by the fourth I had the opinion that it was quite enjoyable, all things considered. Just as I was pouring my seventh glass I stopped, staring at my wand lying on the table beside me. It was glowing. It was glowing purple in fact. I knew this was supposed to mean something, but I wasn't entirely sure what. A ward had been triggered, that much I knew, and the light was supposed to indicate where in the grand manor the intruder was located. The only problem was that I had forgotten which room the colours belonged to.

Rising up from my chair I carefully walked into the hallway and just listened. It was difficult through the beating rush in my ears, but I was certain that the intruder knew what he was doing. With a tight grip on my wand I conjured up my patronus and sent him on his way. I could probably have handled the Death Eater myself, but I had explicit orders to always call for back up.

Turning towards the stairs again I knew that my drunken human senses would not be able to track down the intruder in time, and so I crouched expertly down on all fours and gave a long sniff. Not too far away, probably second floor. Of course! The Death Eater had headed directly for the study where the research papers were most likely to be. This person must have been well prepared.

As I closed in on the study room I swore internally when I heard how loud my claws were against the floorboard. Neither could I walk on the carpet as I knew that part of the floor had a habit of creaking horribly. Swiftly I went back up on two legs, leaning against the wall I tried to use my human senses to listen to whoever it was in the other room. So silent, I couldn't hear anything. But my dog instincts had told me with quite certainty that this was indeed the room containing an intruder. I noticed then while sneaking further down the hall that I had left the study door open, and there were no light in the hallway. Excellent. That meant I could peek into the room without breaking any light and alert the Death Eater.

Holding the wand tightly in my hand I was glad that this adrenaline rush had made me somewhat sober. I shuddered to imagine how it could have been if I had drunk the entire bottle.

Peeking through the crack I could only see a slimmer of the room, but it would have been suicidal, or at the very least very stupid, to open it any further. Luck was on my side, though, for only a couple seconds later a long shadow moved into my view. The person was clothed in a long black cloak nearly brushing the floor. He, because I couldn't really imagine a female Death Eater no matter how hard I tried, carefully shifted through the papers he found in the books lining the wall. He had been ever so silent and vigilant until now, but I could see that he was losing his patience. Instead of putting the papers back in its proper place he was stuffing them in, even throwing them onto the floor. I let him get carried away by the search a bit more, so I could surprise him when he was the least aware.

And there it was. He started swearing at himself in a hushed voice, his boots thumping carelessly against the floor while he moved, and the cloak billowed around him like an ominous cloud. Should I wait for back up? But he was only one person; it would be ridiculous if I couldn't take him down on my own.

He had turned away from the door and was leaning against the desk in defeat. Perfect. Kicking open the door I had the wand drawn and the stupefy on my lips. Yet he was faster than I had prepared for, whirling around with his wand glowing green.

"Avada keda-"

But he never finished. His black eyes widened in surprise as he recognized me in the light. The hood of his cloak had fallen off in his momentum and for some reason he was not wearing one of the uniform Death Eater masks. He had been the last person I had thought I'd encounter. The sentiment must have been mutual, for his mouth fell open slightly before he shut it with a snap.

My body felt weak and I merely wanted to sag down to the floor. I let my wand arm fall down. He mirrored my action, though hesitant. Taking a step backwards, he threw a fast glance at the open window and ran for it. All I could see was the silken cloth twirl before he threw himself out into the cold night.

And just like that, Severus Snape was back in my life.

Carefully I tried to rationalize my reaction. My brain was still foggy after the alcohol and it went slowly. There had been two obsessive weeks during sixth grade, completely devoid of any rational thought on my part, and I suppose from his too. Every day had been filled with dangerous and hateful things, but for some reason I never quite felt so loved in any other part of my life. I never spoke of it to anyone after Severus and I wrote each other out of our lives. Everyone who had been aware pretend it had never happened. They might actually have forgotten too, what would I know? Maybe they thought I had forgotten too.

With the window open and the wind surging into the room the coldness should have bothered me, but as it was, it only helped to fortify my shaken state of mind.

The memories suddenly invading my mind had happened two years ago. I had continued to attend school with Severus and I had been perfectly fine with that. Eventually I had to conclude that it was the surprise that had triggered it. I hadn't stared into those eyes since the last time we talked.

He had been surprised too, or else he would have let the kedavera go.

There were footsteps on the staircase out in the hall; I had not heard them enter the door so they must have aparated directly. What had taken them so long? Slowly I rose from the chair I had fallen into, just in time to see them walk through the study door, eyes open and wands drawn.

'What's the status, Black?' barked Moody while his two beady eyes scanned the room and gathered all the information he needed.

'He got away, sir. When I got up here he was already on his way out the window.'

Moody narrowed his eyes while the other Order members began searching through the room, checking whether the Death Eater had managed to take any documents with him. I might have been able to fool them, but not in a hundred years would I have been able to fool someone like Moody. Walking up to me with an unbelievable stealth for someone like him he sniffed me in the face and anger flashed briefly in his eyes.

'If you want to continue as a usable Order member I suggest you stop drinking on duty, understood?' he whispered in my ear so that the others wouldn't hear. I nodded dumbly, feeling a faint blush warm my face.

Maybe that was it; I had had too much to drink and it had befuddled my judgment. It having been Severus under the cloak had nothing to do with it. I'd like to believe that.