So, this scene has just like been stuck in my head for a while now and I finally just wrote it down mainly because I'm always one to spread the ace agenda especially for sex repulsed aces like myself and also because I'm sick of dark angst we need more fluff and understanding and love in the world y'all
Have fun hope you like it~
Kylo's hands were gripping at Hux's waist. Hux's hands were tangled in Kylo's hair. Without breaking from the kiss they found themselves locked in, Hux felt himself being walked backwards into their room. A small red flag went off in the back of Hux's mind at the sound of Kylo kicking the door closed. He shushed it and pulled himself against Kylo tighter. When the back of his legs hit the bed, the flag went off again.
Kylo smoothed his hands down Hux's body until he gripped his thighs, lifting him up just enough to set him up on the bed. The kiss broke as Hux gasped at the manhandling. He scooted farther up the bed, resting his back against the pillows. Kylo grinned and crawled after him, reconnecting their lips in a heated kiss. They broke again when Kylo leaned back to pull his shirt off over his head. Hux panted slightly and thumbed at the edge of his own shirt. He didn't have a chance to take it off before Kylo's lips were back on his, and warm hands were traveling under Hux's shirt. Hux shivered, and the red flag waved faster.
Once Hux's shirt was removed from his body for him, Kylo began trailing kisses down Hux's neck and his hands down Hux's body. Hux swallowed thickly and wrapped his arms loosely around Kylo's neck, staring up at the ceiling above him. It would be just like the other times. He could get through this. It would be fine. He actually giggled a bit when Kylo let his fingers float tenderly along his soft stomach, tickling him. He felt Kylo's smile against his neck. Hux almost relaxed until he felt Kylo's hardness grind against his thigh. The red flag was practically screaming at him.
Hux could feel the nausea coiling in the pit of his stomach. His mind was yelling at him to get away, that he didn't want this. His body had other plans, and he cursed himself as he felt himself growing harder at the movements of Kylo's hands running over his body. Why couldn't his body be in tune with his mind? He could feel the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes and his throat growing heavy. He tried to squash the abhorrent thoughts, especially when Kylo came back up to place a gentle kiss against his lips. Hux sighed out his nose, closed his eyes, and leaned into it. He wanted this. He wanted this. Kylo's hand slipped into the front of Hux's pants and groped gently. Hux's eyes flew open and he flinched harshly away. He didn't want this.
"K-Kylo, wait," Hux's voice was thick and he swallowed to try and clear it. Kylo placed a kiss against his cheek and ran his hands back up to Hux's chest. Kylo hummed in a questioning manner. Hux pushed at his shoulders, suddenly just needing Kylo off. "S-stop, please!"
At that, Kylo immediately sat back and threw his hands up in surprise. His dark brows knitted together in confusion as he looked down at Hux who was flushed and panting. He tilted his head. "What's wrong? Did I do something? Did I hurt you?" Kylo reached out towards Hux's face, but Hux flinched away, shaking his head no.
"N-no, no, you're fine, I-I just," Hux crossed his arms across his chest, hugging himself. He took a deep breath and blinked quickly, head tilted up at the ceiling like he was trying to force the tears to roll back into his eyes. It was now or never. He glanced to Kylo who was still looking at him with confusion and concern etched across his face. "I should have told you sooner."
"Told me what? Hux, what is wrong?" Kylo's voice wavered slightly with worry and his hands were shaking at his side. He clenched his fists to make them stop.
Hux swallowed thickly, staring at Kylo's hands, before saying as clear as he could, "D-do you know what asexual is?"
"Like, the scientific term?"
"Like, the sexual orientation." Kylo shook his head at Hux's words, and Hux sighed. This wasn't how he had wanted this to go. He wasn't prepared to explain this. He felt like he needed a slideshow presentation of charts and graphs and definitions and instead all he had was a single notecard. He took a deep breath.
"A-Asexuals are people who don't feel sexual attraction. It just so happens that I identify this way," He glanced up at Kylo's face. Kylo was gazing at him with intense concentration, and when Hux paused, he nodded, encouraging Hux to continue. Hux looked away again. "I don't feel a sexual attraction to anyone, including you. It's not you at all though!" Hux reassured Kylo quickly when the other made a small shocked noise. "It's all to do with me and how my brain is wired. I just don't get that same… urge you do. I-I don't get turned "on", per se. I'm permanently switched… off." Hux hugged himself tighter, his fingers digging into his shoulders.
The two were quiet for a beat; Kylo deep in thought, and Hux refusing to look up at him. Finally, Kylo asked calmly, "How long have you known you were like this?"
"A few years now. I knew before we were together," Hux winced. He could see Kylo nodding in his peripheral. Hux was waiting for an outburst. He was waiting for anger at having hid something from Kylo for so long. He was waiting for a mocking laugh and an uneducated assurance that this was all in his head and wasn't a real thing. He was waiting for disgust and to be called inhuman. He was waiting for something that would make him want to run away and never look back. What he got was soft humming and a few more quick nods.
"So," Kylo started, his hand holding his chin as his mind worked through this new information. "You don't feel a sexual attraction. You don't look at someone and get hot and bothered, right?" Hux nodded slowly, his eyebrows now knitting in confusion. Kylo nodded again. "Alright, ok… but like what about your libido? How is that affected?"
Hux felt himself blush and stated, "I don't have one."
"Wait, what?"
"I have no libido. I'm actually quite…" Hux winced again, gritting his teeth and frowning guiltily. "Put off by anything overly sexual directed towards me. It makes me very uncomfortable and the actual thought of having sex repulses me..." He took in a stuttering breath. "A lot."
Kylo blinked at him, one eyebrow raised. He ran a hand through his hair, his mouth opening and closing a couple of times before any words actually came out. "But, we… we've had sex before."
"I know."
"Like, a handful of times!"
"I know."
"And you were repulsed by it? Each time?!" Kylo's voice raised a notch and he put his hand over his mouth in shock. Hux gave a low whine and covered his face with his hands, nodding softly. His shoulders shook as a sob escaped his throat. Kylo started in surprise and hovered his hands around Hux, unsure if he should touch him or not.
"Hux," Kylo said softly. Hux didn't respond but for another sob. "Hux," He said more sternly. "Look at me," Hux shook his head and kept his hands in place over his face. Kylo huffed. "Please, Hux. Just-," Kylo let out an exasperated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why didn't you tell me? Back then, I mean. I would have stopped, you know that. We didn't have to do anything if you didn't want to."
Hux mumbled something beneath his hands, but Kylo didn't catch it. He asked him to repeat himself and Hux threw his hands down and glared at Kylo. His eyes were already ringed in red and tears still fell freely down his cheeks. Kylo resisted the urge to wipe them off Hux's pale cheeks. "I wanted to make you happy!" Hux's voice cracked as he yelled this like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Kylo stared at him with wide eyes.
"Hux, all I need to be happy is to know that you're happy!" Kylo mockingly yelled back at him. "Please, do not do anything that makes you uncomfortable just because you think I want it. If you're not having a good time, I sure as hell won't be either!" Kylo gripped at his own hair in frustration. Hux worried his bottom lip between his teeth, but he didn't look away from the other, finally able to keep eye contact again.
Kylo sighed and gave him a small smile. "If you want to never have sex again, I am fine with that," He said softly. Hux sucked in a small gasp. "I will do anything you want to, and I won't do anything you don't want me to. I love you, Hux, and no amount of sex or lack thereof if going to change that. As long as you're happy, I'll be happy." Kylo watched as a grin spread across Hux's face, and tears spilled over his eyes. Kylo felt his own eyes start to water up.
"Do you really mean that? You'd really be ok with no sex ever?"
"Of course I do, you idiot," Kylo smiled at Hux. Hux laughed wetly and weakly punched Kylo in the arm. A new wave of happy tears flooded from his eyes. "Shush, now. Stop crying. You're gonna make me cry!" Kylo laughed as he felt his own cheeks grow wet.
"I'm sorry. I just never thought I'd hear someone say something like that to me. I'm just so happy," Hux laughed, wiping at his face. Kylo smiled at him.
"Good, so am I," Kylo reached out but stopped his hand before touching Hux's face. "May I touch you?" Hux sniffled before nodding and leaning into Kylo's hand. He closed his eyes as he felt Kylo wipe away his tears and he laughed at himself for being so worked up about the whole ordeal. He should have known Kylo would understand.
Hux felt himself being pulled forward, and when he opened his eyes, Kylo was but an inch away. "May I kiss you?"
Hux snorted, "Yes, please!"
...
"This is alright?"
Hux hummed contently, "This is perfect." He was safe and warm wrapped within Kylo's arms. There was no place else he'd rather be. He felt Kylo kiss the top of his head and shivered as Kylo's fingers ran up and down his back softly. After a minute, the hand shifted to his hip, massaging into the skin there. Kylo hummed a question, and Hux nodded. After another minute, the fingers trailed under his shirt to Hux's stomach where they ghosted over the soft skin. He giggled at the tickle and batted Kylo's hand away. Kylo whined and slid his body down till he was resting his head on Hux's stomach as well as he could.
"You would deny me my favorite part of your body?" Kylo asked with fake shock in his voice. Hux rolled his eyes and huffed, annoyed that Kylo had taken his body heat with him when he moved, but he rolled to his back to give Kylo a better angle. Kylo practically purred when Hux moved, and he nuzzled his face into Hux's soft tummy. Hux didn't really understand why Kylo liked it so much, but if Kylo was happy, Hux was happy.
Hux ran his fingers through Kylo's dark hair absentmindedly. He had almost fallen asleep when he suddenly felt his shirt being lifted ever so much. "What are you-?" Kylo's lips touched down on his stomach and he relaxed… Until Kylo blew a giant raspberry against his skin. Hux stared at Kylo, his mouth open in shock, as Kylo just looked up him, a shit eating grin on his face. A beat passed before Hux burst out laughing harder than he ever had before. He reached down and yanked at Kylo's shirt. "Get up here, you oaf!" Kylo did as he was told laughing into the kiss that Hux pulled him into.
Hope you liked it thanks for reading!
Now here's me shamelessly plugging my All Your Favs Are Ace playlists that I make: post/144156732217/all-your-favs-are-ace-playlist-masterpost
I've got one for Hux and Kylo along with many others! Check 'em out ;)