A/N: Companion piece to 'To Be A Leader.' This is Buffy's thoughts at the end of 'Empty Places' when the group kicks her out. I had a much harder time getting into Buffy's head for this one, so I don't blame you if you think it's off. Let me know what you think, even if it's bad. Also, I'm not trying to make Buffy seem stuck up.

Disclaimer: If you believe I own anything related to Buffy the Vampire Slaeyr then you need some mental help. In other words, I don't own Buffy.

Distribution: Have it if you want it, just let me know where it's going

Betrayal. Hat's all I can think about. My friends and family betrayed me! I know it's harsh, but watching and hearing them choose Faith over me hurt me more than I will ever admit to them. They kicked me out of my own house, for chrissake! How could they do that to me? Yes, I made a mistake, but nobody's perfect. Why do they expect me to be? They wanted me to take action and I did. It went sideways, and now they are kicking me out.

What's that saying? Hindsight is 20/20. I know now that I should have listened to Giles, but the man aided in the attempted slaying of one of our fighters. I know that it didn't help that I still have feelings for Spike, and that's a whole 'nother subject to think about later, but he can still help. I don't completely blame Giles, he was just being the protector, doing something he knew I couldn't. This time though, unlike Ben (yes, I do know about it), he was wrong. C anyone blame me for feeling doubtful of him?

And there I g again, off on another topic. I've got to get my head on straight and try to get back in the group again. Sure, I'm pissed as hell at them, but they need me. I don't doubt that Faith has come back to our side, that whole thing with Angelus and some Beast that Willow still hasn't completely filled me in on proves it, but she is lacking in the things needed to be a leader in this case. If it was any other apocalypse (wow, that statement made me really just how messed up my life has become), I wouldn't be as worried. This is THE apocalypse, though. The fight against the most powerful evil in existence. She doesn't have the experience I do. I don't want to be stuck-up, but let's face I – it's true. I've been a slayer longer and haven't spent part of my time as slayer working for the "evil" team. I put 'evil' in quotes, because the mayor seems pretty tame right now. I'll never admit it out loud, but I respect this new Faith and think she has great potential, but she simply isn't ready for this.

I have to find a way to stop this. I have to find a way to be the leader again. I've been through way too much to let this First Evil bitch win. I'll find a way to make sure WE win.

Then I'll yell at everyone.