"Past Sins"
Copyright 2008 Penn O'Hara
T
Usual disclaimers apply.
LOCI Timeline: During Season Seven.
MY LOCI Timeline: Post "Conversations".
Is Mike Logan the detective with whom Liz Olivet had a brief affair as alluded to in Season18 of Law and Order, "Betrayal"? What do the Cowboys and their gals think?
oOo
Chapter One
The small tastefully decorated restaurant was a newcomer to the chic list of New York dining spots and was comfortably crowded, but without the frustrating waiting lines of the 'must-be-seen-in' elite. Lighting was muted, the tables relying on squat white candles in glazed jars to embrace the diners in islands of light. The patrons responded to the Italian love songs piped at a soft volume through a hidden speaker system by sitting close to each other, their heads bent in intimate whispers.
Carolyn Barek wished she had brought her man here for dinner only to enjoy and capitalize on the romantic setting, but her plan had been more deliberate. With what she had to confront Mike, she needed a public but quiet setting, where she could temper the impending explosion into a muted, reasonable discussion. The fact that the words 'muted' and 'reasonable' rarely applied to Mike Logan made Carolyn feel justified in her maneuvering.
Getting through their meals of mouth-melting ravioli and paper-thin layers of spicy lasagna had been excruciating for Carolyn, torn between feeling of apprehension and culpability. She wanted to lull Mike into a mellow mood before she broached her concerns and her tactic had worked in spades. They had traded work stories, Mike amusedly griping about Falacci's heavy handling of suspects and witnesses alike, interspersed with grudging admiration of Ross' ability to give his detectives their heads but still manage to keep Major Case a tight squad with their Captain's finger very much on its pulse.
With each glassful of the expensive merlot Carolyn chose in order to loosen Mike's tongue, he was becoming increasingly amorous. He'd dragged his chair to almost touching hers, one hand was behind her back, his fingers under her top and feathering circles at her waist, causing conflicting goose-bumps to rise from her heated skin. His lips nuzzled her neck and she shivered again when she felt the tip of his tongue trace a line to the base of her ear. The shiver rippled to a shudder as he breathed into her and she set her glass down on the table with a thwack, spilling some of its contents. Carolyn hastily leaned forward to mop up her mess, but Mike stayed her hand, running a finger up her inner wrist and arm and fixing her with a molten look that told her he was ready to go home and made her wish they were already there.
His head lowered, his mouth targeting hers, but she pulled away, guilty of what she had to do. She could have taken the pleasurable road and succumbed, allowed his lips to claim hers in a kiss that, in his present mood, could draw the heart out of her chest and have it beating in her throat, but she knew it would weaken her resolve to air what was on her mind.
Brows furrowing over darkened eyes, Mike cocked his head in confusion at her rejection. "What gives?" he asked, his voice low and disturbed. Carolyn knew what she would discover if she allowed her hand to stray under the table. The impulse to do just that was so strong, she wrapped both hands firmly around her wine glass to deny the urge. She swallowed over the constriction in her throat and stretched against the tension in the back of her neck.
"I…overheard some officers talking…at work," she began, determined to get it over with. "They were talkin' about departmental shrinks and their worth. Their loyalty. Liz Olivet's name came up." Carolyn watched Mike closely, gauging his reaction to the woman's name. A brow quirked with vague interest, but she detected little more.
"One of them commented on how Olivet not only disappeared from the departmental list of preferred psychiatrists but also from the Court rounds." Carolyn took a deep breath. "Another guy offered the explanation that she'd been 'black-listed' after havin' to admit she had an affair with a NYPD detective who happened to be a patient of hers."
Pausing, Carolyn gave Mike the chance to input into the conversation, but his mouth merely lifted in an amused but unconcerned smile.
"Someone wanted to know who the detective was, and this guy said it was Mike Logan. Without a doubt." Carolyn bit her lip, her face pulling in pain. "I never knew. You never told me."
Carolyn got her reaction now. Mike hissed in a harsh breath, his nose pinched as he gaze drilled into hers. "That's because it didn't happen," he said through clenched teeth.
"I didn't take this guy's word for it," Carolyn hurried on. "I did some research, Mike. It's there in the court transcript. Liz Olivet was a witness for the defense, when she was accused of sleepin' with a patient. A detective in the NYPD who was sent to her after the violent death of his partner. Mike, she counseled you after Max Greevey was shot."
As he pulled back in his chair, Carolyn felt Mike mentally, more than physically, distancing himself. She could have left this alone, allowed it to lie buried in his past where it belonged, but she needed to hear his side of the story, considering how her colleagues' conversation had quickly turned into ribald and derogatory comments.
"She did," Mike clipped. "But I never slept with her. We're friends. Nothin' more." He hunched over the table, chin down, then his eyes lifted, piercing her guilt. "You've seen my file. It's thick with a lot of sins, but sleepin' with the Force psych isn't one of 'em."
Carolyn wanted to believe him, but her need for peace of mind demanded she tax him with all that she knew.
"I called Lieutenant Van Buren," she said, keeping her tone low and controlled. "She was close-mouthed at first, but when I explained how important it was to me that I know for sure, she gave in. She's convinced it's true but she never brought you to task about it. She knew what you'd been through. Max's death, Ceretta pullin' through what could have been a fatal bullet. And everyone knew you were the first person Olivet called when she was raped by that OBGYN…"
"There's nothing to bring me to task about!" Mike stood up, knocking his chair backward.
Holding out her hand to him, she allowed her eyes and voice to overflow with the love she felt. "Mike, sit down. Please."
"I can see you don't believe me," he rumbled, the effort it cost him to be calm obvious in his thinned lips and set jaw. "Can we at least continue this at home?"
"No. I want to keep it civil. I've found if you have to keep a cap on things, tempers stay under control."
Mike bent and placed both hands flat on the table, swinging his head in close, almost nose to nose. "You accusin' me of somethin', Carolyn? I'm not sure what. If it's sleepin' with Liz, it's water under the bridge, but if you think I'm a jerk who can't keep a handle on things, then we've got a real problem."
Carolyn gulped a shocked breath, pain stabbing at her chest. "So you admit it?"
"Admit what?"
"You slept with Olivet?"
Pushing himself away from the table with a force that rocked their wine glasses, Mike straightened and looked harshly down at her. "I'm outta here." Pulling out his wallet, he peeled off some bills and dumped them onto the table.
Carolyn had no choice but to follow, catching up with him outside. He stood at the curb, hands stuffed in his pockets, scanning the traffic. She grabbed his arm, but he shrugged her off.
She grabbed him again, hanging on more tightly, determination over-riding pride. "Mike, I'm sorry. But I gotta know."
He looked at her bleakly. "I didn't sleep with her."
She saw his disappointment in her, in her accusing him and worse, not believing him. It cut her to the bone, but she had to see it through, whatever the outcome.
"I was probably her worst patient," he said, head hanging. "I fought her all the way, but she didn't give up on me. She got me through it. We became friends." He sighed loudly, dispirited. "Another friend I dumped when I got shipped out to the Staten." He swung his head toward her, his jaw working over the distress Carolyn saw flood his face.
"I wouldn't insult Liz by makin' a play for her," he said, his voice tortured. 'And she certainly never gave me any reason to believe she would welcome anythin' more than friendship from me. Now, can we drop this?"
Carolyn nodded, torn between wanting to believe him and somehow doubting it would be something to which he'd admit.
"Hell, Carolyn, you're still not convinced!" Mike shook his head in shocked disbelief, pressed his car keys into her hand and stepped off the curb to hail a passing cab.
Riveted to the spot, Carolyn watched him direct the driver but couldn't hear the instructions. He slammed the car door as it sped off, leaving her standing there, dying inside.
oOo
Continued next week: Bobby and Alex and Carolyn.