A/N: Randomness seems to be my middle name.
Disclaimer: I don't plan on infringing any copyrights, but who knows? Maybe they'll finally get their own life. And choose me as their keeper.
Offend In Every Way
House stretched lazily. He fully intended to roll over and bury his head in the rumpled pillows once more, but the sunlight was distracting. It forced its way inside his bedroom through the half-opened shutters without any mercy, very nearly blinding him.
And then the alarm clock started beeping again.
Hastily, his hand shot out to silence it. It was only when he knocked over something heavy on the bedside table that he remembered.
Shit.
He untangled himself from the damp sheets before turning around carefully and sitting up. With a swift, yet painful motion, he brought his feet down to the carpet. The soft, plushy fabric tickled his bare skin, but he paid no attention. He was more focused on the water glass next to him on the nightstand... the one he couldn't remember placing there. Strange.
But one thing, he could remember...
Wilson.
Wilson camping out on his couch again because wife number – wait, what number did she have anyway? - wife number unknown had thrown him out already. House would have never expected a new marriage as Wilson had marched back from a trip to his aunt's, but he had never expected for his aunt to life in Vegas, either. So they were kind of even, actually.
Still... that didn't explain why the water glass he knocked over - and which content quickly soaked everything on the table - was there in the first place.
So when House saw the now-watered pills next to it, he smirked deviously. "Kind of even" didn't mean completely even.
He sighed loudly for the added drama and then grabbed the pills, shoving them inside one of the drawers and shutting it quietly.
Messing with Wilson was always worth the effort.
Wilson awoke with a start. He didn't make a fool out of himself by falling off the couch as ungracefully as he could – not this time, anyway – but he shot upright, hastily discarding the mass of blankets thrown over him, shoving them down to the floor.
It didn't occur to him that something was off until he heard it again.. the loud, worryingly sound of a heavy object that just sailed to the ground.
In an instance, he was wide awake and already at his friend's bedroom door.
"House?"
He didn't get an answer.
He also wasn't able to see him, which was nearly impossible since he could oversee the whole, dimly lit room. He took note of the fact that the pills he had deposited earlier on the bedside table were now missing, as well as the glass of water.The only place Wilson could not look at directly was the flank of House' bed.
With three steps, he had rounded the very same one.
"God, House!"
Wilson didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
"Always confusing those almighty ones, aren't you, Jimmy? Now get me up. My ass is freezing to death down here."