Unbearable separation
Painful Memories
Summary: This is a different version of New Moon, where Edward stayed without Bella knowing, and is "stalking" her, always watching her. It starts where chapter 4 starts in the book, at the end of Bella's "lifeless mode". For now it's Bella's POV, but I'll try to do both.
I woke up that morning screaming. Again. Once more, the emptiness and the fear of loneliness had reached me in my subconscious. My breathing eventually evened, and I looked around. Everything was in its place, the desk, the closet, the nightstand… the rocking chair. I closed my eyes, trying really hard not to remember the memories that last brought.
Charlie was already at the station, probably avoiding the zombie in his house. I couldn't blame him. I had been trying to protect myself in a lifeless shell for months now. Not that it kept the pain away, but it helped a little.
I got out of bed and got ready in a blur. I swallowed some dry cereal without noticing the taste and drove to school.
Getting out of my truck in the parking lot, I sighed. I didn't expect this day to be any different. I knew this routine. I would spend a few hours at school with people who would ignore me or occasionally throw me glances sideways. Then, I would get home, cook dinner for Charlie and he would spend the evening looking at me cautiously. Finally, he would go watch the game in the living room and I would stare at the old clock in the kitchen until it would be a decent hour to go to bed.
Unsurprisingly, the day went as expected. The hard thing to do was trying to avoid one single minute without thinking about something. I had to be distracted, I knew it. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to resist the temptation of thinking about… him.
It had been months now, but the cut was as fresh as if it had been yesterday. I had been protected by a bubble of numbness up until now, but the shell was growing thinner and thinner, and my bubble was about to break. I had been trying to remember how I had gotten in it to start with, but I couldn't. All I remembered was pain.
Lying in my bed, I threw a quick glance at the digital clock. The red numbers shone in the dark: 20:03. Dang. I still had at least an hour before I could fall asleep.
I never allowed myself to think about him. Even thinking his name was unbearable, let alone the memory of his presence, of his kiss… Too far. Before I knew it, the wound ripped open in my chest, its lips bloody.
I held my arms crossed on my chest and suffocated, waiting for the pain to go away. As always, it did, but not completely. I sighed and closed my eyes tightly. I wasn't so eager to go to sleep, because even though I wouldn't have to escape my own mind, the nightmare would come back. I shivered at the thought.